by Sarah Morgan
‘If it’s any consolation, there are not a lot of places to find trouble here. Mrs Parker aside, the crime rate on Glenmore is very low. When we do have trouble it’s almost always tourists and nothing serious. Nick Hillier, the island policeman, has a pretty boring job. If there’s a group of tourists drunk on the beach then it’s an exciting day for him. You have nothing to worry about.’
‘I’m a mother. Worrying yourself to death is part of the package. It never changes. From the moment they’re born, you’re worrying. When they sleep you check them every five minutes to see if they’re breathing. Once I even woke Lexi up in the night just to check she was alive. Can you believe that?’
His eyes amused, Ryan reached for his coffee. ‘Our new mothers’ group will love you. They talk about that sort of stuff all the time and I just nod sagely and say it’s all normal.’
‘But you’re secretly thinking they’re a bit odd?’
‘Waking a sleeping baby? I have mothers tearing their hair out because the baby doesn’t sleep, so, yes, it seems a bit odd to hear mothers worrying when the baby does sleep.’
‘Once you have children you worry about everything, from sharp knives to global warming. And it doesn’t stop.’ Jenna shook her head, finding it a relief to talk to someone. He was a good listener. ‘Will they fall off that bike they’re riding? Will they remember to look both ways when they cross the road? You want them to be polite to people, and then you’re worried they’ll be too polite and might go off with some stranger because they don’t want to give offense–’
‘Jenna, relax! You’re going to give yourself a nervous breakdown and you haven’t even unpacked yet. You need to learn to chill.’
‘Chill? What’s that?’ Jenna rolled her eyes in self-mockery. ‘I don’t know how to chill. But at work I’m sane, I promise. You must be wondering why on earth you gave me a lift. And a job.’
‘Your job is safe. I can promise you that.’
‘There’s no such thing as safe.’ She rubbed her finger over the table, following the grain of the wood. ‘A year ago I had a husband, a home and a job. I lost all three.’
He was silent for a long moment. ‘And now you have a home and a job again.’
There was something in his voice that made her look at him—made her wonder what personal trauma had driven him to this island.
‘What I want is for Lexi to be happy.’ Feeling calmer than she’d felt for ages, Jenna slipped off her shoes and curled her toes into the grass. ‘I’m hoping that this will be a fresh start. I want it to feel like home.’
‘If you need any help turning it into a home, give me a shout.’ Ryan checked his watch and rose to his feet. ‘I’m pretty good with a toolbox. Do you want any help unpacking? Is any of your furniture coming over?’
‘No. No furniture.’ Clive had claimed the furniture and all the belongings they’d collected over fifteen years of marriage. She hadn’t had the strength to argue. She’d packed her clothes, a few books and not much else. ‘I need to go shopping—oh, you said someone had stocked the place already?’
‘When Evanna told the town meeting that you were coming, everyone from the village contributed.’
Jenna blinked. ‘A group of people sat down and discussed my shopping list?’
‘There’s not a lot going on around here when the nightclubs are closed.’
‘That’s really kind.’ Touched, Jenna made a mental note to thank everyone. ‘Perhaps you could tell me the names. Then I can work out how much I owe everyone and pay them back.’
Ryan gave a faint smile, rolling up his shirtsleeves, revealing arms as strong as his shoulders. ‘Oh, you’ll pay. Don’t worry about it. Everyone will claim a favour from you at some point. Usually at the most awkward, embarrassing moment, because that’s how it works around here. One minute you’re buying yourself a loaf of bread and the next you’re giving an opinion on someone’s rash.’ He stood up. ‘If we can do anything to help you settle in faster, let us know. The key to the back door is in the top drawer in the kitchen. It can be temperamental. If it jams, jiggle it slightly in the lock. And the shower turns cold if someone turns on a tap in the kitchen.’
‘You know this house?’
‘I stayed here for a few nights before I completed the sale on the lighthouse.’
‘Oh.’ Jenna had a disturbing image of him walking around the kitchen—showering in the bathroom. Naked.
Oh, God, she was losing it.
He raised an eyebrow. ‘Are you all right?’
‘Absolutely. How long should it take Lexi to get to the top and back? When do I start worrying?’
