Dear Diary...

by L. M. Reed

  Chapter 25

  Dear Diary,

  And back to school…

  CeeCee

  Mark and Nick stayed the weekend, sharing the sleeper sofa Mom had purchased. I felt for them, it couldn’t have been comfortable. I would have offered them my room but I only had a twin bed, and I doubted that they would have let me in any case. Neither had thought about bringing the inflatable mattress Nick had used before as it had been a spur of the moment trip for both of them, and so they suffered in silence.

  Because I had fallen asleep so quickly, I had no idea how long the rest of them stayed up but, apparently, it was long enough to make firm plans for the following weekend. If it hadn’t been for me, I knew Mom and Mark would have gone right away to confront Laticia’s parents in Austin, but they couldn’t very well take me in the shape I was in, and leaving me with Nick was out of the question. For a day, maybe, but overnight…so it was decided that Mom and I would head that way the next weekend on Friday, after school, which coincided with the beginning of spring break.

  Nick planned to pick me up from his and Mark’s apartment that Saturday morning and take me to his parents’ house for the day while Mom and Mark paid their visit to Mom’s old acquaintances. I was relieved. There was no telling what stupid thing I might do if Nick and I were to stay alone together all day at the apartment.

  Mom and Mark planned to join us that evening for supper since Nick’s mom was going to cook a big meal for all of us. Nick said his dad and all three of his brothers would be there, and I had to admit I was nervous about meeting his whole family.

  Mark and Nick kept an eye on me on Saturday while Mom went to the grocery store to stock up on some things for me to eat since I was starting back on solid foods. There weren’t many foods I could tolerate…mostly scrambled eggs and toast and one of my all time favorites: tomato soup—made with milk, not water—and Zesta saltines crumbled into it.

  Nick informed me that I would be taking naps twice a day, and for once I didn’t argue.

  Man, he’s bossy, I thought grumpily as I drifted off, but I knew he was right…again

  That irked me even more.

  Saturday evening all four of us played spades. Mom and I were partners, but we were totally outclassed. I would have thought we’d be the perfect partners, Mom always tended to overbid, while I was more likely to underbid, but we went set more often than not. To be fair, Mom was a bit distracted and played a few hands totally wrong. We were good losers though, and there was a lot of laughter. I hadn’t laughed that much in a long time.

  Felicia called during the game to check on me. I told her I wasn’t going to be allowed to go to church, but she could come visit me afterwards. We hadn’t seen each other since Thursday, the day I had passed out, but she’d called every day to check on me. She wanted to come in the afternoon so we made plans for her to visit around four o’clock.

  After the last hand, I went to the bathroom and then straight to bed, leaving the rest of them still deciding who should go to church and who should stay home with me as I closed my bedroom door. I’d futilely tried to convince them I was fine by myself, but none of them would listen to me so I’d finally given up.

  Let them duke it out, I thought wearily as I fell asleep.

  When I awoke on Sunday morning it was late, already ten o’clock and I wondered groggily which prison guard I had. My guess was that it would be Mom. She had the advantage of being the Mom and a female. The guys could hardly argue with the fact that I might need some embarrassing type of help at some point of the morning. I planned to take a shower, and I had no desire to have one of them coming to my aid if I passed out or something. I found it amusing that they were arguing over getting to stay with me instead of being able to escape. Some people were just gluttons for punishment.

  I gathered my stuff together and headed to the bathroom. Mom stood at the stove with her back to me and it smelled like she was in the middle of cooking lunch.

  Even though I usually took cool, quick showers, I stayed under the spray until I had used every bit of hot water available. By the time I got out of the bathroom, it was already 11 o’clock.

  After dropping off my things in the bedroom, I went out to visit with Mom before the others got back. Neither of us wanted to discuss anything too emotional, but I wanted to feel her out about my going to school the next day. I brought it up while I was eating the scrambled eggs and toast she had all ready for me.

  “I’m not sure you’re ready to go back to school,” Mom said doubtfully.

  “What if I just go to the classes that I have before lunch?” I asked reasonably. “Those are my important ones then, and I don’t want to fall behind.”

  “That’s true, I could bring you home at lunch and you could nap.”

  I was making headway.

  “Or Felicia could bring me home,” I suggested, “Since we have the same lunch period. We’re only a few blocks from the school,” I reminded her, although I knew better than to suggest I walk home.

  Even I admitted I didn’t have the strength or stamina for that.

  “Felicia is a possibility,” Mom agreed.

  “I only have Economics, a free period, and Track in the afternoon so I won’t be missing much,” I reassured her. “Felicia and I have Economics together so I can use her notes to keep up.”

  Felicia usually used my notes, but I hoped the teacher might consider letting her use something to record the lecture. I didn’t want to flunk anything in the last two months of school and Felicia’s notes usually left a lot to be desired.

  “You can try a half day tomorrow,” Mom said reluctantly, “But I will drive you to school and bring you home at lunch. If you aren’t doing well, I will take a half sick day and stay home with you.”

  “Sounds good to me,” I nodded.

