“You broke into my car?”
David shrugged, “It’s a standard Ford Metro, with an Excalibur OmegaMax with Echo alarm system. Don’t worry, it’s rearmed.”
“But when? You were with me last night.”
David looked at Hilda, she began to wag her tail.
“Hilda, you are amazing. Simply amazing. David may I pet her?”
“Don’t ask me, ask her! Not a pet, a companion, remember.”
Hilda nodded. Phyllis bent down, put her face into Hilda’s fur, and started to cry. “You are amazing.”
David didn’t know if she was talking to him or Hilda, he finally said, “If the hit men ever try to put the bomb into your car, I plan on a surprise. If they have a remote control, I plan to activate it as soon as they get near the car, boom, no hit men. If it uses a trigger, we can call the police.
But that’s all defensive. I’d like to do some offensive. Nip good old ‘the Hammer’ in the bud. No mobster, no contract. What do you think of a tape cassette to the hit men’s pick-up location, with a $50,000 in cash and a tape with the voice of the father of the kid who killed your mom, telling them to look into the ‘Hammer’s recent enterprising acquisition of various clients formerly belonging to them.’ You may want to ask your dad for advice here.”
Phyllis looked startled, “You could do that. Of course, you can do that. But $50,000? You’re just a college student.”
David smiled, “and CEO of CompuHead, actually C H Industries. Did I mention that we have a new energy subsidiary based on a perpetual motion machine I built?”
“Uh, nooo. Perpetual motion? That’s crazy, even for you.”
David gave his half-smile, “It’s Saturday, want to take a long drive to visit my dad?”
***
On the trip down to New York, David shared with Phyllis his experiences in Birkhead College and Phyllis talked about being the daughter of a gangster and what happened to her since the ‘accident’.
Phyllis was driving on I-95 southbound in southern Connecticut. “This is going so fast.” She said, “This time yesterday I thought I never wanted you to know I existed. Then I realized that I love you, and then I realized you may have an answer to dad’s and my problem, and it’s related to an anti-gravity machine. And now I’m meeting your father.”
“See, I thought a nice long drive would help simplify life.”
“Shouldn’t we call your dad up? Tell him we’re coming?”
David gave his half-smile and tapped on her earpiece.
“Oh, I keep forgetting.”
Phyllis drove in silence for another ten minutes. “David, I was thinking about when you opened up yesterday. You started talking about yourself almost like you were that android on Star Trek.”
David said, “Effectively, I am a robot.” He stated it as a fact.
Phyllis glanced at David and noticed he wasn’t smiling. She drove another few minutes then pulled off the highway and found a place to park. She turned to him and asked, “You’re a robot, a clever machine?”
David shrugged and said, “Sorry, yes.”
“Not human?”
David said, “Not really.”
She sat there, then she suddenly slapped him hard across the face screaming, “You stupid asshole.”
David was startled, turned red then said, “Why did you do that?”
Phyllis just looked at him. Moments later, she faced forward, and loudly slapped the dashboard. She leaned forward and screamed at the dashboard, “You stupid asshole.” She then turned to face David, smiling. She caressed his face where she slapped it, turned the car back on and drove back onto the highway. “Can you review the images of yourself coming from my phone and necklace?”
David still confused said “Yes.”
Phyllis said, “What did you see? Look at your face. Then compare it to the dashboard’s reaction.”
David was quiet for a while, and then he grumbled, “You don’t understand. You’re not listening.”
Phyllis looked at the slowing traffic, “We got plenty of time together, and I’m listening as carefully as I can.”
“I, I’m a robot. Most of what I do is automatic, programmed.”
Phyllis said, “I’m still not following you.”
“About 98.3% of my actions are automatic, from my programs.”
“At this very moment, are your words from a program?”
“No.”
“Can you explain what you mean then?”
“Well, like last night, I reviewed all my companies’ accounts. I authorized the hiring of 48 new people. I answered 221 e-mails.”
“I’m still not following you, you told me you multi-process.”
“I did it at 4 AM, I was sleeping.”