‘You don’t.’ Ryan looked at the grassy ridge. ‘She’s on her way down now. I’ll leave you to it. Surgery isn’t until four. You can have a few hours to settle in. Spend some time together.’
‘Yes.’ Conscious that Lexi was approaching, Jenna lost her sense of calm. ‘Thanks for the lift. And thanks for listening.’
He gave a brief nod and strolled out of her gate towards the sleek sports car that had transported her and her luggage from the surgery to the cottage. Without pausing in his stride, he exchanged a few words with Lexi as she sauntered past.
Watching anxiously from the garden, Jenna couldn’t hear what he said, but whatever it was had Lexi smiling and that was an achievement in itself. Bracing herself for more complaints about her new home, she smiled at her daughter. ‘Did you get a signal?’
‘Yes, but everyone was out. Or maybe they’re all still asleep after a night clubbing. Lucky them.’ Lexi glanced over her shoulder as the sports car growled its way up the road away from them. ‘What was he doing here, Mum?’
‘He gave us a lift, remember?’
‘An hour and a half ago.’
An hour and a half? Was that how much time had passed? Startled, Jenna glanced at her watch. ‘Well—we were talking.’
‘About what?’ Lexi stared at her suspiciously and Jenna felt herself blush.
‘About work,’ she said firmly. ‘I’m new to this practice, remember?’
‘Oh. Right. I thought for one awful minute you—’ She broke off and Jenna stared at her, heart thumping.
‘What?’
‘Nothing.’ The girl gave a careless shrug, but Jenna knew exactly what she’d been thinking—That her mother had been showing interest in a man.
Jenna walked back into the cottage, feeling the burden of responsibility settle on her like a heavy weight. Whatever happened, she mustn’t do anything to make her daughter feel more insecure than she already did.
‘Dr McKinley was telling me that he lives in a lighthouse.’
‘Dr McKinley is really hot.’
‘Lexi! You’re fifteen years old.’ Appalled, Jenna cast a look at her daughter, but Lexi had her head in the fridge.
‘Nearly sixteen. Old enough to know when a man is hot. Don’t worry—I don’t expect you to understand. You wouldn’t know a good-looking man if you fell over him.’ She pulled some cheese out of the fridge and then noticed the empty mugs on the kitchen table. Suddenly the tension was back. ‘You invited him in for coffee?’
No, he’d invited himself in for coffee. ‘He was up all night with patients.’ Jenna adopted a casual tone. ‘He was tired. It was the least I could do after he’d helped us.’
‘Oh, Mum—’ Lexi rolled her eyes, visibly cringing. ‘Poor guy, being trapped by someone desperate divorcee. I suppose he was too polite to refuse.’
Wondering if Ryan saw her as old and desperate, Jenna picked up the empty mugs and washed them by hand. ‘Of course he was being polite.’ She didn’t need her daughter to tell her that. ‘I’m going to spend a few hours unpacking before I do the clinic this afternoon. Come and see your bedroom.’
They wandered upstairs and Lexi stared into the pretty bedroom. It had been decorated in keeping with the beach setting, with white New England furniture. A rug with bold blue and white stripes sat in the centre of the white floorboards. ‘This is mine?’
‘Y
es. We can put your duvet cover on the bed and—’
‘Sorting out the bed isn’t going to make this my home.’
‘Home is where family is,’ Jenna said softly, ‘and I’m here with you.’ She felt a pang as she saw the vulnerability in Lexi’s eyes.
‘Well, that doesn’t mean anything does it?’ Her tone was flippant. ‘I mean—Dad just walked out. What’s stopping you doing the same?’
‘I’m not going to walk out, Lexi. Not ever.’ Jenna sank onto the edge of the bed, wanting to reassure her daughter. ‘I know how difficult this has been for you—’
‘No, you don’t! You haven’t got a clue—you have no idea how embarrassing it is that my Dad is having sex with a girl not much older than me!’ Her voice rose. ‘It’s gross!’
Jenna resisted the temptation to agree. ‘I told you—adults have relationships, Lexi.’
‘You were in a relationship,’ Lexi hissed. ‘With each other. Marriage is supposed to be for ever—isn’t that what you taught me?’
Jenna bit her lip. ‘Ideally, yes.’
