Six Weeks of Loving You

by Karli Perrin

  “Who? What are you talking about?”

  “Rosalie. Rose. The girl you took on late night drives, semicolon close bracket.”

  “Rosalie? Why would she be here?”

  “Roxy told me about your date.”

  He raises an eyebrow. “Our date?”

  “She said you were cooking for her.”

  “I haven’t even cooked for myself, let alone anybody else. The last time I saw Rose, I was with you. If I can’t have you, Cora, I don’t want anybody else.”

  “Oh.”

  “It sounds like Roxy has set us up.”

  I close my eyes but can’t help but laugh. “She has totally set us up.”

  “So let me get this straight. You thought I was with Rose, but you came here anyway…”

  “Yes.”

  “To do what? Stop us?”

  “I didn’t think that far ahead.”

  “But you would care if she was here?”

  “Of course I would care.”

  “So in your head, it took me going on a date with someone else to realize that you liked me?”

  “No. I’ve always liked you. It took you going on a date to make me realize that I don’t want you to date anybody else.”

  He chuckles. “That’s a little selfish, Sunshine.”

  “And a whole lot honest.”

  “After last night, I thought you wanted space. I thought you wanted me to move on.”

  “I told you that’s not what I wanted. I just thought it was for the best. This is brand new to me. I haven’t had a relationship since the accident. I don’t know how it’s going to work with the amnesia.”

  “But you’re willing to give it a try?”

  “Yes, but I want you to go into this knowing the risks. It still might not work out.”

  “But what if it does?”

  He smiles so big, and he doesn’t stop smiling all night.

  ***

  “I’m scared that I’ll never be able to get enough of you,” I tell him later that evening.

  He leans his forehead against mine. “I’m scared that you will.”

  I moan as he pushes into me. “I want to remember this so badly,” I tell him.

  “Maybe we can record it…”

  I giggle. “Naughty boy.”

  “I’m going to show you just how naughty I can be.”

  And he does.

  Chapter Twenty Two

  I step out of the shower the next morning with a huge smile on my face.

  Last night was amazing.

  And so was this morning.

  I now know the difference between having sex and making love.

  Now that I’ve accepted my feelings, I feel like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders.

  I wrap a towel around me and then head back into Spencer’s bedroom. He left for work about half an hour ago and tried to persuade me to stay in his bed all day so that I’d be here when he got back. It’s tempting, but it’s not half as much fun on my own.

  I walk back into his bedroom and begin to look at all of the artwork and little ornaments on his shelves. His house isn’t how I imagined it to be. Instead of a grey and black bachelor pad, it’s…beautiful. Clean, colorful and most of all, homely.

  I open his wardrobe and laugh at how organized everything is. “You’re so perfect,” I mutter under my breath. I don’t want to snoop, so I close it and walk across the room to the chest of drawers. I just need to borrow some underpants then I’m done touching his things. I open the top drawer but only see socks, so I open the middle one instead. Jackpot. I pick up a few pairs but they all look way too big, so I root around at the back in an attempt to find some smaller ones.

  As I’m feeling around, my hand touches a piece of paper. I pause, and tell myself to ignore it, but something in my gut is telling me to look at it. I pull it out and my heart stops when I see the dark pink paper. The same paper that’s in my scrapbook. The same paper with the same jagged edge.

  I unfold it and my stomach flips as I confirm that it’s the missing page. And then my heart stops when I see a photo of Spencer, and underneath, two words scribbled in sharpie.

  Two words which turn my whole world upside down.

  My fiancé.

  Chapter Twenty Three

  After being sick and then throwing my clothes on, I head straight over to Sanctum.

  I march up to the counter and slam the photograph down in front of him. “How could you?” I ask, my voice trembling.

  He looks like he’s seen a ghost. “Cora…”

  “How dare you keep this from me! How dare you make me believe that we’ve only just met! You’ve betrayed me!”

  “No…”

  I don’t let him continue. “We were engaged? Engaged? For fuck sake, Spencer. How could you take advantage of me like this?”

  He comes running around to my side of the counter. “Cora, I…”

  “No! You don’t get to talk your way out of this. It’s over. I never want to see you again.”

  “Cora, please just let me explain.”

  “No! Stay away from me! You’ve been lying to me for the past month!”

  “What’s all of the shouting?” Roxy asks as she comes out of the stockroom. She frowns when she sees me. “Cora. Is everything okay?”

  “Did you know?” I ask, looking her straight in the eye.

  “Know what?” I hold the photograph up. “Cora…”

  I laugh. “Of course you knew! How could you not know?” I run out of the shop, but she chases after me.

  “Come back inside and we can talk.”

  I shake my head. “It’s all making sense now. That’s why you’ve been so pissed at me all this time. Why you said we keep having the same conversation over and over. Why you didn’t want me to take things too far with Jared.”

  “It’s complicated. Let me explain properly.”

  “You’re supposed to be my best friend. You should have told me.” I begin to walk backwards. “Do me a favor…don’t come after me. Don’t try and fix this. Just leave me alone and wait until I forget.”

  “Cora…no…”

  “Do not follow me!”