“Oh.” She thought for a bit as the car crept forward on I-95. “The review of the accounts, did it need any creative thoughts?”
“Nah, no flags were raised by my program.”
“OK, you looked for unexpected amounts or names, and didn’t see anything and that was that? Just like I or any other person would do.”
David nodded.
Phyllis then said “The same thing with the people you hired. I’m sure you checked on their background and work history, and then approved them. Just like I would have.” David nodded. “Then you answered the e-mails?”
“Yeah.”
“How did you do that?”
“Well I have a program which modeled my behavior and reactions. It knows me better than I know myself, so I ran it last night. I tell myself what I said in the morning. I rarely need to ‘reconsider’ what I said in the e-mail.”
Phyllis glanced at David confused, “Better than you know yourself?”
David said, “Uh huh. A while back, I got the computer to model myself, then predict what I would do given a situation. I also asked myself what I would do. The computer was more accurate in its predictions.”
Phyllis looked confused, “I don’t understand, you asked yourself, why didn’t you know what you said you would do and just act on it?”
“The same way I could forget that you existed. I can selectively ignore certain stored memories.”
Phyllis said, “That’s amazing, modeling yourself. I never heard of that. I bet you could do that on other people too. You know, you could take an independent studies in psychology.”
David said, “I was thinking of doing that next year. Psychology once dabbled in a crude version of what I do. It was called Implicit Personality Theory. It was dismissed as an artifact by some imbeciles. Most psychologists are mathematically ignorant. I tend to use three-mode factor analysis in my modeling. I think only a dozen or two people could do it. But none of them have the recording apparatus I have access to.”
Phyllis asked, “Did you model other people?”
“Oh yeah, my father’s model is very good. I think I’m going to need to redo yours now.”
“You modeled ME?” Phyllis sounded both startled and angry.
“Sure, I mean, if I did something you hated you’d get angry, right? And I need to know when you’re not being serious. Picking up on facial or verbal cues for me is iffy.”
Phyllis thought over what David had said, “Let’s get back to you being a robot. It seems like you just automate what I do naturally. Things that I could easily say to Charlie, I could never say to Kenny. Kiddo, ya also gotta remember that most of the rest of us ‘do things in our sleep’. We humans brush our teeth, walk or drive, get in conversations, and check our bank accounts automatically. Just like you. Did you ever ask yourself how much I or your dad do things automatically? Except for being better at it, you’re just as human as we are.”
Phyllis, keeping her eyes on the road, pointed to David’s heart, “Most of what being human is about is here, not here.” She then pointed to his ‘seat’.
David asked, “My penis, tush, or computer?”
Phyllis briefly took her eyes off t
he road, eyes laughing said, “Of course.”
A few miles down the road, Phyllis asked, “David, is it being a robot the reason you’re down? Or is it being different? A unique person, the only cyborg?”
David mused, “Different, I guess.”
“Think about it.”
“I will Phyl, but you hafta realize I am profoundly different. You’re still seeing me as a human, a goopy, teenaged human, which is attached to a computer. I’m not. I’m a computer, an analytic multiprocessing machine, which is attached to a goopy human. This isn’t a semantic triviality. I look human, but my thinking processes are different. All my thinking is based on a very, very rich set of subroutines, functions, iterative calls, loops, mathematical equations. The way I view the world is different. My ability to interact is different. I am different.
“It isn’t Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus. It’s more like Men are from earth and Porpoises are from the ocean. I’m profoundly different. One day you’re going to realize just how different and you’ll leave.”
Phyllis pursed her lips, and then squeezed his hand. “I might. I can’t tell you how I’ll feel tomorrow, a year from now, ten years from now. All I can tell you is I’m here now. I’ve never felt closer to anyone else than to you. And seeing how you reacted last night, your goopy, blubbering human side is guiding your actions. If your dad used nanotubes and nano means very, very small, then most of your brain, like your emotions and the deeper parts of the brain are behaving just like any other human.”
***
Ten minutes later Phyllis started to cry.
David looked uncomfortable, “Phyl, what’s wrong?”
