Fall (Fate Series Book 2)

by Paige Hill

  She doesn’t even realize she’s holding the shrapnel left behind six years ago. It’s times like this that make me question why people go through life purposefully doing things that will, in the end, destroy us.

  Flat on my ass in this dark alley, I cry. I let the doubt, the fear, and self-loathing drain from my body. It feels like an exorcism. The poison I’ve been living with for six years lets go of my soul. Some sick part of me wants to grab it and hold onto the only familiar feeling I have. But I can no longer go through life taking only half breaths.

  Everything Celeste said rings true. I was so afraid she would ruin me, and I was right. It just didn’t happen quite like I expected. I kept my distance because deep down I knew—I knew she would be the beginning of my end.

  I knew I wouldn’t be able to walk away and that scared me to my core.

  Celeste is unlike any woman I’ve ever met. She’s impossibly strong-willed and takes no shit. She gives with everything she has and expects nothing in return. She’s the only woman who’s ever challenged me. And while I hold the one scrap of information that would give her the peace she so desperately needs, I can’t give it to her. What does that make me?

  Sitting in this dirty alley, wet concrete under me, trash and sea air permeate my senses and I have to ask myself the most important question I’ve ever asked.

  Do I love her?

  “The fact that you had to question it should be all the proof you need.”

  My head jerks up, smacking hard against the brick exterior of the building behind me.

  “Fuck,” I scream, frustrated as I grab the back of my suddenly throbbing head.

  “Karma,” Bennie teases, taking a seat next to me.

  Silence stretches between us as I let his statement settle.

  He’s the first to speak. “She’s fiercely loyal, you know.” He picks up a pebble and chucks it across the alley. “There is nothing she won’t do to help someone she loves.”

  He pulls his knees up, resting his elbows.

  Not having the strength to speak, I nod, slightly embarrassed to have a witness for my breakdown.

  “Did you know she was going to marry me?”

  My eyes dart to his profile, not at all comfortable with the myriad of emotions coursing through me.

  “Yep,” he pops the ‘P’. “That’s how much she loved me. Her best friend, the neighborhood homo.”

  I swallow thickly, knowing where this is going but needing to hear it all the same.

  “She was the only person who saw me as I really am. When I’d get beat up or come home crying and terrified to leave my house, she always had my back. The older we got, the harder it was to hide the fact that I was gay. I was so scared to admit who I was. She held me for hours as I cried, praying no one would ever really know the truth. I could live with suspicion.

  “She tried so hard to get me to embrace it. To be who I am. But fear clouded my every thought and I wouldn’t budge on my decision to never act on those feelings. So, on the night of our high school graduation, she got down on one knee and proposed.” Fat tears begin to stream down his slightly stubbled cheeks as he’s thrust back in time.

  “She told me she would rather die than watch her best friend grow up miserable and marry someone they didn’t love. She hated that I was too afraid to be my true self but wanted me to be happy regardless. She told me if I was going to be a stubborn jackass, I was going to marry her and never know what it’s like to live in a loveless marriage.” He smiles faintly, wiping his face with the collar of his shirt. “I almost considered it too. But I couldn’t do that to her.”

  All I can do is stare. My heart breaks for the man that nearly lived his entire life as a lie, but I’m so fucking proud of Celeste for loving so completely.

  My thoughts play on repeat in my head until one breaks free and slaps me in the face.

  I’m the man who has been living a lie.

  Throwing my arms around the man I never expected to make me see the truth, I hug him tightly.

  “Thank you,” I utter as a fresh wave of tears surface. “How did you get the courage to accept yourself?” I ask, hurting for the boy he once was.

  “About a month later, she told me she wanted to take a road trip. Just one last hoorah before we started our lives in the big adult world. We packed up my tiny car and headed north. She refused to tell me where we were going and we drove nearly two thousand miles.” He smiles brightly. “She drove me to an LGBTQ camp for adults so that I could discover myself, surrounded by people who had gone through the same thing.”

