by Sarah Morgan
‘Well of course I was.’ She defended herself. ‘I was in my underwear!’
‘It was more than that. You didn’t want people gossiping about you. And the whispers have started all over Glenmore. Do you think I haven’t heard them? In the pub the other night, you almost cracked your glass because you were so terrified that Jim had discovered just who I’d been visiting in the dead of night. Knowing this place, people are grilling you every time you go to buy eggs or milk. Am I right?’
‘Yes, but—’
‘And you’ll hate that because you’re so shy. And I don’t want people breathing your name and mine in the same sentence.’ His knuckles whitened on the doorhandle. ‘You know what people say about me. I’m bad Conner. People expect me to go the same way my father went.’
‘I keep telling you that you are not your father.’
‘No, but you deserve to be with a man you’re not ashamed to be seen with.’
‘I’m not ashamed of what we share, Conner.’
‘Yes, you are, because you’re not the sort of woman to indulge in wild affairs, especially not with men like me. When Logan walked in and caught us kissing, you jumped like a kangaroo on a hot plate and your cheeks were the colour of strawberries.’
‘Well, of course! But that wasn’t about you, it was about me. I’m not used to…’ she shrugged self-consciously ‘…kissing and stuff in public.’
‘And you’re not going to get used to it. I have no intention of dragging your reputation down into the dirt. You have to live here after I’ve left.’ He took her face in his hands and looked at her. ‘So far the only person who knows is Logan and he won’t say anything. Our secret should be safe.’
Confused, she shook her head. ‘Is that why you’re ending it? Because of what people might think of me?’
‘Look me in the eye and tell me you haven’t spent years dreaming about finding the right man, about having babies and being a family here on Glenmore.’
Incurably truthful, Flora nodded. ‘I have imagined that, of course, but—’
‘Of course you have. And you deserve that. You’ll be a great mother.’ With a faint smile he lifted her hand to his lips in an old-fashioned gesture and then cursed softly and dragged her against him. ‘Sorry, but I think I’m going to be bad one more time.’ He lowered his mouth to hers and kissed her slowly and thoroughly until her heart was hammering and her legs were weak. Then he lifted his head and smiled. ‘Now, go away and find a man who is going to make you happy.’
Without giving her a chance to reply, he turned and left the room, leaving her staring after him with a head full of questions and a heart full of misery.
* * *
‘Conner is in such a foul mood,’ Evanna murmured, tucking the baby expertly onto her shoulder and rubbing his back. ‘The rumour is that whoever he was seeing has dumped him. I told Meg that’s completely ridiculous because when in this lifetime did a woman ever dump Conner? Flora, are you listening to a word I’m saying?’
‘Yes. No.’ Flora lifted her fingers to her throbbing head. ‘Sorry—I didn’t really hear you. What did you say?’
Three days had passed since Conner had ended their relationship. Three days in which she hadn’t eaten or slept. She felt as though part of her had been ripped out.
‘I was just talking about Conner.’ Evanna frowned. ‘I can’t believe a woman has dumped him because what woman in their right mind would dump him? On the other hand, I haven’t seen any broken-hearted women around the place. Everyone is behaving as they usually behave. What’s the matter with you? Why are you rubbing your head?’
‘Bad night.’ Flora curved her mouth into something that she hoped resembled a smile. ‘Too much on my mind.’
She missed him so much.
She missed sleeping in his arms, she missed their long, intimate conversations in the darkness of the night, and she missed the way he made love.
He’d ended it because he thought she wanted to get married and have children. Or had he ended it because he was afraid that the ever-increasing rumours would hurt her? She wasn’t sure any more. She’d replayed their last conversation in her head so many times that she felt as though her brain had turned into spaghetti.
Evanna looked guilty. ‘It’s our fault. Logan and I are so wrapped up in little Charlie and you and Conner are working so hard covering for the pair of us. How has he been with you? Moody?’
