The House Swap: An absolutely hilarious feel-good romance

by Jo Lovett

  ‘Thank you,’ he began.

  And then there was a massive screeching of brakes behind them and Dina’s voice called out through the window of her car.

  Cassie paused for a moment and then said, ‘Thank you for coming.’

  ‘My pleasure. Great to see you.’ And what the hell was that? He’d spoken as though they were strangers instead of two people who’d created a baby together. And who loved each other.

  Watching the car drive away was pretty bloody depressing.

  This was when a good book would come into its own. James was in the dining room of his hotel, eating dinner by himself, and it would be nice to have something to do instead of just staring into space thinking about what an idiot he was. Idiot was an understatement.

  If he wasn’t going to say anything further to Cassie, he should have gone home this afternoon straight after lunch, but he’d booked the hotel for tonight and his flight for tomorrow evening, not knowing how long the scan would take.

  So. He was an idiot. He watched a waiter carrying seven plates along his arm. The waiter plate-carrying thing was always impressive, but this man was really good.

  God. He was sitting here, staring at waiters carrying plates, on his own, while the woman he loved, who was pregnant with his baby, was nearby but also very far away, on the island.

  How had this happened? He loved Cassie. She said she loved him too and she believed him. So they loved each other. She was clearly going to be a devoted mother. He was very keen to be involved in the baby’s life.

  So why wasn’t he with her right now? Why had he not found the words? Why hadn’t he just wrapped his arms round her and said he wanted to be together, forever? They could sort out the practical considerations like where they would live.

  It wasn’t that, obviously. It was all about Leonie. How he’d failed her.

  But Cassie had told him that he hadn’t let Leonie down. That was what Ella had said too. When they’d said it, both of them, it had felt like it really made sense. It still felt like it made sense, now. And when he thought about it, Cassie was right that their baby was going to be a mix of them both and she might be quite unlike either of them. So the same could apply to him. He definitely wasn’t like his father. He took a sip of water and looked at his glass. And he certainly wasn’t like his mother either. At his age, she’d always been drunk by this time of day.

  Maybe he could be a good father and a good husband. He did know one thing. He really, desperately, did want this baby. He knew another thing. He really, desperately, did love Cassie.

  Thirty-Two

  Cassie

  Cassie slapped houmous on her bread, picked it up, thought about taking a bite, decided she didn’t feel like it, put it down and pushed the plate away. She couldn’t be bothered to cook and she couldn’t be bothered anyway to have lunch at the moment. Maybe she’d have something spicy in a bit.

  Everything was so boring. She couldn’t be bothered to do anything. She had edits to do on her second London book and normally she loved this stage of writing, and would happily spend hours on end at her desk, but she just couldn’t get into it today.

  She should be really happy today. She was really happy. The baby was well. That was wonderful news. In fact, it was doing a little jig in her tummy at this moment and that was so cool. In fact, just thinking about the baby was very calming, very lovely.

  If she was honest, though, it was hard not to think about the baby’s father, and that was not calming or lovely. He was an idiot and she loved him so much but obviously, despite the fact that he’d kindly flown from London to America to attend a scan, presumably out of some misguided sense of duty, he still didn’t really want to be a father or part of a family with her and their daughter. Or he did now want to be a father but he didn’t want to be with Cassie. Both of which were great, fine, his prerogative. But also, sad for Cassie and the baby.

  Okay. Enough. She wasn’t going to cry again. She’d done enough of that last night and this morning. She couldn’t concentrate on work now. She was going to get stuck into some admin later, but first she’d do something useful that would distract her from her thoughts. She needed to get the snow and leaves and twigs out of the gutter outside the kitchen.

  It was hard to remember to take your belly into consideration when it was constantly growing. This was a lot more difficult than it had been last time she’d done it, in the autumn. All good though. She had the ladder wedged very well. She just needed to go up another step and then she’d be able to reach properly.

  ‘Cassie. For God’s sake.’

