Begin Again

by Sarah Sanders

  I roll off her, don a long t-shirt and go to the kitchen. I’ve baked a small Red Velvet cake for her. I bring it back with a single candle and tell her to make a wish. “All my wishes have come true, princess – you are in my life,” she says placing a small kiss on my lips.

  She thoroughly enjoys the cake off her fingers, off my fingers and off almost all over me. We make out for a while before falling asleep.

  For a change, I get up before her in the morning. I had to set an alarm to ensure this. I make breakfast and bring it to bed for her. In the breakfast tray, I have the office wear watch.

  She goes quite crazy with both – the breakfast in bed and the watch. Patek Phillipe, I learn has been an aspirational brand for her. She somehow never found a reason to buy it for herself…yet. I can’t be happier that I chose this brand.

  I drive her to her office…since we live close enough, usually we walk to our respective offices. It also ensures some sort of compulsory exercise for both of us. Our offices are in the same direction so she drops me first and then goes ahead. We do the same on our way back…that is, if we aren’t meeting out somewhere. Since her apartment is so placed located for every single thing, we walk almost everywhere.

  Through the day, I send her things every hour. I buy out a florist and send her a forest of flowers.

  Then I send her a wilderness of balloons.

  Next is the casual wear watch.

  During lunch time, I send her a huge cake to cut in her office. I’ve conspired with her closest friends from office and they make the lunch celebration possible.

  After that, I send her the smallest of the series of books that I’ve bought her. This one has just three parts so it’ll be easy to carry back home, unless she chooses to keep them in office. I know that she reads these books during office hours also. She work is so intensively brainiac that she reads these books as a break. They help her think better.

  Then I send her a coffee mug with a coquettish cat on it saying “I love you”.

  Next is a charm bracelet with a heart.

  On the dot of the end of the eighth hour, I am waiting outside.

  We come home and I give her a luxurious bath (okay…that cannot be counted only as a gift for her) and I’ve got her a dressy suit (that goes with her last watch) from her favourite designer for the evening.

  While Beth isn’t averse to dresses, she prefers pants, trousers, jeans and shorts. She also likes either monochromes or solids.

  On the other hand, I’m a complete skirt and dress girl. Put me in a dress any day. Especially one that lets Betha reach the place she so loves whenever she wants. We’re both blissfully happy by that.

  I take her to a top-rated Michelin restaurant. I’ve booked us a private room and the chef has created a special vegetarian menu just for us. I have also got a string quartet to play live music for us. Something soft and romantic.

  What a perfect end to the day that was….candles, live music, great food…and Beth looking at me in a way that makes me soar and melt at the same time.

  But that wasn’t quite the end of the day.

  Betha ended the day.

  When she made love to me that night, it was like she was worshipping me. Every touch was reverent. And I came, and came, and came…shattering into about a million pieces at just the tenderness…the emotion in her touch.

  And then, I just breathe.

  ******

  Ever since her birthday three months ago, Bethy has become more certain about me. Thank heavens for that.

  If I had to, I would have kept up my reassurances ad infinitum but now that things have changed, I realise that it was getting kind of old. Now that she has thrown away her uncertainty about us, I figure out that I deserve more trust from the most important person in my life.

  It takes something to be gone for us to realise the impact it was having on us. The impact could be subconscious and/or unconscious but the fact is everything has an impact on us. The impact could be good or bad, but it is only when the action/person/pressure/what-have-you is gone that we truly realise, understand and appreciate what that was doing to us. In this case, it was like lead weights around the ankles of our relationship that were keeping us from soaring.

  If she had any lingering doubts about whether I am going to step back in any way from my relationship with her, they seem to have finally dissipated.

  She is now romancing me in ways that leave me speechless, spellbound, euphoric…and simply falling more and more in love with her each day. I am floating. I don’t think I’ve touched the ground in all this time.

  Before this, I hadn’t realised that Betha was holding back…but now that I know just what it means to be loved by her fearlessly, I am blown.

  This is what love is.

  This is a relationship.

  The partnership that everyone struggles to find.

  This is all those unfinished and unrealised fantasies I had. Just that no fantasy ever came close to this reality with Betha.

  Not a day goes by when she doesn’t do something special or thoughtful for me. She spoils me with spa dates, she gives me massages, she’s joined classes with me that are completely out of her comfort zone, she ensures that I eat right, she sends me stuff at least twice or thrice a week. She sends me flowers at least twice a week. She sends me chocolates; gourmet ones…often handcrafted.

  I love coffee and am something of a coffee snob. So she’s sent me a coffee machine for my office and ensures that I get a weekly supply of my favourite coffee beans, mixed and ground to perfection.

  She’s given me a foot massager for those days when my feet kill me.