‘I don’t see that much of him. We do our own clinics.’ Flora stood up quickly. ‘Great to see you and Charlie looks great, too, and—’
‘Flora…’ Evanna peered closely at her. ‘What is the matter with you? You’re behaving very oddly. Is it the baby?’ Her voice softened. ‘Has it made you all broody? I know how much you want your own family and it will happen. One day you’re going to meet the man of your dreams and have a family of your own.’
‘Yes.’ Flora felt as though her face was going to crack. ‘Absolutely.’ And she realised that her dream didn’t seem so clear any more.
What she wanted was to be with Conner.
And if he didn’t want to get married or have a family—well, she’d live with that.
But he didn’t want her, did he?
He’d ended the relationship.
Evanna’s hand stilled on the baby’s back. ‘I wish you’d tell me what’s wrong.’ She frowned. ‘Flora?’
Flora looked at Evanna and Charlie. And she thought of Logan and what they shared.
And then she thought of what she’d had with Conner.
Had he at any point actually said that he didn’t want her? No. Yet again she ran through the conversation in her head, trying to remember every last detail. What he’d said was that he wasn’t the right man for her. That she wouldn’t want to be seen with him in public.
And when he’d said that, she hadn’t argued with him because, as usual, she hadn’t known what to say. She’d let him walk away because she hadn’t thought of the right thing to say at the right time.
But suddenly she knew exactly what she wanted to say.
Maybe he didn’t want her any more, but she needed to find out. And she didn’t care about pride because some things were more important than pride.
Panic fluttered inside her. ‘Evanna, where is Conner, do you know?’
‘He went to the Stag’s Head for a drink with Logan.’
Flora glanced at the clock on the wall. Seven o’clock. The chances were that most of Glenmore would be in the Stag’s Head at this hour on a Friday night. She stood up. ‘I’m really sorry to abandon you, but I’m going for a drink. There’s something I need to say to Conner.’
The Stag’s Head was crowded with locals and heads turned as Flora opened the door and paused, her eyes scanning the room.
‘Hey, Flora.’ Ben smiled at her from behind the bar. ‘You look like a woman in need of a drink. What can I get you?’
‘In a minute, Ben, thanks.’ Finally she spotted Conner and just at that moment he lifted his eyes and saw her. Ice-blue melded with brown and for a moment she just stood still, her heart pounding and her cheeks flaming red, unable to look away or move.
‘Hi, Flora,’ a couple of the locals called out to her, and she gave a vague smile but didn’t respond.
If she didn’t do this right away, she’d lose her nerve.
She let the door close behind her and wove her way through the chattering throng towards his table.
His eyes narrowed, but his gaze didn’t shift from hers and from behind her came the sound of wolf whistles and good-natured laughter.
‘Hey, Conner, looks like our Flora’s got something to say to you.’
‘Have you been a naughty boy, Con?’
The cat calls and teasing continued and Flora stopped next to him, realising with a flash of desperation that her plan was never going to work. She did have something to say, but the pub was so noisy that no one was ever going to hear her. And she needed them to hear.
‘Flora?’ Conner’s voice was wary and for a momen
t she just looked at him, wondering how she was going to do this.
She opened her mouth to speak and then closed it again, thinking rapidly.
Executing a rapid change of plan, she leaned forward, took his face in her hands and kissed him. He stiffened with shock and his mouth remained immobile under hers. Then he started to pull away from her, so she slid onto his lap, straddling him, her hands clasping his head, keeping his mouth against hers.
A stunned silence had descended on the pub and although she didn’t turn her head to look, Flora knew that everyone was staring at them. And that was hardly surprising because she was creating the biggest spectacle that Glenmore had seen for a long time. Which had been her intention.
Despite the tension in his body, she felt Conner’s mouth move under hers and then felt the skilled stroke of his tongue. It was as if he couldn’t help himself and, as always, the chemistry flashed between them. But his lapse was short-lived and this time when he pulled away he removed her hands at the same time, clasping her wrists firmly.
He stared at her, his blue eyes blazing. ‘What do you think you’re doing?’
The noise around them had ceased. The low hum of chatter had died, the laughter was silenced and there was no clink of glasses.
