Lady Anna tilted her head and studied him, her green eyes glittering like emerald sapphires.
“It was only the very first occasion that we have attempted together,” he finished, spreading his hands. “I am certain there will be more success, Lady Anna, if you would only be willing and courageous enough to pursue it.”
Her lips twisted for a moment as her brow furrowed. “Do you intend to continue staying near me, Lord Comerfield, so that you might interrupt any conversation that does not please you?”
Heat infused his face as he heard the slight tone of scorn in his voice. “Would you have preferred me to remain silent, Lady Anna?” he asked, his words sharp and biting. “I did what I thought was best but, if you wish it, I can—”
“You must understand the difficulties you have placed upon Lady Anna,” Lady Hayward interrupted before he and Lady Anna could begin to disagree all the more vehemently. “You said last evening there was more that might be done.” She spread her hands. “Have you any further thoughts as to what such things could be?”
Elias began to stammer, scrambling for ideas as he searched the farthest recesses of his mind for any pertinent thoughts. He had quite forgotten that he had said such a thing to Lady Anna and certainly had not given any time to further consideration!
“I can see you have not,” Lady Hayward answered, one eyebrow lifted as though she were not at all surprised. “However, I have done so and, as such, should like to place them before you now.”
Elias nodded, a little taken aback but certainly more than willing to listen. “Please,” he said, spreading his hands. “I should be glad to hear whatever you have to suggest, Lady Hayward.” He dared a glance at Lady Anna, aware of how her lips turned downward, how her eyes were fixed to the floor rather than looking at himself or Lady Hayward. Evidently, she was less than eager to hear what Lady Hayward was to say, clearly still lost in a great deal of sorrow.
“We must organize a few specific events,” Lady Hayward said briskly. “Whilst I am very grateful to Lady Chesterton for inviting Lady Anna to her evening assembly but, as we saw, there were those who were very dismissive of Lady Anna’s presence. However, if we were to organize a few events where the guest list could be carefully chosen, making certain that those you consider open to accepting Lady Anna were greater in number than those who might not, then surely there is a greater chance of success?” She smiled brightly, and Elias felt his heart flood with hope. It sounded like both a plausible and a wise idea and, the more he allowed himself to consider it, the greater his delight became.
“That is an excellent suggestion, Lady Hayward,” he said, as the lady’s smile grew. “In doing so, we will be able to increase those willing to accept what is told to them about Lady Anna’s innocence, until things are much improved.” His gaze turned to Lady Anna. “What say you, Lady Anna?”
For some minutes, Lady Anna said nothing at all. Instead, she gazed at him fixedly, her face devoid of expression as she considered what had been said.
“It all seems most unfair, does it not?” she said eventually, her voice thin. “I am the one struggling to be accepted by society, whereas you, Lord Comerfield, appear to be returned to it without too much difficulty whatsoever!”
Elias’ did not know how to respond. It was unjust, he had to admit, but that was how society worked. Gentlemen were given much more freedom and were pardoned much more easily than ladies of the ton. Even though he had admitted, time and again, that he had been the one at fault and that Lady Anna had done nothing wrong, the ton dismissed his mistakes and focused only on Lady Anna.
“I am sorry,” he said, those words being spoken with genuineness. “I cannot answer your question, Lady Anna. But what I can do is assist you in this matter as best I can. Lady Hayward has made an excellent suggestion, and I am sure that such things can be organized relatively quickly. Lord Rowley intends to have a soiree very soon, I am sure, and Lord Stevenson spoke of throwing a ball.” Leaning forward in his chair, he tried to speak with encouragement. “This approach might well succeed, Lady Anna. All I ask is that you search for the willingness and strength to move forward.”
“And,” Lady Hayward added quietly, “you ought not to avoid each other’s company. To do so, as foolish as it might sound to say, will only add to the rumors that are being spread around London. It will be suitable for you to continue a quiet acquaintance so that the ton can see there is nothing between you both. To push yourself away from Lord Comerfield entirely, Lady Anna, would only increase the whispers.”
“The agreement must come from you, however,” Elias said with as much gentleness as he could. “I will not push this matter further unless you feel able to do so.”
Silence reigned, and once more, tension began to build as Elias held Lady Anna’s gaze and prayed that she would answer in the affirmative. It would be the answer to their difficulties, he was sure. It would bring Lady Anna back into society slowly, and certainly would remove any consideration of marriage between them!
“Lady Hayward.” Lady Anna turned towards her chaperone, frowning slightly as she did so. “Might I ask if you would be willing to give me a few moments to speak with Lord Comerfield?”
Lady Hayward looked startled. “I do not think—”
“I will be quite all right,” Lady Anna interrupted firmly. “It would only be for a moment.”
Elias’ heart began to pound as Lady Hayward rose from her chair and made for the door.
“A few minutes only, Lady Anna,” she said firmly. “And the door remains open.”
Lady Anna nodded but did not remove her gaze from Elias, who felt himself grow suddenly deeply uncomfortable with the situation. He was not certain what Lady Anna wanted and why she could not speak openly when Lady Hayward was present, and, to be truthful, he was a little afraid of what she would say.
