Stay With Me

by Cross, Cassie

  When he finishes, he tightens his arms around my waist with a reassuring squeeze. “I like it. Amanda…she was in your last book, wasn’t she?”

  “Yeah, this story is about her and a new guy named Luke.”

  “I was wondering what was going to happen with her at the end of your last book.”

  “Good. That means I did my job right.”

  “It’s kinda sad at the beginning.”

  I turn my head and kiss his bicep. “But it ends happily. That’s life, right?”

  “Yeah.” He sighs. “If you’re lucky.”

  He sounds resigned, and it sets off a nervous blip in my stomach. “I think we’re pretty lucky. We made up, and now you’re my new running instructor.”

  He laughs, a warm rumble. “I also have it on pretty good authority that I make a very comfortable chair.”

  “Oh yeah, the most comfortable. You also make an amazing pillow,” I say, followed by a yawn. “Why don’t we lie down and try that out.”

  He closes my laptop and sets it on the bed, then lowers us down under the covers without waking Sam or breaking contact. I get into my favorite position: arm slung over his chest, body nestled into his side, head tucked under his chin. There’s so much between us left unsaid, but there’s still time. Tonight I let him hold me as I drift off to sleep.

  Chapter Nineteen

  This was supposed to be an afternoon of harmless fun for Mateo, Miranda, and Ayanna to let out the stress they’re feeling because of the engagement party they’re hosting tomorrow evening. I don’t know whose bright idea it was to make it competitive, but here we are, in the middle of the lake, awaiting Ayanna’s instructions. The teams consist of Miranda and Mateo, and Jackson and me.

  The game? Something we always called Rocket Launcher. The guys let us balance our feet on their shoulders under water, then they pop up and send us flying. The goal? To be the one who makes it the furthest over the rope separating the shallow end from the deeper one.

  Ayanna’s sitting on the pier dangling her feet in the water. Audrey wants no part of this; she’s over on the far side of the lake, floating on a giant unicorn-shaped raft with a margarita in her hand.

  “If one of you ripples this water enough to make me spill my drink, I will kill you,” she yells.

  Jackson gives me an excited look, like he considers this a dare. I shake my head to call him off.

  Ayanna blows a whistle that she has hanging around her neck. We all must be giving her the same perplexed looks, because she says, “I bought them for the lifeguards.”

  “What are the rules? I want to get the winning over with,” Mateo shouts, shooting a sideways glance at Jackson. It’s some kind of competitive jock challenge.

  It works, because Jackson’s whole demeanor shifts. His muscles tighten, and his hands are underwater so I can’t confirm, but I bet they’re balled up into angry fists. I jump on Jackson’s back so I can whisper in his ear.

  “We gotta win this. Rocket me into the sun.”

  He laughs and reaches behind to playfully swat at my leg, looser than he was just a minute ago. Mission accomplished.

  “You both get one shot,” Ayanna yells. “Whoever throws their partner further across the rope wins this twenty-five dollar gift card for Rubys, along with a merlot from the vineyard down the road, and an entire chocolate cake made especially for you by my pastry chef.”

  “Is it the same one we had last night?” I ask, because I am nothing if not motivated by chocolate.

  “Yes,” she says with a laugh.

  I pull Jackson a few feet away so that Miranda and Mateo are out of earshot.

  Miranda is offended. “Seriously, Birdie?”

  I peek at her over Jackson’s shoulder. “We need to strategize, and you’re the enemy right now.”

  Miranda splashes water in my direction, but she misses. “Heh, she doesn’t have the arm strength to win this,” I mutter to myself.

  Jackson’s eyes are a little unfocused. He’s looking at me like he wants to drag me into his cabin and get me naked.

  “What?” I ask.

  “I love it when you’re like this,” he says. “It’s crazy hot.”

  “Jackson,” I say, snapping my fingers to get him out of his horny haze. “We gotta figure out a game plan. We’ve never played Rocket Launcher for prizes before.”

  He clears his throat and thinks for a second. “Balance the balls of your feet on my shoulders when I go underwater, not your arches. Crouch down as low as you can, and keep a steady grip on my hands.”

