Avow

by Chelsea Fine

  But Gabriel visited her every other day and almost always commented on how odd it was for a woman to convert her home’s hallway into an archery range. It was dreadfully annoying.

  But it was also the only thing Scarlet looked forward to each week.

  She didn’t want him in her life, yet she felt empty when he was not there. Something about his patience and crooked smile made Scarlet feel loved and undamaged. And dammit if those weren’t two things she wanted more than anything.

  Not that she’d ever let Gabriel know that. This life—her life—was for her alone. No broken hearts. No maddening curses. No gray love. She just wanted…simple. And so she had built herself a simple little life and pretended to be annoyed with Gabriel’s incessant drop-ins.

  “Don’t you have better things to do than loiter in my home?” Scarlet asked.

  He smiled. “Would you like me to leave?”

  No!

  Scarlet hurried to shut off her ridiculously needy heart.

  Numb. I want to be numb.

  “You may stay if you wish, but do not expect me to entertain you.”

  “Too late.” His smile grew. “I miss you, Scarlet.”

  She wished he would not say such things to her when she was trying to be numb. Words had a way of making her heart stir and Scarlet didn’t want to feel her heart. Not now. Not ever again.

  She said nothing, mostly because she could not trust her traitorous heart to speak coldly to the loving man who so wished to make her life beautiful and was so desperate for love himself.

  “So,” he continued, unfazed by her lack of response. “I was thinking we could travel somewhere. Would you like to see Paris?”

  “No.”

  “Would you like to go to a play with me?”

  “No.”

  “Would you like to shut yourself up in your house and pretend as though you are someone else? Or at least no longer you?” He smiled.

  Yes. Exactly.

  How did he know that?

  “Scarlet.” He walked up to her. “You can shut me out forever. That’s fine. But I will always be here. Not because I think you need me, but because I love you.” He leaned in and kissed her cheek, and Scarlet’s eyes fell shut at the contact.

  She missed him. She loved him.

  But she wasn’t ready to feel again.

  Was she?

  She opened her eyes but Gabriel was already gone.

  CHAPTER 26

  Boston 1896

  Scarlet stood on Gabriel’s doorstep. She didn’t know why she was here. She knew why she wasn’t at home, but she still wasn’t sure why her feet had brought her to Gabriel’s.

  She had not seen or heard from Tristan since the night of his fight and had not shed a tear since the same night. Her numb heart kept away the pain, setting her free of love.

  But freedom felt a lot like death.

  Empty. Numb.

  Scarlet bit her lip as she looked at Gabriel’s door. She should knock. She should go back home.

  He wanted to care for her. Heal her. Love her.

  Even when Scarlet would push away his patient heart, his patient heart would come right back. The nothingness she felt was safe, but it was also empty. She was empty. Just like Gabriel.

  She knocked on the door.

  He answered and a pleasant smile spread across his face as he ushered her inside and closed the door. “Hey.”

  “Hey.” She fidgeted for a moment, shifting her weight from side to side as they stood in silence.

  Gabriel waited patiently, smile still in place.

  “I don’t need anyone,” she blurted.

  “I know.”

  “But I miss you.”

  “I miss you too.” He looked at her with his loving brown eyes.

  He wanted love and she no longer wanted to be numb.

  It was gray. It was completely gray.

  But gray was better than empty.

  So she kissed him.

  Because this was not a time for safety or confusion. This was a time for healing. And they were both so broken.

  He hesitated for a moment, then kissed her back. Fully, completely, honestly. Wrapping his arms around her, he pulled her up against him and Scarlet no longer felt numb.

  CHAPTER 27

  Boston 1897

  Tristan was back to shooting arrows at trees to ease his restless heart. The night after his kiss with Alex, he’d lost his first fight in decades.

  He didn’t want to fight back. He didn’t want to fight at all.

  So he went blind in agony, felt muscles burn, heard bones break.

  And then he healed.

  Because his immortal flesh never failed to come away from a beating unscathed. His heart, however, had no such luck.

