Ballsy

by Sean Ashcroft

  “Are you telling me this because you want a baby?” Sam looked up. They were bound to have this conversation eventually, although it seemed a little premature. They weren’t even talking about getting married.

  Not yet, anyway. Soon, though. Sam meant to have that conversation soon. They’d already done their waiting.

  “No. I mean. I actually haven’t really thought about that. Probably not? I think we’d make great uncles, though.”

  “Every kid needs a gay uncle,” Sam agreed. “And an uncle full of awesome stories.”

  “So just you, then?” Ben smiled wryly. “Anyway, no. I think he’s coming to me for advice, but I have no idea what to tell him.”

  “I have literally no experience to draw from.”

  It didn’t surprise Sam at all that Eliot was coming to Ben for advice. Eliot so obviously looked up to him that if Sam didn’t know he was happily married, he might actually have been jealous.

  It wasn’t like that, though. They had a great relationship, and Sam was glad that Ben had at least had someone. Not for the whole time he was gone, but for a while.

  “I figured, but I also figured it couldn’t hurt to ask.” Ben sighed. “I’ll think of something. I want Eliot to be happy. Danny would make such a good father, and I think Eliot has the right stuff, too.”

  Sam hummed. He didn’t know either of them as well as Ben did, but so far they seemed like responsible adults who’d have no trouble handling a kid. Whether or not they wanted one was a personal decision, and not something anyone else could tell them.

  He had a feeling that the fact that it had even come up meant that they probably did want one, though.

  “What?” Ben asked after a moment.

  Sam realized belatedly that he’d been so busy looking fondly at Ben that he’d forgotten to respond. “I love you,” he said, since it was the first thing that came to mind.

  “Do you want a baby?” Ben raised an eyebrow.

  “No. I mean. I don’t think so,” Sam said. He’d never really considered the possibility before, either. He’d never wanted to settle down before.

  Maybe he’d want a baby one day. But probably not today.

  “Okay.” Ben nodded. “I’m not saying a definite, hard no, forever. Just not right now.”

  Sam smiled at that. Ben was already softening on the idea. That was cute.

  “Borrow Eliot’s kid first,” Sam said.

  “He hasn’t decided yet.”

  “He will.” Sam went back to his crossword. “You’ll be icing birthday cupcakes before you know it.”

  Ben snorted, but it was impossible to miss the tiny smile on his face. He clearly didn’t hate that idea as much as he thought he should.

  “What’s a seven-letter word for illuminated from behind?” Sam asked.

  Ben paused for a few moments to pour himself a cup of coffee, and then looked over. “Backlit,” he said, as though he’d barely had to think about it.

  Sam chuckled. His boyfriend was a nerd, and that was okay.

  He wouldn’t have traded him for anyone else.

  Epilogue

  Two years later…

  LAX seemed like a warmer, more vibrant place to Ben the second time he went to visit it with Sam.

  Probably because he knew Sam was coming back this time. He was only going away for two weeks, although it felt like an eternity from where Ben was standing. They hadn’t been separated from each other for more than a day at a time since Sam had come back.

  “What’re you gonna do for two weeks without me?” Sam asked, taking Ben’s hand and playing with his fingers.

  “Wild orgies every night,” Ben said without missing a beat. “I’ve had them planned out for months.”

  Sam chuckled, looking down at the hand he was holding. He’d been quiet most of the day, but Ben figured that was nerves over travelling again after so long.

  “Take pictures,” Sam said. “And send them to me.”

  Ben laughed at that. He was going to miss Sam, but it was only two weeks.

  “I’m mostly gonna sit around in my underwear watching TV, alternating between feeling sorry for myself and waiting for you to reply to a text. I’ll miss you.”

  “I’ll miss you, too,” Sam murmured. He leaned in slowly, giving Ben plenty of time to dodge the incoming kiss. Ben had no intention of dodging it, no matter how many people were watching.

  He wasn’t going to get to do this again for a while. Enjoying it while it lasted was all he could do.

  “I wish you were coming with me, but since you’re not, I’ve got something for you,” Sam said before reaching into his carry-on bag and pulling out a plain white envelope. “Don’t open it until you get home, okay?”

  “Okay,” Ben agreed, knowing he was going to open it the moment Sam wasn’t watching. He took the envelope and tucked it into his pocket.

  “I gotta go.” Sam grabbed his suitcase and rolled his shoulders, taking a deep breath. “I love you.”

