Admiral's Ghost

by NB VanYoos

  * * * *

  Tyler rose from the large bed late in the morning. He was alone. Considering the hour, he was surprised the staff hadn’t woke him earlier. Rumors of his sleeplessness had spread through the staff, and concerns for their boss’s recovery overrode duty. He mentally thanked them for the needed sleep as he felt more refreshed than any other time since becoming the Admiral.

  The needed rest renewed his sense of purpose, and he felt a greater resolve to be the Admiral everyone would rally behind. For the first time since they’d planned it, he looked forward to their return to the capital. He knew many obstacles would bar their way, but the Admiral inside wouldn’t back down from the fight.

  As he started the day, he was upset there was no trace of the experience the night before. It had seemed so real, he could barely believe it was only a dream. The intense love he felt for the Admiral’s wife lingered, but the effect was uplifting rather than depressing. A part of him believed there was no hope in reconciling their differences, but he vowed to try to mend the wounds anyway. The Admiral’s carelessness created the chasm, so it seemed only fitting he be the one to bridge the gap.

  Tyler finished his ablutions and dressed in a semi-formal uniform ready to greet the day. The kitchen staff always waited for his appearance before starting breakfast. This morning, he felt an enormous hunger. He left the quarters for the dining room where he would eat alone. He looked forward to being alone to catch-up on the day’s news and agenda.

  Once alerted to the Admiral’s presence, the Palace staff put in motion the morning ballet that was the daily routine. He knew from experience that once breakfast was underway, staff members would descend on his bedroom, changing the linens and cleaning the bathroom. Tyler thought the servitude extravagant, but over time, be became accustomed to the lavish lifestyle.

  As he rounded the last corner of the hallway, he came to the double doors leading into the dining room. As usual, a servant stood with doors open, bowing as Tyler walked past to take his seat at the table.

  Tyler had told the head of his staff that the bowing made him uncomfortable, but the person in charge had assured Tyler the staff could not stop even if they wanted. The Admiral was the greatest National Hero since the emperor who united their planet, and everyone felt a debt of gratitude for his great service. They showed respect in one of the simplest ways they knew. Tyler couldn’t argue the point, so once again, he grew accustomed, accepting it as just one more part of the Admiral’s world.

  His usual seat was set and ready for his meal. He preferred the end of the table where it was closer to the large fireplace dominating the room. It was more than a dining room—a great room created to entertain large numbers of dinner guests.

  Throughout the room, large sitting areas were filled with plush seating, and even the fireplace was surrounded by cushioned seating ideal for intimate moments. Spanning the front of the fireplace, a large, overstuffed sofa softened the formal atmosphere the room generally maintained. Tyler guessed the couch could easily accommodate eight, and it was flanked by a smaller sofa on the left and a large chair on the right. It provided a more comfortable tone to the room that made Tyler more relaxed.

  He sat at the end of the table behind the large chair on his right. It gave him a great view of the entrance while being close enough to feel warmth from the fire. The table was set with dishware and utensils he still hadn’t figured out. He wondered why the table remained set when no one but he ate there. However, the full table did take away the loneliness.

  Per his instructions, his setting included a small video tablet next to a glass of Goonjee juice he’d come to enjoy. He likened it to a combination of bananas and raspberry, although he never would have picked that combination on Earth. Perhaps the Admiral’s palate was sufficiently different to admire the unusual combination.

  His video tablet contained notable news stories, the daily agenda, and logistical data the staff wanted him to review. Fortunately, today’s schedule was nearly clear while everyone completed the travel preparations. With only one meeting on the docket, he felt like touring the vineyards and winery.

  Since arriving in Tooland, he’d been cooped up in the Palace tending wounds and managing matters of military import. Since they’d be leaving soon, he would miss the opportunity to experience the full value of the Admiral’s estate. Although he could easily review it from memories, he wanted to experience it himself. Besides, he convinced himself he needed to get out in the fresh air. Despite the enormous size of the Palace, he felt claustrophobic.

  Tyler drank his juice, waiting for the morning tea. It was made from the leaves of an ancestral tree that was a mainstay in their diet since anyone could remember. Even today, the traditional methods of drying the leaves and crushing them before steeping was maintained. It was an integral part of their culture carried over from an arboreal history. Tyler found the tea wonderful and believed the folklore that told of great healing powers. Healing powers aside, it was the Tiin’tiin Tyler was after. The chemical stimulant was overly abundant within the leaves, and it filled the void of coffee from Earth. He knew this was its true value to the culture.

  The head server, an older man named Koolen, placed the steaming tea gently on a small plate to Tyler’s right. As usual, he added a syrupy substance made from a root extract that served as the primary sweetener on Poolto. Tyler thought it too sweet, but insisted on a small quantity to cut the bitterness inherent in the tea. Koolen finished the preparation before running down the morning’s menu. Tyler nodded acceptance before turning on one of the video monitors he’d installed to watch the morning news.

