by Willow Aster
“He obviously feels something for you, or he wouldn’t keep coming back for more. But you can get any guy … don’t waste your time on someone who doesn’t appreciate what he’s getting.”
I nod my head and feel strangely close to tears. Ian seems to have that effect on me.
“On the other hand, if you think you’ve got him wrapped,” she grins mischievously now, “then you lay it on him. Don’t mess around. Put it ALL out there and get his balls in a vice once and for all.” With that last statement, she adjusts my shirt so cleavage shows. I hike it back up so it won’t. She pulls it back down and we continue our shirt battle a half dozen times until she huffs and says, “Trust me!” I leave it alone.
She’s scary when she means business.
I’m a skittering tangle of nerves. When we get to the underground blues club, I give our names to the bouncer and he doesn’t even ask for ID. I’m ushered right inside to a suede-covered booth close to the front. I’m happy for the dark. The atmosphere is romantic and I tell Tessa and Jared to go get a drink and take their time. The kid glove treatment is just making me more anxious.
An older redhead comes onto the stage, along with a guitar player and a guy with an upright bass. The woman looks like she’s seen some miles. The club is packed and noisy. When she sits down at the piano and begins singing, the noise softens a touch, but doesn’t die down. She’s good, but doesn’t seem to garner attention.
Forty-five minutes later, Ian comes out. The place goes mad with cheers and catcalls. Ian once said that he loves these small venues and would be content with this for the rest of his career. I wonder if he means it or if he secretly wants to be more famous.
When he hits the first note on his electric guitar, the crowd is deafening. I tear my eyes off of him long enough to stare at the people who have jumped out of their seats and are now standing as close to the stage as they can get. His voice rings out, a sultry gravel that cuts through the room. Everyone is fully immersed in Ian Sterling. He commands the room.
Later, when he’s switched to acoustic guitar and is singing a soulful ballad, the room is silent as they take him in. I can’t stop watching him. He has bewitched me.
All too soon, he’s done. I can’t even be happy that this means I will be with him; I’m too sad to hear him stop the music.
Ian exits the stage and for the first time in a couple hours, I look over at Tessa and Jared. They’re staring, transfixed at the stage. I tap Tessa. “You okay, Tess?”
“Holy shit,” she says. “Sorry, Ro.”
“I know,” I confirm.
“I get it now.” She looks at me and nods. “I get it. And God, he’s gorgeous.” She clears her throat. “Sorry, Jared.”
Jared shrugs. “I’m not blind.”
“It’s not just the music thing, though.” I feel the need to explain what it is about him that has me spellbound. “Really, it’s not. He’s so much more…” I give up. It’s impossible to describe something that I don’t even understand.
An enormous man with bulging biceps comes to the table. “Mr. Sterling asked me to escort your party backstage.” He holds out an arm and I stand up and take it.
“You remind me of the guy from that one movie … what is it? It’s older. Stephen King. The Green Mile!” I say, stretching my neck up to look at him.
“I hear that a lot.” He smiles down at me. He nods and pats my arm. A softie giant.
Tessa and Jared are behind me and when Softie reaches a red door, he stops and knocks.
Ian opens the door and is hugging me before I have a chance to think. After a long embrace, which renders me limp and useless, he pulls back and cups my face in his hands.
“Little Bird,” he says. He looks almost relieved when he says it.
I love him.
- 10 -
We’re all piled into a Lincoln Town Car, with Ian behind the wheel. He seems completely unfazed by the New York traffic. He pulls up to a quaint little restaurant in the Village. We’ve all been talking nonstop the entire drive. Excitement shares the space with us. I’m happy to see Ian and that Tessa seems to really like him. Tessa’s happy to meet Ian and seems surprised by that. Jared is happy that Tessa’s happy. And Ian just seems happy to see me. My heart is full.
Our conversation never falters once. Tessa grills Ian about where he’s been the last month. I know she’s wanting to get even more personal and ask “why the hell” he hasn’t called me, but she restrains herself. Thank God for small miracles.
