The Silence Between Us

by Alison Gervais

  Liz put a hand to my shoulder, and when I looked her way she said, “Do . . . have ride?”

  “Yeah, my mom is supposed to . . .”

  I felt my voice trail off at the sight of a familiar car zipping into the parking lot, bouncing over one of the speed bumps as it parked haphazardly in the closest spot to the clinic.

  “. . . know them?” Liz said, pointing toward the car.

  “Actually, I do.”

  It was Nina leaping out of the driver’s seat, waving enthusiastically over the roof of the car, and then—

  “Beau?!”

  COME HERE! my boyfriend was signing at me, and I think my smile was just as loony as his was.

  I took off running across the parking lot without a second thought and threw my arms around Beau once I reached him.

  Maybe a little too dramatic of a reunion, but I hadn’t seen Beau since Christmas a few months ago. I had been under the impression he wasn’t coming home for spring break. Beau was currently neck deep in Yale’s esteemed literature program—much to his dad’s annoyance, but Dr. Watson was steadily coming around.

  I was just as busy with my classes at Cartwright and now my internship here at the clinic, so opportunities to FaceTime with Beau were not as frequent as I would’ve liked. Anytime I got to see him in person was reason enough to celebrate.

  Nina was a little easier to keep in touch with and visit often, since she was going to CU Boulder, only a little over an hour away.

  “What are you doing here?” I blurted out once Beau finally let me go, keeping one arm wrapped around my waist.

  Beau started talking, something about wanting to surprise me, but I wasn’t really processing what he was saying standing so close to him. I signed, KISS, instead, because that was pretty much all I needed.

  I would’ve been quite happy to keep standing there in that parking lot kissing Beau, but only a few seconds of his lips against mine passed before there was rapid tapping on my shoulder. I pulled away from Beau with a start and my jaw dropped.

  Standing in front of me, looking exasperated and amused, was Melissa. Melissa, who I hadn’t seen in over a year and a half since we moved to Colorado. The only difference in her appearance was that she had bright blue highlights in her black hair.

  I think I started sputtering like a fool, stuck between using my voice and signing at her. The only thing I managed to get out that actually made sense was to sign, WHY?

  SURPRISE! Melissa signed back, and she pulled me in for a hug even more bone crushing than Beau’s had been.

  HAPPY BIRTHDAY! Melissa signed when she let me go.

  BIRTHDAY TWO MONTHS PAST, I pointed out, and Melissa just shrugged and waved an airy hand.

  “We know . . . birthday . . . few months, but . . . mom . . .” Nina was saying as she came around to join our little huddle. “. . . wanted to . . .”

  My mind was still whirring, trying to process everything, so a lot of what Nina was trying to tell me was completely flying over my head. But of course Mom was somehow involved with this belated birthday present.

  DON’T UNDERSTAND, I signed, and Melissa just signed back, HAPPY! and jabbed a finger at me as if to say just go with it!

  That was something I could definitely do, because it didn’t really matter in the end, did it? Two of my best friends were here with me, and so was my boyfriend. I was going to have to soak up as much time with them as I possibly could.

  When I looked over at Beau he was smiling, dimples flashing, and I felt my stomach do one of those stupid flips. Funny that we’d been together a year now and his smile still got to me.

  “Are . . . happy?” he asked, tucking a strand of my hair carefully behind my ear, making sure not to get it tangled around my hearing aid.

  “Well, duh!” I said, fighting the urge to pull all three of them in for a lame group hug.

  WE THINK BETTER BIRTHDAY GIFT, Beau signed to me, and immediately I knew what he was getting at.

  Last year’s birthday “gift” didn’t even come close to this one. This one was much better. After that little heart-to-heart we had in the hallway at Engelmann, Beau and I hadn’t once discussed cochlear implants, and I think we both wanted to keep it that way. We were on equal footing now, no matter my deafness or his hearing.

  YES, I agreed, breaking into a smile of my own.

