A Pony Called Secret

by Olivia Tuffin

  “Hey, Alice.” Devon let herself into the stable, giving Secret a friendly stroke as she did so. Crouching down next to Alice, she patted her arm. “Are you OK?”

  Alice pushed her hair back from her face and nodded. “Yes,” she mumbled. “Sorry I didn’t finish the lesson.”

  “It’s fine,” Devon said. “Miguel is a good friend of mine, but not everyone suits every instructor.” She paused. “I feel like you’ve got lots on your mind,” she said gently. “Are you worried about Saturday?”

  Alice sighed. “Only that I won’t make the team,” she said. “It’s all I want.”

  Devon looked thoughtful. “It’s a big deal, isn’t it?” she said. “You know, I was here a few years ago. It was a similar thing, and it was not long after I lost Tally.” She faltered as she said her old pony’s name. “I’d worked so, so hard and I had this amazing pony I’d bought cheap at an auction; everyone said he was a write-off, but I knew he had potential. I wanted to prove so badly how good I could be after Tally. I was obsessed really.” She shook her head. “It wasn’t healthy.”

  Alice thought about Cora, about how she had thought the same thing about her new friend.

  “Anyway,” Devon continued, “the day before the trials, he went lame. Just playing in the field. I was devastated, I thought my showjumping life was over. It was awful.”

  “What happened?” Alice asked.

  “I got called up again a few months later,” Devon explained. “With the same pony. And this time I didn’t put myself under any pressure and got my place. In hindsight it was probably the best thing that could have happened, for both me and my pony.” She smiled. “It’s something I always remember if I’m getting caught up in it all.”

  Alice shook her head. “But what if I outgrow Secret?” she said. “What if this is my last chance?”

  “And if it is, is it really the end of the world?” Devon said. “Think about what you’ve achieved so far, the things you’ve won already.”

  Alice knew Devon was right. Secret was her best friend, regardless of what he did or didn’t win. But Saturday had become an obsession. If she could just secure her place, she vowed never to put pressure on herself like this again. But as much as she tried to listen to Devon, and herself, she still wanted to return home with her team spot. After that, nothing else mattered.

  *

  Alice woke the next morning feeling calmer. She and Cora hadn’t really caught up after the lesson, but Alice could tell Cora had been on a real high afterwards. Once Devon had left her in the stables, Alice had watched from a distance through Secret’s back window. Cora and Bluebell had done brilliantly; there was no denying it. But it was clear she was pushing herself and her pony. Even Miguel had stopped her in the end, telling her she’d done enough. As she led Bluebell back into her stable, Cora’s eyes blazed with a fire Alice had never seen before.

  Lying still for a minute, Alice guessed Cora was probably listening to her mindset tapes or drinking her green juice. She wondered how Cora normally spent the day before a major competition. Probably not hacking on the beach! But Devon had insisted that Cora gave Bluebell the day off and had been firm about it. Alice knew Secret would be so pleased to leave the yard, and she couldn’t wait either.

  Sighing, she rolled over and looked at her phone. It was barely five thirty, still dark outside, but Alice couldn’t sleep. She’d tried to ring home twice last night but no one had picked up. She’d left a message in the end, wishing her dad a happy birthday, hoping the party had gone well. She’d paused before recounting her lesson with Miguel, before simply saying it had been fine. She’d tried to keep her tone light, but she wondered if her mum had picked up her upset.

  Her mum had texted while she was asleep, and it was a comfort to Alice to open the message.

  We had a lovely time. Missed you. See you tonight xx

  No one else had messaged. For a minute Alice turned the phone over and over in her hands, wondering yet again if she should contact Finn. It would be breakfast time in Spain, and they often spoke if Alice woke early. But something was stopping her. She didn’t want to admit that her decision to miss the party had been the wrong one. Alice couldn’t deal with that conversation right now.

  Chapter 9

  Secret turned towards the big outdoor school as Alice swung herself up into the saddle a little later. It was a perfect early autumn day, with the leaves in the trees bordering Devon’s driveway a vibrant mix of golden and red, with a chill in the air. Alice zipped up her jacket, and gave Secret a pat.

  “No training today,” she smiled. “We’ll save the jumping for the trial tomorrow.”

