by Marie Force
“Day after tomorrow.”
“Then let’s take today and tomorrow and not think about anything that happened yesterday or what comes next or what all this means. We’ll just live in the bubble and keep the rest of the world outside until it’s time to face it again.”
“What if I’m not ready to face it when the bubble bursts?”
“You’re stronger than you think. There’s nothing you can’t deal with. You just need some time to figure out your next move.”
“It was grossly unfair of me to get involved with you. . . like this. . . right now, when I’m such a mess. I don’t want you to think—”
He kissed whatever doubt she was about to express right off her lips. “Don’t worry about me. I can take care of myself.” But even as he said the words, Joe acknowledged he was setting himself up for a fall from which he might never recover.
Chapter 4
While Joe was at the store getting something to grill for dinner, Janey relaxed in a lounge chair on his back deck, watching the action in the harbor and doing her best to keep her mind clear of worries and fears and doubts and guilt. When she thought about how she’d all but begged Joe to have sex with her, she cringed. He’d said no. He’d offered her anything but that. And it wasn’t like she didn’t know why he’d been reluctant. But what had she done? Worked on him until he couldn’t possibly say no and then had the very best sex of her life.
How was that even possible? In all her years with David, he’d never rocked her world the way Joe had. What was she to make of that? What did it mean?
She sighed and spun the dazzling, two-carat engagement ring around on her finger until it dawned on her that she should probably take it off—if for no other reason than Joe hardly needed the reminder that she was technically still committed to someone else.
Not that her fiancé had bothered to call for their anniversary. Heck, he probably didn’t even remember that they’d had their first date thirteen years ago yesterday, the summer before their sophomore year. Janey remembered every detail of every minute she’d spent with David. She knew the date of their first kiss, the date they finally had sex during their senior year, and the date of every momentous occasion over thirteen years together.
If pressed, David probably wouldn’t even be able to recall the date they got engaged. Whereas Janey would never forget August 18 nearly two years ago, when he surprised her by proposing when they were sailing off Gansett.
She had to stop thinking about him. It was over. All the waiting and sacrificing and preparing had been for nothing. The life she’d thought she would have wasn’t going to happen now. She laughed softly to herself, caught up in the fact that he didn’t even know it was over between them. After what she’d witnessed in his apartment yesterday, she wondered if he would care.
Glancing down at the ring she’d loved so much, she braced herself for the onslaught of pain and slid it from her finger, then zipped it into the inside compartment of the tote she’d brought outside with her. She would give the ring back to him when she told him he had ruined everything and they were over. Or maybe she’d hold on to it and sell it. Why should she emerge with nothing after all the time and energy she’d invested in him?
The pealing ring of her cell phone sent her stomach plunging with nerves. She wasn’t prepared to speak to David. Not yet. A glance at the caller ID showed Mac’s number, so she took the call.
“Hey.” She made an effort to sound breezy and fine, as if her whole world hadn’t been upended since she last saw her big brother yesterday afternoon.
“How ya doing, brat?”
Janey heard the concern in his voice and realized she should’ve known Joe would call him. “I’m fine. You?”
“Janey.”
“What do you want me to say, Mac? I caught him in bed with another woman. I ran out of there, my car broke down, I called Joe, and I’m staying with him for a couple of days until I get my head together.”
“Saying I’m sorry doesn’t seem sufficient. Am I allowed to beat the shit out of him?”
Janey laughed softly. Some things in her life were so predictable, and the oldest of her four big brothers was the most predictable of all. “As satisfying as that would be for both of us, it wouldn’t change anything.”
“It’d make me feel a whole lot better.”
“Don’t say anything to Mom and Dad. Please?”
“I won’t. When are you coming home?”
“Tomorrow night. Probably the last boat.”
“I’ll meet you.”
“You don’t have to do that, Mac. I’m a big girl.”
“You’ll always be my baby sister, and don’t forget it.”
Her eyes filled for the first time that day. “How can I forget when you won’t let me?”
He snickered. “How’s Joe?”
A stab of something lodged in her belly. Guilt? Lust? Regret? All of the above? “Fine. Why?”
“Just wondering.”
“He took the day off to babysit me, so you don’t have to worry.”
Silence.
“Mac? Are you still there?”
“Joe took a day off on Fourth of July week?”
Janey squirmed in her seat. Perhaps she should have kept that tidbit to herself. “Yeah? So?”
“It’s just. . . unusual. That’s all.”
Janey couldn’t help but wonder what Mac would think if he knew what else had happened between her and Joe. That was one thing her brother could never, ever find out about. “How are Maddie and Thomas?”
“Fine. We’re worried about you.”
“I’ll get through it. Somehow.”
“You’re awfully calm. I would’ve expected hysterics.”
“That was yesterday.”
“Damn it, Janey, let me put a hurt on him, will you? Please?”
The screen door slid open, and Joe stepped onto the deck, his hazel eyes taking in every inch of her in one heated second.
Janey swallowed hard. “Um, I have to go.”
“You never answered my question.”