  “I’m glad you had her,” I nudge him with my shoulder.

  “Babe, she’s my person,” he shrugs, like that’s how it is.

  I take a deep breath and exhale, trying to wrap my head around my feelings.

  “Sweets forgives,” he interjects, whispering near my ear.

  “I don’t know, Bennie. Even if she did forgive me, I’d just find another way to hurt her in the long run.”

  He reaches up and smacks me hard on the back of the head, earning himself a scowl.

  “Do you think I’d be sitting here in this nasty ass alley sharing state secrets with you if I didn’t think she could handle you? Baby, the only hurt you’ve given is the hurt she let you give.”

  I take a moment to let his words soak in. Maybe it’s time to let go of the bitterness and allow someone to help me carry the pain of the past. Not just anyone, my Polly Pyro.

  My earlier thoughts drift away, burning at sea like a Viking burial, because now I know exactly how I got here.

  CELESTE

  I am pathetic.

  The only thing I’ve been able to think about, with any kind of actual focus, is Aiden. The image of him sitting in the alley, torment shadowing his face, haunts me.

  Furb lets out a low meow, rubbing himself around my legs as I stare at the machine, waiting for the coffee to percolate.

  “What are we going to do, Furb?” I ask, still thinking about the look in Aiden’s caramel colored eyes. In response, he hops up on the counter and swats at the string on my old hoodie. “You’re not very helpful,” I quip.

  Why does this have to be so damn complicated?

  Flopping heavily into a kitchen chair, I stare out the window. My mind ventures to a time in space where I wasn’t so afraid to be hurt. Things were so much simpler then.

  Last night Emily asked me a question that has started to resonate with me.

  “What are you so afraid of?”

  “What do you mean ‘what am I afraid of’?” I question. “He’s the one who pushes me away and pulls me back like a yoyo. He’s the one who’s afraid of whatever the hell this is.”

  She looks me dead on when she replies, “If you’re the one without fear, why walk away?”

  “Because,” I snap, more defensively than I should, “I don’t want to get involved with someone who can’t decide from one day to the next if they want to be with me.”

  “I thought it was just about sex?” She narrows her eyes on me.

  “Yeah, so?” I ask, frustrated that she doesn’t seem to get it.

  “If it were really just sex, you wouldn’t have run. There would have been no risk there. You’re afraid you care about him and he’s going to break your heart.”

  I didn’t respond because it wasn’t a question. The longer I dwell, the more I realize she’s right. Aiden is easily the most generous person I’ve ever met. He acts like he’s made of stone, but really, he’s just a shell of the man he could be. I meant what I said. He has to heal himself before he can truly care about someone else.

  I often wonder what happened to cause so much pain. I have a feeling it had something to do with the woman from New Year’s Eve.

  Did she break his heart?

  Aiden is a beautifully broken man. One I am positive has the capacity to love with everything he has. However, something dark rests in his soul. I desperately want to carve it out and destroy it myself. I want to support him, to pick him up when he
falls, but only if he has the desire to pick himself up, too.

  Taking a sip of my coffee, I choke, nearly spraying across my dining table as realization sets in. I replay my previous thoughts and feel my heart begin to pick up speed.

  I want to be the woman he needs, and it scares me more than actually losing Jensen did. If I open myself up to him, I could be giving him the poison-tipped dagger that will eventually end me.

  The reality, however, is that Aiden isn’t ready. What I want doesn’t matter until he figures out the demons in his head.

  The weight of my thoughts rests heavily on my heart as I take the last sip and walk the mug to the sink.

  I thought I was ready for this, but I’m not. Today, I face Aiden for the first time since that night.

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  Celeste

  “Wow, there are a lot of dicks here,” Taylor pops off, referring to the abundance of male bodies. “Kind of strange for a baby shower.”

