Such a Rush

by Jennifer Echols

  Grayson sat down in Mr. Simon’s chair, then set what he was carrying on the floor of the porch beside him: two eco-friendly recycled paper containers from Molly’s parents’ café, and an eco-friendly drink cup.

  I could tell he had something important to say. Just as on the first day we’d talked here on the porch, I could feel the weight of it around us in the hot, humid air.

  He stood and held out his hands to me. He tugged me up to standing. Wrapping his arms around me, he pulled me close for a long hug.

  Slowly I relaxed. Despite a couple of hours in bed, staring at the ceiling of the trailer, I hadn’t known how tense my muscles still were from the crash until I melted, boneless, into Grayson’s embrace.

  He relaxed too, his tight hug fading into a shoulder massage. Finally he held me at arm’s length and looked into my eyes. At least, I thought he did. We were both wearing aviator shades. Despite the fact that I couldn’t see his eyes, this time I knew he was sincerely concerned as he asked, “Are you okay?” His voice broke. He cleared his throat.

  “I’m fine,” I said. “Are you okay?”

  “Now I am. It took me a while. I was getting worried about you, though, and I was just coming to look for you. Sit down.”

  I didn’t want him treating me like an invalid when I wasn’t hurt at all. But he’d been through a lot that day, so I didn’t argue with him. I sat down.

  He sat beside me. Frowned at me. Reached over, took my chair by both armrests, and dragged it closer to his own chair. “There.” He put his hand on my knee.

  We both looked toward the far end of the runway as the orange Piper revved up its engines for takeoff. That must be why my knee was tingling, then—the vibration from the plane. I had thought at first it was Grayson’s touch. But after the plane left Earth and angled into the air, its engines fading into a tinny buzz, I still felt the vibration up my thigh from Grayson’s hand on my knee. Then he squeezed my knee though he still watched the plane, as if he wanted to make sure I was still there.

  “Who’s flying?” I asked. “That’s my plane. I guess you did fire me. You replaced me already?”

  He groaned. “What was I thinking? Please come back. The Admiral’s only flying for me the rest of the day.”

  “The Admiral!” I exclaimed. “Grayson, he’s not going to tow banners for you, is he? You shouldn’t have asked him! I don’t care how good a pilot he is. If he hasn’t been taught how to do it, he’ll kill himself.”

  Grayson squeezed my knee again, this time to reassure me. “He volunteered so I could make my contracts and you wouldn’t have to fly. This is how he learned to fly in the first place, back when he was a young damn fool idiot. That’s what he said.”

  I laughed. “That sounds like your dad talking.”

  “There’s a reason they were friends.” Grayson tapped his finger on my knee. “Don’t tell the Admiral’s wife, though. That was a condition of his employment. He said she would shit a brick.”

  “Get him down and send me up. I was just headed over to the hangar to tell you I’m ready to fly.”

  “No,” Grayson said. “I was just headed to your trailer to bring you breakfast and lunch.” He gestured to the boxes from the café.

  “I’m fine.”

  “No.”

  “I want to fly.”

  He pulled his hand off my knee. “Leah, no. You crash-landed an airplane this morning. I’m not sending you back up the same day. If you feel okay tomorrow, you can fly tomorrow and Sunday.”

  “I need to get back on the horse now.” I said this lightly like I was kidding, but I meant it. I wasn’t scared. I knew what had happened that morning hadn’t been my fault. But I didn’t want to get scared because I’d waited too long and had too much time to think. “I’m embarrassed.”

  “Of what?”

  “Screaming.”

  His left eyebrow lifted clear of his shades. “You think you should have crashed with more flair?”

  “More composure.”

  He smiled. “After I crashed the Piper last year, I went into the woods and threw up, as you know. I got over it. You’ll get over this too. You can get over it tomorrow. It would be irresponsible of me as your employer if I let you go back up today. End of discussion.” He sliced his hand across his neck.

  I frowned at him and sliced my hand across my own neck. “We use that too much.”