  Secret had a spring in his step as Devon joined them on Danny, her beautiful big grey. Then Cora and Bluebell appeared. Cora looked tense and clearly wasn’t happy.

  “Steady, steady,” Cora huffed as the ponies jogged down the lane towards the cliff. “You said we’d just walk!”

  “We’re not going to go crazy!” Devon said with a smile. “Don’t you ever hack at home, Cora?”

  “A bit,” Cora muttered. “But tomorrow is such an important day.”

  “Then even more reason for the ponies to have a break,” Devon said firmly. “There has to be some balance, some downtime.”

  The trio had reached the path to the beach now. It was a beautiful ride, the wide chalky trail leading gently downwards. As if enjoying the view, Secret gazed around him. He was alert and bright, but relaxed. Alice hoped Cora would relax too. She was longing to have a canter along the beach.

  As soon as Secret’s hooves touched the sand on the strip of coastline below the hills, it was as if he grew a few extra hands. The sea was calm, small gentle waves rolling and breaking on the shoreline, but it was enough to thoroughly overexcite Secret who snorted and danced every time the water swooshed over his feet. It didn’t worry Alice in the slightest; she enjoyed Secret when he was in this mood. He was on his toes but under control and obviously enjoying himself.

  Glancing at Cora, Alice frowned. She looked as though she was hating every minute.

  As they walked down the beach, it was obvious both Danny and Secret wanted to canter. Danny was being polite about it, unlike Secret who was starting to get wound up.

  “What do you think, guys?” Devon turned to Cora and Alice. “Shall we try a trot or canter? I promise you it’s super safe. We come here all the time.”

  Alice longed to let Secret go, just as she did up on the downs with Finn and Mia riding alongside. But Cora shook her head.

  “Absolutely not,” she said firmly. “I’m not risking anything.”

  Alice privately thought Bluebell looked as though she would have loved a blast along the sands, but it wasn’t fair to make Cora go any faster than she wanted. She knew the rules; if you hacked as a group, you had to go at the slowest rider’s pace. It was frustrating, though. Secret was dancing sideways and snatching at the bit, as if pleading with Alice to let him run. It was only as they turned away from the beach and back up another path that he started to settle down. He was clearly annoyed at not being allowed to go faster than a walk. Alice was annoyed too. She saw no reason why Cora hadn’t wanted to trot or at least canter. Then a horrible thought struck her. She’d told Cora earlier in the week how Secret needed to hack to stay sane in the ring. Cora wouldn’t have been trying to wind Secret up on purpose, would she?

  *

  When Alice’s mum’s car pulled up later, Alice felt an odd mixture of relief and defiance. She felt as though she needed her mum, but she was aware she had upset her by missing the party. Even though Alice regretted that decision, she still felt defensive. She had made the choice because she wanted to do well, though it hadn’t worked out as she’d hoped.

  Josephine got out of the car, stretching her arms after the long journey. Before Alice could go forward to hug her, her mum opened the boot and to Alice’s surprise carefully helped Poppy climb out. At the sight of her family dog, who gave a few joyful barks at seeing Alice, her whole body see
ming to wag, Alice wanted to cry.

  “Hello, sweetheart,” Alice’s mum said, straightening up and hugging her. “Your dad’s doing a long day today and I didn’t want to leave Poppy for the afternoon in the house, and you know she can’t hear Fergus very well in the yard. And –” she looked thoughtfully at her daughter, and Alice couldn’t quite read her expression – “I thought you might be missing her.”

  Crouching down, Alice placed her arms round Poppy, hugging her tightly, burying her face into her soft, familiar fur. Her mum was right. She had missed her. She’d missed the yard, and her mum and dad, and all the other ponies, and Mia. She just hadn’t realised quite how much until now.

  “Thanks, Mum,” she mumbled.

  As her mum looked at her, Alice could tell there were things she wanted to say, perhaps about missing the party or ignoring Mia’s messages, but Alice knew her mum well enough to know she wouldn’t want to distract her from the trials.

  She decided she would talk to her mum properly after the event, when she’d hopefully have her team place. On the way home, in the lorry, she’d talk about how she had been feeling this week, about her fears of her career with Secret coming to an end. About why it meant so much to her to get this team place, perhaps the pressure she had been putting on herself in trying to keep up with Cora.

