Summer Kisses

by Sarah Morgan

  The afternoon passed quickly, and she was clearing up when her friend Monica arrived to teach a yoga class.

  Grace and Monica had met when pregnant. No one understood the anxieties of parenting like another mother and it was good to talk to Monica, even though her friend often made her feel inferior.

  Monica was obsessed with living a healthy lifestyle. She blamed red meat for at least half the wrongs in the world. She juiced, grew her own vegetables and taught yoga. She insisted the whole family were vegetarian, although David swore he’d once seen Monica’s husband devouring a sixteen-ounce bone-in rib eye at a steak house in the neighboring town. They’d only socialized once as a couple—a dinner consisting almost entirely of lentils, after which David hadn’t been able to leave the bathroom for twenty-four hours.

  Never again, he’d yelled through the bathroom door. She’s your friend.

  Grace, whose own stomach was listing like the deck of a ship in a storm, had agreed.

  From that point onward the friendship had been confined to the two women.

  They met for coffee, or lunch, or the occasional spa day.

  Despite David’s reservations, Grace loved Monica. She had a good heart and teaching yoga here at Rushing River was an example of that.

  Grace helped Monica set out her equipment in the exercise studio. “How is Chrissie?”

  “Anxious. Not sure what she’ll do if she doesn’t get her first choice of college. The waiting is driving us insane. I’ve been practicing meditation techniques, but they don’t seem to be working.”

  “Sophie is stressed, too. They’re not going to hear until next month.”

  Both girls were hoping for places at Ivy League colleges, and Grace and Monica knew there would be major disappointment if they didn’t get in.

  “Chrissie wants Brown because she loves their program, but I want it because it’s close.” Monica removed her sweatshirt, revealing perfectly toned arms. “I want to be able to visit sometimes.” She sent Grace a guilty glance. “Sorry. That was tactless.”

  Grace would have loved her daughter to go to college on the east coast, too, but Sophie was desperate for Stanford and excited about going to California. Grace wouldn’t have wanted to stop her, or try to persuade her to pick a college closer to home. She was pleased that Sophie had the confidence to fly far from the nest.

  “Do you think about it a lot? What life will be like when she leaves?” Monica dug out the microphone she used to teach her class. “Chrissie seems so young still. Todd is dreading her leaving, although at least we don’t have to worry about her suddenly going off the rails. She’s such a steady, sensible girl. How’s David taking it?”

  “He seems relaxed. We don’t really talk about it.” Grace didn’t want to spoil the last few months of having Sophie at home by constantly focusing on her departure. She’d hidden her feelings of anxiety in case she somehow transmitted them to her daughter. She and David were not Sophie’s responsibility.

  She’d stuck to that resolution—even with friends. “It will be a change, of course, but we’re both looking forward to having some time together.”

  Long summer days stretched ahead, just her and David… No Sophie bouncing into the kitchen and raiding the fridge. No clothes strewn around the house and open books on the furniture. No letters of outrage spread across the kitchen counter ready to be mailed.

  When Sophie left there would be a big gaping hole in her life. There were moments when it scared her to think about it, but she knew it was up to her and David to fill it.

  “You’re both so well-adjusted.” Monica clipped the microphone to her top. “When Chrissie first raised the possibility of going to Europe with Sophie this summer I thought Todd was going to explode. I keep telling him she’s not a child anymore and that she wants to be with her friends. But I’m worrying a little, too. Do you think we should have encouraged them to do something less adventurous?”

  “I was the same age when I first went to Paris. It was an unforgettable experience.”

  Memories flashed through her head. Rain-soaked Paris streets, sunshine filtering through the trees in the Jardins des Tuileries, her first proper kiss in the moonlight with the river Seine sparkling behind her. The glimpse of a life so far removed from hers, it made her dizzy. The excitement of knowing there was a whole world out there waiting for her.

  Philippe.

  First love.

  And then the phone call that had changed everything.