  Too engrossed in finding his favorite shows, Tyler ignored Koolen as he walked to the large chair beside him. Tyler thought he heard Koolen speaking to someone, but he was too close to locating his favorite channel to notice. When his morning broadcast was finally playing, he turned his attention to Koolen speaking softly to someone in the chair. Tyler was curious—no one ever came into the room while he was eating. He assumed it was the Marshall, although he thought it odd he had remained so quiet.

  “Yes, thank you, Koolen, I’d love another cup.” The voice was distinctively female.

  “Yes, Mam, I’ll return with it straight away.” Koolen moved toward the kitchen while Tyler wrestled his confusion.

  Was that really a female voice he’d heard? Who? Eyleeria? He doubted she would be so bold to interrupt the Admiral so early without an invitation.

  “Good morning,” he ventured, “would you care to join me for breakfast?” He waited patiently, uncertain who would respond.

  The voice remained quiet before slowly answering. The woman sounded petulant. “Well, Nayllen, after so long you do not even recognize the voice of your own wife? I’m hurt.”

  He fell silent, tongue-tied with shock. Toosia stood up elegantly from the chair and moved toward the table. Once again, he was mesmerized by her beauty as the dream from the night before rushed back. He reeled with the possibilities. Had it been a dream? Had it been real, or was it some premonition of her appearance? He was speechless.

  She walked gracefully around the table and sat next to Tyler. She wore a shimmering gold single suit open at the throat, plunging just enough to show cleavage. Her hair was twirled and bound in a fashion Tyler noted was common these days, and it was held in place by a gold clasp shaped like a leaf. Her face, soft and sensuous, carried a look of concern as she sat back in her chair staring directly at Tyler.

  He was too shocked to respond. In his mind, a play of strong emotions overwhelmed him. Dare he ask about last night? What if it had been a dream? Why did he feel this intense love? Would she reciprocate? All those letters he’d written and messages he’d left. He’d assumed she’d never come see him. Why now? Had it been a dream? He wasn’t certain and feared the memories would give him away.

  “Glad to see you, too, Nayllen.” She spoke softly continuing her measured and patient stare.

  “I … uh, I …” he stuttered desperat
ely, unable to form the appropriate response.

  “Please, don’t let me interrupt your morning rituals.” She said without malice. “It was not my intention to … fluster you.”

  Flustered? He looked at his hands and saw the gentle play of light fluorescing on his skin. He was excited, and she knew it. Damn! He struggled to control the emotions but thought he saw a small flicker of light move across her face. Was it only wishful thinking on his part?

  “Why are you here?” he managed to ask.

  “Don’t get too worked up, I am here at the request of Marshall Sliss. He is concerned about your return to duty. As you know, we all believe the Emperor does not want your return, therefore, we expect resistance.” She paused, staring at his fluorescing skin once more. “Fortunately, your popularity will make it difficult for the Emperor to deny you, so we are trying to decipher how he will play this.”

  She stopped, letting Tyler absorb her words. He tried to control his thoughts and his skin finally returned to normal. He was embarrassed, but the memories from the night were still too fresh.

  “At this critical juncture,” she began again, “a division between us would not be prudent as it could provide the necessary fodder to keep you out of power.”

  Again, she paused. Was she choked up? Tyler couldn’t tell, but her voice wavered slightly.

  “My presence in your life during this period will be purely political. It is in my own interests, and those of my family, to play your wife until you are once again Supreme Commander. Until that time, I will remain with you and offer my counsel.”

  She slumped slightly, the pressure of the speech lifted. He was both excited and saddened at the same time. He wanted nothing more than to have her by his side, but her reluctance to play his wife filled him with sorrow. He realized the night must have been a dream.

  She stared at the table, unable or unwilling to look at him. He was going to respond when Koolen returned with her tea and Tyler’s breakfast. They sat silently while the servers laid it out efficiently. Neither showed emotion, but Tyler was torn inside. He needed her counsel, but more than that, he needed her love. Dream or not, his feelings for her were real and he fought to hold them to himself.

  The servers worked silently, obviously sensing the tension between the heads of the estate. Their marital problems were well known to the Palace staff, and it had been years since they were together at Tooland. The servers finished before heading back to the kitchen leaving Koolen standing quietly beside the table.

  “Is there anything else I may get you?” Koolen asked patiently with no sign of discomfort.

  Tyler gave him a reassuring smile. “No, thank you, Koolen, this looks wonderful.”

  “Very good, sir, please ring if you need anything.” As quietly as he had come, Koolen slipped out of the room.

  Tyler went on the offensive. “Toosia, I cannot tell you how happy I am to see you! I know this is hard, but I really have changed. I understand the pain and isolation I caused you in the past, but I desperately want to make up for it now. All I ask is one chance.” He hoped his pleas sounded sincere. “Would you care for some breakfast?”

  “No, thank you, I ate when I arrived.”

  Well, Tyler thought, that answered the question of last night. He felt disappointed, but held onto hope. She hadn’t immediately rejected him, but then she wasn’t warming up either.

  “Well, good … very good.” He said softly.