There’s only one awkward moment when Tessa brings up Asher. I think she catches herself off guard, but tries to cover quickly. Ian is answering her question about playing with Jagged, the alternative band that has gone platinum in the past six months.
“Asher produced them, didn’t he, Ro?” It feels like every eye turns on me all at once.
“Um, yeah. I think he did,” I stutter.
Ian looks at me then, his gaze different than what it’s been throughout the evening. I hate the word smolder, but I can’t think of another word for what his eyes are doing in this moment. It’s like they’ve gone black and are swimming with feeling. Ugh. What has he done to me? I’m talking in romance novel terms.
I can’t read what the look is saying, though. Then, he smiles and my heart lifts. The moment loses its awkwardness.
It’s some time later when we drop Tessa and Jared off at the apartment. I look at Ian. “Would you like to come in?” I ask.
“I was thinking we could go for a drive … if you’re up for it.”
“I don’t have class tomorrow. I’m up for it,” I awkwardly reply.
“Perfect.”
We drive through the traffic and end up at Prospect Park. It’s beautiful, even in the dark.
“This is one of my favorite places in New York,” Ian says. “It’s gorgeous in the daytime. We’ll have to come back.”
My breath quickens at the thought of a future date, even though I’m trying to play it cool.
The weather is brisk but feels good on my flushed skin. Around Ian, I am in a constant state of heat. Take that however you want, it will fit.
We stop by the water and look at the small bridge across the way. The water is still and serene. I can’t remember the earlier nerves that threatened to overtake me. I’m calm and content. Ian has my hand in his and he looks down at my mouth. His fingers brush over my lips. Light as a feather, his fingertips tease me.
“I could be so bad with you.” He groans and pulls away, holding his hands in the air. He gives his hair a haphazard tug. “God, girl. You’re driving me crazy.”
The feeling is mutual. He makes me want to forget my own name.
We walk a little ways, the moonlight bouncing off the water and making everything shimmer.
“This reminds me of a lake we used to have by our house,” Ian says softly, pointing at ducks getting out of the water. “I like to visit this park every time I’m in town. And remember when things were simpler.”
He leans back against a tree and pulls me back against him. We look out at the water and I feel his lips against my neck, kissing so softly it makes me shiver. My body is zinging with hopped up nerve endings.
“I miss the ocean, but this is peaceful, too,” I whisper.
“Sparrow,” he says against my neck. His breath feels hot against my goosebumps.
I can’t think when he does that.
He turns me around to face him and holds my face in his hands. When he leans down to kiss me, my body feels heavy. My knees do that obnoxious weak trick. His lips tease me, just as his fingers did before. And then his tongue flicks in softly and I think I’m going down. I can’t hold back any longer. I grab his hair and kiss him as hard as I’ve been wanting to all this time. He groans and his hands start roaming as he has his way with my mouth—and abruptly, he stops. He leans back so he can look in my eyes. “Baby. We should go.” He wraps his arms around me and hugs me while we catch our breath.
He holds out his hand and we walk back to t
he car. I sigh and get back in my seat, buckling up. That rebuffed feeling returns, and I try to ignore it. I should be glad that he’s being so considerate of me. I’m not, though. It stings.
We’re both quiet. Before I know it, we’re in front of my apartment and Ian is giving me a chaste kiss goodnight. “Can I see you tomorrow?” he asks.
“Of course.”
“I’ll let you sleep. How about I pick you up at 11?”
I nod. “That sounds perfect.”
He puts his hand on my cheek and leans his forehead against mine. “Sparrow. You are perfect.”
“No, I’m not.”
“To me, you are.”
I shake my head and he puts his finger on my lips.
“You are,” he whispers.
I try to get out of the car without collapsing in a heap. That man. He does things to my insides, making me the equivalent of mush.