  “I’ll come and see Secret, then head off to my B&B,” Alice’s mum said. “I’ll get Poppy settled there.”

  “OK,” Alice smiled. “He’ll be so pleased to see you both.”

  As if reading her mind, a whicker broke through her thoughts and her heart melted at the sight of Secret practically climbing out of his stable to say hello to her mum and Poppy. The little red gelding reached down to the elderly dog, gently nuzzling her greying fur as Poppy wagged her tail in delight at seeing her friend.

  “Oh, Secret,” Alice said. “You’ve missed her.”

  “He’s looking great, Al.” Her mum patted Secret’s strong neck. “We’ve all missed him. It’s been so quiet without him whinnying and banging on his door!”

  Alice smiled. “I can’t wait to get home.”

  Looking thoughtful, Alice’s mum patted her arm. “Soon. Let’s get tomorrow out of the way first.”

  They both looked up as the door next to them opened and Cora emerged from Bluebell’s stable. Alice hadn’t realised she was there. Cora’s cheeks were flushed, and her eyes were red, like she had been crying, but she kept her head down so Alice couldn’t really tell. She was clutching her phone to her chest as she rushed away before Alice could introduce her to her mum.

  “Was that Cora?” her mum asked, and Alice nodded.

  “Yep,” she replied. “I hope she’s OK.”

  “I expect it’s nerves,” her mum said reasonably. “It’s a big day for both of you.”

  Alice nodded. “Probably,” she said, although Cora hadn’t shown a single nerve during the whole week. She was focused, dedicated and solely devoted to the upcoming trials. Was the pressure getting too much for her?

  *

  That evening, Alice and her mum headed into the nearby seaside town for an early dinner, taking Poppy with them. Sitting on a bench, watching the waves crash on to the pebble beach, a slice of pizza in her hand, Alice took a deep breath. By tomorrow it would all be over. She wondered what Cora was doing. Alice had asked her to join them, but Cora had said no. She had seemed even more hyper than usual, pacing the yard in her running kit, earphones in, eyes closed. Devon and Nina were out at a showjumpers’ awards evening, but would be back later. Devon was going to take both Alice and Cora over to the showjumping trials the next day in her big smart lorry, so she could help the girls with their warm-up.

  Alice’s mum kissed her goodbye as she dropped her back at Skyview, before heading off to the local B&B where she and Poppy were staying. “I’ll see you in the morning. Sleep well. Love you.”

  “Love you too, Mum.”

  Yawning, Alice headed up to the flat. She was going to lay all her clothes out for the morning, check she had her lucky socks ready, the ones she had worn at Olympia and Hickstead, then she would go and see Secret and spend some time with him, like she always did the night before a major competition. It was a good way to connect with him. When she sat quietly in his stable, Alice felt as though he could hear her thoughts.

  There was no sign of Cora, but her door was shut, and her room was in darkness. It wasn’t even nine, Alice realised, checking her watch, but she knew Cora would have been in bed for a while. Alice smoothed out her show jacket, the gorgeous cobalt-blue one she had received on the photo shoot during the summer holidays. Alice’s boots were polished and lined up by the back door, and her shirt was ironed and hanging up. Finally, Alice unboxed her lucky silver tiepin, slipping it into the jacket pocket so that she wouldn’t forget it. The evening before a big show always felt like the calm before the storm. Wrapping an old hoody of Finn’s round her, she padded back downstairs and out into the deserted yard. With Devon and Nina out it felt isolated, even though Alice knew Hayden was in his flat on the other side of the yard and Jane was just down the drive. The moon was bright, illuminating the stables.

  “Hello, sweetheart,” Alice said quietly, letting herself into Secret’s stable. The little red gelding was lying down and didn’t get up, just gave her a soft whicker of recognition. He blinked a few times as she put the light on, before she crouched down next to him and placed her arms round him. Alice sat very still for a few minutes, listening to Secret breathe in and out as he snuffled around her. She was beyond tired. As well as the physical side of the week, she was mentally exhausted too. The constant pressure she had put on herself and the build-up to the trials had worn her out. Alice felt as though she wanted to sleep for a week!