  “It’s not a baby shower,” I roll my eyes and throw a cherry tomato at her. “It started out as a gathering for everyone to meet the baby. The invites kept spreading and before we knew it, it was a full-fledged party.” I laugh openly when I look out the window and see most of the men congregated around the grill.

  As if he could feel my eyes on him, Aiden’s gaze meets mine through the distance. A jolt of pure energy zaps my system making my nerve endings tingle, and I suddenly feel flustered.

  He takes a long pull from his water bottle, never taking his eyes off me. There is something about the intensity in his hypnotic honey-colored eyes that keeps me drawn to him.

  “Celeste!” Teagan yells, trying to get my attention.

  “Hmm?” I jerk my gaze away from Aiden and give her my full attention.

  “You sure seem interested in that orange tree in my backyard. Maybe you should go talk to it,” she smirks.

  I nod, uncertain how to proceed. Is there a policy and procedure for this kind of thing? I’m way out of my realm of dating experience.

  “I need coffee,” Emily deadpans, the telltale signs of new motherhood evident on her face. My beautiful niece, Allie, asleep in her arms.

  “Let me take her,” I offer. “Go get your coffee and let me show her off a bit.”

  Relief floods her features as she tentatively passes her over into my arms and whispers, “Thank you,” and I feel the baby’s tiny form wiggle.

  Looking down at the gorgeous life in my arms, I feel my chest constrict. I don’t think I’ve ever loved something so much. Just thinking about her growing up and being close for all of her firsts fills my soul with pride. Unshed tears fill my eyes as I smile down at her. My goodness, I can’t handle all of this emotion. If I feel this strongly now, how am I going to feel when I have a child of my own? The damn thing would surely grab hold of my heart on its way out and proudly wear it around its neck like rosary. My smile widens at the ridiculous thought but falters when I am reminded of what could have been. I can’t believe we almost lost this tiny human.

  “I can’t do this,” Emily cries out in pain as another contraction possesses her body.

  Brushing the hair from her face, I shush her and place a cool rag on the back of her neck, offering words of encouragement.

  “You can,” I look her in the eye. “This little girl needs you. You got this, it’s almost over.”

  I have no idea what I’m saying, but I do my best to be her personal cheerleader. Watching her writhe in pain is killing me. And if I’m honest, I can feel my ovaries shrinking in fear.

  “She’s crowning,” the doctor says at her feet. “Come on momma, give us a big push. You’re doing great,” she encourages Emily.

  Emily groans, and the door to the delivery suite flies open. Alex stands there wide-eyed and gasping for air. His skin is sweaty, and he looks like he just ran a marathon.

  The doctor scowls at him, prepared to tear into him until Emily calls to him. He holds her face in his hands, whispering sentiments in Spanish that I’m not quite close enough to make out. I know Emily doesn’t understand Spanish, but they seem to be having a paramount moment.

  “One more push,” the doctor announces, and Emily gives her everything as she cries out into the sterile hospital air. She exhales the breath from her lungs, and I can tell something isn’t right. The machine next to her begins to beep loudly as the nurse looks at the screen, worry heavy on her face.

  “Her blood pressure is dropping,” she communicates to the doctor as she breaks the plastic lock on the emergency cart they wheeled in beforehand.

  “Push Ephedrine, stat,” she asserts, much calmer than I feel.

  Another nurse rushes through the door, looking to both Alex and me. “Please, come with me.”

  Alex looks like he’s going to put up a fight, but I grab hold of his arm. “You will only hinder them,” I whisper, my voice shaky.

  He leans in to kiss her quickly. Tears flow freely from his eyes as he takes in her pale appearance. Her eyes have drifted closed and panic starts to creep into my veins.

  Once in the hallway, Alex starts to break down. He falls like a rock into a cold plastic chair and leans forward, placing his hands on the back of his neck.

  “She’s going to be alright,” I mutter, trying to calm us both. He sobs through choked breaths and if he doesn’t breathe, I’m worried he’s going to have a panic attack.