  “Squeeze my fingers right before you’re fully upright so I can use your momentum to push myself up.”

  He smiles, liking my plan. “Okay. Push off real hard and tuck in your body. Extend out right before you hit the water so we can maybe beat them on length if the distances are close. I’m bigger than Mateo, and you’re smaller than Miranda. It’s ours to lose.”

  I nod. He gives me a high-five at the end, holding onto my hand so he can pull me in for a good luck kiss.

  “We got this,” he says.

  “Yeah.” We got this.

  “Alright,” Ayanna yells. “Mateo and Miranda won the coin toss, so they go first. When I blow the whistle, you go under. Same for you, Jackson and Birdie.”

  We all solemnly nod, like we’re in the Olympic finals or something.

  Ayanna blows her whistle, Mateo disappears under water, and he pops up two seconds later. Miranda flings herself into the air. Her foot knocks against one of the blue and white floats that are strung across the length of the rope, but she does make it over.

  “I can do better than that.”

  “I believe in you,” Jackson whispers in my ear, making my hormones fire on all cylinders.

  “Let’s do this,” I yell out at Ayanna.

  She rolls her eyes at me, but brings her whistle to her mouth. When she blows it, Jackson goes under and quickly clasps my hands in his. I anchor the balls of my feet on his shoulders just like he told me to. He pushes up, squeezing my fingers to let me know he’s about to surface. I push myself off his body with all my might, flying through the air. My crash landing into the water isn’t very graceful, and I come up a little disoriented.

  The first thing I see is Audrey’s unicorn. When I turn around, the rope is a good three feet away, and Jackson looks like he’s just won the lottery instead of a bottle of cheap wine and some cake.

  He swims over and gathers me in his arms, laughing as we celebrate our crowning achievement as Dandelion Gap Bed and Breakfast’s First Annual Rocket Launcher Champions.

  It is a privilege and an honor.

  “We won!” I say, stating the obvious.

  “Yeah we did.” Jackson

  “We’ll have to celebrate later.”

  Jackson gives me the dirtiest grin. “I’ve got some plans for you and that chocolate icing.”

  I can’t wait.

  Chapter Twenty

  The breeze has just enough of a chill in it to make a night around the B&B’s fire pit possible. It’s a new addition since Ayanna bought the place; we used to make campfires in the dirt between the cabins and the lake. The owner, Mr. Francis, used to nervously watch us from the main house, terrified that a bunch of college kids were going to burn down his business. It wasn’t long before we gained his trust, and even though those nights we spent warm by the fire are nostalgic, I definitely prefer the pit.

  Ayanna placed Adirondack chairs in a circle around it, but this evening we’re all choosing to sit in the grass. Miranda and Mateo are cuddled together under a blanket. Audrey is on one side of them sitting with her legs crisscrossed, Ayanna is on the other. I’m in my comfy Jackson chair, sitting between his thighs and resting my back against his chest. His chin is propped up on top of my head. I’m comfy and warm; there’s nowhere else I’d rather be.

  We all have a stack of graham crackers, a pile of marshmallows, and a truly obscene number of Hershey’s chocolate bars. Jackson nominated me as the official s’mores cook f
or the two of us, so I slide a marshmallow onto my skewer as Jackson brushes his stubble across the shell of my ear and says, “Burn it real good.”

  I pull a face. He’s always liked his marshmallows to resemble pieces of coal, which pains me to my very soul.

  “I’m the cook, I decide when it’s done.”

  He hums as he rubs my arm. “The customer is always right.”

  Ugh.

  “Using the term customer implies that you’ll be paying for this,” I tease.

  “Oh,” he breathes against my ear. “You will receive payment in full later tonight.”

  The rumble of his laugh lets me know he felt my whole body shiver at the thought. Jerk.

  I remove the marshmallow when it’s reasonably toasty, but Jackson directs it back over the flames. I let out a grumpy noise.

  Once it catches on fire and burns to the point of no return, he pulls it away and smears it onto the waiting s’more. He takes a bite and moans.

  If that nasty thing makes him sound like that, I guess it can’t be all bad.

