‘Exactly. And Esme was great fun. She’s a great little girl. We gave the teashop a good spring clean and it got me thinking.’
‘We all know it’s dangerous when you start thinking,’ said Isla. ‘You disappear for years on end.’
‘Very funny.’
‘Go on. What have you been thinking?’
‘That my life in London isn’t all that,’ Felicity admitted to her friend.
Isla shuffled forward on the settee and placed her hand gently on her pregnant stomach. ‘What do you mean, it isn’t all that?’
‘Exactly that; I think I’ve had enough of trying to live the high life. The dream didn’t exactly pan out as I’d expected. In fact, it was never really the dream.’
‘Flick, what’s brought this on?’
‘Being home, Grandma passing away, seeing how Mum has been struggling – but most of all I’ve realised I’ve actually missed this place and my friends.’ Felicity blinked back the tears that had welled up in her eyes.
‘Don’t you start getting emotional on me.’ Isla flapped a hand in front of her face. ‘Anything makes me cry at the minute.’
‘Sorry, I didn’t mean to make you cry.’ Felicity took a breath. ‘But this morning … Esme helped me to clean up the teashop which got me thinking.’
‘About?’
‘About my grandmother and her passion for the place. It’s sad to see it closed and I know we only gave it a quick going over, but it brought the place to life for me once more. I could see Grandma behind the counter, chatting with the customers with a beam on her face. And then there’s Mum. I feel so guilty for not being there for her. She must have really struggled for the teashop to be shut.’
‘So, what are you thinking?’
‘That maybe I could make it up to them both … maybe this was the push I needed to come back home and face up to everything and by everything, I mean the future too.’
‘Are you trying to tell me that you’re thinking of coming home and opening up the teashop?’ As the penny dropped, Isla couldn’t help the smile that spread across her face.
Felicity nodded. ‘I think that’s exactly what I’m trying to say. Do you think it’s a mad idea?’
‘Mad?’ exclaimed Isla, ‘I think it’s a brilliant idea and I’m sure Rona would snap your hand off. It must be quite daunting for her to think of re-opening by herself without Bonnie by her side. Have you mentioned it to her yet?’
Felicity shook her head. She’d been mulling it over in her mind and this was the first time she’d voiced it to anyone.
Just at that second there was a knock on the farmhouse door. ‘That’ll be Allie,’ said Isla, attempting to push herself up off the settee. ‘And don’t worry, she’s secretly glad to have you back.’
‘Isla, please don’t say anything about my plans, I should speak to Mum about it first.’
Isla patted her stomach. ‘Mum’s the word.’ She grinned.
They both heard the front door open and Felicity felt secretly worried about how the night would pan out now Allie had arrived.
‘Are my ears burning? Sorry, I let myself in … I kind of knew you’d be stranded on the sofa, not wanting to get up.’ Allie stood in the doorway, smiling at Isla, holding up a bottle of wine and sparkling lemonade. ‘And I’ve brought supplies,’ she said, placing the bottle on the table before turning towards Felicity with a hint of sarcasm. ‘So, you’re still here?’ She looked straight at Felicity who felt a little uncomfortable. She knew Allie was never going to let the past go without getting a dig in. She always had to have the last word.
Isla shot Allie an exasperated look. All she wanted was a peaceful night and she was hoping all bridges would be mended.
‘Of course I am,’ Felicity replied, trying to smile.
Allie made herself comfortable on the chair opposite Felicity and tucked her feet underneath her.
‘We do know you’ve been back over the years,’ huffed Allie with a disgruntled look on her face. ‘And you didn’t think to come and say hello?’
Felicity instantly felt guilty. Allie was right, she had been back over the years, but it had always been a very short visit in fear of bumping into Fergus.
‘I just wasn’t ready to see anyone.’
‘Not even your friends who have been there for you since primary school?’
Felicity knew Allie had a bee in her bonnet and wasn’t going to let it drop but she didn’t want a row with her either. It had been difficult for her, but she also knew Allie’s reaction was entirely appropriate. At the time she’d left and tried to put Heartcross behind her, it had been about self-preservation and coping with her own tragedy. She hadn’t meant to hurt anyone else, but she knew she had.
