Secrets and Spellcraft

by Michael G. Manning

  “You can speak troll?”

  “I thought I explained that earlier. By the way, that coughing sound you heard was Lrmeg laughing. You’re lucky he doesn’t fancy humans.” The ring went on to utter an unholy collection of bizarre grunts and sounds. After listening a moment, the troll answered.

  “Back away from the ale now,” suggested the ring. “Maybe make a sweeping gesture with your arm. Oh! And give him the empty jar you brought.”

  Will summoned the jar. “Will he know how to use it?”

  “I’ll explain. And again, I told you already, they aren’t like you.”

  “What does that mean?” asked Will.

  “They aren’t stupid,” said Arrogan. The ring began speaking in troll again, and after a short while the troll took both the ale cask and the empty jar. Then it left.

  “He left,” said Will. “But he didn’t pee in the jar.”

  “Did you expect him to do it in front of you?”

  Will paused, unsure what he had been expecting. “Well, no, but—”

  “Listen, trolls aren’t like humans, but they’re not stupid and they do have their own culture. Urinating is a very private thing for them. They don’t do it very often since their bodies are very efficient in reusing waste. I guess you could say they’re shy.”

  “Shy?” Will was dumbfounded. “How can they be shy? The troll was naked. I saw way more than I ever wanted to see of his anatomy. If he can walk around like that, why couldn’t he just pee right then and there?”

  “There are several erroneous assumptions in that rock that you pretend is a brain,” said Arrogan. “First, trolls don’t have gender. Second, the thing you saw between his legs isn’t where they urinate from. They only have one orifice, so they have to vomit it up from their mouths.”

  Will felt nauseous just imagining it, but another question entered his mind. “Then how do they reproduce?”

  “Two ways,” said the ring. “The simplest is when some part of them gets cut off. They regenerate like starfish, so if you cut off an arm it will grow back, but the dismembered arm also recovers, growing an entirely new troll. That’s one reason they got out of control when they entered the human realm long ago. Cutting them up just made matters worse.”

  “That’s disgusting.”

  “Wait until I tell you how they reproduce sexually—”

  “Please don’t.”

  “—one troll jams his thing into another troll. It’s got a sharp point on it when they’re aroused. Once he’s inside, it breaks off and recombines with the flesh of the other troll, then it grows for a few weeks before clawing its way out.”

  Will’s stomach turned over. The smell of the swamp wasn’t helping either.

  “So, you’re lucky Lrmeg knew enough to realize you weren’t seriously trying to solicit him for sex, otherwise he might have given you a fatal wound.”

  His stomach heaved, and he began to retch.

  “Yeah, that’s pretty close to the sound they make when they’re going at it,” said Arrogan. “You’re a natural.” Then he laughed. “I just realized you’re more similar to them than I thought, since in a way, they’re all a bunch of giant dicks.”

  The ring laughed maniacally while Will fought to get his rebellious stomach to quiet down. Eventually it calmed and he focused on his breathing. Once he felt better, he asked, “How long do you think we’ll have to wait?”

  “Somewhere between five or six hours and a full day.”

  “Why so long?”

  “I already told you they don’t pee very often. It’s a lucky thing that they like ale. They’ll throw a party, get drunk, and afterward they’ll hopefully be sober enough to deposit the recycled liquids in the jar you gave them.”

  A fresh wave of nausea washed over him and he started to feel faint. It wasn’t like him to be so easily nauseated, and he eventually realized, it was the lack of turyn that was making him so sensitive. He took another sip from the elixir of turyn, finishing the vial, and immediately began to feel better. There were twenty-two more vials left, and he’d used one in less than an hour. I’ll run out if they take a full day, he observed silently.

  While he waited, Will took off his armor and stored it in the limnthal. It was simply too hot to continue wearing it. He kept his saber out, though, just in case. It might be a futile gesture, but if he was attacked, he didn’t intend to die without a fight.

  Arrogan laughed when he mentioned the sword. “At the very best you’ll just leave a few new baby trolls behind, assuming you manage to cut anything off before they eat you.”