  “Perfect.”

  “It’s gross is what it is,” I say, not really meaning it.

  Jackson kisses me, as if to prove his point. His lips are sweet, his mouth warm and wonderful.

  “You taste good, though,” I admit.

  “So does this s’more.” He gives me a pointed look, like he thinks he’s won.

  When I turn back to the fire after putting another marshmallow on my skewer, our friends are smiling at us.

  “It’s really good seeing you two back together and happy,” Miranda says.

  Jackson rests his hand on my hip and gives it a squeeze as the rest of our group nods along in agreement.

  Not wanting to get into whether our reunion is temporary or permanent—since I don’t know the answer to that myself—I quickly deflect. “I’m glad we had a reason to get together. Thanks to Mateo for popping the question, and to Miranda for saying yes,” I say as our friends laugh. “And congrats to Ayanna for offering up the B&B. You’ve made this wonderful place so gorgeous.”

  She smiles before taking a long drink from her mug of hot chocolate. She’s been quiet all evening, I can tell something’s bothering her. It feels like she’s deciding whether or not she wants to come clean about it now.

  “I hope it’s gorgeous enough to keep people coming back.” She puts her mug down and leans back against the chair behind her. “I have so much riding on this business. It has to be a success.”

  Miranda reaches out and pats her knee. “It will be if we have anything to say about it.”

  Everyone murmurs their agreement as Ayanna gives Miranda a tight, forced smile. “You guys don’t understand,” she says as she twists her fingers in her lap, looking like she’s embarrassed about something. “I haven’t told anyone this…the life insurance money I got when my dad died? I put it all into this property. I took a huge loan out on top of that. If this fails I’ll have wasted all of Dad’s money, and I’ll probably have to declare bankruptcy and say goodbye to any financial security I had, which was exactly the opposite of what he wanted when he left it to me.” She looks down at her cup. The corner of her mouth tilts up in a sad half-smile. “Does anyone have any liquor I could spike this with? I think I need it.”

  “You’re not wasting money if you’re spending it on a dream,” Mateo says, trying to be helpful. Ayanna immediately reads it as bullshit, especially coming from the MBA in our group. He’s always so pragmatic; the last thing he would ever tell someone to do is follow their dreams.

  Ayanna looks like she’s going to roll her eyes. “Love’s made you soft,” she teases.

  “It’s true,” I reply, figuring I have the most authority on the subject out of anyone in our group. “I didn’t know your dad very well, but every time I saw him, he was always bragging on you. He always encouraged you to follow your heart. Whatever happens with the B&B, whether it’s successful or not—and I believe it’s going to be incredibly successful—this is absolutely what he would’ve wanted you to spend that money on.”

  “She’s right, Ayanna,” Jackson says.

  She shoots a weak smile in our direction. “I hope so.”

  Audrey reaches over and takes her hand. “Your dad knew how much you loved this place. If he could see it now, he’d be so proud of you.”

  “I wish there was something more that we could do to get the word out about it,” Jackson says.

  “Just tell all your friends,” Ayanna replies. “And basically anyone you see on the street. Post flyers. At this point I’m not picky.”

  We laugh.

  “If we’re confessing our deep, dark secrets,” Audrey says as she looks down at her lap with a frown. “I’ll have to go the stranger on the street route. You guys are pretty much my only real friends.”

  We all look at her. It’s hard to tell if she’s being serious or not, but the way she’s ducking her head—like she’s embarrassed—definitely indicates serious. Audrey’s so outgoing and fun, it’s hard to believe she doesn’t have a ton of friends back in DC.

  “What do you mean?” Miranda asks disbelievingly. “There’s no way you—of all people—don’t have more friends.”

  Audrey shrugs. “I’ve been trying to put myself out there more, but so far everything is so superficial. I’ll meet someone for happy hour, or we’ll go to an exhibit or something and then we lose touch for months until we can’t avoid each other anymore. I had a whole group of people I loved hanging out with but…Tom got them all in the breakup.”

  There’s a collective groan. We’re not fans of Tom.

  “Some friends,” Ayanna mutters.