‘I’m kissing you, Conner,’ Flora said clearly. ‘I’m kissing you, just as I’ve kissed you every day for the past month. Only this time I’m doing it in public, so there’s no confusion about the facts.’
His mouth tightened and he muttered something under his breath, but she covered his lips with her fingers.
‘No. You had your say the other night. Now it’s my turn to talk,’ she said calmly, and then she slid off his lap and turned to face everyone. And for a moment her courage faltered because what seemed like a million faces were staring at her.
Her gaze slid over the crowd.
She saw Nick and, behind him, Meg. She saw Janet and Jim.
It seemed that everyone was in the Stag’s Head.
‘You’ve all been wondering who Conner has been seeing for the last month. Well, it’s me,’ she said simply, speaking clearly and raising her voice slightly so that everyone could hear her. ‘I’m the lucky woman.’
‘Flora, for crying out loud.’ Conner rose to his feet, dislodging her arm from his shoulder. ‘Have you been drinking?’
‘No. I’m completely sober.’ She smiled up at him, aware that everything she felt shone in her eyes. Then she took his hand and turned back to face the islanders—the people she spent her life with. ‘I know what you’re all thinking. You’re thinking that Bad Conner has lived up to his name again, that obviously he seduced good, sensible Flora because she’d never do anything as reckless as have a wild, passionate affair with a man who is obviously going to walk off into the sunset, leaving her broken-hearted and very possibly pregnant.’
The locals were too shocked to respond so Flora just ploughed on.
‘You’re wrong. I seduced him. And I’m not embarrassed about that because I’ve discovered that—’ She broke off as the door to the pub opened and Evanna walked in, holding the baby.
‘Charlie and I suddenly had a horrible feeling that we were missing something important so I called a babysitter for Kirsty.’
As if emerging from a trance, Logan rose to his feet and walked over to his wife. He took the baby from her and tipped one of the lifeboat crew out of his chair so that she could sit down.
Flora smiled at her friend. ‘Good timing. I was just about to tell everyone that I’ve discovered that I don’t really want what I thought I wanted. Up until a month ago I thought I wanted a man who loved me, a home, children—all the usual things. And then Conner came back.’
Conner’s eyes were on hers and he shook his head. ‘Stop now, before you make things worse.’
‘Things can’t get any worse for me, Conner.’ Flora touched his cheek gently. ‘I’ve discovered that not being with you is the worst it can get. You’re all I want.’ She was speaking just to him now, suddenly oblivious to her audience who stood watching, paralysed with surprise and fascination. ‘You’re all I want, Conner MacNeil. And I want you as you are, for as long as you want to be with me. I know you don’t want babies or a family. I know you don’t want anything permanent. And that’s all right. If all we ever share is hot sex, that’s fine.’
Someone in the crowd gulped and she wasn’t sure whether the shocked sound had come from Meg or Evanna because she wasn’t paying attention.
She was watching Conner.
‘I love you,’ she said, her eyes misting as she looked at him. ‘And I know that probably scares you. I don’t think anyone has ever loved you properly before and I want you to know how I feel. And I know you don’t feel the same way about me and that’s fine. I understand. If I’d been as badly hurt as you were as a child, I wouldn’t risk my heart either. But I’m giving you mine, Conner, for as long as you want it. And I’m telling you that in public so that there’s no mistake about it. I love you so much. And I’m not ashamed of that. I don’t care who knows because I’m proud of what you’ve become and I’m proud that I’m the one you’ve spent time with since you’ve been on Glenmore. And if turns out that you’ve had enough of me, I’ll accept it.’ She shrugged. ‘But I won’t accept you ending our relationship because you’re worried about what people might think of me. I don’t care what anyone thinks. I just care about you. Us.’ She stopped and Logan cleared his throat.
‘That’s got to be the longest speech you’ve ever made, Flora Harris.’
Conner stared at her, his face unusually pale. But he didn’t speak.
Flora looked at him expectantly. ‘Aren’t you going to say something? You’re the one who’s slick with words, Conner MacNeil, not me. You always know what to say.’
