Zero Apologies

by Autumn Jones Lake

  “Oh.” She blinks and sits down. “How?”

  “I don’t want any of this in your head, Lilly.”

  “It’s obviously bothering you. Tell me.”

  “She was the one who claimed I set the fire.” I give her the barest of details. Even so, Lilly’s fuming.

  “Why would she do that? You barely knew her.”

  “I’m not so sure about that.”

  She narrows her eyes. “Excuse me?”

  “We went to visit her after court.”

  “Why?”

  “Don’t worry about it.” She glares at me but I ignore it. “We found her in the bathtub. She overdosed or killed herself. I’m not sure. We didn’t exactly stick around to examine the scene.”

  “Jesus Christ.” She stands and paces back and forth in front of the car a few times before stopping. “Is that why you…back at the apartment. Is that why you wanted to know about…me?”

  Fuck, is it? “Maybe. I don’t know. I meant to ask you about Jake’s class. Even before all this.”

  She huffs at me and sits back down. “Go on.”

  “That’s it.”

  “Bullshit. There’s something else.”

  “Fuck. Fine. I feel like a fucking asshole explaining this to you.”

  “Too bad. You think that was fun talking about.” She flaps her hands in the air. “My stuff back there?”

  “It’s different.”

  She glares at me.

  “Fine. She had a bunch of pictures on her phone. Of me. Like a lot. From different places. Rallies, clubhouses, I don’t fucking know. I don’t even remember her. But she sure as fuck seemed to know me.”

  Lilly stares at me for a few seconds before bursting into laughter.

  I wait a bit but she puts her head between her knees and continues laughing.

  “It’s not funny,” I growl.

  “No, it’s not. It’s horrible.” She sits up and wipes her cheeks. “Sorry. I think I’ve been on edge since we left home. Coming here. You being weird—”

  “I wasn’t being weird.”

  “Yes, you were.” She reaches over and squeezes my hand. “I’m sorry. That’s awful.”

  “I’m relieved she’s not going to be an issue, but—”

  “You feel shitty.”

  “A little.”

  She scoots closer and wraps her arms around me. “I wouldn’t love you if you were the kind of man who didn’t feel anything at all over something like that. It’s pretty horrible.”

  “Even though—”

  “Now’s not the time to question me, Z.”

  I press my forehead to her shoulder and let out my own miserable laughter.

  “Who else knows she had a thing for you?” she asks quietly.

  “The club. I had to tell them.”

  “What about Sasha?”

  “Fuck her.”

  “I’d rather you didn’t.” She snickers. “Again.”

  “That’s not funny.”

  She pokes me in the stomach. “Do you think Sasha was in on it? Giving your name to the cops?”

  “I doubt it.” Might as well give her every last detail. “Josey’s brother is a cop. She used my name to save her skin when she got arrested.”

  “That dirty fucking bitch.”

  I snort-laugh.

  “Is the brother going to be a problem for you?”

  “I don’t think so. The charges were dropped. The lawyer said I should be clear.”

  She wrinkles her nose. “You guys should be more careful who you let in your clubhouse.”

  “Trust me, I had that talk with them.”

  “What happened…with her?” Her nose wrinkles. “Did anyone find her yet?”

  “Don’t know. Steer said he’ll let me know if he hears anything.”

  “Good lord, I hope you guys wore gloves going in there.”

  I roar with laughter. “You’re the best partner in crime a man like me could ask for, you know that?”

  “This is so fucked up.”

  “So is life.” I stand and hold out my hand to her. “You love me anyway?”

  She takes my hand and squeezes. “Every part of you.”

  Chapter Thirty-One

  Z

  After all the honesty Lilly and I have shared on this trip, how can I say no when she asks if I mind paying Ted a visit? I think I owe her that much after explaining the fucked-up Josey situation.

  “He asked us to stop by for dinner.” Lilly bites her bottom lip, like she really doesn’t want to fight about this. “Is that okay with you?”

