‘I did, which means you and I are very special people.’ Felicity turned her head, smiled and started trudging through the snow once more.
‘Daddy always says I’m his special gorgeous girl.’
Felicity’s stomach immediately flipped. Before she’d left Heartcross that had been Fergus’s special name for her too. It had melted her heart every time the words had left his lips but now she felt a tiny sad pang that he’d never use those words about her again.
‘And your daddy would be right. Here we are,’ Felicity said, pushing open the garden gate. ‘This is where I grew up … Heartwood Cottage.’
‘Do you know my daddy?’ asked Esme with such innocence.
‘I do, we went to school together when we were little, but then I went to live in London,’ answered Felicity, keeping to the facts. Before turning the key in the lock, she placed Esme firmly back on the ground then opened the door. Felicity could hear her mum beavering away in the kitchen.
‘One day, do you think we could bake something out of the secret recipe book?’ asked Esme, following Felicity into the hallway.
‘I’m sure we could.’ She smiled. In spite of sounding confident Felicity’s heart sank a little, unsure whether she could actually keep that promise. Fergus wouldn’t be best pleased knowing Esme was here with her now, but surely he would have done the same under the circumstances.
Rona appeared around the living-room door. Thankfully she’d kept the fire going and Felicity could feel the cottage was warmer than when she’d left this morning.
‘I thought I heard voices – who have we here?’ said Rona shooting Felicity a puzzled look.
‘Why don’t you take your coat off and go and sit by the fire?’ said Felicity while Rona showed Esme into the living room then quickly reappeared and pulled the door behind her.
‘What’s going on?’ asked Rona in a hushed whisper.
Felicity blew out a breath. ‘I was delivering the goods for Hamish when I went over to Aggie’s and found her ill in bed.’
‘Ill in what way?’
‘Coughing up mucus. She also has a fever from what I can tell.’
‘She’s not been right for a while.’
‘I’ve promised to go and see Dr Taylor. Esme was there by herself, I couldn’t leave her. Aggie was too poorly to look after her.’
‘And she let you take her?’ The amazement in her mum’s voice didn’t go unnoticed.
‘I didn’t give her much choice. Aggie needs help.’
Rona listened to her daughter. ‘You’ve done the right thing. You stay here with Esme while I go to the surgery and get help.’ Felicity was secretly grateful for her mum’s suggestion. She’d been up since the crack of dawn and this gave her the perfect opportunity to spend a little time with Esme.
‘Are you sure?’
‘Yes of course, and after I’ve been to the surgery I’ll go over to Aggie’s cottage and check on her.’
Rona grabbed her coat from the banister, slipped her feet inside her boots and opened the front door. ‘It looks like it’s stopped snowing.’
‘Only just. Mum, can you take this bag? This one’s for the surgery, teabags and milk etc.’
Rona nodded, taking the bag from her daughter’s hand and pulling the cottage door shut behind her.
When Felicity walked into the living room, Esme had made herself right at home; she’d discovered the box of old games stored in a box under the old dresser and was now sitting in front of the fire piecing together a jigsaw.
Felicity took a moment and watched her. She was beautiful, the vision of her dad, her nose and lips the same shape as his. Esme looked up and smiled.
‘Do you want to help me to do the jigsaw?’
‘I do, but how about I make us some hot chocolate first?’
Esme gave Felicity a look of approval as she disappeared into the kitchen and placed the kettle on the Aga. Five minutes later, Felicity was sat down on the rug alongside Esme, with two calorific hot chocolates on a tray alongside two spoons.
‘What’s it like in London?’ enquired Esme. ‘Do you live in a huge house and have you visited the Queen?’
Felicity gave a small chuckle. ‘No, I don’t live in a huge house, I have a flat but I’ve walked past the palace lots of times.’
‘Daddy promised me he’d take me to London one day.’
‘And I’m sure he will.’
‘We could visit you.’ Esme’s voice was hopeful.
