Deep Water

by Christine Poulson

  She was feeling better for having had a break. She’d woken up on Sunday morning knowing that she had to get away from Ely, away from botched experiments, away from a lab where she didn’t know who to trust, away from everything. She rang Becky and half an hour later she was on the train to London. She’d met Becky and her husband at the Tate Modern and once they’d hooked up, Katie had switched off her phone. They had lunch, took in an exhibition. Later they walked along the South Bank to the National Film Theatre where they saw a fabulous new Argentinean film and had supper.

  Now she’d had her head down for two solid hours and she knew for sure. Her cell-line was infected with mycoplasma. It was a relief in a way, because that meant it wasn’t a mistake on her part. It could happen to anyone. She’d have to throw it away and start again with fresh stem cells. And with any luck she’d have a decent western blot by the end of the week. Paul would be irritated by the delay, but he couldn’t blame her for it.

  Better record her work on the cell-line, while it was fresh in her mind. She wrote it up and sat back. Her lab book was very nearly full and represented six months of effort and solid hard work. She thought about Will’s lab book, the one that she’d seen at Rachel’s. Compared with hers, it had looked clean, or fairly clean. Lab books inevitably got a bit battered, kicking around the lab. Her own was creased and dog-eared, with ethanol stains on the cover. Of course, some people were more careful than others, but she distinctly remembered Will saying that he hadn’t used a private notebook in those days. Shouldn’t his lab book show more signs of wear and tear? She shrugged. Probably nothing in it. Some people were just neater than others.

  She looked at her watch. There was just time before lunch to get a new lab book. They were kept in a room next to the administrator’s office. Katie put the old lab book in her bag and went down the corridor to the office. When she tried the handle, the door was locked. Polly, the young administrative assistant who dealt with the lab books must already have gone for lunch.

  Katie’s eye was caught by Ian’s name on a noticeboard just outside the office. There was a bulletin about both Malcolm and Ian. The news about Malcolm was that he was doing well and would be out of hospital soon. Anyone who wanted to contribute to a collection for him and to sign a card could do so at the entrance desk. About Ian the notice said simply that he was holding his own. There was no mention of a collection.

  Katie made her way over to the canteen.

  Going in through the swing doors she was met by a buzz of conversation. She looked around and spotted Will at a table on the other side of the room. He hadn’t noticed her come in and she had time to think how tired he looked before he glanced up and saw her. He gestured to an empty seat opposite. She nodded, hung her coat on the coat rack, and went to get her food.

  As she returned she saw Polly at the next table, deep in conversation with another girl.

  “Any news?” she asked Will as she took her seat.

  He gestured for her to come closer and she leaned across the table.

  “I’ve just been with Honor,” he said in a low voice. “She’s convinced that Ian is responsible for the explosion – and maybe some of the other things that have been going wrong in the lab lately. When he recovers – if he recovers – she thinks the police will charge him. She wants them to charge him.”

  Katie gave a little yelp of disbelief. “They really do think it was him? But why would he do something like that?”

  “I know he’d put in for a pay rise that he didn’t get. He was sore about that.”

  “Sore enough to blow up the lab? Oh, come on! I hardly know the guy, but…”

  She thought of his open face, the smile that never seemed far away, the sense of reassurance that he exuded, his readiness to find a solution for every problem. She shook her head. She didn’t want to believe that someone she’d known and liked, however briefly, could do something like that.

  “I’ve known him for years,” Will said bleakly. “And I can’t believe it either. Honor seems pretty sure, though. Look, I’d better get on. See you later.”

  She stayed, finishing her tuna sandwich, mulling things over.

  At the next table, Polly got to her feet. Katie remembered about the lab book. She leaned over and said, “Are you going back to your office?”

  Polly nodded. She couldn’t be more than twenty, with long blonde hair that she was constantly tucking behind her ears, and was always immaculately made up.

  “But not for long,” she said. “I’ve got to help with a stationery inventory.”

  “I’ll be along in a minute, then.”

  Katie caught up with Polly just as she was taking her key out of her pocket and unlocking her office door. Polly hung up her coat and sat down behind her desk. The lab books were on a table behind her in an unsealed box, on top of which was a folder labelled “lab book signing out forms”. Katie handed over her old lab book so that Polly could see it was full. It was like being at school. You weren’t allowed to get a new one until you’d shown that you’d finished the old one.

  Polly flipped through to the back of the book, nodded, and gave it back. She turned and took a new lab book out of the box. She took a form out of the folder and handed it to Katie. As Katie filled in the form, she saw that the lab book only got a number once it was registered to someone.

  “Have you worked here long, Polly?” she asked, handing her the form.

  “Oh, about five years. Why do you ask?” She seized a hole-punch and slipped the form in.

  “You must get to know everyone, working in this office. I was thinking of Ian…”

  Polly’s face clouded over and she stopped what she was doing. “Isn’t it awful? You know what I call him? The lab’s go-to guy. If anyone’d be a have-a-go hero, it’d be him.”