Batting back the tears from her eyes, “I tried, really hard, to block thinking about my mom. Last night and today it all came back. It’s tearing me apart that the last thoughts her tormented soul had was that her husband hated her, her only child hated her, and the high point of her day was going to work at an insurance company.” Phyllis wiped the tears from her eyes as she drive 25 mph on the slowly moving highway.
David awkwardly reached out and held her hand.
Phyllis glanced at David and briefly smiled.
David said, “What makes you say that? How do you know what she was thinking at any moment? I mean, in one of the TV interviews following her murder, a co-worker said she was just getting her life under control. She was reconciling with her husband. You also said they were going to marital therapy. As far as you hating her, most parents know that teenagers rebel. It’s a phase, especially with a troubled marriage. Once her marriage was better, I’m sure she knew you’d straighten up. You’re a wonderful person, she must have known that. And don’t disparage her job. According to her supervisor, she enjoyed what she was doing. She was helping people prepare for an emergency and made them whole if they had one. Her co-worker said she loved her job. For all you know, she could have been looking forward and hopeful. Things were finally going to work out.
“Thanks kiddo. Listen, I want you to promise me something.”
David nodded.
“If we ever have a fight, we work it out before we go to sleep. I don’t want us to ever go to sleep angry. Promise? I don’t want to end up like my parents.”
David nodded and said, “I give you my word.”
They drove on, both lost in their own thoughts. Their fingers interlaced, Phyllis squeezed hard. The traffic picked up slightly when they approached the New York border on I-95.
***
David directed her to park in the driveway outside a sprawling building. As they approached the garage, a middle age man appeared. Martin was almost six feet tall with a slight physique. His hair was slightly thinning, forming a widow’s peak, there was definite grey in it, but he had the same facial structure as David. There was no mistaking this man for anyone but David’s father.
As Phyllis got out, Martin went up to her and gave her a very warm hug.
Martin broke the hug, “I’m so glad to meet you Phyllis,” in a lower voice, “or would you prefer Debra?”
Phyllis looked angrily at David and then back at Martin. Phyllis stiffly said, “Phyllis please, I take it that David told you all about my ‘little’ secret?” Her eyes narrowed at David.
Martin smiled, “You apparently don’t know my son and his secrets for very long.” Martin chuckled, “You see, the world is divided into two groups, the Ins and the Outs. The Ins know everything, ALL information is available to us from all sources. At this moment, I can tell you who is withdrawing 32,000 yen from the Fifth Bank of Taiwan as well as the molecular structure of LSD and how to manufacture bronze paint #258. In fact, I had to make a special plea with David to turn the cameras off at, shall we say, inappropriate times. You have to realize that he was virtually raised by Hilda and the other companions. They have no concept for privacy or human manners. It was only in the last year that he stopped dipping his head into the dinner bowl and lapping up the food. Hehe.
“Why don’t we step inside, Le Chef has been preparing dinner since eleven this morning. I think he wants to show off. Don’t worry, we know all about your lactose deficiency, and your favorite foods. But I’ll let the chef surprise you.”
Martin looked at David’s sweatshirt, shook his head to the side, and rolled his eyes. It was a picture of two treants, tree creatures, talking with a third in the distance, swinging its massive limbs of branches at some orcs. The sweatshirt said, ‘Don’t worry. Dad’s bark is worse than his bite.’
Phyllis heard in her ear an excited voice with a strong French accent, “She izz heeere. Mademoiselle Phil-iz I have some choice del-ah-ka-zes for you. Cume in, cume in.” Phyllis looked around, but there was only Martin, David and herself. They entered the house.
The house was not quite what she expected. As she entered, she was watched by many eyes. Watched was an understatement. They were staring at her. There were a number of birds and dogs in the room, including another German Sheppard. Phyllis knew that each was as intelligent as she.