“Lord Comerfield,” Lady Anna began, her voice hard. “I can see that you are eager for what Lady Hayward has suggested to take place, but I must ask you something.”
He spread his hands. “Please.”
“You appear to be greatly concerned for me,” she said, rising from her chair and beginning to pace slowly up and down in front of him, no longer looking directly at him. “Might I ask, however, whether such a concern is truly for myself and for my return to society, or if it is solely for your own sake?”
Elias swallowed hard, feeling a dart strike hard at him. What was he to say? The truth? Or the lie that he believed would be best to say?
“You do not immediately answer,” Lady Anna said coolly. “Is that because you are afraid of what I will say when the truth comes to light?”
“I confess that I think of myself as well as you, Lady Anna,” Elias replied hastily. “But there is nothing wrong in that.” Still feeling more than a little awkward, he pushed himself to his feet. “I do, of course, want you to recover from this, Lady Anna.”
“Whilst making quite certain that nothing in particular changes for you,” she retorted, her brows knitting together. “You are quite contented to make such a mistake and then continue on as you are. There is nothing for you that need alter. You will not reflect on this and then change your ways. What is to say that another young lady will not fall foul of your supposed ‘mistakes’ come the next time?”
Elias opened his mouth to respond, only to close it again as the coldness of her words began to wash over him slowly. It was as though each word had been a punch to his chest, for he blinked rapidly and attempted to catch his breath. He could not answer her, for everything she said was quite true. There was no guarantee that such a thing would not happen again for, whilst he had considered his behavior and had been regretful that he had behaved so foolishly, he had not decided he ought to change his ways. In fact, he had silently believed—although never spoken such a thing aloud—that by the time the following Season came around, he would be able to continue on just as he had been before this issue with Lady Anna had occurred.
She came towards him, her face pale
and her eyes cold. Looking up at him, her face only a few inches away, she pressed one finger lightly against his chest.
“There is nothing within that heart save for yourself,” she said softly. “You speak of a desire to help me, but within it is the hope that, when you succeed, your guilt will be assuaged, and you will be able to continue along your chosen path as you have always done.” Her eyes held his, and the ice within her gaze ran straight through him, causing him to shiver. “So whilst I will accept your help, whilst I will do as Lady Hayward has suggested, I will do so in the full knowledge of your character—namely your selfishness and arrogance.”
“Lady Anna,” Elias replied, hoarsely, “I...” Nothing further came to mind, nothing more could be said. It was as though she had looked deep within his heart and had found the truth and pulled it out for all to see. He felt bare and vulnerable beneath her gaze, his whole body cold. Whether it was that he wanted to distract her, to end this chill that still lingered, or because of some other reason, he did not know, but before he could stop himself, Elias had reached up and caught her hand, pulling it away from his chest and holding tightly onto her fingers.
Shock poured into her expression immediately. Her eyes flared, her color rose, and he heard her swift intake of breath. And yet, she did not pull her fingers away. Rather, she stood there and looked at him as though something had shifted between them, something that he could not quite make out himself.
There was a strange, flickering heat running through his hand now, up his arm and towards his heart. He tried to speak but found he could not, for no words came to his lips. The moment itself held such importance, and yet he could not explain, even to himself, as to why that should be.
“Lady Anna?”
She was gone from him in an instant. Her eyes darted to the door, her fingers wrenched out of his as she took a step to the side, looking past him towards the door.
“Lord Comerfield was just about to take his leave,” he heard her say, turning slowly to see Lady Hayward looking at him curiously, her eyes searching his as though she could tell that something had occurred between himself and Lady Anna.
“Yes, yes,” he said quickly, trying to set aside the flurry of sensations that still clambered through him. “I was. I was about to take my leave.” Gathering himself quickly, he turned to Lady Anna and bowed, aware that she did not look at him but turned her head away as if to state that she could not even bring herself to face his direction. “I shall, Lady Hayward, make certain to speak to Lord Rowley at the very first opportunity, so that we can arrange for such occasions as you have suggested to be put in place.” He tried to smile, fully aware of the curious look that still lingered in Lady Hayward’s eyes. “I hope it will not be long before the first of these can take place.”
“And in the meantime, Lady Anna, her sister, and I will attend whatever it is we are invited to,” Lady Hayward replied, which brought a sharp glance from Lady Anna. “But I thank you for your willingness and your efforts, Lord Comerfield.”
He bowed low, heat creeping up his spine and into his neck. “There is no need to thank me,” he replied, recalling how Lady Anna had declared that there was nothing within his heart but himself. How little she must think of him now! “No need at all, Lady Hayward. This was my doing, and it is only fair that I should set it to rights.” Lifting his head, he finally caught Lady Anna’s eye. Her cheeks were still warm, but her brow furrowed and her lips pressed into a tight, thin line. “Good afternoon to you both.”
Chapter Eight
“Are you quite prepared?”
Anna lifted her chin, turned, and gave herself a final glance in the mirror that hung on the wall above the mantlepiece. A calm, somewhat cold expression looked back at her. Her eyes did not sparkle with excitement as they had once done. There was no flush of anticipation in her cheeks. Rather, there was only a quiet expectation that this evening would be just as difficult as any other.