“Behave. I mean it. I’ll deal with him in my own way. I don’t need you fighting my battles for me.”
“But, Janey—”
“Bye, Mac.” She closed the phone, turned it off and held it to her chest. Mac would do anything for her, but some things she had to do herself, even if she’d rather send her big brother to take care of it for her.
“I’m sorry,” Joe said as he sat on the other lounge chair. Instead of stretching out, he faced her, elbows on knees. Had she ever noticed before that the hair on his arms and the whiskers on his jaw sparkled gold in the sunlight? Or that he needed to shave twice a day? A sudden tingle between her legs took her by surprise. She couldn’t believe she was reacting that way to Joe. Joe! The shock of her overwhelming attraction to him was almost as great as finding David in bed with another woman. “You asked me not to call him, but I thought someone should know you’re here.”
Crossing one leg over the other to address the tingling, Janey shrugged. “I figured you’d tell him.”
“I didn’t tell him what happened, just that you were here.”
“It’s fine, Joe. I don’t mind that you called him. You saved me from having to do it.”
“Is he all fired up?”
“Just a tad.”
“He hates the idea of anyone hurting you. We both do.”
Resting her head back against the cushion, she turned so she could see him. “I always felt so smug, you know?”
“How do you mean?”
“Here I was, the youngest of the five McCarthys, and my life was set. As you well know, my brothers were clueless in the romance department until recently when Mac met Maddie, and the others are still clueless. But I always knew exactly who I was going to marry, what my life would be like. . .” Her throat closed around a lump of emotion. Brushing at imaginary lint on her shorts, she glanced over to find him watching her intently.
“And now?”
; “I have no idea what I’m going to do.” A tear slid down her cheek, the first of the day, which was rather remarkable considering her life plan had been destroyed the day before. She swatted at it, refusing to go there again. Her eyes still ached from yesterday’s performance.
He got up from his lounge and came over to hers, arranging himself so he was holding her from behind, her head cushioned by his shoulder. “Think of it this way—you can do anything you want now. Anything at all.”
“All I’ve ever wanted was to marry David and have our four kids and live on the island.”
“For a long while, you also wanted to be a vet,” he reminded her.
“That was ages ago. I’m too old for that now.”
“Who says?”
She snorted. “I’ve been out of school for six years. That ship has sailed.”
“You can summon it back to port if that’s what you want.”
“Nice metaphor, Captain, but I can’t imagine going back to the grind of school and studying and all that. I’ve gotten far too lazy.”
“There’s got to be something else you’d like to try, something you’ve never gotten the chance to do.”
Sadness engulfed her, an ever-present reminder of her new reality. “Modern women everywhere would cringe to hear me say that what I wanted most was to be his wife and a mother to our children. That’s how I’ve pictured my life since I was fifteen years old.”
“You don’t have to draw a new picture overnight.”
“I know. What did you get at the store?”
“Salmon.”
“That sounds good. After you left, I felt bad that I’d forgotten to remind you.”
“That you’re a vegetarian? How could I forget the scene you made when you found out steak and hamburger comes from cows?”
“I cried for a week.”
“I remember.” Joe reached for her hand and went still behind her.
“What?” she asked, turning her head so she could see him.
“You took it off.”
“I couldn’t stand to look at it.”
He rubbed the groove the ring had left in her finger. “You loved that ring.”
“I loved what it stood for even more, but I guess I was alone in that.”
Joe held her gaze, his heated eyes sending ripples of sensation darting over her skin. “It’s his loss. He had no idea how lucky he was to have you.”
“Let’s not talk about him anymore. I don’t want to think about him.”
“Whatever you want.”
She snuggled deeper into his embrace. “Could we just stay here for a while?”
He tightened his hold on her and pressed a kiss to the top of her head. “Absolutely.”
As they worked in Joe’s spacious kitchen to prepare dinner, Janey was struck by how comfortable he seemed there, as if cooking was more a hobby than a necessity. She added the discovery to the growing list of things she’d learned about him in the last two days.
“I never said how much I like your house. It’s beautiful.”
“Thanks. It was a work-in-progress for a lot of years. Sometimes I still feel like I should be painting or working on something, but it’s finally done.”
Astounded, Janey gazed around at the intricate tile backsplash, the granite countertop, the wood floor, the track lights over the center island. “You built this place yourself?”
“Every nail. Took me five years.”
“Wow.” Watching him proficiently slice and dice vegetables for a salad, Janey realized that even though she’d known him most of her life, she really didn’t know him at all. “I had no idea.” She laughed. “I never gave much thought to where you lived over here.”
He shrugged. “Building this place kept me busy and off the streets.”
She took a sip of chardonnay. “Why haven’t you ever gotten married?”
The hand that had been rapidly chopping slowed. He glanced at her. “Just never got around to it.”
“You’ve had no shortage of candidates,” she said with a teasing smile.
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“Every time I turn around, you’re dating someone new.”
“I didn’t realize you were keeping score.”
“I’m not, but you know how it is on the island. People talk.”
“About me?”