  Fighting had fed the darkness inside him for a long time, but after crushing Scarlet, fighting no longer helped him escape the pain that haunted him. He retired the sport and moved outside of town, where his limbs ached with Scarlet’s distance but his mind had room to breathe.

  He never saw Scarlet, but Nate—who visited frequently, though Tristan insisted he did not need company—had kept him informed of Gabriel and Scarlet’s relationship.

  It seemed they were growing closer. A fact that almost made Tristan want to go back to fighting. But isn’t this what he had wanted all along? Scarlet safe. Scarlet happy. Scarlet loved.

  Yes. This was what he wanted.

  A crunch of dead leaves alerted Tristan to someone nearing him in the trees. He turned to see Gabriel approach from the side and then went back to shooting without a word.

  Gabriel pursed his lips. “We need to talk about Scarlet.”

  Tristan lowered the bow as a ripple of tension rolled through his body.

  “I love her,” Gabriel said.

  Something twisted in Tristan’s chest. “Good.”

  Gabriel paused. “If you want her, you need to come home and make things right with her. Now.”

  Tristan stared at him. Was this a threat? Or an opportunity?

  Did it matter?

  When Tristan didn’t speak, Gabriel scratched his chin. “I’ve watched her heart break over you too many times. I won’t let it happen again. If you don’t fix things with her now, I won’t give her back.”

  Tristan rubbed the back of his neck, hating his life. But what could he do? What could he possibly do?

  Not a damn thing.

  He shook his head. “There’s nothing to fix.”

  Gabriel looked sad—the bastard actually looked sad. As if Tristan’s surrender of Scarlet had somehow wounded him.

  With his eyes on the ground, Gabriel nodded. “I’ll make sure she’s happy.”

  And then Gabriel, who had somehow become the better man between them, turned and walked away.

  CHAPTER 28

  New York 1983

  From the moment Scarlet awoke in a park, staring across blades of grass at Tristan’s green eyes telling her she was safe, she knew something was wrong.

  But it wasn’t until an hour later, when everyone gathered in Nate’s house for a Welcome Back To Life meeting, that Scarlet realized what it was.

  “I’m making progress on a vaccine, but I’d like to do some more experiments with your blood.”

  Scarlet said, “Of course.”

  Nate nodded. “I will begin performing a sequence of tests in an effort to…”

  Her thoughts drifted away from Nate as she thought about being cured. A cure would mean no more dying. It would mean Gabriel could love whomever he wanted. It would mean she and Tristan could—

  Tristan shifted uncomfortably in his seat across from her.

  Scarlet wrinkled her nose. She’d only been alive for an hour and already she was annoyed with their connection. With Tristan.

  He’d looked at her. He’d felt her. But he hadn’t spoken a word to her since they’d left the park. If he was going to continue reading her emotions like an open book, the least he could do was exchange a word or two with her in return. But wha
t had she expected? A plea for forgiveness? A confession of true love?

  An image of him kissing the sexy redhead snaked into her head and unsolicited jealousy stirred low in her belly. She clamped down on that emotion for fear of Tristan reading her again and getting the wrong idea.

  She no longer had any interest in the green-eyed Archer. Shaking him out of her head, Scarlet looked around Nate’s large living room, taking in the tall windows, giant rugs, and leather furniture. Huh. Nate never used to be so…coordinated. She ran her hand along the soft, leather armrest of the couch she sat on and, once again, felt like something was wrong.

  There was a different vibe in the air, a tension of sorts, that hadn’t existed in her prior lives. What was it?

  She looked at Gabriel, who gave her an easy smile. She smiled back. She had tried—truly tried—to give her heart to him completely in her last life, but thoughts of Tristan snuck into her soul as she was dying, leaving no doubt that her heart had never been, and never would be, completely Gabriel’s. So she and Gabriel had some issues to work out.

  But that was not what felt wrong.

  Tristan slanted his green eyes to her.

  Why was he even here? Wasn’t he supposed to flee from her presence the moment she came back to life?