  Yeah, this fucker claimed he was gonna marry my woman, but from what Lilly said, he also did a lot to help her through a rough time. Kinda makes it hard to hate the guy. “Yeah, no problem.”

  Once we arrive at his place, I reconsider. “I see why you were considering his marriage proposal,” I say as we wind the car up the driveway to the good Dr. Ted’s estate.

  Lilly squirms and doesn’t respond. She doesn’t need to feel guilty or worry that I’m angry. Nope, if she was going to marry some schmuck to take care of her and my son, at least they would’ve been comfortable.

  “Guess, I need to step up my game,” I try again.

  “Z—”

  “I’m kidding. Chill.”

  Chance starts yelling and kicking the back of my seat when he notices the ducks scattered over the pond to our right.

  “Easy, buddy.”

  Ted waves to us from the front steps and motions for me to park to the side.

  “Good to see you again, Z.” He pulls Lilly in and kisses her cheek. “I can’t believe you’re really leaving.”

  “I’m not California material, Ted. Never was.”

  They laugh together and he keeps his arm loosely around her shoulders.

  For a guy who supposedly isn’t into women, he sure does a good job of acting like he wants to nail my woman.

  Or maybe I don’t like any man touching her.

  Lilly captures Chance’s hand and takes him over the lawn to visit the ducks while Ted and I hang back watching them.

  “How’s she doing?” he asks.

  “Good. She’s settled into our new place. Chance has been taking swimming lessons. Her brother’s even mellowed out a little.” Am I going to get into the whole I-almost-went-to-prison story with Ted? Nope. None of his business. Friend or not, I doubt it’s something Lilly would ever talk about with him.

  “Glad to hear it.” He sneaks a glance her way. “How about being back here, has it triggered anything for her?”

  Shit, California didn’t trigger her, I did with my stupid questions. “Not that she’s said.”

  “That’s a relief.” He pats his chest pocket and gives me a lop-sided grin. “I’ve got an engagement ring I’ll sell you cheap.”

  I pat my own pocket. “Thanks, but I bought my own.”

  He raises an eyebrow. “Am I invited?”

  “I haven’t exactly asked her yet.”

  He snorts out a laugh. “I doubt she’ll need time to think about it.”

  “Hope not.”

  “You know,” he says, drawing out the words, “you don’t need to be a resident to marry in California.”

  Before we left home, I did a little research. Or rather, I asked Hope if she’d do some research for me.

  Turns out California has a few unique marriage laws and regulations. One of them allows you to apply for something called a “confidential license.” Still a legally-binding marriage license, but not part of any public record.

  Exactly what we need.

  Question is, do I want to tell Lilly in advance or surprise her? Women like surprises, right?

  “Way ahead of you, Ted,” I finally answer. “Way ahead.”

  Lilly

  Dinner at Ted’s was a nice distraction from all the work left to do at my apartment. While he offered to help me, I politely said no. Z’s tolerated about as much of my friend as he can. I still don’t think he’s forgiven Ted one hundred percen
t for the fiancé fiasco.

  “Do you have a sundress?” Z asks the following day as we’re sorting through the clothes in my closet. No wonder I’m in debt. Where did I think I was going to wear all this stuff?

  “Probably, why?”

  He shrugs. “I like you in as little clothes as possible. Is that a surprise?”

  “No.” I snort and flip through several hangers. “Color preference?”

  “Something light? I don’t know, white, pink, yellow?”

  I peek out at him. “Do I look like a pastels kinda girl to you?”

  “Whatever you got.”

  Unsure, but intrigued that he’s so interested in my sartorial choices, I pull out a cream-colored dress dotted with wildflowers in shades of pink, yellow, blue and lavender that actually came with me from New York. I’m not sure why I bothered. I haven’t worn it since college. “I haven’t worn this in years, but it might still fit.”

  “Perfect.”