  So she hadn’t heard yet. Katie wasn’t going to be the one to tell her.

  Polly went on, “I had a flat tyre here in the car park last week and Ian changed the wheel for me. That’s him all over. I love him to bits. Reminds me of my dad. Do anything for anybody.”

  She squeezed the hole-punch until there was a click.

  She said solemnly, “After work I’m going to go to the cathedral to light a candle. He’ll be alright. I know he will.”

  She reached for the file where the forms were stored.

  How very young she seemed; too young to have learned that bad things really do happen, even to the good guys. Or that the good guys aren’t always what they seem.

  Katie’s phone rang. She fished it out of her bag and answered it.

  It was Paul’s secretary, letting her know that he wanted to see her the next day after his clinic, and she made it clear that Katie didn’t have any choice in the matter.

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  “It wasn’t about love. It was… I don’t know what it was about,” Daniel said.

  He was facing Rachel across the kitchen table. The photograph that his father had sent was lying between them, along with the newspaper.

  Rachel had rung him at the office and told him that she had to speak to him right away. He was still trawling through the lab book that had been missing, and asked if it could wait until later. “I know about Harry,” she’d replied. He’d told Alison that he was going out for lunch and had gone straight home.

  “When did it happen?” Rachel said.

  He hesitated, but nothing less than the truth would do. She would be able to work it out for herself anyway. He told her and she looked incredulous.

  “But that was just… it must have been… that was around the time we met?”

  “It was a couple of weeks before.”

  “You told me you’d been separated for a year!”

  “That was true.”

  “You were sleeping together! You were separated, but you were still having sex?”

  “It was just once.”

  “Just once,” she said in wonderment.

  Daniel was silent. Then he said, “I’ll try to explain. At least, I don’
t know that I can explain. I – that is, we… it just happened. I knew it was all over – ”

  How could he explain what had overtaken them, the ferocity of his desire for Jennifer, her frenzied response? No caresses, no endearments, it had been over almost before it began. Afterwards there had been an aura of inevitability about it, as if it were something that had to be done, something necessary, a purging of his love for her.

  “It was crazy,” he said.

  He saw the pain in Rachel’s eyes and his own stomach clenched in sympathy. He guessed what she was thinking. Her Daniel, always so calm and rational and civilized…

  “It wasn’t about love,” he said again. But he didn’t know if that were true or not, and even if it were, did it make things any better?

  He reached over and took her hand. She snatched it away.

  “So what was it about? Getting your own back on Nick?”

  He had never heard her speak like this; the bitterness in her voice…

  “Well,” she went on, “you succeeded beyond your wildest dreams.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “Presumably Nick has absolutely no idea that he is bringing up another man’s child! When did you find out? Or have you known all along?”

  He stared at her. “Of course not – it never occurred to me. If I’d thought about it at all, I’d have assumed – when we were together – she had a contraceptive implant. It was only last week that I… You can’t think I knew before that!”

  “I don’t know what to think.”

  “It was when I went to her house to look for the lab book. I saw a photograph of Harry. He looked older than I expected, and… Rachel, darling, I’m so sorry. The last thing I’ve ever wanted was to hurt you – and look, you asked when I knew, but actually, I don’t know anything – not for sure.”

  “But you think he’s yours, don’t you?”

  “The dates stack up,” he admitted. “But she must have been sleeping with Nick as well.”

  “Dan, he looks like you!” Rachel gestured to the photographs.

  “I’m not sure.” Daniel looked again at them. “I’m really not sure. It’s easy to find a resemblance if you’re looking for one.”

  “But I saw it and I wasn’t even looking!”

  “And anyway, aren’t we missing the point here? If Harry is mine, have you thought what that might mean for Chloe?”

  She shook her head, and he wasn’t sure if she meant that she hadn’t thought about it – or whether she didn’t want to talk about it.

  “There’d be a chance that he was a match for Chloe. And if he is – ”

  “But he’d only be a half-brother.”

  So she had thought of it. Of course she had.

  “Even so, there’d be a one in ten chance. It could mean,” he spread his hands, “oh, it could mean just everything – a whole new life for Chloe – no more transfusions, and think of it, no more overnight infusions. When the DNA results come back – ”

  Rachel’s mouth fell open. “DNA results? What DNA results?”

  “I went to Jennifer’s house to look for the lab book and that was when I saw photos of Harry and he looked older than I expected. When I went back the second time, I took Harry’s toothbrush and…” He hesitated, but it was too late to stop now and he plunged on. “I took Chloe’s toothbrush and I sent them both off to a lab to be tested.”

  “You did all this without telling me?”

  “I didn’t want to raise your hopes.”

  “My hopes?” She seemed lost for words.

  “Rachel, can’t you see? I didn’t want to upset you when it might all be for nothing. What if Harry doesn’t turn out to be mine? I wanted to be sure before I said anything.”

  She got to her feet. He got up, too, went around the table and put his hand on her shoulder. She pulled away. Her stricken face wrung his heart.