‘So why didn’t you try and fix it with Dad?’
‘He didn’t want to fix it. And—’ Jenna thought about everything that had happened. The way he’d treated her. ‘Not everything can be fixed.’
‘Well, don’t tell me you know how I feel, because you have no idea.’ Lexi flounced out of the room and locked herself in the bathroom.
Jenna flopped onto the bed, feeling wrung-out and exhausted.
It was will-power that drove her downstairs to fetch the suitcases. Will-power that made her unpack methodically, finding homes for her pathetically small number of belongings. Unfortunately her will-power wasn’t strong enough to stop her from thinking about Ryan McKinley.
It was only when she was hanging her clothes in her wardrobe that she realised that they’d spent an hour and a half together and he’d told her nothing about himself.
Nothing at all.
CHAPTER FOUR
JENNA leant her bike against the wall near the quay, waving to Jim the ferryman.
‘Morning, Nurse Jenna. Finished your morning clinic?’ A grey haired lady with a stick ambled past her on the pavement and Jenna smiled.
‘Yes, all done, Mrs Hampton. How’s the hip?’
‘It’s a miracle. I’ve had my first good night’s sleep for four years. I was dreading the operation, if I’m honest—probably wouldn’t have gone ahead with it if Dr McKinley hadn’t encouraged me.’
‘Nurse Jenna?’ Someone touched her arm. ‘Sorry to bother you—’
The impromptu conversations continued, so that by the time she’d walked along South Quay and up to the row of terraced houses that overlooked the water she was ten minutes late.
Ryan was already there and glancing at his watch, a brooding frown on his handsome face.
Jenna quickened her pace and arrived breathless, although whether that was from rushing the last few metres or from the sight of him, she wasn’t sure. After two weeks working alongside him she knew that her body did strange things when Ryan was near. It didn’t matter that they kept every exchange strictly professional. That didn’t alter the chemistry. She hadn’t said anything, and neither had he, but they both knew it was there.
Funny, Jenna mused, that she could even recognise chemistry when she’d been with one man all her life. ‘I’m so sorry I’m late—I was waylaid.’
‘You did a clinic on the quay?’
‘How did you guess?’ Laughing, Jenna removed the clip from her hair. Smoothing her hands over her curls, she twisted it into a thick rope and secured it firmly. ‘There was a strong wind on the coast road. I must look as though I’ve been dragged through a hedge backwards.’
His eyes moved from her face to her hair. ‘That isn’t how you look.’
Colour stung her cheeks and she felt a shaft of awareness pierce low in her pelvis. ‘Did you know Abby Brown is pregnant? I saw her eating a double chocolate fudge sundae in Meg’s Café to celebrate.’
Ryan gave a wry smile. ‘Let’s hope she doesn’t keep that up throughout the pregnancy. Are you ready?’ But before he could press the doorbell the door opened and a woman stood there, a baby in her arms and a harassed look on her face. ‘Hello, Elaine.’
‘Oh, Dr McKinley—come on in.’ The woman stood to one side and almost tripped over the dog which was bouncing in the hallway. As his tail hit the umbrella stand flying, the woman winced. ‘Whatever possessed me to say yes to a dog? Not only does he make Hope’s asthma worse, he knocks everything over.’
‘He’s beautiful.’ Jenna bent down and made a fuss of the dog, and the animal leaped up and tried to lick her face, sensing an ally.
‘Sorry—we’ve failed to teach him any manners.’
‘I don’t mind.’ Giggling, Jenna pushed the dog down. ‘What’s his name?’
‘We haven’t decided—at the moment he’s just called Black.’
Jenna tried to look stern. ‘Sit!’
Black sat, and Ryan lifted an eyebrow. ‘That’s the first time I’ve seen that animal do as it’s told.’
Elaine was astonished. ‘You’re so good with dogs! Do you have your own?’
‘No.’ Jenna stared at the black Labrador, who stared back, tongue lolling, tail wagging over the floor. It was a long time since anyone had looked at her with such adoration and unquestioning trust. ‘I don’t have a dog of my own.’
A family, she thought, didn’t have to be a mother, a father and two children.