  He backed off, falling silent while he ate. He tried to sort out the feelings he had for this new twist in the Admiral’s affairs. He knew being with her would make it difficult to conceal his feelings, but he feared showing them would upset her even more. He didn’t want to make her feel uncomfortable in a situation she could not escape.

  He ate silently, as they both watched the daily newscast. He didn’t pay attention to what was being said while he was caught up in his inner turmoil. He figured she was also fighting her own inner demons, but outwardly, she showed no signs of emotion.

  He finished eating and turned off the broadcast. He knew they had to address the issue now rather than later. If his career meant she would be miserable and suffer, then he would gladly give it up. He wanted her and he wanted her to be happy.

  “Toosia,” he began, not certain how to proceed, “I have made many mistakes over the years, all of them because of my career. I have no right to expect you to love me anymore, or ever again, but I must let you know that my feelings for you are so strong that it causes me pain. I love you and I want you back in my life. If that means I lose my career, then I don’t care.”

  He studied her for signs of emotion, but she sat quietly neither accepting nor rejecting what he’d said. He didn’t care which way it went, he just needed to say it.

  “I know you are making a sacrifice for me that causes you great pain, and I cannot accept that. If my career is going to cause you to suffer, then damn my career! Let the Emperor blow up the planet for all I care. I want you back in my life. I want to make up for all those years I neglected you, even if it takes the rest of my life.”

  He paused, seeing no emotion on her face. Well, it was a gamble, but one he had to take. He continued. “Do not stay with me if you cannot love me, or forgive me, or be a real part of my life. Do not stay because of your family, or my career, or because of your reputation. Stay because you have feelings for me and want to give me a chance to earn back your heart and your love. I don’t care about my career, Toosia, I only care about you.”

  The speech had a familiar ring to it. It was the emotional speech he had wanted to tell Linda before he was unfairly ripped away. Like Toosia, Linda had suffered because of Tyler’s career. He had always put work before her, and she, too, had put herself last, sacrificing a family for the love she held for Tyler. He felt pain and guilt from the memory, and looked to Toosia as a way to wash that away. How much was residual memories of the Admiral’s and how much was Tyler? He didn’t know or care. It was a great relief to have finally said it.

  Toosia remained motionless, nothing revealing her feelings. He waited patiently, fearing she would reject him while emotions swelled in his heart, filling his stomach with a hollow ache. He slid out of his chair and knelt before her on the ground gently grasping one of her hands as he bowed his head. Her hand trembled—the only sign of emotion.

  “I vow to you right now, right here, on my family’s ancestral estate, I will never do anything to hurt you again. I will spend my remaining days doing whatever I can to regain your trust, your love, and your respect. Please, stay with me because you want to, Toosia. Stay because you want us to be together—as a family.”

  Well, there it was, he’d put his heart on his sleeve and could only wait to see what she would do with it. Slowly, she removed her hand from his and cupped his chin gently, lifting his face. She wore a small, tight smile, and tears welled in both eyes.

  “Love was never in doubt, Nayllen. I have always loved you, and always will. We grew so far apart during these long years, that the pain from those wounds are still fresh.” She wiped her eyes before continuing. “I kidded myself into taking this role because of my family, my pride, and my fear. But inside, I wanted to believe you’d changed. When you woke and I saw you for the first time in the hospital, I had not been prepared for the obvious feelings you displayed. I didn’t know how to respond, so … so I shut you out.”

  She wiped her eyes and took a sip of tea to help steel her resolve. “My desire to end our marriage was strong, even after that first visit. But something about you evoked strong memories and feelings that I had buried long ago. When I received all your letters and messages, the feelings they expressed only confused me. Again, I couldn’t respond.” She wiped tears and gestured to Tyler’s chair. “Please, Nayllen, sit.”

  He rose from his knees and sat in the chair, waiting for her to finish, hope building with her words.

  “When Marshall Sliss contacted me about three weeks ago, I was dubious about what he had suggested. It took me
an entire week to respond, much to the Marshall’s distress I’m sure. However, the more I thought about it, the more I had to know whether your feelings were sincere and genuine. In the guise of helping your career and my family, I accepted the Marshall’s offer to help.” She sipped, obviously gaining resolve from the stimulant. “Seeing you now, and hearing your words …” She broke down, unable to control her emotions.

  Tyler leaned forward and took her hand, trying to comfort her. She trembled from his touch, almost pulling away before grasping him for support.

  “I … see and … feel a change in you that I thought could never happen. I do want to be with you, Nayllen. I really do!”

  She completely broke down, and Tyler got up to comfort her. She grabbed his waist as he wrapped his arms around her. He felt his own emotions well up and barely held back tears. It wouldn’t do to have the Admiral crying, although that was what Tyler felt like doing.

  “I know it will take time, Toosia, but we can make this work. We can find each other once more, and be the family we deserve.”

  She sobbed gently. He didn’t know how it would work, but he had a chance, a chance to right so many wrongs. Perhaps being the Admiral wouldn’t be as bad as he first imagined. Perhaps the complex life of a powerful man would finally give Tyler something he never had—a family.