  Cassie jerked at the unexpected sound of a man’s voice and the ladder wobbled. And then she saw James running towards her and her heart jumped and she and the ladder really wobbled. Shit, she was going to fall. She was going to hurt the baby. Help, help, help. No, it was okay. She was fine. Totally fine. Her heart was going like the clappers. Thank goodness the gutter was stronger than it looked. And she was pretty sure she hadn’t dislocated her shoulder or anything, probably just a pulled muscle or something. Everything was alright.

  Except, what was James doing here?

  ‘What are you doing?’ He was at the bottom of the ladder now, looking up at her.

  ‘Clearing snow and leaves out of the gutter. What are you doing?’

  ‘Are you insane?’

  ‘No. I’m very sane. I don’t want a leak in my kitchen.’

  ‘Are you stuck? Shall I come and get you?’

  Cassie fantasised for a moment about James coming up to help her so that she wouldn’t have to haul herself out from the roof and back onto the ladder and down it, because, frankly, it felt like a huge undertaking and her shoulder hurt. Then she shook her head. ‘I’m good, thanks. Just going to finish clearing it and then I’ll be back down. If you want to talk, why don’t you wait inside? The door’s open.’ Again, what was he doing here?

  ‘Oh, yes, okay, I’ll go inside and put the kettle on and put my feet up in the kitchen and sit there wondering whether or not you’re going to break your neck or your back or just your leg. If I sit at the table, I’ll have a good view of you falling when you go past the window.’

  Cassie took a deep breath. Her shoulder was really sore now and she hadn’t even started cleaning the leaves out.

  ‘It’s lovely to see you here,’ she said. It wasn’t. He’d given her a big shock and now he was having a go at her. ‘But could you maybe move a little so that I can scoop the leaves and snow out without them landing on you?’

  ‘Nope. I’m staying here so that if you fall I can catch you.’

  Cassie took a deeper breath. She’d been right the first time she’d seen his photo: he really was an incredibly irritating man.

  ‘Fine.’ She started scooping. ‘I hope that expensive-looking jacket’s machine washable.’ Damn. It really hurt her shoulder when she leaned on it without the support of the other arm. She scooped harder, to speed things up.

  Finally done. Thank goodness. This was an awful job when you were pregnant. Now she was going to have to get properly back onto the ladder. She looked down. James, his hair and shoulders covered in gutter gunk and dirty snow, was looking up at her.

  ‘Finished?’ he asked.

  ‘Yes.’ She beamed at him. ‘So if you move I can come down.’

  ‘Obviously I’m going to stay here to hold the ladder.’ He sounded like he was speaking through gritted teeth. His problem.

  ‘Fine.’ With her non-hurting arm she launched herself away from the roof and back onto the ladder. The ladder wobbled a lot for a couple of seconds until James clamped it against the house with his weight.

  ‘You idiot,’ James shouted while Cassie descended with as much dignity as a woman could find when she had a sore shoulder, a bigger tummy than she was used to and the knowledge that she’d just been shown to have been utterly in the wrong.

  ‘Thank you,’ she said when she’d let him completely unnecessarily help her off the bottom rung.

  ‘Cassie.’
He was still holding onto her arm. ‘You have to look after yourself and the baby. You could have hurt her. You could have hurt yourself. Have you done something to your shoulder?’

  Cassie blinked to get rid of sudden hot tears. ‘I’m sorry. I agree that it was a little bit silly. I should have asked someone else to help. I will not clear a gutter again, or go up a tree again, while pregnant. Or cycle. I would like to make the point, though, that I would have been fine.’ She was pretty sure that she could have steadied the ladder with her legs when the big wobble happened. ‘I wouldn’t even have wobbled in the first place if you hadn’t surprised me.’

  ‘Okay, so I’m going to try really hard not to make the points that who knows whether or not you would have been fine plus you do seem to have hurt your shoulder a little. I’m also going to try really hard not to shout about the “up a tree” thing and cycling. And I’m also going to say I love you and that’s why I’m here.’