  “You aren’t very encouraging,” said Will sourly.

  “You don’t have to worry. I came here quite a few times. These trolls are well behaved. There won’t be any trouble.”

  The heat was miserable. Even without the gambeson, Will was sure he would die of dehydration from sweating so much. One by one, he sipped at the elixirs of turyn, storing the empty vials as he finished them. When he wasn’t drinking those, he drank the water stored in the limnthal. His thirst seemed unending, and he wondered which would run out first, the water or the elixirs.

  It wasn’t just sweating that made him uncomfortable, though; the air was filled with insects, all of which seemed to think he was a tasty treat. At one point he asked, “Isn’t there a spell to keep flies away?”

  “There is,” answered the ring, “but you couldn’t use it here.”

  “Why not?”

  “Are you getting dumber? Or has the heat cooked the wet noodle that serves as your brain?”

  Oh, the turyn expenditure, Will realized. “Couldn’t I just drink more of the elixir?”

  “You could, but keeping a spell active eats up a lot more power than you might think. Something that would seem insignificant in our world would cause you to run through those elixirs every few minutes.”

  “I think it would be worth it,” he grumbled. “I’ve probably lost a quart of blood already.”

  He was on the tenth vial of turyn when a rustling announced the return of Lrmeg. Will saw the large clay jar in the troll’s hands. Lrmeg placed the jar on the ground in front of him and Will opened the lid for a brief second to check the contents. He regretted it immediately as the smell assaulted his nose. He jammed the lid back in place and stored the jar in the limnthal before the stench could overwhelm him.

  “He just brought the jar back,” said Will, for Arrogan’s benefit. “Can you thank him for me?”

  A short string of guttural noises issued from the ring, and Lrmeg nodded. Will started to turn away, thinking it was time to head back home, but the troll barked a command of some sort. “What was that?” he asked.

  “He said you haven’t given him the reward,” responded the ring. “Didn’t you give him the second cask?”

  Will’s mouth went dry. “There is no second cask.”

  “I told you to bring two quarter casks,” said Arrogan. “Which part of that were you too stupid to understand?”

  “They didn’t have quarter casks, so I got a rundlet cask. It’s almost twice as much so I thought it would be fine,” explained Will.

  “Then you should have gotten two rundlets, idiot! They expect one to drink right away and a second one when they return with the product of their festivities.”

  “Oh. Well, that’s unfortunate.”

  “I can’t believe you’re really this stupid,” said Arrogan. The troll was beginning to growl as its suspicion grew. “He sounds really angry.”

  “What do I do?”

  “Can you ask them to melt down the ring after they finish with you? I don’t really fancy being stuck in Muskeglun until the end of time.”

  “This isn’t the time for jokes,” Will hissed.

  “That wasn’t a joke.”

  Will’s mind was racing. “I have an idea. Tell him I have his ale.”

  “They really dislike liars,” the ring warned.

  “Just do it!”

  Another string of unintelligible gibberish emerged from
the ring, and Will summoned the water jar. It was still more than half full, so it was fairly heavy, which Will hoped would help with the lie. He backed away as Lrmeg stepped forward to claim his prize.

  Will summoned another elixir of turyn and drank the vial in a single gulp. He continued to back away, and when he saw Lrmeg reach for the lid of the jar, he turned and ran. A blood-curdling scream rang out behind him, urging him to greater speed. Will focused his turyn in his legs and ran for all he was worth.

  “What did you give him?” asked the ring. “He’s calling for your head. Every troll in the area is going to be hot on your trail.”

  “Water!” Will blurted out as he ran. He could hear Lrmeg crashing through the foliage close behind him. “How fast can they run?”

  “Faster than you.”

  The ground ahead was clear and level for a short distance, so Will risked a look back. Lrmeg was just ten feet behind and closing quickly. Shit, shit, shit! Somehow, he managed to run faster, but it still wouldn’t be enough.

  “If you still have that sword out, I have a piece of advice,” said the ring. “They don’t feel much pain and you can’t really hurt a troll permanently, but there is one spot you can aim for that will slow them down.”

