by Karen Lynch
I lifted a shoulder. “Well, I guess it wouldn’t be boring.”
“It’s crazy that the first Mohiri you met was your mate, and it’s Nikolas Danshov of all people. People go ages without finding one and you’re not even eighteen.”
“We’re not mates yet,” I said absently, my mind still trying to process the thought of a life with Nikolas. It was hard to focus when my stomach got all fluttery every time I thought about him.
“They say it hurts at first if you reject a mating bond, but it gets better.”
“What?” My mind came out of its fog. “What do you mean?”
Michael looked unfazed by my abruptness. “You said it wasn’t final, so I figured you were thinking about breaking the bond. I just meant that Nikolas would be okay if you did.”
“That’s good to know.” Michael idolized Nikolas so it made sense he was concerned about Nikolas’s welfare. Still, I was uncomfortable having a conversation about something so deeply personal. I cast about for something else to talk about. “So, do they make a big deal about Thanksgiving here? I’m looking forward to turkey and stuffing next week. And my uncle, Nate, is coming to spend the holiday.”
I wanted to kick myself when I saw the fleeting sadness in his eyes. How could I be so insensitive, knowing that he spent half his time searching for a brother who had to be dead? Thanksgiving must be very difficult for someone who missed his family so much that he could not accept they were gone. If anyone should understand the need to hold onto the past, it was me. I also knew when it was time to let go.
“Michael, I know you’re still looking for your brother,” I started, and he seemed to recoil from me. “No, wait,” I said when he pushed his chair back. “I just wanted to offer my help.” That stopped him, and he stared at me like he didn’t know if I was being sincere or not. I took his hesitation as a good sign and plunged forward. “I never told you about my dad, did I?”
“Your father?” He shook his head and continued to stare at me like he was trying to figure out my angle.
I lowered my voice so no one else in the dining room could overhear me. It also forced him to move closer. “When I was eight, my dad was murdered by vampires.” I swallowed the small lump that always formed when I spoke about my past. “I didn’t find out until a year later that it was vampires who killed him.”
“What does that have to do with my brother? Your father is dead, and Matthew is still alive.”
“Let me finish. I knew my dad was dead, but I couldn’t understand why vampires would go after him. I spent years trying to find answers, and I got a bit obsessed about it. It almost got me killed. But during the years I was looking, I made a lot of contacts online, people who know things. What I’m trying to say is that I know people out there who might be able to help you. I even know a hacker and a few guys who deal in the underworld black market. If anyone can help us find Mathew, it’s them. If they can’t find any sign of him, then he is nowhere to be found.” I had no hope of finding his brother, but maybe what Michael needed was for someone else to tell him Matthew was dead before he would finally accept it.
The wariness left his face, and in its place I saw a vulnerable little boy who just wanted someone to tell him things would be okay. “You’d do that for me?”
“Of course, what are friends for?”
He fiddled with his napkin, but his eyes shone with conviction. “Everyone thinks I’m crazy, but I know Matthew is alive. I’d feel it if he was dead.”
My chest squeezed when I thought about the pain Michael was going to suffer when he finally had to accept that his brother was gone. “There’s something else you need to think about. Even if we do find Matthew, he might not be the same. It’s very likely he ended up like the other orphans that weren’t found in time.”
“You didn’t,” he said brightly as if he’d already thought about that possibility.
I didn’t respond because I could not tell him the truth about me, and why I was different from other orphans. If by some miracle Matthew was still alive, his demon had driven him mad by now. I didn’t know what would be worse: finding out your brother is dead or finding out that he is insane and beyond help. It was obvious that Michael was not ready to deal with either of those outcomes, so I decided to keep those thoughts to myself.
The conversation turned to training after that, and Michael wanted to know all about training with Nikolas. It occurred to me that what he and the other trainees needed to cure them of their hero worship of Nikolas was a couple of days training under him. I’d love to see how they handled his boot-camp style workout. If I wasn’t so tired, I would have laughed at the idea.
* * *
“I can’t believe you knew about it, too, and you didn’t tell me. Was I the last person to find out?”
“It was not my place to tell you, little one. The mating bond is a very intimate experience between two people, and one does not interfere in such matters.”
I scowled at Desmund over our game of checkers. “How did you know anyway? Did Tristan tell you?”
“Of course not. Tristan would not share something so private.” He gave me a look of mild reproof. “I knew when you told me Nikolas went into a rage once when you were hurt. I must say it took me by surprise at first.”
“You’re not the only one.” I captured one of his pieces, and he swiftly retaliated by taking two of mine. “We have to be the worst match in Mohiri history. Half the time we don’t even get along.”
“You both have strong personalities. You will be a worthy mate for him because you will challenge him.” His eyes sparkled mischievously. “At the very least, it will be entertaining for the rest of us.”
I scowled at the board. “I hate to kill your fun, but I don’t even know if that’s what I want.”
He leaned forward. “Really? What does Nikolas think of that?”
“We haven’t talked about it. I told him I’ll train with him, but I am not ready to talk about any of this. I’m still upset with him and Tristan for letting me find out the way I did.”