  It’s empire-waisted, so it skims over my wider-than-they-were-before-Chance hips easily enough. A quick mirror-check reveals it doesn’t look as dated as I thought it might.

  “That’s pretty,” Z says, coming up behind me.

  I turn and press a quick kiss to his cheek. “I’m going to grab a sweater in case I get cold, since you won’t tell me where we’re going.”

  The taunt doesn’t pull any more information out of Z.

  Chapter Thirty-Two

  Lilly

  It’s not until we pull into the county clerk’s office that I get an idea of what Z might be planning.

  “What are we doing here?” I push as much suspicion as I can into my tone.

  “Going to file to have your mail forwarded.” He grins at me.

  “That’s done at the post office.”

  “Really? Huh.” He feigns confusion. “Family outing day?” He glances in the rearview mirror and catches Chance’s eye. “Right, buddy?”

  “Road trip!” Chance shouts.

  “Right after we conduct some business.”

  “What business?” I ask.

  “Let’s find out.”

  My knees wobble as Z pulls me down the hallway to the little window at the county clerk’s office.

  Z flashes a dazzling smile at the elderly woman behind the counter. “I called earlier about applying for a marriage license.”

  I yank my hand out of his. “You did what?”

  Ignoring me, he hefts Chance up in his arms. The woman behind the counter smiles at him. “Hello there, young man.”

  “Hi,” Chance says, waving one small hand at her.

  The clerk’s gaze shoots to me. “Identification?”

  Without even thinking about it, I set my purse on the counter and search for my wallet.

  Wait a second.

  “Can we have a minute?” I ask.

  “Sure, hon.” She winks at Z before stepping away.

  Grabbing Z’s arm, I drag him away from the window. “What are we doing?”

  “Getting married,” he says the same way he’d say picking out a new puppy. Cheerful and full of mischief.

  “Yay!” Chance yells.

  Z tips his head at Chance. “Thanks.”

  “Shouldn’t we talk about this?”

  “I thought we did. A lot.”

  “Back home.” I pause and bite my lip. “Shouldn’t we have our families here?”

  For a second, he hesitates. “I think they’ll understand. Do you need to have your family to watch you get married?”

  Do I? It’s not like my parents are all that supportive. They’re still angry about the family dinner that ended in turmoil. Z’s certainly not the man they want me to marry, so they won’t be pleasant. If they bother to show up. And my brother…While he’s been more supportive lately, the last thing I need is Alex making one of his thug-baby-daddy “jokes” on my wedding day.

  I don’t care about dresses, cakes, dances, and other wedding-related nonsense. All I want is Angus Frazier to be my husband.

  Still, this is crazy, isn’t it? “My parents would probably be rude anyway.”

  “Babe, I give zero fucks what your parents or anyone else thinks about us, but if you’d rather have them at your wedding, we can wait.”

  Maybe I’m the one who’s nuts, but I’m sort of touched he went to all this trouble to surprise me into marrying him. Today. Right now.

  He’s decisive. More importantly, he’s so eager to lock this down, make us official, he went to the trouble of planning an ambush wedding.

  It doesn’t get much sweeter than that.

  “You want to marry me this much?” I whisper. “This bad? You don’t want to think about it?”

  “I’ve thought about marrying you for a long damn time, Lilly.” A more serious expression slides into place. “I don’t need more time. If you do, I’ll understand, but I can’t stand another minute not being your husband.”

  “I really want to be your wife.”

  “Nothing will make me happier. We can still have a celebration when we get home with our friends and family. Anywhere you want.”

  I reach out and run my hand over Chance’s head. “This is perfect. The three of us. Let’s do it.”

  “Are we ready?” The clerk asks. “We have an opening at noon. There’s some paperwork you need to fill out first.”

  “We’re ready,” I answer.

  Z

  “Wait, we don’t have rings.” Lilly stops before stepping into the clerk’s office.

  Now that I got her to say yes, I don’t want anything holding us up. “All covered.”

  She raises an eyebrow. “How long have you been planning this?”