  She gives me clothes, shoes, jewellery…honestly, there is something every single day.

  She sends me whimsical gifts that she makes for me herself. They are the most precious gifts of all.

  She has incredible talent and a mega brain. It charms me that she wields that huge intellect to create crazy toys for me. That I am so much on her mind apart from just sex. That she actually sits there in her high-tech office making toys for me. How can I ever find the words to even just say what this feeling is?

  She’s made me a desk clock. Every hour, on the hour, a little nut comes out dancing, announces the time and says, “Princess, I love you.”

  She’s made me a retina-activated desk panda. When I look at the panda, it bats its eyes and blows a kiss at me.

  She’s made me a small touch-activated dog. When I stroke him he gives the goofiest grin, jumps up, does a silly dance, turns backflips and sits down saying dreamily, “You make me so happy.”

  Breathe…I have to tell myself on the daily. She has me totally swooning all the time.

  And most of all, we spend time together. Like, really together. Beyond the sex which remains…wow! Neither of us seems to have calmed down about it. She still eats me each night like it is her last meal. Yum!

  ******

  My birthday follows Beth’s by about thirteen weeks. She has this barely suppressed excitement about her and I can’t for the life of me think of what more she could do for me. She already makes every single day a celebration for me.

  We are still in the new-love phase and loth to allow a lot of people into our time. We still want to live in that bubble which has only the two of us. For both or us, we are still the only two human beings in this world.

  We have met each other’s friends…at least the closest ones, but we still prefer it just being the two of us.

  Maybe next year we might do the whole party-with-friends thingy for our birthdays. But this year, we want it to be exclusively with each other.

  This year my birthday is on a Saturday. So we are at mine.

  My day starts with long, languorous hours of morning sex. Ummm. I already like the way the day is starting. If it is going to be a whole day of such delicious sex, I’ll be a happy girl.

  Today it is not just sex. Betha isn’t just fucking my brains out. Of course, that is happening, but she is making love to me. With her eyes
. Her words. Her touch. She is making love to me continuously.

  I don’t know whether you’ve ever felt this, but I feel totally ensconced in love. Wrapped in a cloud of silk and satin. I feel the emotion like a tangible thing embracing me. It’s not like I don’t feel loved by her all the time. But today there is a difference to its expanse. It is flowing all around us. There is a difference to its width, depth and height. There is a difference to its quality. There is tenderness, gentleness, lust, caring…it is devastating.

  She makes love to me with endless patience. She has every single nerve in my body quivering. She is playing me like an andante and my body is singing to her touch. The vibrations of each orgasm go on and on leaving me trembling for a long time after each one.

  We fall back into a rather deep, extremely satiated sleep after that. When I get up, Beth is not in bed with me. As I loll around, stretching like a cat that has got the cream in languorous afterglow, I can hear sounds at the front door and then from kitchen. I debate whether I should get up or just wait for Beth to return.

  I wait for a while but don’t hear her footsteps coming back. I am missing her, so I decide to get up. With one last luxurious stretch, I get up, get decent by pulling on a t-shirt that just about covers my butt and go to investigate.

  She has got brunch catered. Knowing my love for trying out new things, she’s got middle-eastern cuisine. There are about twenty different things and we spend a lot of time sampling all of them. The food is amazing. The company, even better.

  After brunch there is some more of that slow, sensuous brain-melting sex. She then spends more than an hour giving me thoroughly decadent whole body massage. She knows just where I ache, where the pressure knots form in my neck and back, and how I like to be touched. She know the pressure I need to feel pleasure without any discomfort or pain. She is really indulging in every hedonistic bone in my body doing the things I like the most to be done to my body.

  After that total pampering of my body, Beth takes me into the bathroom for more sex, much faster paced this time, and a lavish bath.

  She’s got me all manner of bath bubbles, oils and salts. My vanity sits groaning under the array. These aesthetic, opulent baths are one of my favourite indulgences.

  I love all those lavish salts, oils and candles. I love the smells, the feeling of sheer extravagance of soaking into the rich smells in the embrace of warm water.

  She pops open a bottle of vintage Dom Perignon, which is meant only just to add to the profligate feeling because she limits my intake to one glass – très naturellement, considering what a mess I was the last time I drank…really drank…on the day we met at that bar.

  By the time the bath ends, it is early evening. Beth opens my closet and my eyes nearly pop out. I have an entire closet full of new clothes, jewellery and make up accessories for each outfit and also shoes and handbags with each outfit.

  Not quite a fashionista, Betha has gone with big labels. I have got stuff from ten of the top designers of the world. She’s got least three dresses with matching accessories from each designer. When I see the selections I know she has found and hired an impeccable personal shopper for this overindulgence. Gosh!