‘You should think about getting one—you’re obviously good with animals.’ Elaine ushered them into the living room. ‘Hope’s on the sofa. She’s had a much better night. We kept Black locked in the garden shed, and I vacuumed all the dog hairs this morning, but I haven’t quite got my head round taking him back to the home.’
Jenna followed Ryan into the sitting room and noticed that the little girl’s face brightened when she saw him.
‘Dr Mac—I’ve been eating ice cream and jelly.’
‘For breakfast?’ Ryan pulled a face and sat down next to the child. He admired her doll, had a solemn conversation about which outfit she ought to wear for the day, and then pulled out his stethoscope. ‘Can I listen to your chest?’
‘It’s all better.’
‘So I hear. That’s good. Can I listen?’
‘OK.’ With a wide smile, the little girl lay back on the sofa and waited.
His hands infinitely gentle, Ryan listened to her breathing, and watching him with the child made Jenna’s breath catch. He focused entirely on the little girl, listening to every word she said as if she were the most important person in the room. ‘I’ve been thinking about the attack she had, Elaine.’ He folded the stethoscope and slid it back into his bag. ‘You say she’s using a normal inhaler, is that right?’
‘Yes.’
‘I think that might be the problem. I want to try her with a spacer—it’s a device that relies less on technique, which is very useful for younger children. It makes sure they inhale the complete dose. To see you’re taught to use it properly I’ve brought Nurse Jenna along with me.’ Ryan gave a self-deprecating smile. ‘I’m the first to admit that training children in inhaler technique probably isn’t my forte, so I’ve called in the experts. Jenna used to do it all the time in her last job.’
Jenna removed the spacer from her bag and showed Hope’s mother how it worked, explaining exactly what she had to do. ‘It’s really that simple.’
‘She’s due a dose now,’ Elaine said. ‘Could you check we do it right?’
Jenna watched, made a few suggestions, and explained to Hope exactly why it was important for her to take the drug.
‘I breathe in that space thing every time?’
‘Every time.’
‘If I do that can I keep Black?’
Elaine sighed. ‘No, sweetie. Black has to go.’
Hope’s eyes filled with tears. ‘But I love him. I can’t send him back to that horrid place. I made him a promise. I promi
sed him he had a home now.’
Feeling tears in her own eyes, Jenna blinked rapidly, feeling every bit of Elaine’s anguish as a mother.
Elaine sank onto the sofa and shook her head. ‘I have to take him back, Hope.’ Her voice cracked. ‘We can’t keep him here. I can’t risk going through what I went through the other night with you. I know it’s hard, but we have no choice.’
‘But I promised him he’d have a home and be loved.’ Hope was sobbing now, great tearing sobs that shook her tiny body. ‘I promised him, Mummy, and I can’t break a promise. He’ll be all on his own again. He’ll think no one loves him.’
‘I’ll have him.’ Jenna blurted the words past the lump in her throat and then stood in stunned silence, absorbing two things. Firstly, that she’d just got herself a dog, and secondly that making that decision had felt incredibly liberating.
For once she’d thought about herself. Not Clive. Not her mother. Herself.
Realising that everyone was looking at her, she shrugged. ‘I’d like to have him. Really.’ She looked at Hope. ‘And I’ll love him and give him a good home. So you won’t have broken your promise…’
A tearful Elaine exchanged glances with Ryan. ‘You want to take the dog?’
‘I do.’ Jenna spoke the words firmly, almost defiantly. Like a wedding ceremony, she thought with wry humour. Do you take this dog…? Only she knew without a flicker of doubt that the dog would never disappoint her. ‘I really do. My daughter will be thrilled. And any time you want to come and see him, or meet up on the beach to throw a stick or two, you just bang on my front door…’
Ryan took a deep breath. ‘Jenna, perhaps you should think about this—’
‘I’ve thought about it for about thirty years. I’ve wanted a dog since I was a child.’
But her mother had said no. Then Clive had said no.
The advantage of being her own woman, in charge of her own life, was that there was no one to say no. And even if someone did say no, she wasn’t sure she’d listen any more. She’d been weak, she realised. She’d allowed her own needs to come second. Her life had been about what Clive wanted. What Clive needed. And she’d been so busy keeping him happy, determined to keep her marriage alive and prove her mother wrong, that she’d stopped asking herself what she wanted.