  “Since before we left.”

  “Really?”

  “If you want to get technical, since the night I met you.”

  Her expression relaxes. “Z.”

  “Come on.” I pull her into the office and the clerk happily hands us some forms to fill out. Lilly sets Chance down and he wanders over to peer at the photos on the clerk’s desk.

  “Hey.” I tug the pen out of Lilly’s hand. “I want to do something first.”

  The “what” she’s about to ask doesn’t make it out of her mouth before I’m down on one knee in front of her.

  “What are you doing?” She presses her hands against my cheeks. “I already said yes,” she says against my lips before kissing me.

  “I want to tell you this first.” I wait to see if she has any more protests before continuing. “You’re the smartest, most interesting, prettiest, sexiest woman I’ve ever met. I want you to know I plan to protect you, provide for you and our children, and love you until I die.”

  Her eyes shimmer and she leans forward, pressing her forehead against mine. “You’re the best and biggest surprise of my life.” She strokes her fingers against my cheek, the sensation sending all my blood rushing south. “You make me laugh, you make me feel safe, and I want to love you for the rest of my life.”

  “You going to marry me?”

  She waves the papers in the space between us. “I’m trying to.”

  I stare at her.

  “Yes, Angus, I’m going to marry you.” She flicks her gaze toward the clerk. “Right here. Right now.”

  “Good.” I slip the box out of my pocket and pop out the ring inside.

  She gasps and presses her hands to her mouth. “Z, oh my. When did you? I wasn’t expecting—”

  Taking her left hand, I slip the ring on her finger, thankful it actually fits. It’s flashy but not tacky. A solid one-carat square diamond with a shit ton of other smaller diamonds scattered around it are embedded all the way around the white gold band.

  “Z, this is stunning. Thank you,” she whispers.

  “You like it?”

  “I love it.”

  I pull a small envelope out of my pocket. “Hopefully you like these too.” I shake the rings into my hand and hold them out to her. “They’re silicone rings. We can go shopping for real ones when we go home.�
�

  She plucks the thicker one out of my hand and studies it. It’s a dark iridescent blue-black color. I actually like it because it’s safer to wear. Since I work on my bike and with my hands a lot, but it’s probably not what Lilly was expecting. “When I saw the color was called mermaid, I knew I needed them,” I explain.

  “This is as real as it gets, Z. They’re perfect.”

  Chance shuffles back over and inspects the rings. He’s getting bored and restless, so we should probably hurry this up. I hoist him into my lap. “Want to help me fill this out?”

  He gives me the cutest you-realize-I’m-only-two-and-a-half look and grabs for the pen.

  As soon as we’re done, we’re called into the back for the actual ceremony.

  Lilly stops me from following the clerk. “You’re sure, Z? After this, you’re stuck with me forever. You won’t regret this later, right?”

  The only thing I regret in my life is letting her get away the first time.

  Chance tugs on my hand. The clerk stops ahead and turns, clearly exasperated with us.

  “Zero regret, Lilly.” I brush a quick kiss over her lips. “Let’s do this.”

  Chapter Thirty-Three

  Lilly

  Wife.

  Mrs. Angus Frazier.

  Two things I never expected to be called.

  After our quickie ceremony, Z drove us to my apartment, asked me to pack a few bags, and we hopped back in the car.

  “Now where are we going?” I’m thoroughly amused by his excitement.

  “You’ll see.”

  He drives up the coast. A drive that became my favorite when I had a lot on my mind. One of a handful of things I’ll miss about California.

  Chance yells as soon as he glimpses the ocean.

  “Yup, you’re going to get more up close and personal, buddy,” Z says.

  His ability to keep this a secret seems to be slipping. “Now I’m really curious.”

  I’m not kept in suspense long. We turn off the Pacific Coast Highway and eventually wind our way up a secluded road, opening to a large resort situated on a cliff overlooking the ocean. “Wow, how did you find this?”