by Paige Hill
Slouching in my chair, I swirl the bourbon around the glass before downing the rest. I need a distraction. Scanning the space, I search for a suitable distraction. Something tall, blonde, and curve-less. That should do it.
My scan doesn’t get far before my eyes are drawn back to her like magnets. She looks stunning. The satin bridesmaid dress is a deep shade of purple and lays against her curves, making my fingers itch to touch them. The fabric hugs her hips and flares slightly, gracing the floor. Her long dark hair is swept over one shoulder, falling in loose curls, lending an old Hollywood effect.
I can’t look at her any longer.
Making my way to the bar, I stop to congratulate the happy couple.
“Congratulations, beautiful.” I lean in, placing a light kiss on Teagan’s cheek. “And you. Gonna be a dad. Congrats, man.” He leans in for the customary bro handshake/hug/back slap combo.
“Thanks for letting us use your place.” He smiles at his new wife, and I honest-to-God see something I’ve never seen before.
True love.
My stomach tightens uncomfortably, and I excuse myself. The romance in the air threatens to choke me.
Taking my drink from the bartender, I nearly run over Celeste.
“Aiden,” she exhales, startled.
“Tinker Bell,” I reply, never breaking eye contact as the bourbon burns down my throat. Her deep green eyes break contact first, scanning the area as if she’s looking for someone.
“Lose your boyfriend?” I ask harshly.
“Don’t be an ass, Aiden. You know very well that we aren’t a couple. But, yes. I want to dance.” I lose her attention again as she searches the small crowd.
“Unless you want to?” she glances at me and arches a dark eyebrow.
“Not a chance.”
“Ugh, you’re such an ass,” she snaps, stomping away in her fuck-me heels.
And the Dumbass of the Year award goes to…
CELESTE
Trying to shake all thoughts of Aiden in a tux from my memory, I focus on Trent. His dark brown, almost black hair is buzzed in a military style cut and his lashes would make most women envious. He’s been a blast to hang out with and has taken a genuine interest in getting to know me. I’ve learned a little about him as well. He works with Declan and Aiden, has lived in Miami his entire life, and goes deep sea fishing in his free time. He’s attractive, polite, and exactly what I need.
Perfectly uncomplicated.
As the empty glasses breed like rabbits on the table, our interactions shift. I made it clear that I’m not looking for anything more than a night of fun.
“Marry me?” he pleads, grinning widely. “You’re the whole damn package.”
“You couldn’t handle my package,” I wink, and he doubles over, laughing hysterically.
“Now I’m nervous,” he teases.
“You should be.”
Standing from my chair, I glance around noticing the vast majority of guests have gone home. Time to get out of here. Pulling Trent by the hand behind me, I lead us to a dimmer lit area at the side of the house.
The night air is warm as it blows through the trees. Declan and Teagan couldn’t have picked a more perfect night to get married.
“Miss Martinez, what ever will I do with you?” he asks, wasting no time caging me against the rough siding on the house.
He doesn’t wait for an answer before taking my mouth. His warm kiss is nice, nothing overly spectacular, but pleasant all the same. His hands begin to roam, one sliding behind my neck, the other snaking up the slit in my dress, exposing my left leg. I pull my leg tighter around his waist, and he grips my ass firmly. Grinding against him, I move to untuck his shirt, but I stumble forward, desperate to catch myself as his form suddenly vanishes.
Righting myself against a tree, my eyes finally adjust to the dark and I kind of wish they hadn’t.
Aiden has Trent pinned, hand at his throat.
“What the hell?” I shriek, running to pull Aiden back.
I shove myself full speed into Aiden’s large form, but my efforts are futile. I bounce off, stumbling again, but Aiden manages to catch me before I fall, all the while maintaining his hold on Trent’s neck.
“Let him go!” I scream, fighting against his grip. He releases both of us at the same time, taking a much-needed step back. Trent bends at the waist, gasping for air and when he raises up, I see that his eye is already starting to swell.