Felicity didn’t know what to say, and an uncomfortable silence hung in the air.
‘There we all were, enjoying New Year’s Eve and the next minute you’d disappeared for almost eight years. You didn’t even tell us you were going.’ Allie was not going to let the subject go easily.
‘I wasn’t thinking, I really wasn’t thinking,’ answered Felicity staring into her wine glass, wishing this conversation wasn’t happening. What could she say? She couldn’t change what had happened.
‘I was hurt, Flick. We all were.’ Allie said, staring at Felicity.
‘I know Allie, and I’m sorry, but I was hurting too and I just couldn’t face a future here. I didn’t mean to make you feel that way,’ offered Felicity.
‘It wasn’t about you, Allie,’ chipped in Isla, shooting her a warning glance. ‘We all know Flick had her own reasons for leaving the village and it’s not for us to judge her or to make it about us.’
Allie stared at Isla.
‘All I’m saying is…’ Isla took a breath. ‘All this happened a long time ago and it doesn’t matter how often we see each other or speak to each other, I know we can just move on. We have been friends for such a long time.’ Isla locked eyes with Allie. ‘There’s no point whatsoever anyone feeling hard done by or going over the past, it’s not going to achieve anything. We all need to forgive and forget.’
Isla always had been the voice of reason.
Silence hung in the air for a moment, before Felicity spoke, ‘I’m sorry Allie, I know I hurt you by not keeping in touch, but it was a difficult time for me and for Fergus – you know that. It’s taken me a long time to try and come to terms with the situation and if I’m being honest, with every year that goes by it hurts a tiny bit more knowing that I’ll never be…’ Felicity’s voice faltered.
Isla quickly squeezed Felicity’s knee. ‘You don’t need to apologise to anyone. You needed to do what you needed to do at the time, and if fleeing the village to cope is what you needed to do, then so be it … we understand, don’t we Allie?’
‘We were friends, shared everything. One minute you were here, next you were gone. We would have helped you get through it.’ Allie’s voice had now softened a little. ‘What did we do wrong?’
‘Absolutely nothing,’ replied Felicity. ‘I just needed to learn to cope with the consequences myself and get my head around it all.’
‘Let’s not go over old ground, the past is the past and unless we were walking in Felicity’s shoes we can’t begin to imagine.’ Isla smiled towards Allie. ‘Friendships like ours will always last forever. We are always here for you, even if we haven’t seen you for years – that’s a given.’
Felicity felt relieved to have Isla fighting her corner; she’d always been kind and compassionate and never judged anyone. Everyone knew Allie was a harder nut to crack but she always mellowed in the end.
‘For the record, you pair will always be my best friends,’ said Felicity, ‘and sitting here with you now, as much as you are trying to give me a hard time Allie,’ Felicity gave a small cheeky smile towards her, ‘I’ve missed you.’
Allie was obviously thinking about what to say next and thankfully as the corner of her mouth lifted she smiled towards Felicity. ‘I’ve missed you too, we’ve all missed
you.’ She flapped her hand between herself and Isla. ‘And it’s great to see you looking so well.’
‘Thank you,’ answered Felicity, finally feeling a little more relaxed now the conversation was moving on.
Each of them sipped their drink before Allie smirked at Felicity. ‘And I hear you’ve only been back two minutes and are already causing chaos in the village today … kidnapping children.’
Felicity’s jaw hit the floor and she was about to protest. ‘I’m only joking! Don’t get in a flap! I passed Rona on the lane and she told me Aggie has taken a turn for the worse.’
‘She’s not been able to shake off that cold for a while now. Drew was saying it’s a severe chest infection,’ chipped in Isla with a look of concern on her face.
‘Dr Taylor was leaving the cottage as I was walking here. She really needs to go to hospital but there’s no getting over the bridge yet, the snow is too deep.’
‘The thaw will start soon,’ added Isla, ‘but we all know that could be a number of days if the temperature stays below freezing.’