  “We need it,” he said. “Neither of us knows when to shut up.” He took both my hands in his. “You’re about to tell me to shut up. I have something to say to you, and something to ask you.”

  “Okay.” I should have been used to Grayson planning things out, but years of knowing him died hard, and it seemed odd that he’d thought ahead to a confession, and a question.

  He rubbed my hands with his thumbs, steeling himself.

  “Wow!” I exclaimed. “What could be so awful, Grayson?” I took off my shades and set them in my lap, then reached forward and took off his shades.

  His eyes surprised me as always, because I seldom saw them: his irises a strange light gray, his lashes blond and long. Usually when I’d seen his eyes, he’d narrowed them at me. Now they were big and worried, and he bit his lip.

  “Tell me,” I said.

  “I should have told you earlier, but I was busy blackmailing you. I have to tell you but I don’t want you to break up with me.”

  “Tell me.” I didn’t want to know. It was too soon for us to be over. But I couldn’t stand being in the dark.

  “My dad left you the Cessna.”

  I gasped. “The Cessna?” The white four-seater that Mr. Hall had used to give lessons. The first plane I’d ever flown. “Why didn’t somebody tell me in the last two months?”

  “My dad, in his infinite wisdom, made Jake the executor of his will. Since Jake’s gone, the will is tied up in court. But I’m sure you’ll be getting a call in the next few weeks. Or you would, if you had a phone.”

  I gaped at him. I couldn’t believe it. Mr. Hall had left me the Cessna.

  Grayson shifted uncomfortably. “See, it didn’t make sense to me that he would will an airplane to a flight student, unless you were a lot closer than he’d admitted. That’s why I was… unkind to you at first this week. It wasn’t until that night we ate at Molly’s café, when you talked about flying, that I began to understand. You might never have come out and told my dad how you felt about flying like you told us, but he saw that in you. He knew. And then, as you and I talked and… did more than that… I got it. I felt guilty for suspecting you. It’s just that there was this airplane!” He spread his hands, indicating the thirty-six-foot wingspan, twenty-seven feet propeller to tail, and thousands upon thousands of dollars.

  I owned a Cessna. I still couldn’t believe it. “Has Alec known about this the whole time?”

  “No. I was the one who talked to the lawyers. I just told Alec about it this morning.”

  “But he was going to find out,” I said, “and you knew that. How could you go ahead with this plan to get him and me together?”

  He held out his hand. “I didn’t care about him finding out,” he said as he touched his thumb. “Or you finding out.” He touched his pointer. “Or him being mad.” He touched his middle finger. “Or you being mad.” He touched his ring finger. “All I cared about was keeping him alive.”

  I nodded. I understood that.

  I still couldn’t believe I owned a Cessna.

  “I can’t accept it,” I said.

  “I figured you’d say that. You think you don’t deserve it. But Dad gave it to you because he loved you. Love isn’t something you have to deserve.”

  He sounded like he was reading a cue card. I looked at him, puzzled.

  He grinned. “I learned that recently.” His grin faded. “At least, I hope it’s true.” He looked toward the Hall Aviation hangar. We couldn’t see the white Cessna inside, but we knew it was there. “I was thinking you could sell the plane and use the money to live on and pay tuition until you graduate
from college, if you’re careful. Of course, then you wouldn’t have a plane, and knowing you, you’d rather have a plane to fly than a place to live.”

  I laughed, because it was true.

  “Some people sell shares of their airplanes,” he went on. “A retired doctor around here would love to buy half an airplane that my dad kept up the maintenance on.” In his voice I heard his pride in his dad. “You could still fly it half the time and pocket the profits for the other half.”

  I sat back in my chair on a sigh, overwhelmed at the whole strange idea of owning an airplane. “Wow.”

  “I know,” he said. “This changes everything for you, and I should have told you. If I’d told you, though, it would have been a lot harder to make you do what I wanted. So if you want to walk away from me now, I would completely understand, and—” He took off his hat, ran his hand back through his blond curls, and put his hat back on. “That’s actually not true. I would grovel at your feet.”