  It all seemed so long ago.

  “But they’re doing Rome and Florence, too.” Monica wasn’t reassured. “I’ve heard bad things about Florence. Donna’s daughter had her purse stolen, and she said they didn’t dare go out unless there were two of them—even in the day. They were groped all the time. And what if someone spikes their drinks? I don’t want Chrissie introducing poisons to her system. She’s never even had antibiotics.”

  Grace dragged herself out of the past. She was pretty sure that Chrissie would be poisoning her system plenty when she got to college. “They’re sensible. If they do get into trouble—which they won’t—they can call us. David and I will be in Paris for a month.”

  It sounded exotic, and suddenly it felt as if a door had opened just a chink. Part of her would always ache for those days when her daughter had been safely nestled in the protective cocoon of the family, but there were plenty of things to be excited about in the future.

  Possibilities stretched before her.

  David’s parents had passed away early in their marriage and he had no other family. He’d often said that Grace and Sophie were his whole world, and Grace was happy with that because she felt the same way. And she had Mimi, too. She smiled. Her buttercream frosting.

  The idea of a month in Europe, when every day would be completely their own, left her feeling almost light-headed. They’d lounge in bed, enjoy long breakfasts on the balcony of the hotel, do some sightseeing. They’d have the time and energy for sex, and wouldn’t have to worry that Sophie might disturb them.

  She’d miss Sophie, but the more she thought about it the more excited she was about spending more time with David.

  She raised the subject later, when she and David were at dinner.

  “I’ve been thinking of all the things we can do when Sophie has left for college.”

  The restaurant was full. They were surrounded by the low hum of conversation, the clink of glasses, the occasional sound of laughter. Candles flickered on tables and silverware gleamed.

  “We don’t know where she’s going yet.” He tucked into his boeuf bourguignon. The scent of herbs and red wine drifted across the table. “She might not get in.”

  “She will. She’s smart. And she works hard. Our baby is grown-up.”

  From behind them there was a burst of applause. Grace turned her head. A man was on one knee behind them, holding out a ring to a weeping woman. Grace clapped, too, and then glanced back at David. She’d expected him to wink at her, or maybe roll his eyes at the clichéd public display, but David wasn’t smiling. He was staring at the couple with an expression Grace couldn’t quite interpret.

  “It’s going to be just the two of us,” he said. He watched as the man slid a ring onto the woman’s finger. “Do you ever think about that?”

  Grace shifted in her seat so that her back was to the couple. She’d ordered the duck confit, and it was delicious. “Of course. I’ve also been thinking of all the things we can do. I’m looking forward to it, aren’t you?”

  She was so caught up in her own burst of positivity that it took a moment for her to realize he hadn’t answered her. He was still staring past her to the couple.

  “David?”

  He put his fork down. “I feel old, Grace. As if the best days of my life are behind me.”

  “What? David, that’s insane. You’re in your prime! If it helps, Mimi thinks you’re sexier than you’ve ever been.”

  She thought so, too. When you grew up alongside someone you didn’t always see the
m the way a stranger did, but lately she’d found herself looking at the width of David’s shoulders or the shadow on his jaw and thinking nice. Age had given him a gravitas that she found irresistible.

  At the mention of Mimi, the tension left his features. His eyes crinkled at the corners—a precursor of the smile she loved so much. “You’ve been discussing my sex appeal with your grandmother?”

  “You know what she’s like. I swear if I weren’t already married to you, she’d marry you. No, actually…” She frowned. “Marriage is too establishment for Mimi. She wouldn’t want to be tied down. She’d sleep with you, and then discard you and not even remember your name. Paris is paved with the fragments of all the hearts Mimi broke there.”

  And soon they’d be going there. Maybe this was a good time to tell him.

  He fiddled with his knife. “I still remember the day Sophie was born. I can’t believe she’s leaving home.”