  “I love you, too,” Ben said softly.

  A lump caught in his throat as he watched Sam walk away, but he swallowed past it. It was only for two weeks this time. Sam had a life here to come back to, and he’d spent every day of the last two years making Ben feel loved, wanted, and secure.

  Ben had actually felt guilty about that, since he suspected Sam had stopped travelling for his sake, so that he wouldn’t feel like this. That was why he hadn’t objected even once when Sam had said he wanted to go to Colorado for two weeks for an assignment.

  Sam had said he should come, but Ben hadn’t wanted to get in the way. He was probably dying from the need for space by now. It was Ben who was clingy. Sam had always been a free spirit.

  The moment Sam got through the check-in line and disappeared, Ben took the envelope out of his pocket and opened it.

  All he found inside was a piece of notepad paper.

  If Sam had left him a list of chores, he was coming home to sleep on the couch.

  Ben turned it over to see Sam’s untidy scrawl filling up the entire space of the sheet. He had to turn it sideways to make sense of it, but once he did…

  Marry me?

  Ben stared at the words for a few, long moments, and then looked up to find the airline reservation desk. He marched over to it with purpose, remembering Sam promising him that the flight would be practically empty, and short, so it was a good first trip to go on if he wanted to come. Ben hadn’t bothered to remind him that he’d actually been further away from home before, since it hadn’t seemed like the time.

  He got out his phone to text Eliot as he stood in the line.

  I’m going to Colorado after all. I’ll still be available by phone and email.

  His stomach flipped as he hit send. That meant he had to do this, now.

  “Hi.” He smiled as brightly as he could at the woman behind the desk. It wasn’t all that hard, considering his current mood. “I need a ticket for a specific flight,” he began, then went on to rattle off Sam’s flight details and look as sweet and hopeful as he could manage.

  He nearly passed out from relief when she said there were still plenty of seats available.

  Good, but why? Eliot texted back.

  Sam asked me to marry him.

  Eliot responded almost immediately with a string of emojis, which Ben deciphered to mean he was excited and trying to congratulate him.

  For a man who could express himself so beautifully in full sentences, his texts were often borderline incomprehensible.

  Thanks. Going now. Ben texted back as he was handed his receipt and instructed to head to the check-in desk.

  He didn’t have anything except the clothes on his back and whatever was in his pockets to go with, but he didn’t care. Sam was waiting for a response.

  He was probably expecting it when he got back, but they’d both done enough waiting in their lives.

  Patience was a virtue, but putting things off was cowardice, and Ben wasn’t a coward anymore. He wasn’t going to put this of
f.

  He got through check-in and security without incident and headed into the departure lounge, scanning the crowd for Sam and finally spotting him in an isolated corner, sitting on one seat with his bag resting on another.

  Ben approached as casually as he could, standing a little to the side.

  “Do you mind if I sit here?” he asked.

  Sam looked up, and his whole face changed. His eyes widened, and then he broke into the widest, happiest grin Ben had ever seen on him.

  “You can always sit next to me,” Sam said, moving his bag without pausing for a moment.

  The lounge was a long way from crowded, so he needn’t have bothered, but Ben appreciated the gesture.

  “I have to apologize for opening that envelope early,” Ben said, taking the seat he’d been offered.

  “No need,” Sam responded. “It was your envelope.”

  “Based on the contents, I thought I’d come with you. If that’s okay?”

  “Always,” Sam said, his voice soft. “I hate to push, but is this a yes?”

  Ben smiled at him. “It’s a yes,” he said.

  Sam bit his lip, tears springing up in his eyes. “Good.”

  He reached out to take Ben’s hand, squeezing it firmly. Ben took it as a sign that he wasn’t about to let him go.

  That was just as well, because he wasn’t about to let Sam go, either.

  Bonus Scene

  Not quite ready to leave Ben, Sam, Danny and Eliot yet? Grab your bonus scene here!

  Email not showing up? No worries, just get in touch with me (contact@seanashcroft.com) and I'll make sure you get it!

  Have you read Cocky yet?

  Set in the same world as Ballsy, Cocky follows Eliot's journey to a happy ending with Danny.

  Faking a relationship with an injured hockey player had never been on Eliot’s to-do list, but when he’s sent by his editor to interview the newly-out hockey legend Danny Harper, he gets a little more than he bargained for.

  Check it out here!

  More by Sean Ashcroft

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  Sean <3