  Halfway home, I sense somebody behind me. I already know who it is without looking. By the time I’m outside my apartment, I’m a mess. I collapse on the floor, partly because I can’t breathe properly from crying so much, and partly because I’m too hurt to even stand up. Hurt because they both kept a huge secret from me. Hurt because I have no recollection of the photograph in my hand. Hurt because this is going to keep happening for the rest of my life. I’ll never be able to remember him. He sits down next to me and slowly reaches out to me. I shuffle backwards. “Don’t you dare!” I shout, pointing my finger at him. My hand is shaking. My whole body is shaking.

  “I won’t touch you. I promise. But please just listen to me for five minutes and then I’ll leave you alone.”

  I stand up and walk to my door. “I don’t want to listen to you. Please just leave me alone. If you…” I shake my head as I spit out the next part. “If you love me, then give me some space.”

  Tears roll down his cheeks as he stands up. “I’m sorry it came to this, Cora. I’m so sorry. You know where I am if you want to talk, but if not, I’ll understand.”

  I go inside, lock the door, and then slide down it as huge sobs rack my body. I scream to let out some frustration, but it doesn’t help. “How can you not remember?” I shout at myself.

  I sit on the floor for a long time, listening to the rain and ignoring calls from Roxy.

  When I finally stand up, I’m dizzy from crying so hard. I steady myself then walk into the kitchen and root around my cupboards. I see a bottle of Jack Daniels at the back covered in dust. I pour myself a glass and then hold it up in the air. “To best friends who betray you, lovers who lie to you, and the bone-chilling realization that this may not be the first time it’s happened…or the last.” I down it in one and then grimace as I unlock my cell and call Connie.
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br />   Just when I think it’s about to go to voicemail, she answers. “Hey! Sorry, I was outside!”

  “Did you know?” I ask.

  “Know what?” Her tone changes. “Cora, what are you talking about?”

  “Did you know about Spencer? Did you know about my fiancé?”

  She curses under her breath. “Cora…”

  “Did you know?” I ask, louder this time.

  “Let me explain.”

  “Oh my god! Everybody knew! I can’t believe my own sister kept this from me. I have no one to turn to. I’m all alone.”

  “Cora, you need to listen to me right now. Stop spiraling and fucking listen.” Her voice is so firm, I have no choice but to do as she says.

  “I wish I could do this face to face, but I can’t. I knew this could potentially happen one day, so I just have to do my best to try and explain. This is going to be hard to hear.”

  “It can’t be worse than what I’ve already heard today.”

  “I was doing what you asked of me. I promise I was trying to make this better for you. I took your lead on this.”

  “What the fuck do you mean?”

  She sighs. “How much do you know? What has Spencer told you?”

  “I know nothing! He’s told me nothing! I don’t want to talk to him.”

  “Well you need to. You should be hearing this from him, not me.”

  “Just tell me what you know, Connie!”

  “This was your choice. You wanted this. You told us all to let you believe it was the first time you were meeting him.”

  A chill runs down my spine. This can’t be real. I pinch myself, convinced I must be dreaming. This must be a nightmare.

  But I don’t wake up.

  “Why would I do that? Why?” I ask her.

  “Because you’ve tried everything to make it work with Spencer, and believe it or not, this is what works best.”

  “What do you mean, tried everything? None of this is making sense!” I begin to pace up and down.

  “You’ve been with him the whole time, Cor. You’ve been with him for eighteen months. You love each other. You’ve tried everything to make this work. You’ve tried recording yourself with him, but you always find that it isn’t as authentic. You feel like you’re being told who to love. You said it’s too forced and it makes you want to pull away from him. It’s upsetting for both of you. So we’ve been trying it this way instead.”

  “When did he…” A sob catches in my throat. “When did he propose?”

  “On your one-year anniversary of meeting.”

  “And how did we meet?”

  “Cora…you should have this conversation with him. Please don’t shut him out. Please just talk to him and listen.”

  I jump when there’s a knock at my front door. A knock which quickly turns into full-on banging. “What’s happening?” Connie asks. “What’s that noise?”

  “Somebody’s here.” I walk over to the door and see Roxy through the peephole. “It’s Roxy.”

  “Good. Let her explain some more.”

  I hang up without saying goodbye and then open the door. Roxy comes in, holding a box. “Go and sit down, Cora.”

  I turn my back to her and walk into the living room, but when I sit down, I burst into tears. “I don’t understand what’s happening. I’m scared, Rox.”

  She places the box down then holds me in her arms for a long time. She strokes my hair and whispers how everything is going to be okay. It doesn’t feel like it’s going to be.

  “Connie said this is what I wanted.”

  She nods. “Yes. We all agreed to it. It doesn’t feel right lying to you. I’ve been struggling every day, but I’ll do it if it means you get to be happy.”

  “Connie just said we’ve been together for eighteen months.”

  “Yes. For a long time, we were trying to make you remember. We were showing you books and videos. But we found that each time, you were getting less and less receptive to it. Each time you became more anxious and shut off. You said you felt like it was too much pressure to remember. You said it felt forced and you would rather feel it naturally. So that’s why you deleted any evidence and ripped the page out of your book.”