  “It’s natural to feel that way, but we should be proud. We’ve raised a smart, kind, independent adult. That was our job as parents. She thinks for herself, and now she’s going to live by herself. It’s the way things are supposed to be.”

  The fact that it hadn’t been that way for her had made her all the more determined to make it happen for her daughter.

  David put his knife down. “A milestone like this really makes you take a good look at your life. I’ve been thinking about us, Grace.”

  She nodded, pleased. “I’ve been thinking about us, too. We should celebrate our fresh start. And our summer won’t be empty, because I have the perfect way to fill it. Happy anniversary, David.”

  She handed over the parcel she’d kept hidden under her chair. The paper was covered in tiny pictures of Paris landmarks. The Eiffel Tower. The Arc du Triomphe. The Louvre. It had taken two hours of searching to find it on the internet.

  “What’s this?”

  “It’s my anniversary surprise. We always take a trip and make a new memory. This is a special one. And maybe you’ll feel inspired to work on your novel.” He’d been working on a book for as long as she’d known him, but had never finished it.

  “A trip?” He removed the paper slowly, as if he wasn’t sure he wanted to know what was underneath.

  The couple at the next table glanced at them, intrigued. She knew them vaguely—in the way everyone knew everyone in a small town like this one. Faces were always familiar. Someone’s cousin. Someone’s aunt. Someone’s husband.

  David pulled out the street map of Paris she’d also ordered on the internet. “We’re going to Paris?”

  “Yes!” She was ridiculously pleased with herself. “It’s all booked. We’re going for a month, right through July. You’re going to love it, David.”

  “A month?”

  “If you’re worried about taking the time off work, don’t be. I already spoke to Stephen, and he thinks it’s a great idea. You’ve been working hard, and July is a quiet month, and—”

  “Wait. You spoke to my boss?” He rubbed his jaw, as if he’d suffered a physical blow. Streaks of color appeared on his cheekbones and she couldn’t work out if it was anger or embarrassment.

  “I needed to know you could take the time off.” Perhaps she shouldn’t have done that—although Stephen had been charming about it.

  “Grace, you don’t have to handle every detail of my life.”

  “I thought you’d be thrilled.” Wasn’t he going to look at the other items in the box? There was a ticket for the Métro, the Paris subway, a postcard of the Eiffel Tower and a glossy brochure for the hotel she’d booked. “This trip is for us. We’ll have a month together in the summer, exploring the city. We can eat dinner outside in pavement cafés, watch the world go by and decide what we want our future to look like. Just the two of us.”

  She was determined to view this new phase of life as an adventure and a celebration, not as a time for regrets and nostalgia.

  Would it feel weird being in Paris with David? No, of course it wouldn’t. Her last visit had been decades ago. It was part of a past she didn’t let herself think about.

  “You should have talked to me about this, Grace.”

  “I wanted it to be a surprise.”

  He looked sick. She started to feel sick, too. The evening wasn’t going the way she’d imagined it.

  He closed the box. “You’ve booked everything already? Yes, of course you have. You’re you.”

  “What’s that supposed to mean?” Was she supposed to apologize for something that was one of her best qualities? Being organized was a good thing. She’d grown up with the opposite and she knew how bad that was.

  “You do everything—even though I’m capable of doing things for myself. You don’t have to buy my boss’s gift, Grace. I can handle it.”

  “I know you can handle it, but I’m happy to do it so that you don’t have to.”

  “You organize every single small detail of our lives.”

  “So nothing gets forgotten.”

  “I understand why that is important to you. Really, I do.”

  There was gentleness in his tone and the sympathy in his eyes made her squirm a little. It was like walking into a crowded room and discovering you’d forgotten to button your shirt.

  “We don’t need to talk about bad stuff on a night like tonight.”

  “Maybe we do. Maybe we should have talked about it a lot more than we have.”

  “It’s our anniversary. This is a celebration. You’re worried I’m doing too much? It’s fine, David. I like to do it. It’s not a problem.”

  She reached across the table but he moved his hand away.