‘You could,’ answered Felicity, feeling a little guilty knowing that Fergus would never allow that to happen and she was making promises she wouldn’t be able to keep. ‘But London is a big place, there’s lots to explore.’
‘What are we going to do today?’ asked Esme, fitting the last piece of the jigsaw into the puzzle before stirring the hot chocolate with the spoon around in the mug.
Felicity thought for a second; she knew she needed to phone the farm to let Fergus know that Esme was with her. But she also knew exactly how he’d react and she was enjoying spending time with the little girl; surely another hour wouldn’t hurt and that would leave him to carry on with his work up at the farm.
‘I know exactly what we could do this morning.’ Felicity stood up and reached out her hand which Esme promptly took. ‘Come on,’ she smiled. ‘I’ve got just the job.’
Felicity led Esme through to the kitchen and placed the kettle on the Aga to warm up the water and opened the door next to the pantry which led into the teashop.
Esme’s eyes widened as she looked around. ‘Are we going to bake?’
‘This place has been closed for a while, so I think it’s a little too dusty to begin baking, but all in good time,’ answered Felicity as Esme jumped up on to one of the tables and swung her legs over the side.
‘Firstly, we need music. We can’t work without music.’
Over in the corner was Bonnie’s old Roberts radio. She’d liked the simple things in life and wasn’t into all the new technology of the day. She wanted a radio that she could switch on and tune in. Felicity plugged it in before rescuing the whistling kettle from the Aga.
As she poured the hot water into a bucket and grabbed a couple of sponges, Esme had jumped off the counter and was now singing into the brush handle pretending it was a microphone. Felicity couldn’t help but smile. This little girl definitely had character.
‘Being a popstar is exhausting,’ Esme giggled as the song came to an end and she took a bow.
Felicity clapped. ‘And I’ll be the first one in the queue to buy your concert tickets. You are a very good singer.’
‘Daddy says I’m the best singer.’
‘What does Mummy say?’ asked Felicity, the words leaving her mouth before she had time to think.
Esme just shrugged then glanced down at the floor.
To this day Felicity could still recount every word of the phone call from her mum when she’d discovered that Fergus had moved on and was expecting his own child. It flashed through her mind now – the pain that had twisted in her heart, the indescribable feeling. It had hurt that much she’d needed to catch her breath. At the time, she hadn’t wanted him to move on and had been jealous that he suddenly had everything they’d ever dreamed of together. She knew in time it was bound to happen but for her it was too soon, and she hadn’t wanted to listen to any more details. It struck her now that she had no idea who Esme’s mother was or whether Fergus was still in a relationship with her.
The only way she had been able to cope was to block Fergus and his new family out of her life. And now Fergus’s little girl was here with her. She was everything that Felicity had once dreamed of, before it had all been smashed away.
Now, taking the broom from Esme’s hand, Felicity quickly changed the subject. ‘Today, Esme Campbell, we are on a very special mission.’
‘We are?’ she questioned, smiling up at Felicity.
‘We are indeed, do you see this place?’ Felicity flung her arms open wide and Esme nodded.
; ‘How do you fancy helping me transform this place back into the old teashop we love so much?’
Since Felicity had been home she’d begun to think about her life in London. In the past six months things had changed for her; work was no longer fun, she’d split up with her boyfriend and she’d started to question whether it was time for a change. This morning, helping Hamish in the shop, she’d felt wanted and helpful and felt part of the community once more. What was actually waiting for her back in London? A one-bedroom flat that was ridiculously expensive due to its location, and a job that she’d begun to detest with a passion? Being back in the teashop suddenly made her think differently about everything. This little tearoom, opened by her grandmother, had been a special place for Felicity and the community of Heartcross, and it didn’t sit right with her that it was now closed.