“What the hell is wrong with you?” My voice is so high, my throat burns.
Aiden takes another step back, his eyes wide before shaking his head like he’s clearing the fog.
“He fucks everything that moves, Celeste. He’s a player.”
“Oh, that’s rich coming from you,” I seethe. “Did you ever stop to think that maybe that’s all I wanted? What I do is none of your damn business. You’re a fucking lunatic.”
“What the hell, man.” Trent glares at him, rubbing his throat. “I’m out of here. Call me when you get rid of this asshole.” He gestures toward Aiden before stomping off toward the parked cars.
“Stay away from me.” My voice catches as I blink away frustrated tears.
He called me Tinkerbell which seems ironic because crazy follows me like Peter Pan’s shadow.
“He did what?” Erin snaps her head in my direction so fast I’m afraid she’s going to fling an earring.
“By the throat. Serious as a heart attack. He’s mental.”
“Sweet Jesus. I don’t know if you should be mad or turned on.”
The entire table erupts with laughter and I can’t help but giggle as I throw a discarded lime at her.
Teagan, Taylor, Erin, and I all made it a biweekly tradition to meet at Blind Luck, the bar across from my salon, and just take a moment to enjoy ourselves. Each one of us is a workaholic, so it’s nice to set aside time for ourselves and our friends. The last few months have been hell on most of us, but one great thing came from all the nonsense—I have new friends, and I couldn’t ask for a better group of women to have my back.
“Taylor, you’re not helping. Of course I’m mad,” I continue, counting his offenses on my fingers, “He treats me like a whore, screws me, literally and figuratively I might add, acts like he doesn’t want me, then threatens the guy who actually likes me? What gives?”
“I don’t know, girly. He isn’t exactly forthcoming with his emotional status, and even if he did tell Declan, there is no way in hell he’d spill it to me. I mean, when I told Declan I wanted to introduce you to Trent, he told me Briggs didn’t like him. But I never thought the night would end quite like that.”
Teagan is right, Declan would never break that trust and I would never ask him to. This whole situation just seems so juvenile.
Man up and hate me or date me, already.
“Dayum…” Taylor yell-whispers, slapping me in the arm. “I don’t know what has his panties in a wad, but if you do not march your ass over right now and find out how to get that guy into yours, I quit,” she says, gesturing toward a sexy stranger perched at the bar.
“You wouldn’t dare,” I fake astonishment.
“Try me,” she quips, cocking a perfectly sculpted eyebrow.
Turning my attention back to the hottie at the bar, I do a quick pro-con list. Pros, he’s hot as hell, appears to be drinking water (won’t be sloppy), and I haven’t had sex since Aiden.
I need to get his memory off my skin. Pronto.
Cons, he could be a serial killer, I am way too easy (sorry mom), and even though I desperately wanted to cut him in his sleep, Aiden is the best sex I’ve ever had. Like, it’s going to take a real champ to top that one.
“Alright fine, you’ve twisted my arm. You bitches better call me tomorrow and make sure he didn’t murder me.” I laugh, grabbing my water, trying to figure out how to play this. Teagan isn’t drinking, obviously, because she’s prego, but I just didn’t feel like it. As tired as I am, half a drink and I’d be comatose.
Snagging
the empty worn barstool to his left, I settle in.
His slightly shaggy, light brown hair touches the collar of his pressed shirt. His attire is slightly fancier than the usual crowd here.
He turns my direction almost immediately and I am face-to-face with a fantastic set of light blue eyes.
“Hello Gorgeous, Kevin.” Blue Eyes juts a hand out.
“Celeste.” I grip his hand firmly in return. His hands are much softer than I anticipated.
“Celeste. What a beautiful name. May I buy you a drink?”
“I’m sticking with water tonight.” I hold the glass up before taking a sip. He politely nods his head in understanding and leans closer as the music gets louder.
We chat for about forty-five minutes, and before I realize it, I have turned my stool completely his direction. Surprisingly enough, he is a really interesting guy. The kind you could see yourself being good friends with.