  Nina stepped up and signed to us that we were supposed to be meeting my mom and Connor at the nearby Cheesecake Factory for dinner. I wound up squished between Melissa and Beau in the backseat of the car after I jogged back up to the clinic to say good-bye to Liz.

  I kept one hand curled around Beau’s as Nina pulled out of the parking lot, but I couldn’t stop looking at him or Melissa. Two of my most important people had just met, and knowing their lively personalities, they’d be friends as well in no time.

  And now two different parts of my life—Deaf and hearing—were connecting even more.

  CUTE, Melissa was signing to me, nodding toward Beau. He was purposefully looking out the window, but I caught him grinning. SIGN GOOD.

  GOOD TEACHER, I signed, gesturing at myself.

  Melissa cracked a smirk and I knew she was starting to giggle. MAYBE FIND HEARING BOY MYSELF, she signed, and she pretended to give Beau a longing look as she batted her eyelashes.

  MINE, I signed with a huff, though I knew she was just teasing.

  I KNOW, Melissa signed, giving me a playful nudge. HAPPY FOR YOU.

  SAME, I signed back to her while squeezing Beau’s hand impossibly tight.

  A year and a half ago I couldn’t have felt more terrible about moving out here to Colorado, but it hadn’t turned out so bad in the end. I’d found Beau and Nina and now Melissa was here, and it didn’t even matter who was Deaf or hearing.

  We just were.

  ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

  This entire project wouldn’t have been possible without Jillian Manning, who believed in me, or my dear friend Staci Nichols, who gave me the encouragement I needed to start telling Maya’s story.

  A million thanks are also due to the folks over at Blink, including but not limited to: Hannah VanVels, Sara Bierling, Jennifer Hoff, Annette Bourland, and too many others to name. I’m very fortunate to have a strong publishing team to work with. And of course, I must thank my amazing literary agent, Shannon Hassan, for taking Maya’s story and running with it.

  I want to thank the Deaf community as well, for helping me along as I figure out my place in both worlds and learn their beautiful language, and everyone else I’ve had the pleasure of working with in my time as a Deaf Services Specialist. It truly has been a life changing experience.

  As always, I also have to thank my parents, Sharon and Tony, for their continued support, and all the members of my family. You know who you are.

  I’d be lost without the support of all my fellow authors too, such as Christina June, McCall Hoyle, and Kelly Anne Blount. They are far more knowledgeable than I am and more than willing to help out a newbie like me.

  And a special thanks must go to my husband Tyler. I’m not sure what I would’ve done if I didn’t have you to hold my hand through all my breakdowns during the whole writing process—and all while we were planning our wedding too. You’re a champ.

  AN INTERVIEW WITH AUTHOR ALISON GERVAIS

  What inspired you to write The Silence Between Us? Have you always known your characters’ arcs or were there some surprises along the way?

  The inspiration behind The Silence Between Us came from my ongoing work with the Deaf community where I live and the desire to portray a nontraditional character in YA lit. You don’t see many Deaf characters in books out there on the shelves today.

  I’m also Hard of Hearing myself, so I’m very familiar with some of the frustrations Maya experiences with her hearing loss throughout the novel. I had a basic outline to work off when I began writing the story, but Maya’s story unfolded in its own way as I worked through the manuscript. I’m a little surprised at how sort of spunky she turned out!<
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  What do you hope readers take away from The Silence Between Us?

  I hope readers understand that just because someone’s world may look a little different from their own it doesn’t mean it’s a bad thing. Just because someone may have a “disability” doesn’t mean that someone needs to be pitied or ridiculed. Everyone is capable of reaching their own goals, even if it’s not what you may have imagined for yourself.

  Tell us more about your main characters Maya and Beau.

  Maya was a personal favorite of mine to write; she says what she’s thinking, she’s not afraid to call people out on their biases, and she’s far more confident in herself than I was in high school.

  Beau is a little more reserved and self-conscious about how he is seen by the rest of the world. He tries to always appear as if he has everything together, but really, he’s just as uncertain of the future and what he wants to do as every teenager is.