Felicity’s mind had already begun to whirl. What if Felicity and her mum re-opened the place? Once the snow had thawed it would be a thriving business again, and Felicity was even considering suggesting that she and her mum work together, maybe in partnership. She knew her mum would welcome her back with open arms but with so many memories would Felicity be able to cope seeing Fergus on a regular basis? That was something Felicity wasn’t sure about. Even after all these years, the memories still hurt.
Esme considered it for a second. ‘Do the workers get drinks and biscuits?’
‘Absolutely, without a doubt. I’ll pour us a couple of drinks and fingers crossed there’s still a secret supply of biscuits in the cupboard,’ Felicity smiled and rummaged in the back of the cupboard. ‘My grandmother always used to keep an emergency supply just in case all of her homemade delights were sold. She didn’t want to let the passing ramblers down … here we are.’ Felicity checked the sell-by date and quickly rinsed a plate from the rack. ‘Help yourself, but you have to promise to give your teeth an extra brush tonight.’ She locked eyes with Esme who gave her a cheeky grin.
‘I promise,’ she said, adding a splash of cold water to the bucket before dunking the sponge into it and giving it a squeeze.
‘Let’s start at the back of the shop and make our way to the front,’ instructed Felicity as the pair of them set to work. Esme mirrored Felicity. She watched and copied her every move which gave Felicity a warm glow inside. They scrubbed, cleaned, brushed and danced their way around the shop for over an hour, before the pair of them rested their foreheads against the glass window and giggled as their breath steamed up the window. All the cleaning was far from being a chore. It was fun and the room was soon spick and span. Leaning back from the window, Felicity gave Esme a high five before Esme wrapped her arms around Felicity.
Felicity felt a sense of pride as she cast a glance around the teashop; she knew this would be one less job for her mum and hoped she would be pleased. She felt guilty that she’d never had a clue this place had closed but hopefully now it was clean it might just nudge her mum in the right direction to think about re-opening it again very soon.
Thud … thud … thud.
Startled, they both jumped round to see a face staring back at them through the window.
Fergus.
‘What the hell is going on here?’ he shouted through the glass. ‘Open the door.’
Felicity gulped. Fergus was angry, his face was red.
‘Your dad will just be worried about you, he didn’t know you were here,’ said Felicity, thankful her voice sounded relatively normal even though inside she was trembling. She’d got carried away with the time and had broken her promise to Aggie about letting Fergus know she was looking after Esme.
Fergus was already rattling the door but Felicity knew the keys to the shop would be hanging up in the pantry as she hurried to retrieve them. Once the door was unlocked Fergus stepped inside, and Felicity knew he was annoyed because his top lip twitched.
‘Would you care to explain what is going on here?’ he demanded.
Felicity took a second; she was a little breathless from her quick dash to get the keys. She smoothed down her hair and wished Fergus hadn’t spotted them through the window. Fergus was staring straight into her eyes, wanting answers.
She turned towards Esme. ‘Esme, would you go back into the living room and put the jigsaw away for me, please? I just need a quick chat with your dad.’
Esme nodded and immediately skipped back into the main cottage.
‘I’ll ask again. What are you doing with my daughter?’
Felicity took a breath and tried frantically to keep her voice low.
‘Your mum is ill and couldn’t look after her.’
Fergus narrowed his eyes. ‘What are you on about?’
‘I was delivering the food for Hamish this morning up at the cottage when I discovered Aggie was ill. Mum has gone to see Dr Taylor and she’s sitting with her until he arrives, or you get home.’
‘And you thought it was okay to take my daughter without asking me?’ Felicity could hear the irritation in his voice.
‘That wasn’t my intention. Time just slipped by and once we began cleaning this place, I got carried away. And anyway, you were at work.’ Felicity knew that wasn’t the point and she should have rung the farm to let him know. He had every right to be mad at her.
Fergus blew out a breath.
‘Your mum is ill. Did you expect me to leave her there, to fend for herself?’ Felicity asked, slightly annoyed that Fergus couldn’t see her side to the story.
‘No, I’d expect you to ring the farm, and bring her up there if that was the case.’