The next day, I dress in the jeans Ian bought me that day in San Francisco and a new sage green blouse that Tessa says looks insane with my eyes. I hope I will be irresistible to Ian. He shows up right at 11 and I’m slightly shy as I show him our teensy place.
“I like it,” he says as soon as he walks in the door.
I laugh. “You’ve barely even seen it.”
“I can tell. It’s homey. It feels good in here.”
“Come see my room,” I grab his hand bashfully and lead him to my bedroom.
He shuts the door behind him and pulls me in. “Mmmhmm. Feels good in here, too.” He kisses my nose and then lightly touches my lips with his.
I smile against his mouth. “Have you even looked?”
He pulls back and twirls me around in a circle.
“Um. Yes? It’s lovely,” he answers and his hands close around my waist. “We have a city to go explore,” he says, playing with one of my curls. “You ready?”
We head downstairs to the car.
“You hungry?”
I nod. “I am. I haven’t eaten yet.”
“Okay, how does breakfast sound then? I know a place you’ll love…” He leans down and kisses my cheek before opening the door.
“Let’s do it.” I smile up at him.
We go into a diner that looks straight out of the movie Grease. Instead of sitting across from me, Ian slides in next to me. He stares at me and his finger runs along my cheek, down my neck and stops just short of where my blouse dips into a V.
His eyes are seductively hooded and I couldn’t look away if I tried.
“You’re an angel.”
“You’re trouble,” I laugh.
“I can’t keep my hands off you,” he says.
“I don’t want you to.”
“Is this how you talk to Asher?”
My hand had been playing with the veins in his arm and it goes completely still. “No.”
He laces his fingers in mine. “Good.” He closes his eyes for a moment. “I mean, you’re free, Sparrow. I know I don’t have any claim on you, I hope you know that. I just … I like to think we have … something here…” His voice trails off. “There’s something about you that makes me feel I could do this…” He waves his hand back and forth between us and then puts his head in his hands and goes silent for what feels like an hour.
The waitress brings our food in the meantime and neither of us make a move to touch it.
“I don’t know what I’m saying, Sparrow. I am trouble. You should run now. Run while you can. Before I screw you up. Asher is a nice guy.”
“Ian. I was joking. Why? Why do you do this? Every time we’re together, it feels like we…” I stop when he places his fingertips on my lips.
“Sparrow—forget I said anything, okay? Let’s … let’s just enjoy this day.”
I shake my head.
“Please?” he asks.
Against my better judgment, I agree to it and the mood lightens considerably. It’s like nothing ever happened. Just like that, Ian is his usual carefree self. I swallow the fear that this really is it this time and make the conscious decision to do what he said: Enjoy the day.
We fill the day with incredible memories. Clam chowder in a bread bowl. Feeding the ducks in Central Park. Staring at the Statue of Liberty across the water. Buying little trinkets in Chinatown.
And his eyes all day long, as if they’re memorizing every trace of me.
All too soon, it’s late. I hate to admit it, but I’m exhausted. We’ve pulled up to my apartment, and I don’t want to let him go.
“Come up?” I ask.
“I better not.”
I chew my lip nervously and he leans over and puts his forehead against mine.
“I think I love you,” he says.
I scoff at him. “Don’t say that unless you mean it.”
He shrugs. “I meant it.” His eyes look luminous, even in the dark.
And just like that, I have hope. All the warnings, fears and apprehension about Ian Sterling melt away and peace takes its place. I have no idea what he will do next, but in the rented Lincoln Town Car outside my apartment, it doesn’t matter. It will be all right.
He walks me to the door and for the first time, our departing words don’t leave me in despair.
I float inside and Tessa is there waiting for me. She sees the look on my face and grins from ear to ear.
“Ahhh, you look like a satisfied woman. Did you … did … you guys?” She tries to read my expression and crinkles her eyebrows together.
“Nooooo, we didn’t,” I answer. “But … it was a good day. I feel like we made progress. Finally. And he said he thinks he loves me,” I say, trying to tone down my excitement.