  Do you feel like your characters are your friends or extensions of yourself? Which character do you feel resembles you the most? Which character do you wish you were more like?

  Sometimes I catch a few similarities between myself and my characters, but I think every author can say that. I feel Maya resembles part of myself the most because we both have hearing loss and struggled in school because of it, but she’s much more self-assured and unafraid to speak her mind. I wish I could say the same!

  The friendship between Maya and Nina and Maya and Melissa is a major theme in this story. How is Maya’s connection different with Nina than it is with Melissa? What makes each of their friendships unique? Are there any real-life or fictional relationships that have inspired these friendships?

  The major difference between Maya’s friendship with Nina and her friendship with Melissa is of course that Melissa is Deaf—like Maya—and Nina isn’t. Despite how understanding Nina is of this and how much she likes Maya, that’s something Nina can never relate to in the way that Melissa can. Maya and Melissa belong to the same community and share the same language and culture, whereas Nina is just starting to experience that for the first time. Maya’s friendship with Nina is unique in that they are beginning to bridge the gap between the Deaf and hearing worlds, and I think knowledge of both is very important.

  Your debut novel, In 27 Days, is quite different from The Silence Between Us. How was the experience of writing The Silence Between Us different from writing In 27 Days?

  I had a lot more time to write In 27 Days than I did The Silence Between Us, and I’m six years older as well. A lot of changes have occurred during that time, and I’m hoping I’ve had more life experiences to further my writing. With In 27 Days I got to let my imagination run rampant, whereas The Silence Between Us has more of a realistic setting. It was a bit of a challenge to write The Silence Between Us, to be honest, because I’m still learning more and more about the Deaf community, Deaf culture, and American Sign Language, and I don’t have too much experience writing without some kind of supernatural twist!

  Which part of The Silence Between Us was the most challenging to write? What was your favorite scene to write?

  I think one of the most challenging scenes to write was Maya’s birthday. I don’t want to give too much away, but it was tough. At the time Maya is hoping she’s headed toward something real with Beau, only to have it sort of backfire. My favorite scene to write was probably when Beau and Maya are working on a school project together. It’s the first time Maya really lets her guard down around Beau.

  Why do you think it’s important for YA readers to meet characters like Maya, Beau, Nina, Jackson, and Melissa?

  I think the chance to experience someone else’s world through literature can be invaluable. There aren’t too many YA books out there with Deaf main characters, and I think it’s time they get their chance to shine.

  If you could tell your teen self anything, what would it be?

  I would tell my teen self that high school isn’t forever. The time will come when you get to take control of your life, and it’ll be worth the wait.

  What is the best piece of writing advice that you have ever received?

  My favorite piece of writing advice I was never directly told but is actually a quote by F. Scott Fitzgerald: “You don’t write because you want to say something, you write because you have something to say.” It’s important to write what you feel compelled to, not what you think will sell.

  A NOTE ABOUT COCHLEAR IMPLANTS AND DIFFERING OPINIONS IN THE DEAF COMMUNITY

  An estimated 48 million Americans experience some degree of hearing loss, regardless of their background. It’s said to be an “invisible disability” that touches more lives than we realize. There are several different ways we can choose to treat hearing loss, and one very common way is to undergo surgery to receive a cochlear implant.

  According to the National Institute on Deafness and Other Communication Disorders, cochlear implants are classified as “a small, complex device that can help to provide a sense of sound to a person who is profoundly deaf or hard-of-hearing.” Cochlear implants differ from hearing aids in that they “bypass damaged portions of the ear and directly simulate the auditory nerve.”

  Since being introduced in the 1980s, the U.S. Food & Drug Administration estimates the number of adults and children fitted for cochlear implants to be in the hundreds of thousands. However accessible cochlear implants currently may be, they are a hot topic of debate within the Deaf community. Some believe that it is cruel to have a young child fit for a cochlear implant and to endure everything that follows—speech therapy, for example—and some believe it is a personal choice that only the individual can make.