  “Right? He cheated on me. You’d think that’d be enough to get some people on my side, but apparently not. Trash friends for a trash person,” Audrey says bitterly before she swallows down the dregs of her hot chocolate.

  We glance at each other, completely shocked. Audrey never talks about Tom or what caused their breakup, despite encouragement from Ayanna, Miranda and myself on multiple occasions. I’m glad she’s finally letting it out, but my heart breaks that she’s kept this inside for so long.

  He was always an asshole, but Audrey was so in love with him that pointing it out didn’t do anything other than make her defend him harder.

  “You guys were right about him, he sucked. I had no idea how much he was going to wind up sucking, but you tried to tell me. I should’ve listened, but it slapped me in the face soon enough. And to make things worse, he tried to blame it on me!”

  “Excuse me?” I say, the bitter taste of bile rising in my throat. I. Am. Livid. “He did what now?” Jackson gently squeezes my waist, like he’s holding me back.

  Audrey picks at the grass. “One of the things he told me before he left is that he didn’t think I was grown up enough, that I was stuck living like I’m still in college and good luck finding anyone worthwhile who wants to deal with that.”

  Miranda reaches out to comfort her, and I start to get up, but she waves us both off. “Please don’t,” she says, swiping at her cheeks. “He’s right, you know. Sometimes I feel like I was an idiot to think I could be a professional artist. What an ego, huh? To think that I have something to offer that’s so special people will pay for it. And guess what? They don’t! So I’m stuck living with two roommates so I can afford my rent.” She snuffles and blows her hair out of her face. “I should’ve gotten into restoration or something where I could make at least a little bit of money. Instead I’m waiting tables and painting on the side hoping for something more. Like an idiot. I’m having a midlife crisis and I’m not even thirty yet. The one thing I have going for me is that I don’t have any student loans to pay off. My parents were nice enough to finance my pipe dreams, and I definitely appreciate that. So…” She takes a long breath and exhales slowly. “I’m glad I got that off my chest and I would very much like to pretend I hadn’t said it now.”

  We all sit, stunned, as we digest everything she just unloaded.

&nb
sp; That’s when Mateo chimes in. “I owe for college and business school. I thought it would help me get ahead, get a leg up on my competition. Instead I’m busting my ass in a job where I was promised a promotion, and it ended up going to somebody else.” Miranda rubs his back as he leans forward, resting his elbows on his knees. “Miranda’s the one good thing I have in my life. We’re getting married, and I couldn’t be happier, but the only reason we can have this engagement party and a nice wedding is because her parents are paying for it. I’m terrified they’re going to start getting suspicious when we don’t buy a house or do any of the things they expect us to do in the timeframe they expect us to do it in. I’m missing half my life and losing out on so much of my time with her for something that might never come to pass. I’ve been looking for another job, but I can’t find one. I’ve gone on countless interviews, but no one’s hiring me. All I can think is…what is the point?”

  I chew on my lip, not really sure what to say. We all seem to be surprising the hell out of each other tonight. It’s oddly refreshing, and it’s definitely been a long time coming.

  “At least you finished college,” Jackson says.

  His thumb brushes the skin on my stomach just beneath my sweatshirt. I place my hand on top of his, giving him whatever reassurance I can, because I know what he’s going to admit to won’t come easy.

  “I was completely hopeless after the accident, and once I’d finally dragged myself back into the land of the living, I didn’t want to go back to school. I thought being back on campus would be like looking at a ghost…of something I had, but lost. I wanted to throw myself into anything that wouldn’t remind me of what I’d missed out on, what I was still missing.” He shakes his head. “Now…I don’t know. I feel stuck.”

  A few beats of silence pass by, and I figure what the hell.

  “Speaking of stuck,” I say, patting his thigh. “Before I came down here, I hadn’t written anything in months. I’m scared of people’s expectations, worried that I won’t measure up to them on my second go-round. I’m terrified that my next book will be panned and I’ll be remembered as that awful writer who got lucky once.” I push my hair out of my face and take a deep breath. This confession to my nearest and dearest friends feels right. “It’s easier to hide instead of taking a chance and proving myself right.”