  “Where?” yelled Will.

  “The dick,” said Arrogan. “Not the dick itself mind you, but inside the body behind it. That’s where the brain is.”

  Will was dodging around trees and heavy bushes, trying to maintain his lead against the larger heavier troll. “I’m about to die and you’re still trying to be humorous?”

  “I’m serious. Aim for the groin.”

  He didn’t have enough wind to continue the conversation. Will saw a large, dead tree lying across his path. He remembered it from his hike earlier, so he knew the other side of the massive trunk was relatively clear. He slapped his left hand down on top of the horizontal log and vaulted over, then dropped into a crouch on the other side with his sword at the ready.

  Lrmeg didn’t even have to jump. The troll passed over the fallen tree with nothing more than a wide step, and Will stood up beneath the troll. With both hands he rammed the saber upward, straight into the crux where Lrmeg’s legs met.

  The troll screeched as a foot and a half of steel entered his body, then twisted violently and fell to one side, his body twitching. Will jerked the sword free and resumed running. “I got him!”

  “I guess it’s true what they say about fools and luck,” said Arrogan.

  “How long will he be down?”

  “A few minutes. Even if you put it right through his brain, they heal very quickly.”

  Hooting calls echoed through the trees, making it impossible for Will to tell where they were coming from. It sounded as though they were all around him. He focused his turyn on his legs and lungs and continued his headlong flight. His decision to cut a path turned out to be fortuitous, else he would have quickly lost his way back.

  Minutes passed, and he was forced to drink another elixir of turyn. He was beginning to hope that he had lost his pursuers. Hope died when he saw his destination ahead. At least fifteen trolls stood between him and freedom.

  “They were waiting for me!” he exclaimed.

  “I told you they weren’t stupid,” Arrogan commented dryly.

  The cracking of branches and rustling of leaves announced Lrmeg’s approach from the rear. Will saw shadows to his left and right and he knew he would be surrounded within moments.

  Desperate, Will attempted a spell he had studied but never practiced, the demon-armor spell. Fear and adrenaline sharpened his mind, and he somehow succeeded in assembling the construct on the first try. He slammed as much turyn into the spell as he dared, then released it.

  Heatless, red-orange flames engulfed his body and Will charged into the pack of trolls standing between him and the congruence point, waving his sword and screaming at the top of his lungs. “Burn! Burn, you motherless bastards!”

  Surprised at the appearance of a human bonfire, the trolls scrambled back, falling over one another to escape the suicidal human. One of them was knocked prone by his companions as they fled. Will leapt over the fallen troll and reached the congruence, then promptly fell flat on his face as his feet slipped on the muddy, leaf-strewn ground.

  He scrambled to his feet—or tried to; his body had become sluggish. The spell was draining his turyn faster than he had expected. The flames around him flickered and died, while the trolls turned and glared at him angrily.

  Legs shaking, he managed to stand and took one final step. He was free. Will moved sideways, his body shifting between worlds as the troll he had jumped over swept a long, claw-tipped hand through the place he had been standing.

  Will found himself in the dark, lightless interior of Arrogan’s workshop and dizziness overtook him. Exhausted, he sat down suddenly.

  “Are they eating you yet?” asked Arrogan curiously.

  “Shut up,” said Will and dismissed the limnthal. He lay down on the cold, stone floor and enjoyed the silence.

  Chapter 27

  After a few minutes, Will’s turyn recovered and with it his strength. He sat up and cast a light spell, illuminating the workshop so he could ascend the ladder. He stopped when he noticed he still had the saber in his hand, its blade covered in drying troll ichor.

  Two spells later and the blade was clean and newly sharpened, then he stored it in the limnthal. He had given up using the sheath altogether. It was easier to summon it when needed and store it when not needed. Satisfied that he wouldn’t frighten his mother with a gore-covered weapon, he went up the ladder and knocked on the trap door.

  It opened a few seconds later, accompanied by his mother’s face, illuminated by a candle she held in one hand. “William?”