  ‘Oh.’ Cassie stopped walking and blinked back more tears. ‘Thank you.’ She suddenly wanted to hurl herself into his arms and tell him she loved him too. But if they were going to have another serious conversation, they had to get it right. They had the baby to think about. And maybe he wasn’t expecting the I-love-you thing to lead towards any hugging. Maybe he only wanted to talk about how they were going to share their parenting duties. She started walking again. ‘Would you like a drink?’

  ‘That would be great, thank you.’

  ‘Tea? The smell of coffee still makes me feel sick.’ She opened the kitchen door and stepped inside, bending down to pull off her boots.

  ‘Can I help? Your shoulder?’ James was bending down too. Cassie straightened up.

  ‘Thank you.’ There was no point in being obstinate for the sake of obstinacy.

  There was something strangely intimate about someone helping you off with your boots. And a bit embarrassing when you remembered too late that you were wearing your favourite fluffy purple socks. And her trouser leg had ridden right up. Had she shaved her legs in the last couple of days? Eek.

  This was nice, though. Did she have some kind of ankle fetish that she hadn’t previously discovered? She really liked the feel of James’s firm hand around her leg.

  ‘Thank you again.’ Her voice sounded oddly prim. ‘My shoulder is a bit sore. And that was more difficult than I expected while pregnant. I’ve still got four months to go but I’m definitely not having a tiny pregnancy.’

  ‘Pleasure.’ He smiled up at her. ‘I think you’re having a gorgeous pregnancy.’

  Honestly. It was silly how that made her feel warm inside and how she couldn’t stop a big smile of her own spreading across her face. She did a mouth scrunch, to stop herself smiling any more stupidly, and went over to the kettle.

  She made a lot of noise splashing water and clattering crockery so that they couldn’t really talk while she was getting their teas.

  And then they were sitting one on each side of the kitchen table with their drinks and one of Laura’s blueberry tarts between them and they were going to have to talk or they’d be sitting in awkward silence. Except Cassie had no words.

  ‘I should have been here to know that coffee made you feel sick,’ James said.

  Cassie said nothing, sniffed and cut two big slices of tart.

  ‘And I should have been here to clean the gutter for you,’ he said. ‘And to get food for you if you had cravings. Or hold your hair out of your face if you had morning sickness. I’m sorry that I wasn’t here for any of those things. I’d like to be here for the rest of them if you’ll let me.’

  Cassie’s eyes were fixed on James’s face. She loved his eyes, his cheekbones, his mouth, the line of his jaw. So much. She’d like to spend the rest of their lives looking at him, sharing things with him. Of course she’d like him to be here for the rest of her pregnancy. But it had to be right for him and it had to be right for the baby. Did he mean he wanted them to be together forever? Or just for now?

  ‘I’d like that,’ she said. Oh, God. Had that been the right thing to say? She put one of the slices of tart on a plate and pushed it across the table. ‘Here you are,’ she said. ‘Even though you don’t like most cake.’

  ‘I did finally eat some of Laura’s out of politeness and it was better than I’d expected. Not that sweet. Anyway—’ James shook his head ‘—not here to talk about cake.’ He stood up. ‘I have something for you. Alright if I go to the car and get it?’

  Cassie nodded.

  ‘Okay, great,’ James said.

  He was back from the car within a couple of minutes carrying some large shopping bags.

  ‘Please stop me at any point if you don’t want to hear what I’m about to say.’ He sat down and picked up the first bag. ‘Or if you’d like to say anything.’

  Cassie shook her head.

  ‘Okay,’ he said. ‘So the last time we saw each other we agreed that we loved each other. I don’t think I’ll ever stop loving you. I hope that you still love me.’

  Cassie sniffed and nodded. Maybe this conversation was going in the right direction.

  ‘Okay,’ he said again. ‘And we agreed that our relationship had nowhere to go because I really didn’t want children and you really did. And you didn’t want to end up resenting me if we got together and we never tried to have a baby, and neither of us wanted to try for a baby together if I wasn’t enthusiastic about that.’

  Cassie nodded again. His face was so serious that she wanted both to cry and to reach out and touch his cheek.