  I giggled, but I didn’t tell him I forgave him. Not right away. He’d put me through a lot. I understood why, but it might be nice to see him grovel a little. I wasn’t sure yet. “What did you want to ask me?”

  “Oh.” His cheeks turned bright pink. He cleared his throat. “Will you go to the prom with me?”

  I cackled so loud that my voice echoed against the Hall Aviation hangar and back to us. “The prom!”

  “Yes!” He grinned.

  “In Wilmington?”

  “Yes, next Saturday.”

  I looked over my shoulder at the airport office door. “I would have to ask off work.”

  “It’s at night, when the airport is closed.”

  I nodded slowly. “I would have to wear a prom garment.”

  “It doesn’t matter what you wear. You could wear that bikini top you fly in, and every girl I ever dated would…” He grinned at me. “And all the guys… I know I’ve ribbed you for being beautiful and taking advantage of it, but you’ve got to give me my turn.”

  “Well, if you frame it like a revenge plot from middle school, how could I refuse? I’ve never been to a prom before. Mine was a few weeks ago and I never thought about going.”

  “We’ll make sure this one is good.”

  Still thinking this through, I asked, “Would you drive down and get me? I would hate for you to come all that way and then bring me back. That’s a lot of driving.”

  “I would come get you,” he said. “You would stay at my house, in the guest room, and my mom would make sure I didn’t touch you inappropriately. While she was looking. Or…” He held up his finger like he’d just gotten a bright idea. “You could fly up to Wilmington in your airplane.”

  I stared at him for a moment without understanding what he was saying. And then realized he was talking about Mr. Hall’s Cessna. Which was now my Cessna. “Can I do that?” I asked. “It’s not technically my plane yet.”

  “Right,” he said. “It belongs to Hall Aviation for a few more weeks, until I sign it over to you. But you’re insured to fly planes for Hall Aviation. It’s all good. You can go wherever you want.”

  “Really.” I pictured flying to the prom in Wilmington. Flying anywhere I wanted, anytime. I pictured rising above the ground to a thousand feet, where I could see, and pointing the plane in every direction. The whole Atlantic coast, the whole country was suddenly mine.

  Grayson chuckled. “I thought that would make you smile. It’s taking a few minutes to sink in, but now you see.”

  “Yes,” I said. “Now I can see.”

  “The only thing is, Alec’s asking Molly to the prom too, so it would be nice if you made up, and you could bring her with you.”

  On cue, the yellow Piper dove low over the grassy strip and dropped a banner. The fabric sank straight down and settled on the grass. The wind was calm.

  Watching the plane sail away, I said, “I hope things won’t be awkward between you and Alec because of all this.”

  “Oh, it’ll be awkward all right,” Grayson said. “When we were so mad at each other this morning, before you went up, he called our mom and told on me.”

  “Told on you!” I exclaimed. “He never tells on you. And I thought your mom knew you were running the business and trying to get him to stay.”

  “She knew about that,” Grayson acknowledged. “She didn’t know about you, and what I made you do. On Sunday night when we get back to Wilmington, grief counselors are getting called in. And uncles.”

  If he’d said all this bitterly, I would have worried about what he had in store. But he said it lightly, like he didn’t mind the idea too much.

  “Maybe it will be good,” I said carefully.

  “Maybe. But whatever happens, Alec and I are brothers. We’ve been through hell and back together. We can handle awkward.” His eyes followed the trajectory of Alec’s plane as he circled back around to land. “My dad would hate that you and I are together. He would think I’m bad for you.”

  “He would be wrong,” I said. “I would tell him so. That day last December when you crashed… You had a handle on it at first, even in that high wind. You set that plane down and your dad said, ‘Perfect.’”

  Grayson smiled. “And then I crashed, and he said something else.”

  This was true. “Well. He thought you were perfect for a second. And you really were. I could hear in his voice how proud he was of you. Like you had conquered something, so he had conquered it himself.”