At first, that had been Felicity’s intention, but she’d liked spending time with Esme. She was funny, kind and inquisitive and time had just run away with them.
At that second, Esme reappeared clutching her coat and her wellington boots.
‘Daddy, I’ve had the best time. Can I come back tomorrow if Nana isn’t feeling any better? Can Felicity look after me again?’
Felicity noticed Fergus bristle.
He regarded his daughter for a few seconds then smiled. ‘Let’s go and see how Nana is.’
As he led Esme out through the door he turned back towards Felicity. ‘Please just leave me alone while you’re here.’
Fergus and Felicity exchanged glances.
His words cut through the air. There was once a time when they had been so close and now it had come to this. They were like two strangers and Felicity didn’t like it one little bit. She knew he was hurting. She’d upped and left Heartcross without talking it through with him. They’d been a couple and had been through so much together, but grief had swathed Felicity and she’d convinced herself she was never going to be enough for him. Fergus had always wanted a family; they’d spent many hours discussing how many children they wanted and even imagined what they would look like.
But after Felicity had miscarried their second baby and the doctor had confirmed that she was unlikely to ever be a mother, she had been completely devastated. At that split second her whole world had turned upside down.
At the time, she’d never taken into account Fergus’s feelings. She’d been in turmoil, scared of the future, and had believed Fergus was better off without her.
She’d made the decision to leave the village on New Year’s Eve through devastating grief, and even though it had hurt her to the core, she had seen it as setting Fergus free. There would still be a chance for him to have children and become a father, even if it wouldn’t be with her like they had planned. And even though she’d tried desperately to build a future without Fergus, he was never far from her thoughts.
As soon as the teashop door shut behind Fergus and Esme, Felicity burst into tears.
Chapter 7
Isla’s little get together that evening was like no other. She opened the door to Foxglove Farm with a beam on her face as Felicity followed her into the kitchen. Even though Isla was nearly nine months’ pregnant she’d pulled out all the stops and the dinner table was set to perfection.
‘Look at this lot, it feels like Christmas
,’ said Felicity kissing her on the cheek and accepting a glass of wine from Isla.
‘I thought I’d best dazzle you with table decorations and chocolates because dinner is the leftover curry we didn’t eat last night.’
‘Are you hoping to entice that wee one out with spicy food?’
‘Something like that,’ grinned Isla.
Drew appeared in the doorway play-wrestling with Finn who said a quick hello to Felicity before giving his mum a kiss good night and scampering up the stairs.
‘I’ll put him to bed, you girls enjoy your night.’
‘Thank you,’ said Isla as both she and Felicity stood looking out through the window at the magnificent views across the fields – acres of untouched snow and the bare winter trees frosted with sparkles.
‘There is something romantic about snow,’ said Felicity, sipping her wine. ‘I’ve not seen snow like this since I left Heartcross.’
‘I could watch it fall for hours but it’s not good for the community, especially when we are cut off from civilisation. Hopefully it will begin to thaw soon then the kids will be back to school.’
‘How have you coped with Finn being off today?’
Isla rolled her eyes. ‘It’s tiring, especially being in this state. My ankles are swollen and the heartburn is driving me insane!’
To Felicity, Isla looked blooming. Her hair was just so, and her make-up was perfect. She had a certain glow about her – pregnancy suited her.
‘But less about me. I’ve heard you’ve had an eventful day.’ Isla changed the subject as Felicity followed her into the living room and sat down next to Isla on the settee.
‘News travels fast.’
‘Some things never change in this village.’ Isla squeezed Felicity’s knee and smiled.
‘How did you hear?’
‘Fergus was on the phone to Drew soon after. I think we were all surprised Aggie let you take Esme.’
Felicity knew Aggie didn’t have much choice. ‘Even though we both know I’m not Aggie’s favourite person…’
‘You wouldn’t see her stuck,’ interrupted Isla. ‘Especially if she’s poorly.’
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