  “If you start feeling badly, go straight to the nurse’s office and have her call me out of class,” Mom said firmly. “I don’t want you overdoing it.”

  “Who’s overdoing it?” Mark asked walking in on the last part of Mom’s sentence.

  “I told CeeCee she could try a half day tomorrow if she promises not to overdo it,” Mom enlightened him.

  “It’s too soon,” Nick said flatly.

  “I’ll be fine,” I lifted my chin defiantly.

  I knew he would object…that was why I’d wanted to have the conversation over with before they returned from church.

  “I’m with Nick on this one,” Mark agreed.

  Great, now they’re ganging up on me.

  I could tell Mom was already changing her mind about letting me go.

  I didn’t even bother to try masking the frustrated sound that escaped me. With a glare that included both of them, I huffed off to my room, slamming the door behind me.

  “Well, she seems to be almost back to normal.” I heard Nick say in a loud voice—no doubt wanting me to hear him—followed by the sound of laughter.

  Angrily putting on my headphones, I cranked the music up and threw myself down on my bed, regretting it instantly as my head began pounding immediately. I must have drifted off because when I woke up, Felicia was sitting on the end of my bed watching me.

  I sat up with a start asking, “What time is it?” and then closed my eyes and held my head between my hands until the exploding lights stopped.

  “Are you okay?” Felicia asked anxiously.

  “Fine,” I replied through gritted teeth. After a moment, I was able to resume some semblance of normality. “What time did you say it was?”

  “It’s after four, sleepyhead,” she answered smiling and obviously relieved I was all right. “You looked like you needed the rest, so I didn’t want to wake you.”

  “Where are Nick and Mark,” I asked in a panicked voice.

  “They left a couple of hours ago,” Felicia said sympathetically. “Your mom said they peeked in on you, but decided to let you sleep.”

  “Oh,�
�� I knew I sounded disappointed but I couldn’t help it. “I wanted a chance to make up for being angry with them earlier.”

  Laughingly Felicia said, “Surely they’re used to that by now.”

  “Probably,” I admitted trying not to smile. “I’m doing better, though.”

  “Oh, how’s that?” she asked disbelievingly.

  “I only exploded once in the three days they were here,” I said virtuously. “That’s good for me.”

  “Very true,” Felicia agreed. “So your Mom said you weren’t going back to school yet.”

  Felicia jumped as a laugh burst out of me.

  Mom knocked on the door asking, “Are you alright in there?”

  “Fine, Mom,” I answered quickly.

  “Okay, but now that you’re awake you need to eat and drink something,” she reminded me.

  “We’ll be right out,” I assured her.

  “Are you going to explain your psychotic episode or do I have to guess?” Felicia asked eyeing me suspiciously.

  “Sorry,” I said apologetically. “That’s what I got angry about.” Felicia looked more confused than ever. “I had Mom all convinced to let me go to school tomorrow for the first half of the day until Nick and Mark got home from church. Now I’m stuck here all day. I have no idea why I laughed when actually I find it extremely depressing.”

  I strongly suspected it was more of a hysterical reaction than anything.

  “At the risk of incurring the wrath of CeeCee I have to say I agree with them,” Felicia said cautiously. I frowned at her and she continued quickly, “According to your mom they used the term ‘dead to the world’ to describe you when they looked in on you and you weren’t much better when I got here a couple of hours later.”

  “I was tired,” I admitted grudgingly. “It doesn’t take much to wear me out.”

  “I’m sorry I wasn’t much help…” Felicia began.

  “Don’t you start, too,” I interrupted her abruptly. “This whole thing was my fault, and there was nothing anyone could have done to prevent it. I just let things get to me and gave up for a while. I won’t let it happen again. Believe me, I’ve learned my lesson.”

  “I know you were trying to spare my feelings by not talking about Mark too much,” Felicia confessed, “and I was selfish enough to let you get away with it, but I should have done something.”

  “Listen, Felicia,” I began reluctantly, wanting to tell her enough to prevent her from feeling guilty, but not sure how much I could handle, “Mark was only a small part of what happened to me.”

  “Nick?” she asked with immediate understanding.

  I nodded, “I wish I could say it was just a crush and dismiss it, but I can’t.”

  “Is it…are you…do you love him?” she asked in amazement.

  Miserably I nodded, looking down at the bed, unable to meet her eyes, not wanting her to see the tears in mine.

  “And he…how does he feel?” Felicia asked hesitantly.

  “He’s in love with someone else,” I answered as bravely as I could. “So that’s that,” I finished firmly wiping the tears with both hands. “I better go eat something before Mom comes in here ready to do battle.”

  I looked up then, attempting a smile.

  “Are you sure?” Felicia asked perplexed. “I could have sworn…”

  “I’m positive,” I stated emphatically, “I overheard a conversation I wasn’t supposed to hear.”

  The sympathy in Felicia’s eyes was nearly my undoing.

  Standing up, I said briskly, “Let’s go eat, I’m starved…hmm, poor choice of words considering my condition.”

  I attempted a half-hearted laugh, but Felicia didn’t join in, silently following me from the room.