  “Thank you, Leah.” Grayson leaned forward until his rocking chair tipped down. He kissed me on the mouth, putting one hand up to my cheek to hold me there gently while he caressed me.

  With a deep breath, he backed away and motioned over his shoulder. “I’ve got to get to work.”

  “Let me come with you,” I said. “I promise I won’t try to fly. I’ll just sweep the hangar or, Jesus, beat the dust out of the couch. Something.”

  He gave me such a stern look that I backed out of the suggestion myself. “O-kay,” I said with my hands up.

  He bent down and picked up the boxes and the cup from Molly’s parents’ café. “Here.” He nodded his head toward the airport office. “Go inside and steal your newspaper like you do. Go home. Relax. Molly’s coming over after work to talk to you. Don’t make that face. And then I’ll come pick you up and take you to dinner, to the grocery store, and wherever else you need to go.”

  To buy a prom dress, I thought. But that’s something I could do one night next week with Molly.

  If we were speaking by then.

  He tried to hand me the boxes and the cup, probably thinking that if he just pressed them toward me, I would take them automatically. When I didn’t, he asked, “What is it? You’re resentful at being jerked around?”

  I nodded, already feeling better because he understood where I was coming from.

  “You’re not used to having a lot of family and friends,” he said, “giving you advice and telling you what to do and sticking their noses in your business. That’s what we do because we care about each other. Get used to it. You’ve joined the club.” He poked the boxes at me again. When I took them, he kissed me on the forehead, slid his shades back on, and turned for the Hall Aviation hangar.

  With the stacked boxes in my hands, I did slip into the office. I called a hello to Leon. He called back from somewhere in the depths of the office. So it was safe to snag the newspaper from a side table in the waiting room. I also went back to the break room and grabbed an apartment finder magazine from the rack of brochures for local attractions. When I leaned against the glass door to open it because my arms were full, Grayson was just turning around to look for me at the door in the side of the Hall Aviation hangar. He waved. I moved my elbow in response. He went inside the hangar, and I turned for the trailer park.

  On second thought, I paused. Looked up to the sky above the runway and the trees. An airplane motor buzzed up there somewhere, but I couldn’t see the plane.

  I whispered, “Thank you. For everything.”

/>   I continued on my way, my flip-flops slapping on the pavement until I reached the end of the tarmac and waded through the long grass. As I left the field and entered the forest, the pit bull lunged at me, as usual. This time his growl cut off short, though. He stood at the end of his chain, eyed me silently, and sniffed the air. He smelled the food.

  Inside my trailer, standing at the kitchen counter and suddenly starving, I investigated the contents of the boxes. I ate the chocolate croissant first—not warm anymore but still Molly’s dad’s chocolate croissant—and then a big portion of the sandwich for lunch, and carefully packed the rest away in the refrigerator for another day.

  Then I settled on the pitted sofa with the apartment finder magazine. I planned to borrow Grayson’s phone tomorrow, call the landlord, and find out exactly how many months my mother had been pocketing the money I gave her instead of paying the rent. Ever since Mr. Hall had let me fly for free, I’d stashed my salary for college. I didn’t want to part with it now, but I had plenty to cover the cheap rent for a few months.

  Back rent was all I would pay the landlord, though. I was on my own now. I had choices, and I chose not to live in this trailer a second longer than I had to. Paging through the apartment finder magazine, I felt panicky, like I had last Sunday when Grayson told me Mark had made up my job with Mr. Simon. The cheapest apartments were twice as much as the trailer, and they were on this side of town, possibly in more dangerous neighborhoods. Because I’d been reading the newspaper for years, I knew exactly where all the shootings and stabbings had occurred.

  The apartments on the nice end of town were, predictably, much more expensive. Now that I wasn’t supporting my mother, I could afford one. Then I couldn’t walk to the airport. I could ride the school bus to the airport, I supposed, and then ask the Admiral to take me to my apartment when he landed for the day, which was about the time I got off work. But like Grayson had said, I hated to rely on someone. And I had only six weeks of school bus left before I graduated. It was time I learned to drive. And bought a car.