My phone continually vibrates with incoming text messages, but I ignore them. It feels rude to check my phone while having a conversation.
The bar crowd steadily grows, increasing the noise decibel and lending excuses for more intimate conversation. He leans in and I’m positive he’s going to kiss me, so I lean in as well, only my arm tips my glass… Right into my lap. I swear I deserve a medal for how majestically awkward I am.
After we both calm our laughter, I can still feel the heat in my cheeks as he tries to help me dry my clothes. His lips brush my ear. “I’m going to kiss you, now,” he whispers.
I nod silently before his lips connect with mine. Like it was with Trent, his kiss is sweet, and not at all unpleasant. Pulling back, he licks his lips and smiles. It’s a dangerous move and he knows it.
“If you will excuse me, I’m gonna run to the bathroom, but I’ll be right back,” he winks.
My phone vibrates again, so I relent, slightly worried I’ve ignored an important call. I open my phone to find ten messages, all from the girls telling me Aiden is here.
“Can I talk to you to you for a minute?” His southern drawl is particularly heavy tonight.
“What do you want, Aiden?” I ask, not bothering to turn around and face him.
“You don’t want to mess with him, Celeste.”
“You know what, Aiden? You don’t get to choose who spend my time with. Run along.” I turn, flipping my hand toward the door.
“He’s lying to you.”
“And how could you possibly know that?” I snap. “Never mind, it doesn’t matter. Just leave me the hell alone.”
“I’m not going anywhere until you listen to me.” He leans in, placing his hands on the bar, caging me in.
I have had enough of his demands. I’m not a dog and I damn sure don’t have to listen to him. Dipping my fingers into my water glass, I flick the cold water in his face, and he jerks his head back, looking at me in astonished confusion.
“The power of Christ compels you!” I sneer. We are way passed maturity at this point. “What?” I ask defensively. “You’re clearly possessed by some jealous ass demon. You don’t want me, but no one else can have me. Is that it? Let me do you a favor and I’ll exorcise myself out of your system,” I spit, dumping the contents of my glass over his head at the same time I duck under his arm, only to run straight into Kevin.
Just great.
Despite the icy temperature of the water, Aiden’s face reddens as he struggles to reign in his anger.
“Is there a problem here?” Kevin asks, his eyes searching mine for the truth.
“Everything’s peachy. Aiden was just leaving,” I grit through my teeth.
“Tell her the truth, asshole.” Aiden’s hands flex at his sides.
Aiden is a good six inches taller than Kevin and twice as wide. I watch him swallow, but to his credit, he never flinches. But he never speaks, either.
“What the hell is going on?” I yell, really tired of this pissing contest.
“He’s married.”
“What?” I ask as confusion washes over me. Looking to Kevin for guidance, I see his head drop.
“He’s in town on a business trip. I heard him on the phone with her when I walked past the bathroom.”
“Mind your own business—” Kevin doesn’t finish the sentence because he’s lying on the floor, holding his nose.
“Explain that to your wife, prick,” Aiden taunts.
Stepping back, I eye both men with contempt. “Why are all men assholes?” I shout, turning to exit the back door. I need fresh air, and distance from him.
My mind spins trying to understand what it is he wants from me. Why does he even care if I screw a married man? What I do is none of his business. Besides, he acts like he’d rather shoot himself in the eye with a nail gun than touch me, yet no one else can either?
He’s hot, then he’s cold. It’s like someone flips a switch and suddenly, he’s a different person. It’s exhausting, and I can’t do this with him anymore. It really shouldn’t be this difficult. He either wants some part of me, or he doesn’t. I thought that was a pretty simple concept. I’m not asking for a diamond ring, a house in the suburbs, and two point five kids.
I just want a mind-blowing orgasm. Is that too much to ask for?