  Decades ago, many people adopted what is referred to as the oralist approach, where medical professionals and parents of deaf children believed it best to restrict the child from learning sign language so that the child master spoken English as well as lipreading to develop as much language skill as possible. Deaf children in school are said to have been reprimanded by having their wrists bound or being forced to sit on their hands to keep from using sign language and focus on English instead.

  The attitude toward an oralist approach for a deaf child’s education may be changing; some linguistic studies have shown there may be harm in restricting a deaf child’s acquisition of sign language in favor of spoken English. Despite this, the oralist approach still seems to maintain some popularity as well as the rise of people being fitted with cochlear implants.

  So you will find differing opinions concerning cochlear implants and the view the Deaf community holds, and responses will vary depending on who you speak with.

  Hearing aids, on the other hand, are not quite so contested. They come in a variety of colors and fits—my own hearing aid is neon purple—and are used to amplify sound for individuals experiencing hearing loss. As helpful as hearing aids have proven to be, in most cases they do not clarify the noise being amplified, so you may still have difficulty understanding conversation, like I do. As Maya pointed out in The Silence Between Us, hearing aids are a temporary solution to a permanent problem.

  However we may view hearing loss, the fact remains that there is an entire community and culture shared by Deaf people becoming more prominent in society thanks to TV shows like Switched at Birth, movies like A Quiet Place, and Deaf activists such as actress Marlee Matlin and model Nyle DiMarco.

  Part of my job as a Deaf Services Specialist at an Independent Living Center in Colorado is to address the needs of the Deaf or Hard of Hearing consumers I work with, but also to inform the community about the issues facing the Deaf community, how we may better work alongside each other, and how people who are Deaf are perfectly capable of living independent, successful lives.

  In The Silence Between Us, Maya makes it known that she does not consider herself disabled because of her hearing loss, and that same belief is held by many in the Deaf community. There is nothing wrong with having difficulty hearing, and that’s something I struggled to accept while I was in scho
ol. I used to be teased and picked on because I’m Hard of Hearing. This continued well into college, and I even got in trouble at work because I tried to hide the fact that I wear a hearing aid. Even now I still sometimes get people poking or touching my hearing aid or getting angry with me because I can’t understand what they’re saying.

  Hearing loss doesn’t make you any less of a person though, and it shouldn’t be something to fear, however scary it might seem. It’s something that can be embraced as simply as anything else in life. All it really takes is an open mind and the notion that people who may seem “different” aren’t so different at all.

  There is a gap between the Deaf and hearing worlds, but there doesn’t have to be. The Deaf have a community, culture, and language—just like you.

  CHAPTER 1

  The Day Of

  There was something off. I couldn’t put my finger on what exactly it was, but it was definitely there.

  Yes, something was out of balance, I decided as I stepped off the bus and onto the sidewalk outside John F. Kennedy Prep. The place looked like it did almost every other day, with its red bricks, bright-colored banners strung up everywhere, and the jumble of students lingering around outside the front doors. The school had been around for more than a century, and it had that Old New York feel. Nothing was ever out of the ordinary.

  Yet the gray clouds rolling in across the sky felt smothering, bringing with them a feeling of suspicion and . . . sadness. An almost suffocating sadness. New York was the city that never slept, the place that had a thousand different attitudes. But I’d never felt one like this before.

  “C’mon, Hadley, you’re in the way.”

  I quickly moved to the side as Taylor Lewis, my best friend, sauntered off the bus.

  I first met Taylor during freshman orientation, when I’d been wandering the halls alone while looking for my classes. From that moment onward, she’d decided to take me under her wing because we were both wearing the same shirt from American Apparel, and decided to teach me everything she already knew about the social scene at JFK. Without her, I would have been totally lost—literally, figuratively, and most certainly socially. Now, more than two years later, we were still best friends, and I was still content to hang out in Taylor’s social-butterfly shadow.