  “…so we’ll start next week,” Nate’s emotionless voice said. “One of the tests will require both of you to come in at the same time, but it should only be for a day. Maybe then we’ll be on our way to a possible cure.”

  Scarlet blinked her attention back to Nate. “Wait—what?”

  Nate looked like he hadn’t slept in weeks. “I need both you and Tristan to spend a day in my lab.”

  “Together?” she squawked. She actually squawked. Very embarrassing.

  Nate nodded.

  Scarlet opened her mouth to explain rationally and maturely—without squawking—how she didn’t feel like hanging out with Tristan for an hour, let alone a whole day. But Tristan cut her off.

  “Yeah. That’s not happening.”

  She blinked. It was one thing for Scarlet to reject Tristan’s company. It was another thing entirely for Tristan to reject hers.

  “Why is he still here?” she asked, pointing to Tristan.

  A muscle flexed in his scruffy jaw. Why did he always have sexy scruff? Did the man not own a razor?

  His hard eyes shifted and a look of, well…Scarlet wasn’t sure. Contempt, maybe? Hot lust? A look of something passed between them, making Scarlet’s throat go dry.

  “Tristan is here,” Nate crossed his arms, “to help with my experiments to find you a cure. I’ve insisted that Tristan live relatively close to you this time, both for his sake and yours. I need Tristan’s blood to be strong while I’m running these tests and distance from you weakens him. And I’ll need your blood to be somewhat weak so I can create a vaccine based on your most vulnerable state. Limited interaction between the two of you will be safe as long as you don’t touch one another, and it will only be for a few weeks.”

  Scarlet swallowed, trying to get the dryness out of her mouth.

  Nate continued. “I’ll be monitoring you very carefully and, if your eyes begin to glow, we’ll make a new plan. In the meantime, I need to take daily blood samples. Where will you be living? With Gabriel?”

  Scarlet felt trapped.

  If she moved in with Gabriel, he would expect their relationship to pick back up, and Scarlet couldn’t do that. She couldn’t give him an incomplete heart. She needed to end things with him and living with him would certainly make that difficult, if not impossible.

  Tristan was eyeing her sharply and suddenly Scarlet’s palms were sweaty and her heart was racing and all she wanted to do was leave the room.

  Gabriel looked at her with his kind eyes and calm presence. Why did he always have to be kind and calm? She couldn’t crush him. She didn’t want to hurt him.

  Nate furrowed his brow, waiting for her answer.

  “I don’t think Scarlet should live with Gabriel,” Tristan said easily, but his body seemed tense as he flicked his eyes back to her.

  Scarlet blinked.

  He was saving her.

  Cold, distant Tristan was coming to her rescue.

  Gabriel made a face at him. “Why are you even talking right now?”

  “It makes more sense for Scarlet to live with Nate,” he said.

  Ooh, Scarlet hadn’t thought of that.

  Gabriel said, “How does Nate make more sense?”

  He shrugged. “Nate needs to take her blood daily and do tests on her and that will all be easier if she lives with him.”

  Scarlet loved Tristan.

  She still hated him for all the hurt and pain he’d caused her, but she loved him for this.

  Nate rubbed his cheek. “Tristan has a point.”

  “I think me living with Nate is a good idea,” Scarlet said.

  Confusion crossed Gabriel’s eyes. “Are you sure?”

  Scarlet nodded and looked at Nate. “But only if you’re okay with it.”

  “Of course.” Nate ran a hand through his disheveled hair.

  It was then that Scarlet realized what was wrong.

  Nate.

  She waited until their meeting had ended and Nate and Tristan disappeared down the hall, then turned to Gabriel.

  “What’s wrong with Nate—“

  “What was all that about—“

  “You go first,” Gabriel said.

  “What’s wrong with Nate?”

  Gabriel looked at the hallway and sighed. “While you were…gone, Nate fell in love with a girl named Molly and they got married—“

  “That’s wonderful.” Scarlet smiled.

  Marriage seemed like a fairy tale to Scarlet. Like it was some great reward she would never achieve. Because what place does marriage have in a life that comes and goes?