  “How long were you all planning on letting this carry on for? Were we just going to keep doing this forever?”

  “I don’t think any of us thought that far ahead. We all love you enough to want to see you happy and you seem happier than you’ve been in a long time. I think Spencer would do this forever, if it meant getting to love you forever.”

  I lean forward and cover my face with my hands. “I can’t believe this is actually my life. It’s something you see in a movie, not real life. My head is all over the place.”

  “I can’t imagine how you feel. I know it must seem like we were all going behind your back, but I swear, we love you and want what is best for you. If this was happening to me, I would want you to make the same decisions we made. I stand by every single one.”

  She hands me the box. “I don’t know if you even want this, but it’s a box you put together with all kinds of photos and memories. It’s there if you want to look.”

  “I don’t think I can.”

  She takes hold of my hand. “It will be there if you feel ready. But if not, I can come back and take it away.” She strokes the back of my hand. “Cor, there’s no rush, but you should speak to Spencer about this. I know it must feel really fucking wrong, but you made this decision together.”

  “I’m not ready to talk to him yet. I feel like he’s a different person to the one I know. I feel like it’s all been an act. I need to try and get my head around it.” A tear rolls down my cheek. “How am I supposed to look him in the eye when I don’t even remember being engaged to him? I don’t know how to deal with it. I need time.”

  “Take as much time as you need.”

  “I promise to talk to him but only when I’m ready. Please tell him that.”

  ***

  I spend the rest of the day thinking about the last month, and it all starts to add up.

  He called me Sunshine the first time we met.

  He already knew that my favorite food was tacos, and that my favorite color was yellow.

  The friend he was visiting in L.A was actually Adam. AJ stands for Adam Jukes. Turns out their instant connection wasn’t so instant after all.

  He didn’t remember my phone number from the road trip. He already had it.

  He didn’t correct anybody who thought we were a couple because we were a couple.

  He told me his most recent relationship was complicated. No shit, Sherlock. And he couldn’t tell me how long it had lasted because in his eyes, it has never ended.

  He knew exactly what I liked in the bedroom.

  When I asked him why he was single, he told me he was waiting for me to realize I was in love with him. Literally waiting for me to realize.

  Chapter Twenty Four

  The next two weeks are rough. Keeping the blinds closed all day kind of rough. I can’t watch TV without thinking about Spencer. I can’t listen to the radio without thinking about him. I can’t drink coffee without thinking about him. I’ve wanted to go to him. I’ve wanted to hear his side of the story, but I knew there was a part of me which would have been swayed by him. A part of me which would have been convinced to try and make it work.

  And so I time it perfectly.

  We meet outside Sanctum, and I can’t look him in the eye in case I see any hope. He goes to open the door, but I shake my head. “Walk with me.”

  “I’ve been so desperate to see you, Cora. But now that I’m here, I don’t want to be, because I’m terrified of what you’re about to say.”

  “I’m sorry for making you wait this long, but I needed to make sure that I was making the right decision.”

  “You have nothing to be sorry for. I’m the sorry one. I’m sorry for lying to you. I’m sorry for how you found out. I’m sorry for everything.”

  I finally
allow myself to look into his eyes, but I don’t see hope. I see defeat. “I want to start by saying that I understand why you did what you did. I’m not angry with you. How could I be angry at somebody who is willing to do whatever it takes to love me? I know your intentions were good, and I know that you only did it because you had my consent.” I look away when his eyes fill with tears. “Roxy gave me the box.”

  “Did you look inside?”

  “I did. It looks like we’ve had some great times...”

  “We really have.”

  I slow my walk. “But looking at those photographs of us…it feels like I’m looking at somebody else. It doesn’t feel like me, because I can’t remember any of it. I’m going to ask you something now, and I want you to be honest with me.” He nods. “If the tables were turned, would you want this life for me? Would you want me to put my life on hold while I kept pretending that we’ve never met every six weeks? Would you want me to hide the fact that I was in love?”

  “I…I…Cora…”

  I smile, but the tears start to fall. He leans his head to the side as he wipes them away. “Answer the question, Spencer.”

  “I can’t answer it.”

  “Can’t or won’t?”

  “Can’t. I can’t say what I would do in that situation.”

  “But would you want that for the person you loved? Or would you want me to have a normal life? A normal relationship?”

  “Maybe I would be selfish and want us to be together at any cost.”

  “We both know you wouldn’t do that. You’re a good person.”

  We carry on walking. “You could be happy.” My voice falters. “With someone else.”

  “I’d rather have six weeks with you than an eternity with somebody else.”

  “I realize that this is going to affect you more than it affects me, but please don’t think I’ve taken this decision lightly. Please don’t think this was easy for me, because it wasn’t. I was falling in love with you Spencer. I have no doubt that in another two weeks, I would be all in. I’m not surprised I accepted a proposal from you.”

  “I wish I could marry you.”

  I take hold of his hand. “I wish more than anything that we could have met before my accident, because we wouldn’t be in this mess right now. Life would be so much easier. Will you tell me about how we met?”