“What?” She yells. “Well, isn’t that—well, he’s just full of surprises, isn’t he. That’s a little … sudden.”
“I know. I basically ridiculed him when he said it, but … I don’t know. I didn’t say it back. I’m not ready for that, but—what if he really does? Love me?”
“He’d be crazy not to!” Tessa says. “This is bonk. He’s all over the place. All about you and then aloof and then back again and then in love. I can’t keep up with him. So, when do you see him again?”
I cover my face. “I don’t know. I don’t know! This really is crazy. All I know is he makes me feel things I’ve never felt and I don’t care—he might be all wrong for me, but I don’t care!”
“I hope he’s worth it, then,” Tessa says as she wraps me in a huge hug. “If he hurts you, I will hunt him down and cut his fingers and toes to the knuckle.”
I lean back and look at her. “What?”
“Never mind. YAY!” She smiles again and I can’t help it, I laugh until I get the hiccups.
The next morning, my phone wakes me up. I smile as I groggily answer it, sure that it’s Ian, calling before he leaves town. I look at the clock. 9 A.M. Whoa. He left hours ago.
“Hello?” I try a sexy voice on for size.
“Hey,” Asher says. “Been missing you. Wanna get some breakfast with me today?”
I feel a pang in my chest. I need to talk to Asher and better that I do it in person than over the phone.
“Sure, I can meet you in 40 minutes.”
I walk to the pastry shop that Asher and I have frequented since we became friends and he’s already there, waiting on me. His face lights up when he sees me and that guilt is more than a sharp pang this time.
He stands up and hugs me as I near his table. “Hey, gorgeous. How are you?”
“I’m really well. How about you?”
He hears the standoffish lilt in my voice and studies me. “You sure?”
“Yes. Asher, we need to talk.”
“Uh-oh. Come on, sit down. Do you want your usual?”
“Yes, please.”
When he comes back with my coffee and a croissant, I thank him and get right after it. “Asher, remember how I told you I’m interested in someone?”
“Of course, I do,” he says. “But it seems like you’ve been spending an awful lot of time with me.”
“Yes. And I’ve loved it. You’re wonderful. I’m so glad we’ve become friends.” I reach over and take his hand.
He grimaces. “Ouch. I hoped I could help you forget.”
“You’ve helped, but you haven’t helped me forget.”
“Who is this guy, Sparrow? And does he know what he has? Because I’m not willing to give you up if he doesn’t.”
“Well, the funny thing is, you know him…” I look at him and wish I didn’t have to tell him who it is.
“Who?” he demands.
“Ian Sterling.”
A sharp laugh comes out of him, making me jump. “You’ve gotta be kidding me. Ian Sterling? That’s who you’re throwing me to the wolves for?”
“Come on, Asher, don’t put it like that. I’ve told you all along that I just want to be friends.”
“Your kisses didn’t feel like friendship.”
“I’m sorry for that. Turns out I’m a bit of a kiss whore,” I say with a half-grimace smile. “I really am sorry.”
He laughs in spite of himself. “Sparrow … you’re … I can’t be mad at you! You did tell me all along the way. I should have listened. It’s like I’m the girl here.” He shakes his head, but his eyes are still smiling. “Have you really thought this through? Ian Sterling is a vagabond. Not to mention, he likes the women. Hell, I know what it’s like to have women at my disposal. I’m not sure Ian can give that up, though. I know you’re not ready to settle down yet, but when you are, I already have everything in place. I’m not sure Ian will ever settle down.”
“I can’t help who I fall for,” I answer.
He looks sad as he nods. “I will be here if you change your mind.”
I wonder when Asher decided he was capable of settling down. From all the things I’ve read about him, he appeared to be just as much of a player as Ian. It’s confusing.
“Asher…”
“Can we still hang out?” he asks.
“Yes!” I’m relieved, but still cautious as I take both of his hands. “Yes, please. If we can, you know … not do the kissing thing and really just be friends now?”