  Gabriel cleared his throat. “But Molly wasn’t immortal, so she….”

  Scarlet covered her mouth, instant sorrow filling her chest at the realization that Molly had passed away.

  Gabriel nodded solemnly.

  “Oh, poor Nate,” Scarlet whispered, her heart heavy for his loss. “When did…how…is he…is he okay?”

  Nate had found someone worth loving only to lose her. Was there no justice in the world at all?

  Gabriel shook his head. “He hasn’t been the same since. For a week after Molly’s death, he locked himself in his lab and wouldn’t come out. When he finally emerged, he just sort of threw himself into all kinds of medical research and hasn’t quit.”

  Scarlet shook her head, unable to speak.

  “He’s been a bit of a mess, but Tristan and I don’t know what to do. It’s like he’s…gone. You know?”

  “Do you think me living with him is too much? Should I let him be alone?”

  “No. I’m sure company will be good for him.” Gabriel scratched his chin. “What was all that about anyway? Why don’t you want to live with me?”

  Her shoulders sank. She didn’t want to discuss this now. She didn’t want to discuss this ever. But she also didn’t want feel guilty anymore. Guilty for falling short of what Gabriel needed. Guilty for loving him, but not enough to take away his emptiness.

  Scarlet took a deep breath. “We need to talk.”

  **************

  Later that night, Tristan stood in the doorway of Nate’s home laboratory and hung his head to the side. “Dude. What are you doing to me?”

  Nate was typing like mad on the giant computer he’d been talking nonstop about since he’d bought it a month ago. Computers were bulky and loud and Tristan had no idea what Nate hoped to achieved by using one. “I’m not doing anything to you.”

  “I agreed to stick around and attend your little team meetings, but that was all. You can’t lock Scarlet in a room with me all day.”

  “I can and I will. Stop being a baby.” Nate left the computer and slid a Petri dish under one of his microscopes.

  He never stopped working. He never too
k breaks, never ate, never slept.

  Tristan watched him bustle about for a few minutes. “Nate.”

  “What?” he sounded annoyed as he pressed his eye to a second microscope.

  “You have to stop killing yourself in pursuit of this cure. I know Scarlet’s alive again and that puts a clock on the whole thing, but this,” Tristan gestured at Nate’s haggard appearance, “is not healthy.”

  Nate lifted his head. “When Molly was dying; when she was fading away and I was a useless, empty soul jealous of her mortality, do you know what she said to me?”

  Tristan had never seen such a hopeless expression on Nate’s face before.

  “She said, ‘Nate, you have no way to die, so you need to find a reason to live.’”

  Tristan pressed a fist to his mouth, not sure what to say to that.

  “So that’s what I did. I found a reason to live.” Nate swallowed and went back to his microscope. “My reason used to be Molly. Now, it’s this cure.”

  Tristan watched Nate work for a moment.

  “It’s more like a curse sometimes, isn’t it? Our immortality?” Tristan said.

  Nate didn’t look up.

  “It’s hard to live without Molly,” Tristan continued. “It’s hard to imagine living not just one lifetime, but an eternity of lifetimes, without her.” His chest began to ache with his own memories.

  Nate paused. “Part of me wants to die every day.”

  Tristan nodded. He understood that all too well.

  Knowing Nate would continue working through the night, Tristan turned to let himself out of the house, but changed his mind and headed up the stairs to Scarlet’s new room.

  Her door was open and, for a moment, he stood in the dark hallway and watched her run her hands down a large wardrobe against the back wall.

  Stepping forward, he cleared his throat. “Hey.”

  She blinked at him, a hand still running down the grand piece of furniture in reverence. “Hey.”

  “It’s a nice wardrobe.” He nodded at the cabinet. Why was he making small talk?

  She looked back at the wardrobe with softness in her eyes. “My father used to have one just like this when I was a little girl. His wasn’t as crafted or smooth, but it looked similar. I used to make beds for my dolls in the drawers.” She touched a finger to a drawer handle then cleared her throat and looked back at Tristan.