Still he didn’t answer her. It was as if he’d been turned to stone and she gave a sigh of frustration.
‘Did you hear what I said? I’m in love with you.’ On impulse, she pulled out a chair, stood on it and turned to face the crowd. ‘Flora Harris loves Conner MacNeil!’
Ben cleared his throat and scratched his head. ‘We heard you the first time, Flora. We’re waiting to hear what Conner has to say. But apparently he’s been struck dumb.’
Finally Conner moved. He rose slowly to his feet, gently lifted Flora off the chair and lowered her to the floor as if she were made of porcelain. ‘I thought you were shy.’
‘I am shy.’
He stroked a strand of hair away from her eyes with a gentle hand. ‘I’ve got news for you, angel. Shy girls don’t stand on chairs in pubs and declare undying love.’
‘They do if they mean it,’ she said softly, and his hand dropped to his side.
‘There are things I need to say to you.’
Her heart fluttered. Rejection? Or a stay of execution? ‘Then say them.’
‘Not here.’ He glanced at their audience. ‘I think you’ve had enough of a show for one night.’ And then he closed his hand over hers and led her from the pub and out into the darkness.
‘Where are we going?’ Flora hurried to keep up with him but he didn’t answer and eventually they reached the quay where her boat was moored. ‘You want to go sailing in the dark?’
‘No, but I want to sit and look at her for a minute. Boats always calm me.’ He sat down on the edge of the quay and tugged at her hand. ‘Sit down.’
She sat, her heart pumping, the surface of the quay rough beneath her legs. ‘Are you angry?’
‘How could I possibly be angry?’ He gave a short laugh, his eyes on the boats. ‘I’m not angry. But I can’t accept what you’re offering, Flora.’
‘I love you, Conner. Nothing you do or say is going to change that fact.’
‘You don’t really want an affair. It isn’t who you are.’
‘I want you. And if an affair is what’s on offer then that’s what I’ll take.’ She hesitated and then put her hand on his thigh and left it there. ‘There’s no pressure on you, Conner. I know you were more th
an a little spooked by seeing Logan and Evanna. I know that family life isn’t what you want—’
‘You’re wrong.’ His voice was hoarse and he covered her hand with his and then gripped it tightly. ‘I was spooked, that’s true, but I was spooked because in my mind I kept seeing you sitting there, holding a baby. And I wanted that baby to be mine.’
His words were so unexpected that for a moment she assumed she must have imagined them. She stared blankly at the boat, afraid to breathe, move or do anything that might disturb the atmosphere. Afraid to look at him.
Then, finally, she dared to turn her head. ‘What did you say?’
‘You heard me.’
Stunned, Flora could do nothing but stare. ‘I don’t understand.’
‘Neither do I. I’ve spent my entire life running from relationships. I’ve never given anyone the opportunity to hurt me. But you crept up on me, Flora Harris.’ He gave a lopsided smile. ‘Somehow you sneaked in under my radar. With you, I didn’t feel angry any more. You’re the only person I’ve ever met whose company I prefer to my own.’
She could hardly breathe. ‘But if you felt like that, why didn’t you tell me? Why did you end our relationship? Why did you walk away?’
‘Because I’m not a good catch.’ He lifted her hand to his lips and kissed it. ‘As far as commitment goes, my track record is appallingly bad. What woman in her right mind would take a chance on me?’
‘I would,’ Flora said softly. ‘I would, if you asked me to.’
He was silent for a moment and when he spoke his voice was husky. ‘You would? You’re not worried about my past?’
‘I’m more worried about my future. I can’t imagine what it will be like if you’re not part of it.’
‘Knowing who I am doesn’t make a difference?’
‘I love who you are,’ she said simply. ‘You’re a man who has done tremendous things with his life, despite the most appalling start. Most people would have crumpled. Most people would have repeated the pattern they’d seen at home or allowed the past to dictate their present. You did neither of those things. You trained as a doctor. You give to others, even though you were given so little yourself.’