The heavy steel door slams behind me as I head down the alley. I shouldn’t have come this way; it’s sparsely lit and dangerous, but I needed outside and it was the closest door. The darker it gets, the more I regret the decision. It doesn’t seem to matter how old I am, I’ve never outgrown my fear of the dark.
The door hits the brick wall with force, startling me. Holding my chest, trying to calm my racing heart, I watch Aiden cross the alley with what can only be described as purpose.
“Why do you have this constant desire to fuck with my head? I can’t take it, Aiden. This back and forth with you,” I thrust my hand rapidly between our bodies. “It’s exhausting. Just let me go. I’m not going to sit around and wait for you to maybe decide you want me,” I scream, the sound echoing between the buildings.
“That’s the problem!” He throws the bottle of beer in his hand, shattering it against the alley wall. “I want you so bad I can’t think straight!” His nostrils flare and his eyes widen as if he hadn’t meant to voice his admission. Or even accepted it himself.
Heavy breathing is the only sound hanging in the air as we stare at each other, speechless. Aiden backs up to the dirty brick wall, sliding slowly to a sitting position. Breaking eye contact first, he hangs his head in defeat.
“You just assaulted another person, Aiden. What do you think is going to happen if he presses charges? Your badge isn’t a get out of jail free card.”
“What does that have to do with this conversation, Celeste?” he sighs, sounding defeated.
Realization drives a pin straight through my chest. His entire life is built around disregard for his own well-being. Consequences don’t matter because he believes he doesn’t matter.
“How do you expect to care about another person when you don’t even care about yourself? Your actions haven’t been fair to anyone. Not you, not those men, and certainly not me.” I watch him stare at the ground a few more seconds, trying to wrap my head around everything happening between us. Or not happening, as it were.
“I’m sorry,” he says exhaling. He raises his eyes back to mine, but this time I see vulnerability in his gaze. It strikes me deep in my chest, but I can’t react. I’m stuck, frozen by pain I’m certain he’s never let anyone else see.
“The person you should be apologizing to is yourself.” My voice is barely above a whisper. While I want nothing more than to comfort him, to take away some of the anguish in his stare, I know I can’t.
He begins his rebuttal, but his phone blares to life again. The notes dance against stone walls creating a symphony to our pain. Both of us ignore the sound, taking the moment to once again gather our shields.
When the ring finally ceases, he exhales deeply.
“I am who I am. I’m fucked up and I’m never going to
say the right things. You can’t change that.”
“Aiden, that’s the problem. We are all fucked up. It’s not an excuse to be an ass. You automatically assumed that I’d want more than you could give, or I’d fuck you over in some way. Just another excuse. You never once stopped to ask what I want. Or what you need for that matter. You made this something it never had to be.”
“And what’s that?” he asks, his tone trying to shield his raw emotion.
“Complicated.”
I feel his pain so deeply that I’ve gone numb.
“Aiden, I have enough to worry about in my life. I don’t have time to play these games.” My voice hitches as I’m reminded of the situation with Alex. “While you’re playing a game of tug of war, I’m wondering if my little brother is still alive and how I’m going to care for my niece if he’s gone. I want what’s best for you, Aiden, but right now the cost is too high.”
His eyes soften and he starts to say something but chooses not to. His face is stricken and if I’m honest, it pisses me off. I want him to say something. I need him to understand. Nothingness stretches between us and it’s a silence more deafening than Krakatoa.
There is nothing I can ever do or say to make him see the value in life. It physically pains me to see this beautifully damaged man fall apart, but he must have the strength to put himself back together all on his own. A lesson I learned long ago.
One I need to remember myself because it suddenly feels like I’ve lost something I never knew I had. My eyes well with burning tears and my heels clack against the wet concrete as I leave him to fight his demons, defeated and alone.
Chapter Twenty-Three
Aiden
For only the second time in my adult life, I succumb to the pain and let it consume me.
How did I get here?
I’ve carefully constructed my life so that I could prevent this exact moment. The moment what little remained of my heart would be removed with surgical precision and placed into the hands of my destroyer.