  “It’s me, Mom,” he answered before taking another step and poking his head out.

  “Did you find what you needed?” she asked.

  Will smiled, emerging the rest of the way into the bedroom. “I did. No trouble at all.”

  “What was it like—Sweet Mother Temarah! Are you wounded?” Erisa began checking him over. “Take off your tunic.”

  Belatedly, he realized his mistake. He’d cleaned and put away the sword but neglected the fact that Lrmeg had also bled all over him. There was crusted gore in his hair and dark stains on his tunic. “Don’t worry, none of it is mine,” he said quickly.

  “I should hope not! What is this? It isn’t blood. Oh, you smell like rotten meat!” Erisa pointed at the door. “Outside!”

  His mother followed him out, giving orders as they went. The sun was just beginning to come up. “Sammy, fetch the tub. Annabelle, I’ll need you to help haul water. Where’s Johnathan?”

  “In the garden,” answered Sammy, giving Will a look of disgust as she wrinkled her nose. “What happened to Will?”

  Since she was pregnant, Annabelle’s reaction was more severe. “Ack! Oh, I think I’m going to be sick!”

  “Do it outside,” snapped Erisa. “It smells bad enough in here already. Keep moving, William. Don’t stop.”

  Will considered stopping them and using a personal bathing spell, but his mother already had everyone in motion, so he went along with the flow. It had been a while since he’d had a proper bath without using magic anyway.

  “Strip,” ordered his mother, using a tone that would likely have made even Sergeant Nash jump to obey.

  Will looked helplessly at Sammy and Annabelle. “Mom…”

  Erisa glanced at the two young women. “Take his clothes around back and wash them in the other tub.”

  “Awww,” said Sammy, though she didn’t argue.

  Annabelle wasn’t so quick to obey. “It’s nothing I haven’t seen before.”

  Erisa glared at her. “I’m not done talking to you, young lady. Would you like to continue our conversation with Will present?”

  Annabelle made herself scarce.

  An hour later, Will was dressed in a warm robe and warming his feet by the fire while his
clothes drip-dried on the porch. Sammy sat in a chair nearby. “Will you be cooking?” she asked hopefully.

  “I’m a little tired,” said Will.

  “You can start peeling carrots, Sammy,” ordered Erisa. “I’ll be cooking.”

  Johnathan stood in the doorway, and he laughed at the pout Sammy adopted when she heard the news. “Why don’t you tell us what happened, Will?”

  “Well, I didn’t expect any trouble, but there are trolls in Muskeglun,” began Will.

  “Trolls?” Erisa glared daggers at him. “I swear, William, you’re taking years off my life.”

  “It would have been all right,” protested Will. “But I didn’t bring a second cask of ale.” He explained what had happened while trying and failing to downplay the dangers. It was a futile attempt—the word ‘troll’ alone made it clear how dangerous his adventure had really been.

  When he finished, his uncle spoke first. “Lesson learned. Next time, bring three casks of ale.”

  Will furrowed his brow. “Three?”

  “Two for the trolls and one for me. It’s been a while since we had any good ale.”

  Erisa leaned over and half-heartedly punched her brother’s shoulder. “Is that all you have to say? He nearly got himself killed.”

  Johnathan gave her an unsympathetic look. “It won’t do much good to scold him. He’s a grown man, and a wizard to boot. It’s not like we can stop him from putting himself in danger. At least he’s going back to Wurthaven. He should be safe there. I’m still worried about what will happen to Eric if the king decides to prosecute a war with Darrow.”

  “He’s not even eighteen yet,” complained Erisa.

  “I will be in another month,” Will pointed out. Then something occurred to him. “Have you seen Eric recently?”

  His uncle nodded. “He came by last week on his day off. He wanted to show us his new armor.”

  Will grinned. “He got new armor?” He had wondered if Selene would be able to make good on her promise considering the way her father had summoned her back home.

  Erisa looked closely at him. “Was that from you?”

  He shook his head. “Selene.”

  His uncle whistled. “A present from the king’s daughter herself!”