  “We’re going out,” she announces cheerily. She’s somehow got tickets to an EDM show featuring The Chainsmokers and Alan Walker. This show was sold out by the time I first heard that it was coming to town.

  Electro music is my current passion and these, my two favourites, are playing in Arena, our city’s most massive club. Just main floor can hold twenty-five thousand people. Arena has eight floors. The main event is on the main floor and the show will be relayed via screens on the other floors. Obviously, the only place to be is the main floor – and Betha has got us tickets there.

  I am jumping with excitement. I wear a tight little red leather skirt that ends about two inches below my butt and a figure hugging black full-sleeved, boat necked top tucked into it. Four inch thigh high boots and a whole lot of chunky silver (yes, it is real silver) jewellery complete my ensemble and I carefully apply my make-up. By the time I am done turning myself smokin’ hot, Beth is ready.

  I look at her and all breath leaves my body. She’s wearing a loose black shirt with her buttons open to show a scarlet cami inside, tucked into black leather pants, high boots with two inch heels and a leather jacket. Her hair hangs open in riotous curls and she’s worn great big copper hoops. With her smoky eye make-up, she is absolutely killer and I’m tempted to cancel the evening out. Let’s be at home and let me and me alone feast my eyes on you.

  The way she looks at me, she is also just about this far from devouring me.

  Breathe…I have to remind myself.

  I pick the keys to my car as we walk out. Betha is not too fond of driving and six years of having a driver has totally spoilt her. I absolutely love driving my hot wheels. So this also works out perfectly between us.

  We step out and there is the sound of a remote unlocking a car. In front of my house stands this most amazing bright purple Maserati sports car. Betha looks at me, eyes dancing, gives me a key, and says, “Happy birthday.” My jaw drops to the floor. Mine? Mine! I have no words as I turn and hug Bethy hard enough to squeeze the breath out her body.

  I think I’m going to cry. Not because of how expensive this gift from her is; but because she has made the effort to know me so totally…from food preferences to music preferences, to what makes me feel pampered, to what are my passions.

  She is making as much effort to learn me as I am making to learn her. And it looks we are on a good start. A very, very good start.

  She has made me what I was always hungering for – the most important person in the universe to her.

  ******

  The Arena is crowded with screaming people.

  We are late because in my excitement about my new car I practically drove to the next state before turning back.

  Betha merely laughed good-naturedly and thoroughly enjoyed my enthusiasm. She couldn’t care less if the tickets (for which she must’ve moved mountains and called in all sorts of favours) got wasted as long as I was happy doing whatever I was doing and doing what I wanted to be doing.

  She’s so fucking perfect.

  We slide into the mass of people moving like one giant organism. I hold Betha’s hand and start squeezing our way towards the stage. I turn back to say something to her and find her sweating. Her eyes hold just a hint of panic.

  I stop and turn around to her. I hold her face between my hands and make her focus on me.

  “Honey, what’s it?” I ask tenderly.

  “Claustrophobia,” she breathes shakily. “I am sorry…I thought I could do this…but I can’t,” she looks so guilty that my heart breaks.

  I place a brief kiss on her cheek and start leading us out. No music show ever can be more important than Beth. In fact, nothing…nothing…is more important than her. I know I would willingly give up everything, including my soul for this woman. She is that important – and more.

  She follows me pensively. Suddenly she stops, making me turn back.

  “If we can go there, I will be fine,” she points to a small alcove behind a pillar which is miraculously empty. It is tiny. It is dark. It has the wall behind and a pillar on the side. The only people will be in the front at least ten feet away. The best part is, it is close to the exit, so we can leave before the rest of the crowd moves.

  I lead us there and we squeeze in. she is behind me. Surprisingly, this corner has a great view of the stage and the large screens. It is like the prime seat in the house. I turn towards her and look at her searchingly. She is breathing better. “You’re okay, sweetie?”

  She nods. “I’m sorry,” she apologises again.

  “Shhhh…you have nothing to apologise about, Betha. You’ll let me know if you get uncomfortable…like, at all, right?”

  She nods. I turn around to face the front and wrap her arms around my waist leaning back into her.

  ******

  I am
thoroughly enjoying the show. Betha is fine and pulled me up just a bit for being “overly solicitous” but the sweetest kiss accompanied her scolding, so that was fine…no, it was good. Our respective footwear has made us the same height and she rests her chin on my shoulder.

  I know she is feeling fine now because her thumbs are softly caressing my abdomen. It’s weird, but that small movement is sending electric tingles through my whole being. She so totally lights me up in every way. She kisses my neck and I lean back into her with a little moan.

  She is kissing, licking and sucking my neck, the side of my jaw and my ear…and I am squirming. I am pushing back into her.