  “It’s a problem for me, Grace.”

  “Why? You’re busy, and I love spoiling you.”

  “You make me feel…” He rubbed his jaw. “Incapable. Sometimes I wonder if you even need me.”

  Her insides swooped. She felt as if she’d stepped off a cliff. “How can you say that? You know it’s not true.”

  “Do I? You plan every detail of our lives. You are the most independent woman I know. What exactly do I contribute to this marriage?”

  At any other time she would have said great sex, and they both would have collapsed with laughter, but tonight David wasn’t laughing and she didn’t feel like laughing either.

  The people at the table closest to them were staring.

  Grace didn’t care.

  “You contribute plenty! David—”

  “We have to talk, Grace.” He pushed his plate to one side, his meal only half-eaten. “I wasn’t going to say this tonight, but—”

  “But what? What do you want to talk about?” Unease mushroomed inside her. He didn’t sound like himself. David was always sure, confident and dependable. She almost always knew what he was thinking. “Why do you keep rubbing your jaw?”

  “Because it aches.”

  “You should see the dentist. Maybe you have an abscess or something. I’ll make you an appointment in the morning—” She stopped in midsentence. “Or you can make it yourself if you prefer.”

  “I want a divorce, Grace.”

  There was a strange ringing in her ears. The background music and the clatter from the kitchen had distorted his words. He couldn’t possibly have just said what she’d thought he said.

  “Excuse me?”

  “A divorce.” He tugged at the collar of his shirt as if it was strangling him. “Saying those words makes me feel sick. I never wanted to hurt you, Gracie.”

  She hadn’t misheard him.

  “Is this because I bought Stephen a gift?”

  “No.” He muttered something and tugged at his collar again. “I shouldn’t be doing this now. I didn’t plan to. I should have—”

  “Is it because of Sophie leaving? I know it’s unsettling…”

  Panic gripped her heart. Squeezed. Squeezed some more. Her lungs. She couldn’t breathe. She was going to pass out in her duck confit. She imagined the story appearing in the following day’s edition of the Woodbrook Post.
/>   A local woman was asphyxiated when she fell face-first into her meal.

  “It’s not because of Sophie. It’s us. Things haven’t been right for a while.”

  There was something in David’s eyes she’d never seen before.

  Pity. Yes, there was sadness, and also guilt, but it was the pity that tore her to shreds.

  This was David. Her David—who had cried on their wedding day because he loved her so much, who had held her while their daughter fought her way into the world and been there for Grace through thick and thin. David, her best friend and the only person who truly knew her.

  He would never want to see her hurt, let alone hurt her himself. Knowing that, she felt her panic turn to fear. He didn’t want to hurt her but he was doing it anyway—which meant this was serious. He’d decided he’d rather hurt her than stay with her.

  “I don’t understand.” Surely if something hadn’t been right, she’d have known? She and David had been a team for as long as she could remember. Without him she would have fallen apart all those years ago. “What hasn’t been right, David?”

  “Our lives have become…I don’t know. Boring.” His forehead glistened with sweat. “Predictable. I go to work in the same place, see the same people and I come home every day to—”

  “To me.” It was all too easy to finish his sentence. “So what you’re really saying is that I’m predictable. I’m boring.” Her hands were shaking and she clasped them in her lap.

  “It’s not you, Grace. It’s me.”

  The fact that he was shouldering the blame didn’t help. “How can it be all you? I’m the one you’re married to and you’re unhappy—which means I’m doing something wrong.” And the problem was that she loved the fact that their life was predictable. “I grew up with unpredictability, David. Believe me, it’s overrated.”

  “I know what you grew up with.”

  Of course he did.

  Was she boring? God, was it true?

  It was true that she was a little obsessed about them being good parents to Sophie, but that was important to David, too.

  He undid another button on his shirt and gestured to the waiter to bring more water. “Why is it so hot in here? I don’t feel too good… I can’t remember what I was saying…”