  “Oh, Rachel…”

  She took her glasses off, stared at them, and put them back on. “I can’t believe this is happening. That you’d go behind my back like this.”

  “Darling, I’m so sorry.”

  “I’ve got to have some time.”

  “Of course. Look, I’ll make some tea.”

  “No.” She looked at her watch. “I asked the nursery to keep Chloe for an extra hour, but I’ve got to go and get her now. Why don’t you go back to work?”

  “I don’t have to.”

  “Just go!”

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  There was no answer when Katie knocked on Will’s office door. It was just after six and most people had gone home. Maybe Will had, too. He wasn’t in the lab either. She tried the door. It wasn’t locked and she eased it open. She peeped inside. She’d been in there once before, that evening when she’d glimpsed Will looking so miserable and had come in to ask if he was alright, but she hadn’t had a proper look. It was untidy, but there was no personal clutter, no postcards or cartoons cut from newspapers and stuck up with Blu-Tack. Will’s real life went on mostly in the lab, she guessed.

  She looked up and down the corridor. There was no one in sight. She stepped into the room. If Will came, she’d say that she’d come to see if he’d like to go out for a drink.

  A lab book lay open on the desk as if he’d been interrupted while writing it up.

  She went back to the door and looked down the corridor again. No one about. She left the door ajar so that she could hear if anyone came.

  She went and picked up the lab book, noticing that there were watermarks on the cover and one corner was torn. She turned the pages. He was even sloppier than she was. There was a brown ring from a coffee cup on one page. She shouldn’t be surprised, remembering the way he had splashed olive oil and tomato sauce around when he was cooking dinner.

  The lab book she had seen in Rachel’s house was different. There had been the odd small stain, but no wavy pages. It hadn’t felt soft and worn in the hand like this one. The paper had been crisp and new.

  The thought which had been lurking in the back of her mind came into focus.

  That wasn’t the original lab book.

  She heard footsteps in the corridor. Hurriedly she put the lab book back on the desk. She stepped away and pretended to be looking at something on the noticeboard. Her heart was thumping.

  Will appeared in the doorway.

  “Oh, hi,” she said. “The door was open, so I thought I’d wait. Hope you don’t mind?”

  He frowned and she could see that he was puzzled. He obviously didn’t remember leaving it open.

  She went on, “Was wondering if you’d like to go out for a drink?”

  “I’ve got to see Honor, I’m afraid. Been waiting long?”

  “Just got here.”

  His eyes went to the lab book. Her face grew warm. Had she left it as it was? Was it open at the same page as before?

  He smiled at her. “Another time, yeah?”

  “Of course. Another time, then.”

  Thank goodness he’d said no, Katie thought, as she walked along the tow path. She needed time to think.

  Her torch on her mobile phone went out just as she was walking along the darkest part of the tow path.

  “Oh, hell,” she muttered. She realized that she had forgotten to charge it.

  She walked on cautiously. She wasn’t in any real danger of falling into the river as long as she could feel the pavement beneath her feet. The silence was broken only by the boats creaking at their moorings. Someone loomed out of the dark and she gasped. It was just a man with a dog, and he murmured an apology.

  She walked on, her heart beating fast.

  She regretted even more that she’d forgotten to charge her phone when she got to the boat and had to fumble with the lock in the dark.

  It was lonely here. She wanted more than anything to ring her mother, but it was the middle of the night in Shanghai. Once her phone had charged, she tried to ring Becky instead, but got her voicemail.

  She made herself a big plate of pasta and dran
k a large glass of wine. Then she got into bed with her laptop and watched two episodes of Breaking Bad. She turned off the light at ten o’clock, but at midnight she was still awake, her thoughts churning, caught in a loop.

  That lab book she had seen at Rachel’s – was it a fake? According to Will, that earlier lab book had been written without the back-up of a notebook, so it had lived with him in the lab with all the spills and splashes that entailed. But the book she had seen and handled didn’t look like that. It was clean, way too clean, though not completely clean. Didn’t it look as it would if someone had had to fake up a lab book in a hurry? They’d add a stain or two here and there, but they wouldn’t be able to make it look as used as it really would have been.

  Why would someone do that? The answer was all too obvious. The original lab book must show that Will and Honor hadn’t been first with the discovery. Even a few days could make all the difference. A fake lab book could have been concocted to bring the date forward.

  When Lyle had spoken of Honor perhaps cutting corners and had asked Katie to sniff around, it hadn’t occurred to her that she might find something like this. If she was right and this came out, it would be the end for Will – and for Honor, too. Her long and brilliant career would be in ruins. There would be no Nobel Prize, that was for sure. And what about Katie herself? She would have struck a blow for the integrity of science, but her fellow scientists wouldn’t be sympathetic. She would have broken ranks and she’d probably never get another scientific job again.

  And did it really matter who had discovered the obesity therapy first? Let the thuggish pharmaceutical companies slug it out between them. Well, OK, so maybe it wasn’t Big Pharma versus Big Pharma. Maybe Lyle was the little guy here. And he was her friend – but she shouldn’t be thinking about that.