  ‘Yep. So I don’t really know how to convince you of this now, but I’m going to have a go. I went shopping. Myself. No concierge company involved.’ James pulled something out of the bag.

  It looked like he was holding a pack of… nappies?

  ‘When you told me you were pregnant, I was very shocked. I was pleased for you and stunned on my own behalf, but I immediately felt that I wanted to do my best for the baby. Except I thought that my best was bound to be pretty bad, because I’m my parents’ son.’ He pulled something else out. It looked like a box of… nappy bags? ‘I spent quite a long time, too long, thinking.’ He pulled out cotton wool. ‘And demon slaying.’ He pulled out a tub of… nappy cream? And folded that now-empty shopping bag up. ‘Not to sound too ridiculously corny, but I think I’ve grown as a person.’

  Cassie took a deep breath to try to steady herself. Her heart was beating insanely fast.

  James picked up the next bag and took out the most gorgeous teeny tiny navy corduroy pinafore. ‘What I’m trying to say—’ he pulled out a tiny lime-green cardigan with a navy trim ‘—is that I love this baby as much as I love you. And I want this baby as much as I want to be with you.’ He pulled out tiny lime-green tights. And some pale-blue long-sleeved Babygros. Adorable. But his words were even better.

  James picked up the next bag and took out a very soft-looking, ivory-coloured blanket.

  ‘Alpaca wool,’ he said. ‘I’ve seen newborns in movies. Babies get wrapped in blankets when you bring them home from hospital. I’d like to be there when our daughter’s born and when she comes home.’

  Cassie could only smile.

  ‘Final bag.’ James picked the fourth one up.

  Cassie loved his hands. They were strong and capable-looking, with hard, tidy nails. He pulled out a beautiful soft blue toy elephant, a classic mid-brown teddy with a bottle-green bow round its neck and a pink alpaca.

  ‘They’re beautiful,’ Cassie said. ‘All of it’s amazing.’ James was amazing. ‘When did you get all this?’

  ‘This morning.’

  ‘Wow. I had no idea that you’d have such good taste in baby gear.’

  ‘I know. What can I say?’ He moved closer to her. ‘The reason that I got all this stuff is that I love this baby so much and I want her so much and I want to be her father. And I’ve started to believe that I can be an okay father. I’m looking forward to trying to be a fantastic father. And I’d be incredibly honoured if you’d agree to us doin
g this together.’ James was holding the blue elephant very tightly and looking into Cassie’s eyes. He was smiling, but only a little bit, like he was apprehensive.

  Cassie was apprehensive too. Her heart was starting to swell with hope. But what if he didn’t want them to be together together? What if he just meant that he wanted to be an involved father? And if he did want them to be together – could they manage that? Could James actually deal with family life? Could she deal with him not dealing with it?

  ‘I’m so pleased that you’re happy about the baby.’ She chose her words carefully. ‘And of course you’re going to be a fantastic father. And I’d like to try to parent together, yes.’

  James was still torturing the elephant with his hands.

  ‘So could I maybe stay for a little? With you?’ he asked. ‘And we could work things out gradually? The two of us? Together? You and me? With an end goal of us never being apart again?’

  Cassie’s heart lurched. He had meant together together. Her eyes filled.

  ‘One step at a time?’ he added.

  ‘Sounds pretty good to me.’ She was crying now and also smiling.

  James put the elephant down and moved round the table, took her hands and pulled her to her feet.

  He smoothed her hair away from her face, very gently, and then cupped both her cheeks with his hands.

  ‘I love you, Cassie Adair.’ He brushed her tears away with his thumbs. ‘You’ve been driving me insane since the moment we first spoke on the phone and I don’t think I can live without you.’

  ‘I’ve been driving you insane? Honestly.’ Cassie smiled some more and sniffed. ‘I love you too, James Grey.’

  His beautiful blue eyes were on hers and then on her lips. He leaned a little closer to her. She could see the fine lines at the corners of his eyes crinkling as his smile grew. She inched nearer to him.

  ‘I love you so much,’ he said. And then he leaned down and kissed her, gently at first, and then very urgently, like the world was ending.