“Yes, I can imagine that was something of a shock. But don’t be too hard on him. I dare say this has not been easy for him either.”
“I thought you didn’t like him. Now you are defending him?”
Desmund winked. “How can I not defend a man who has the good sense to care about you?”
“You are such a sweet talker,” I scolded, and he gave me a look of mock innocence. “I certainly know how to pick my friends.”
His hand stopped in mid-air over the board, and his expression was indecipherable. “Friends?”
“Of course. We are, aren’t we?” I asked before I stopped to think. Desmund was eccentric and suffering from a long mental illness. He had come a long way in the time I’d known him, but it was still hard to know how he would react to a situation. It was possible he did not want a friend, as strange as that sounded.
A smile lit up his face. “Most definitely.”
“Good.” I looked down at my decimated checkers. “I’d hate to see how hard you would play someone who wasn’t your friend.” At his innocent look I laughed. “Don’t think I don’t know you go easy on me.”
He shrugged, and I knew he would never admit to it. “Did I tell you my uncle, Nate, is coming next week to spend Thanksgiving?”
“You must be excited to see him.”
“I can’t wait. He’s staying for a whole week.” The thought of seeing Nate every day for a week made me almost giddy. I couldn’t wait to show him around and introduce him to everyone. Just picturing his expression when he saw Alex and Minuet made me grin.
“I have never seen you look this happy,” Desmund said. “Your uncle must be a good man.”
“He is. I hope . . . ” I hesitated, not sure how to say what I wanted to say to him. “I’d like for you to meet him . . . if you want to, that is.”
“I’d be honored.” His smile changed to a playful smirk. “How often do you introduce young men to your uncle?”
> I let out a snort. “Young? Didn’t you tell me that you and Tchaikovsky were friends?”
He touched his chin. “Hmmm, so you think your uncle will have a problem with the age difference?”
“Age difference?” My mouth fell open, and I stared at him. Did he mean . . . ? I thought about his reaction a few minutes ago when I said he was a friend. Did Desmund feel something more than friendship for me? But he’d just told me I’d make a good mate for Nikolas. Was he saying that just to be nice?
“Is something wrong?”
I rubbed my suddenly sweaty palms against my thighs. “Desmund, you know that we are only friends, right? I mean, I like you, but I can’t – ”
His burst of laughter cut me off and made me forget whatever it was I had been about to say. It was the first time I’d ever heard him laugh this hard, and I had no idea what had set him off. I didn’t know whether to be worried or relieved.
It took him a minute to compose himself. He wiped his eyes. “You are an absolute delight. I have not enjoyed myself this much in a very long time.”
“What’s so funny?” I asked, starting to feel a little insulted.
He smiled affectionately. “If I was going to fall for a young lady, you would be at the top of my list. In fact, you would be the list. But alas, you and I have too much in common for that to ever happen.”
“I don’t understand.”
“That is one of your most endearing qualities, little one.” He stunned me by leaning across the small table and kissing my forehead. “And if you were a man, I would fall madly in love with you this instant.”
If I was a . . . oh. “Oh!”
“Let’s just say I did not spend time with Pyotr Tchaikovsky for his musical genius alone.”
Heat flooded my face. I couldn’t believe I’d suggested Desmund had a thing for me. God I was such a moron. I had always been stupid when it came to guys, but this took the cake.
“I did not mean to make you uncomfortable.”
I gave him a reassuring smile. “It’s not you. I just can’t believe what an idiot I am sometimes.”
He shook his head. “I find your innocence charming.”
“That’s because you are a gentleman,” I replied, feeling a little less embarrassed.
“And because I am a gentleman I am very glad I am not enamored of you.”
My eyebrows rose. “Why?”
He chuckled. “Because then I would have to fight Nikolas Danshov for you and I like my head right where it is.”
Chapter 18
THE NEXT DAY, Nikolas showed me how to execute an uppercut punch and a front kick. Then he put me to work on the punching bag for an hour before he switched over to a grueling workout on the weights. The entire time we were together, he was all business and did not try to talk about the night at the barn or anything about us. In fact, he did not say much at all unless it was directly related to my training. As soon as our session ended, he left and I did not see him again that day.
It wasn’t until that night, as I was creating magical whirlpools in my bubble bath, that I remembered I hadn’t told Nikolas about seeing Aine or about using my power on the vampire at the barn. The last thing I wanted to do was bring up that night, but it was Nikolas who had helped me learn to call on that power and he was still my trainer.
I waited until after we’d practiced my punches and kicks the next morning to bring it up. I wiped my face with a towel and took a long drink from my water bottle before I blurted it out.
“I zapped a vampire at the barn.”
Nikolas set down the pair of dumbbells he was holding and turned to face me. It took me several seconds to realize he was not surprised by my announcement.
“Tristan told you.”
“Yes.”
I tried to guess what he was thinking, but his tone and expression gave nothing away. “Why didn’t you say something?”
He leaned against the wall with his arms folded across his chest. “I figured you would tell me when you were ready, and when you felt like you could trust me again.”