“I am,” she said heavily, turning back to where Lady Hayward stood with Lady Selina. “Let us take our leave.”
Rather than making her way to the door and expecting Anna to follow, Lady Hayward stepped forward and reached to take both of Anna’s gloved hands in her own.
“You will not find as many trials present as before,” she said, her eyes holding a firmness that Anna wanted to secure for herself but found that she could not. “It will be easier, my dear.”
These last five days, Anna had attended every social occasion she had been invited to and had found each one a trial. There had been some who had greeted her, conversed with her, and treated her as though there had never been anything said about her, whereas others gave her the cut direct or turned their faces away whenever she came to join a conversation. One or two had made pointed comments, leaving Anna feeling utterly mortified and not at all welcome.
The only way she had managed to remain had been due to the support given by Lady Hayward, her sister, and, much to her displeasure, Lord Comerfield. He had made certain to stay near to her during such occasions and even though Anna bristled with indignance that society appeared to welcome him without any particular concern over his behavior—for, evidently, such things were expected of a gentleman—she had been forced to silently admit that he had been of help to her. If a comment was made within his hearing, he did not hesitate to come forward and speak directly to the person in question. Over and over, he had stated that she had not been the one at fault, that he had been entirely mistaken and utterly foolish, although whether those within the ton believed him, Anna could not say. It was a very awkward situation, for most who found themselves in such a scenario wed almost immediately so that the scandal was ended and rumors were dismissed, but it was not so for herself and Lord Comerfield.
Each evening, she had found herself very weary upon her return home. Yes, she had placed a smile on her face for the sake of her father and had told him that things were improving just a little when, in truth, she saw no progress whatsoever, but it seemed to keep the duke contented. That being said, he had warned her that there was now only a fortnight before a demand for marriage between herself and Lord Comerfield would be made, should she not be returned to society in much the same way as she had been before. Given that she certainly did not want to marry Lord Comerfield unless there was no other choice open to her, Anna had to pray that this new scheme of Lord Comerfield’s would work well, even though she felt very little hope within her heart.
Sitting in the carriage as it made its way to Lord Rowley’s townhouse, Anna took in a deep breath and closed her eyes, attempting to calm her growing nervousness. These last few days, she had found herself, inexplicably, thinking of the moment that Lord Comerfield had taken her hand back when she had been speaking to him alone in Lady Hayward’s townhouse. There had been something incomprehensible in that moment, something that, even now, she could not fully understand. She had been so filled with anger and upset, torn apart by his lack of true consideration for her as she realized that he was just as keen to return to his old way of life without difficulty as he was for her to do so. She had not expected there to be such arrogance and selfishness but, upon seeing it, had felt her heart cry out painfully within her. When he had taken her hand, however, that agony had softened. The look in his eyes had been one of horror, of realization, as though he were desperate for her to remain silent so that he might consider what she had said. Heat had flared in her cheeks, her breathing had quickened, and, despite herself, she had not been able to pull her hand away.
Even now, thinking of it, she could not understand why she had been so transfixed. Being in Lord Comerfield’s presence was a continual reminder of what he had taken from her and to have to admit, even to herself, that he was doing a good deal to help her was painful.
“We are arrived.”
Lady Hayward’s quiet voice pulled Anna from her thoughts, looking out of the carriage window to see Lord Rowley’s townhouse just before her. Footmen were standing on the steps, ready to assist the guests
inside, and, as she prepared herself, the carriage door opened, and a gentleman stood, ready to take her hand.
She gave it at once, believing it to be a footman, only to look down and see that it was Lord Comerfield.
Her breath hitched.
“I thought to wait to accompany you inside,” he said quietly. “As I have said, Lady Anna, there will be many guests here this evening who will be glad of your company. There are some who will believe the rumors, of course, but I can assure you that they are in the minority.”
She pulled her hand out of his the moment she stood safely on the pavement. “I thank you,” she said tightly, not wanting to feel anything akin to what she had felt before. “There is really no need for you to wait, Lord Comerfield.”
“It is not about any sort of requirement,” he replied swiftly as Lady Selina and Lady Hayward joined them. “Rather, I wish to do so, Lady Anna. You have given me much to consider, and I must admit that your words have made their way into my heart and I find now that there is no way to remove them.” His lips twisted, his expression hidden in shadow, given the flickering light of the lantern-lit street. “Much as I might wish to do so.”
Anna did not know what response to give to such a statement, wondering whether or not she could believe his words. Were they spoken so that she might feel a little more sympathy for him? That she might not think so poorly of his character as she did at present? Or were they true, spoken with honesty and openness? She could not tell and nor, at this moment, did she wish to consider it any further.
“Shall we go inside?” she asked as Lady Hayward nodded and gestured for Lord Comerfield to lead the way. Anna’s stomach swirled uneasily as she climbed the steps, the familiar anxiety that she now expected at social gatherings beginning to take hold of her again. Even the reassurances of Lady Hayward had done very little to relieve her of such fears, and with every step, Anna felt her heart begin to pound all the faster. Just what would this evening be like?
A Selfish Heart: A Regency Romance: Landon House (Book 2) Page 9