Janey giggled at the face he made. “Well, you are one of the more eligible bachelors in the area. A handsome, successful businessman. A captain.”
“What do they say about me?”
“Oh, you know, different day, different girl.”
He put down the knife and wiped his hands on the towel he’d tossed over his shoulder. “For real?”
Janey shrugged, caught off guard by his dismay. “You know how it is over there. They’ve got nothing better to do than gossip.”
“And you believe it? That I’m what? A man-whore?”
“Whoa, Joe! I never said that!”
He picked up the platter of marinating salmon and headed for the deck.
Unnerved by his reaction, Janey followed him. “I didn’t mean to upset you.”
He put the salmon on the grill and closed the lid. “You didn’t.”
Janey placed her hand on his shoulder, urging him to turn around. “Yes, I did. Talk to me.”
He turned and rested his hands on his hips, his posture rigid.
“Joe?”
His face twisted into a hard-to-read expression. “It’s just that. . .”
“What?”
“That’s not how it is.”
“You don’t have to explain anything to me.”
“I need you to know. . .”
“It’s none of my business. I shouldn’t have said anything.”
“It is your business!” He ran his hands through his hair in a gesture of supreme frustration.
Janey watched him, baffled by the intensity of his reaction. “How is it my business?”
“God, Janey,” he said softly as he gripped her shoulders. “How can you not know? Some days I feel as if I walk around with a neon sign strapped to my back.”
“I don’t understand,” she said, unnerved by his torment.
He released her and moved to the rail that faced the harbor. Bending, he rested his elbows on the rail.
Janey went to him and put her hand on his back. “I’m sorry. I never meant to upset you.” His shoulders were tight with tension she had caused.
“Janey,” he sighed, dropping his head to his hands.
She didn’t know what to say or do. Keeping her hand on his back, she gave him a minute. “Joe—”
He stood up straight, framed her face with his hands and captured her mouth in a deep, searing kiss. “I love you. I love you so much, and I have for as long as I can remember.” Before she could say anything, he kissed her again. “I hated watching you care for a guy who didn’t deserve you. I hated how he went weeks and sometimes months without visiting you. I hated watching you waste your time with him, knowing he would never love you like I do.”
She’d suspected there was something. . . But never had she imagined that he’d spent years silently in love with her. Flabbergasted, she stared up at him. “I, um. . . I. . .”
“I shouldn’t be saying these things to you, especially right now. But I couldn’t have you thinking I’m out whoring around or that I give a shit about any other woman. I date, I even have fun with some of them and I’ve probably had more one-night stands than any guy alive. I’m not proud of that. Believe me. But not one of them has ever mattered.”
Janey struggled free of him. “I shouldn’t be here. I shouldn’t have called you yesterday.” Her hands began to shake as images from their erotic night together ran through her mind like a movie. “Oh, God, Joe. I didn’t know. I didn’t know it was like that.” Sure, she’d figured out he had a little thing for her, but madly in love? For years? No, she hadn’t known that. She hadn’t had the first inkling.
“There’s no way you coul
d’ve known. I worked very, very hard to keep it hidden. Only one person has ever figured it out.”
“Who?”
He smiled and tilted his head.
“Mac.”
Nodding, Joe drew her back in close to him. “I don’t want you to go.”
“What happened between us. . .”
“Was the best thing to ever happen to me. Someday, when you’re ready, maybe you’ll see it was the best thing to ever happen to you, too.”
Chapter 5
Janey lay in Joe’s big bed that night, staring out at the harbor, trying not to think about all that had happened in the last two days and failing miserably. Since his profession of love earlier, they had bumbled awkwardly through dinner, unable to get back the easy groove they’d always shared. If she lost Joe’s friendship on top of David’s betrayal. . .
The thought of losing Joe made her ache with despair. Maybe she hadn’t suspected the full depth of his feelings for her, but she’d always known he loved her. She couldn’t lose that. She just couldn’t.
Janey got up and padded into the living room, where he slept on the sofa. Squatting next to him, she reached out to toy with his hair.
He startled awake and stared at her for a long breathless moment.
“I’m sorry,” she said. “I didn’t mean to wake you.”
He extended his arms, and as Janey sank into his embrace, the relief overwhelmed her. She stretched out next to him on the sofa, the heat of his body warming the chill that had descended upon them earlier.
“Janey,” he whispered, smoothing a hand over her hair and down her back.
He trembled when she pressed her lips against his neck. His clean fresh scent invaded her senses, sending a surge of desire rippling through her. That she could feel so many conflicting emotions for this man she’d known for so long as a friend still took her by surprise.
His erection pressed against her belly, and his heart beat fast under her ear, reminding her they’d gone far beyond the simple bonds of friendship in the last few days.
Empowered by the effect she had on him, she raised her head and found his eyes in the darkness.
Earlier, he’d confessed to being wildly in love with her. Now, in his eyes, she saw the hunger and the need and the desire. She wondered how she’d missed it all these years—or rather, she conceded she hadn’t allowed herself to look too closely for fear of finding exactly what she now saw in those hazel eyes.