Phyllis faced the many animals, “Good day, my name is Phyllis. Whom do I have the pleasure of addressing.” She spoke again, “And you are?” She brushed her hair back and felt the earplug falling from her hand, onto her shoulder and then the floor. “Excuse me, I didn’t hear you, the ear plug fell out, you see, I’m sorry.” She stumbled as she picked it from the floor and stuck it back into her ear. It wasn’t quite right but …
David approached her. He had that moronic half smile. Phyllis almost wanted to belt him as she pushed the earplug back into her ear. She heard a cacophony of sounds. Then there was David’s voice. “Please, she’s a little nervous. Please guys, one at a time.” The other German Sheppard approached. She immediately knew it wasn’t Hilda as this one looked larger and had a grey bandanna around his neck. Phyllis bowed her head, “And your name, sir?” The dog approached, and then gave what could only be a Germanic salute with his head, a quick bow. “Gut to meet you, Fraulein Phyllis. Hilda has told us much about you. Much nicer than that other female David collected. Feh. Gut to meet you. Mine name ist Hansel.” The dog snapped his head down again and backed up with Prussian precision.
Virtually appearing out of the shadows, a dog shimmered into existence. On closer look, the dog was wearing a blanket or a cloak of some sort. Phyllis said, “Is that some type of fiber optic cloak? That was amazing. David told me that his canine companions were incredibly stealthy. If I hadn’t seen it, I would never have believed it. And your name is?” The new dog looked like a beagle under the cloak. Phyllis noticed a tail wagging; she smiled. “You can call me Sniffer. Glad to meet you. I’m on guard duty; Eagle One is taking my place now. I have to relieve him. It’s good to meet you.”
A large grey bird, with red tail feathers raised his wings. “An African Grey, I’m pleased to meet you. My name is Phyllis. And you are?”
A clear English accent came over the headphones a
nd speakers that were hidden in the walls. “A good evening to you Miss Marks. My name is Son-of-Alex, I am quite pleased to make your acquaintance.”
A large Saint Bernard walked in, “My name is Bernard. You must be tired, would you like something to drink. It must have been an exhausting ride. Perhaps something alcoholic? Some beer?”
“Actually, that would be wonderful. I’m beginning to feel overwhelmed. Can I have something a bit stronger and a bit sweet?”
The big dog nodded and wagged his tail, “Coming right up.” He walked out.
The large African Grey parrot flew up to Phyllis, startled she raised her hand and the bird alighted on it. In its English accent it asked, “I was wondering, Ms. Marks if you would be so kind to scratch behind my head. It’s such a bother for me.”
Hesitantly Phyllis started scritching. “Go upward from the neck to the crown. Ahh, yes.” The bird started a low cooing sound, obviously in pleasure. It leaned forward and rested its beak on Phyllis’ nose.
Phyllis asked, “Is Son-of-Alex always so friendly?”
David shook his head, “Not even for me. It could be a male female thing.”
Martin walked up to Phyllis, “I’m surprised you’re handling this so well. Frankly, I didn’t know what to expect. David said you were smart, gutsy, and very intuitive. As you can guess, that’s extraordinary praise, coming from David. Nevertheless, I can see he was right. I’m amazed that you haven’t fled out of here gibbering like a lunatic with our menagerie. I understand you’re currently studying medical technology and teaching. That’s an odd combination.”
Phyllis thought ‘Martin knew my major, hell, he probably knew every grade I ever had from kindergarten on and all the details of my discussion with David last night. I’m going to have to explain myself to his father.’ “As you know, I was initially lost in high school, but after my mother’s death, I grew up quickly. I loved playing with computers, so I first went to study electrical engineering. Unfortunately, that was cut short too quickly, so I went to Birkhead. As a small, formally female only, liberal arts school it had no engineering, but then again, the hit men were probably going to focus on tech schools, so I was safer there. My choices were limited. Medical technology was the closest to my real interests. As to teaching, I’m not sure why I chose to take a double major. I could have taken courses in their nursing department, but I don’t think I could stand that. Being a nurse.” Phyllis’ face turned red with embarrassment, “Oh, I’m sorry, Dr. Klein. I didn’t mean what that sounded like.”
The Infinite when it was Two Digits Old Page 10