  I want to yell at him. Berate him for disappearing—for leaving Emily when she needed him most, but I can’t. The man before me is holding onto reality by a thread. My words could be the knife that unleashes the tortured confusion inside. Fighting my own rapidly growing panic, I know I need to be the rock Alex can lean on.

  I wrap my arm around his shoulders and pull him into my chest. He falls willingly into me, giving me his weight as he struggles to compose himself.

  “She’s going to be okay,” I whisper into his hair. “They deal with this kind of situation every day.”

  I really have no earthly idea what’s going on or if It’s common, but I need him to calm down.

  The nurse that escorted us from the room leans down in front of him, getting eye level. “Sir, we simply asked you to wait out here so that the room is clear. Her blood pressure was declining at a rapid rate, but they are taking care of both your girls. As soon as she and the baby are stable, they will come get you, okay?” She looks at him with kindness in her aging eyes and he nods in understanding. She squeezes his hand and pats my knee with a soft smile as she raises to her feet.

  The elevator to our right dings and mamá comes rushing out, Dave hot on her heels. She takes one look at Alex and her face falls. He peels himself off me and wraps himself around her familiar warmth, as she imparts years of wisdom through soft prayers muttered in Spanish. Just a mother comforting her baby.

  Time stands still as we sit there, a father’s worst nightmare hanging in the balance.

  I have no idea how long we waited, but my little Allie wouldn’t fall without a fight. She had gone without oxygen for some time, but the doctors assured us she’s a perfectly healthy baby.

  Placing a gentle kiss on her tiny temple, I force myself not to dwell on what could have been.

  That was a month ago and I haven’t seen or heard from Alex since. My mood turns sour as I think of all the ways I want to murder him. He showed me a glimpse of the old Alex while he was at that hospital, but then he just disappeared again.

  Shaking my head, I rejoin the conversation happening around me.

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  Aiden

  I’m drowning.

  Gasping for air. My heart races as my lungs fill with dense emotion. Not once did I ever think I could feel something so painfully beautiful.

  If I were a different man, the scene before me would be the perfect preface to happily ever after. Completely untainted by tragedy.

  Celeste’s hair falls like silk shielding her face as she leans down, placing a tender kiss on the infant’s forehead. The moment is intimate.
Utterly beautiful and it rips my fucking heart out.

  Every deep seeded emotion I’ve worked to bury under layers of stone begins to fill the cavity where my heart once was.

  A light sheen of sweat coats my skin and my hands begin to shake. I feel like a creeper, but I can’t drag my eyes from her; from the love she has for that tiny life.

  “You alright, man?” I reluctantly look at Ethan. “You look like you saw a ghost,” he teases but he has no idea how close to the truth he really is.

  Taking a sip of my water, I force my body to calm. Letting the water cool me from the inside out. “I’m good. Just humid as hell today.”

  “No joke,” Declan agrees. “These steaks better hurry the hell up. I’m starving.”

  “You can’t rush perfection,” Ramos teases in rare fashion as he lifts the lid and starts to flip the juicy slabs of meat.

  “What’s this about perfection?” Erin asks with a grin as she sets a pitcher of lemonade on the patio table.

  Ramos stiffens before scowling at her, making her light smile fade. He doesn’t think we notice, but I do. The way he watches her when she isn’t looking. I don’t know what crawled up his cranky ass or why he treats her like shit, but it’s starting to take a toll on her and I want to throat punch him.

  “Why do you have to be such a dick to her?” I glare at him.

  “Hello pot, meet kettle,” Declan smirks. Bastard.

  The rest of the party joins us outside, saving both Ramos and me from responding.

  When the food is ready, we all gather around the outdoor table, ready to feast. It hasn’t escaped my notice that Celeste didn’t follow everyone outside. It’s on the tip of my tongue to ask, but I’m not ready for the questioning stares I know will follow.

  “Let’s wait on Celeste before we dig in,” Teagan requests, putting me out of my misery wondering if she was still here.