‘What will they do with Esme tomorrow?’ asked Felicity, knowing Aggie would be too poorly to look after her.
‘I’ve offered to look after her for the day. If Finn’s off school, I may as well have Esme too.’
Felicity didn’t know why but her heart plummeted a little. She knew it was daft and Fergus would never leave his daughter in her care again, but she’d enjoyed their morning together; she felt she’d really connected with the little girl.
‘Surely, that’s going to be too much for you in your condition? What about Esme’s mother, why can’t she look after her? And where was she today?’
Both Isla and Allie spun round towards Felicity and stared.
‘What … what did I say?’
‘You don’t know?’ Allie looked back towards Isla with a worried glance.
‘Know what?’ answered Felicity, with an uneasy feeling in her stomach.
Allie gave Isla a knowing look and slowly blew out a breath.
‘Well, someone tell me,’ insisted Felicity, not having a clue what was going on.
‘Just after the birth of Esme, Lorna … Esme’s mum … she … she passed away.’
As Isla’s words registered, Felicity had to take a moment before she spoke, ‘How?’ She couldn’t quite believe it.
‘Cardiac arrest. It was devastating and unexpected, and she couldn’t be saved.’ Isla’s voice was low.
‘The whole village was in mourning,’ Allie added, grief-stricken. ‘Lorna was a lovely person.’
Felicity’s eyes glistened with tears. ‘This is heart-breaking.’ Thoughts of Fergus instantly flooded Felicity’s mind. She couldn’t even begin to imagine how he’d coped with such a devastating tragedy. ‘How was Fergus?’ Felicity’s voice waned as she asked the question.
‘How do you think?’ Allie answered. ‘Devastated.’
‘But he coped really well,’ added Isla, taking over the conversation. ‘He channelled all his grief and energy into Esme, making sure she was loved and cared for. He’s a wonderful dad.’
Felicity always knew that Fergus would be the most wonderful father. He was patient, kind and full of fun. Hearing the news, Felicity was overwhelmed with emotion. Why had nobody told her about this? But then, almost immediately she answered her own question – why would they? It had been her choice to run from Fergus’s life and she’d insisted no one ever updated her on his life. But now she felt devastated all over again. She’d had no idea Fergus had been through even more heartache after what had happened to them, and she felt the familiar pang of guilt once more. She knew she’d left Heartcross to protect herself, but now knowing the grief Fergus must have gone through she wondered if she should have been back in touch sooner. She didn’t like to think of him suffering even more heartache. But what could she have done?
‘Were they married?’ asked Felicity.
Allie shook her head. ‘No.’
‘But Fergus was planning to ask her, he’d mentioned it to Drew … but then…’
Felicity didn’t know how she felt about that – maybe a little saddened, but she knew she had no right to feel that way. As teenagers, she and Fergus had made promises to be together forever and at the time she’d believed it. Fergus had proposed to her and it had been the most romantic proposal she could ever have imagined. He’d written her a song and had played it on the piano in front of a packed pub. Everyone had thought they were the perfect match until Felicity had run away, leaving him behind. As the memories flooded her mind she felt a tiny pang of jealousy, knowing that he’d moved on and had fallen in love once more. But who was she to feel jealous after the tragedy he’d suffered? It had been over eight years since they’d been together. She’d had her chance to be with Fergus and had completely blown it. Things had changed and moved on but there was a feeling buried deep inside Felicity that she wasn’t sure she could fight against. She knew that even after all this time, she was still very fond of Fergus.
Chapter 8
Felicity had tossed and turned all night, whether due to the freezing temperatures that were seeping through the cottage or the fact that Fergus was constantly on her mind. But the result was still the same, she’d barely had any sleep.
Shivering, she made her way downstairs and already could hear her mum bustling around in the kitchen. The fire was lit, giving off a welcome warmth as Felicity bent down on the rug and rubbed her hands together in front of the flames.
‘Did you sleep well?’ Rona asked, peering around the kitchen door.