“I never stopped trusting you.” I flushed but refused to look away from him because he needed to know I was sincere. If there was anyone I would trust with my life it was Nikolas. My heart I wasn’t as sure about.
“Do you want to tell me what happened? Tristan said you were able to sense them.”
I told him everything as I had described it to Tristan. Nikolas’s eyes flashed with suppressed fury as the story unfolded, but he merely nodded when I explained the cold in my chest and how I was able to take down the vampire. I could tell he was fighting his demon for control. His angry outbursts whenever I was in danger made sense now. What I didn’t understand was why the bond made him react so strongly, or why I felt a growing need to go to him and soothe away the furrows in his brow and the hard line of his mouth.
Clenching my hands behind my back, I focused on my story instead. “I tried to call on the power like we practiced, but it wouldn’t come until I touched him. Then it just jumped out of me like it did with the other demons. I don’t understand why it burned him, but it didn’t burn you.”
Nikolas gave me a tight smile. “A vamhir demon is always close to the surface because it controls the body. You couldn’t feel my demon until I called it forth.” He stared at the window for a long moment, and his face betrayed the battle going on inside him. He wanted to train me, to help me become strong enough to protect myself. But at the same time, he didn’t want me anywhere near a vampire.
To my relief, his pragmatic side won. “This is good. It means you have a built-in defense against vampires, young ones at least. We need to keep working on it to make sure it is reliable.”
“What about my vampire radar? Can we go somewhere and test it?” I knew he was going to refuse, but it was worth a shot.
“Not until we spend a lot more time on your training. There will be plenty of time to test your other abilities.”
“Okay.” I was willing to wait if he was willing to accept that I would have to fight vampires someday. It was a small step forward for both of us. “When can we work on my power again?”
He picked up a jump rope and held it out to me. “Let’s finish your workout and we’ll meet up after lunch for your other training.”
I groaned as I took the jump rope. I had a feeling my days were about to get a lot more exhausting.
Over the next week, Nikolas and I fell into a pattern. Each morning, he taught me a new strike or kick, and then he put me through another punishing workout. After lunch, we spent two hours working with my power. For this he enlisted Chris’s help since he was the only other person here besides Nikolas and Tristan who knew my secret.
I could feel my power growing stronger the more I used it, but it was impossible to test its full strength without a demon. I refused to give Nikolas or Chris anything more than a mild shock no matter how much they provoked me. I would not take a chance of hurting either of them even if they made it difficult to resist at times.
My control grew as well, and I was soon able to call as much or as little power as I needed. I demonstrated that one day when Chris began amusing himself by zipping by and tugging on my hair. He got too close and I caught hold of his hand. The little jolt I gave him made his blond hair stand on end and his knees buckle. When he was able to speak a few minutes later, he said it was like being paralyzed. He didn’t pull my hair again after that.
Even though we spent hours training together, Nikolas and I barely spoke, and a polite distance grew between us until I began to miss the way things used to be. If the quiet tension between us bothered him, he gave no indication of it, and I wondered if he even cared about it. The more time that passed, the more I was convinced that he didn’t want the bond.
I began to dread the day he would show up and tell me he was breaking the bond and leaving. The thought of never seeing him again hurt more than I wanted to admit, and I threw myself into training to avoid thinking about it. After my training, I wou
ld take the hounds and go to the lake, hoping to see Aine again. She didn’t come, but I thought I caught a glimpse of Feeorin in the water twice. I wanted to practice my water magic in the lake, but it was impossible with warriors watching over me the whole time. After I’d told Tristan about sensing a vampire in the woods, and he’d told Nikolas, they made it clear that I was not to go out alone, even with two ferocious hellhounds at my side. I didn’t argue even if it meant I was limited to practicing my magic in my bath tub. It amazed me how quickly I was able to master elemental magic when none of my Mohiri abilities came easily to me. I could make mini waves and water spouts with ease and raise the temperature of the water when it began to cool, but I doubted I would ever feel the same connection to my Mori that other Mohiri shared with theirs.
I ended up asking Chris to take me to town to pick up supplies and food for Oscar. I could hardly ask Nikolas to do it when we were barely talking. As Chris and I loaded my purchases into the SUV I felt a pang when I remembered the light banter between Nikolas and me the day I’d asked him to take me to the pet store. Would it ever be that easy between us again, or was it gone forever?
David emailed me twice that week to say he and his friends were closing in on Madeline. His excitement was infectious. As soon as he found her, I would let Tristan know so he could swoop in and pick her up, if she didn’t slip away again. My mother was proving to be very adept at evading everyone, especially her own people.
After my talk with Michael, I’d also asked David to see what he could dig up about Matthew. I gave him every detail I could find on Michael’s family in Atlanta and the circumstances around his mother’s death and his brother’s disappearance. I wasn’t hopeful but I had to try for Michael’s sake. David confirmed what I already knew – Michael had been to hundreds of sites and message boards, searching for his brother – and he told me he was unable to find a single bit of evidence that Matthew was alive. He would keep searching, but I already knew the truth, even if I didn’t know how to make Michael accept it.