  Secret had closed his eyes now, his breathing steady and even. Then Alice felt her own eyelids grow heavy and her head drop forward. Startled, her reflexes woke her up, before she dropped forward again, giving in to her exhaustion. This time she fell fast asleep, curled up against the warm wool of Secret’s rug, his silken mane tangling with her own pale hair. Just Alice and her beloved pony, free from pressure, free from worry, sleeping side by side.

  Chapter 10

  Alice awoke with a start, her heart crashing against her chest. Her head felt fuzzy, her eyes took a little while to focus, and her neck was stiff from her awkward position. Secret shifted next to her, before moving both front legs forward and clambering up, shaking the shavings off and arching his neck as he stretched luxuriously. Climbing to her feet, Alice also brushed the shavings off, before she realised a car was coming up the drive. Checking her watch, Alice guessed it must be Devon and Nina, since it was just before midnight. In a split second, before the car rounded the corner, Alice switched the stable light off. She didn’t want Devon to come and investigate. All Alice had done was fall asleep, but it didn’t look good the night before a major show to still be awake and out in the yard when she should be in bed! Holding her breath, she sank back down into the shavings, hearing the car pull up and the tap-tap of heels on the drive, and a quiet chuckle from Nina.

  To her horror, Alice realised that Devon and Nina were heading towards the barn rather than to their house. Crouching as low as possible into the shavings bed, Alice held her breath, praying they wouldn’t peek into Secret’s stable. Secret’s back window was open and by the sounds of it, Devon and Nina were only metres away.

  “Night-night, Danny Boy,” Alice heard Devon say in an affectionate voice, and she realised that they were just a couple of stables down. Their voices carried easily on the still, chilly night, and Alice could hear every word that was being said.

  “Hopefully the girls are getting a good night’s sleep,” said Nina.

  Alice held her breath.

  “Hmmm,” Devon answered. “My mum texted me, actually. She said Cora barely spoke to her when she took her dinner up.” There was a pause. “Mum was worried Cora had been crying, but she wouldn’t tell her what was wrong. And by the time I saw my
phone, the awards had already begun.”

  “She must be feeling the pressure, after her sister’s accident,” Nina said. “She was in this position too a few years ago. Wasn’t she up for the same trials?”

  “Yes. But I think it’s more than that,” Devon said in a worried tone. “I spoke to Adam yesterday and he mentioned how difficult stuff was at home. I’m worried Cora might be pushing herself over the limit.”

  “We need to keep an eye on her tomorrow,” Nina said gently. “Perhaps this week was too soon for her.”

  “I know. She insisted she was fine to come.”

  Alice heard Devon give a deep sigh. “Do you think…” Nina paused. “Do you think she might do something silly if she doesn’t get a place?”

  There was silence.

  “I honestly don’t know,” Devon said finally. “After what happened with Lauren … it’s so hard to tell.”

  *

  Alice let out a breath, listening to the sounds of heels fading away, the front door of Devon’s house opening and the muffled bark of her terriers, before the door shut and the yard was in silence again. Devon and Nina had sounded so worried, she thought, giving Secret a pat. She only knew a little about Lauren, Cora’s sister. She wondered if Lauren’s accident had happened at the trials. That would explain why Cora was so determined to perfect her jumping. It must be horrible knowing what could go wrong. No wonder Cora was so focused, so cautious.

  Giving Secret a final hug, and after double-checking that she really was alone, Alice crept across the courtyard and slunk up the stairs to the flat, her head swimming. Opening the door carefully so it didn’t squeak, she jumped as she walked in to see Cora sitting on the sofa, transfixed by the television. Her laptop was perched next to her, a lead connected to the TV.

  Cora didn’t seem to notice Alice, so she cleared her throat and, with a start, Cora hurriedly reached for the remote to pause the video she was watching, pressing the button several times as though she was trying to erase the image. But Alice saw what was on the screen. She recognised the beautiful black pony soaring over the jump, her rider folding perfectly over her chunky neck, her glossy dark ponytail matching the mare’s streaming out behind her. So like Cora, but not quite. Lauren. Riding Bluebell.