‘Not really and then when I finally went off to sleep I woke up feeling like a block of ice. We really need the snow to thaw so we can get the boiler fixed. We can’t go on like this.’ Felicity did everything in her power to stop her teeth from chattering as she thought back to the luxury of the heat in her tiny flat in London. But even though the thought of warmth enthralled her, the flat had just been a means to an end, it wasn’t her home.
‘Here, I’ve made you a warm drink, and boiled up the kettle for a wash.’
Felicity nodded gratefully. ‘What’s the weather like today?’ she asked as she shot a glance towards the window.
‘The snow has stopped and the sun is finally shining today, which means the thaw will begin.’
‘Thank God.’
Rona cupped her hands around her mug of tea and stared out of the window onto Love Heart Lane. Rory was just leaving for work and she waved at him as he passed the window.
‘What are your plans for today?’ Felicity asked her mum.
‘I promised Dr Taylor I’d call in on Aggie this morning and let the surgery know how she’s doing.’
Felicity nodded. ‘Pass on my best wishes.’
‘I will. What are your plans for today?’ asked Rona.
Felicity turned towards her mum. ‘I think I’ll go over to the farm to help Isla with Finn and Esme as the children are still off school.’
Rona eyed her daughter with suspicion. ‘I’m not sure Fergus will think that’s a good idea, especially after yesterday.’
Felicity already knew that Fergus wouldn’t think it was a good idea, but something was drawing her in. She knew she wanted to see Esme and spend more time with her.
‘I’m helping Isla out. That’s all there is to it,’ Felicity replied, her response direct, even though she wasn’t sure who she was trying to convince.
Rona wasn’t a fool. ‘Fergus has had enough to deal with in his life without you adding to his troubles whilst you are home.’
Felicity went red. She opened her mouth and shut it again.
‘He won’t thank you, you know,’ added Rona, as she held Felicity’s gaze.
‘Isla and Allie told me about Esme’s mum.’ Felicity’s voice was low.
‘And that’s exactly why he doesn’t need you interfering.’
‘Are you warning me off?’ Felicity could feel a slight annoyance towards her mum’s tone of voice. It reminded her of when she was a little g
irl, getting told off.
‘I’m saying to you, don’t go upsetting the apple cart. Time has moved on since you left and Fergus’s life is finally back on some sort of even keel.’
Felicity chose to ignore her mum’s suggestion. ‘How did he meet Lorna?’
Rona exhaled. ‘I thought you didn’t want to know anything about Fergus ever again. They were your words.’
‘Times change,’ said Felicity rather sulkily, throwing a couple more logs on the fire from the basket.
Rona took a breath. ‘There was a group of ramblers staying at Julia’s B&B, and a bit like the weather now, there was a snowstorm and all of the ramblers were stranded … Lorna was one of them. They’d all piled into the teashop; I can remember Mum’s face now, excited by the sudden influx of customers and panicking as we only had two pairs of hands between us. Cutting a long story short, Lorna stepped behind the counter. She was a baker and was able to help us out. We soon had everyone fed and watered.’
Felicity was puzzled. ‘What I don’t understand is if she was just passing through, how did she and Fergus get together?’
Felicity knew that look on her mum’s face; she was being super cautious. ‘Just tell me, Mum.’
‘Lorna fell in love with Heartcross and decided she wanted to stay.’
‘You don’t just decide you’re staying in Heartcross, we are miles from normal life,’ Felicity protested.
‘Well, Lorna did. She lived in the city and fell in love with the Scottish Highlands.’
‘And Fergus.’ Felicity felt deflated. ‘So, where did she work? You can’t just up and leave without a job.’
For a second Rona remained quiet.
‘What are you hiding?’ urged Felicity, eyeing her mum carefully.
‘I’m not hiding anything … Lorna was genuinely a lovely, down to earth girl, with a passion for baking.’
The gut feeling in Felicity’s stomach told her she knew exactly what her mum was going to tell her next.
‘Your grandma missed you when you left and having Lorna around the place was like a breath of fresh air.’
‘You gave her a job in the teashop, didn’t you?’ asked Felicity wide-eyed.
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