Blue Love : Blue Valley High — Senior Year
Page 16
“Think of something disgusting. Maybe that will help?” I offer.
His lips twitch up as he pulls the brim of his hat down and chuckles. “You, Tessa, amuse me.”
“Well, I hope that’s a good thing.”
Lucas sighs. “Please don’t smile at me. That’s not helping, either.”
I slide off his lap and sit next to him on the bench to wait “it” out.
The three blondes start doing laps.
“Hey, Lucas,” Blonde One calls out, “we’re just trying to toughen her up for you. We know you like it rough.”
“Shut up, Madison,” he hisses at her as they pass.
“Blonde One is Madison. How long did you date her?” I ask.
“We didn’t date. We just had sex.”
“And you like it rough?” I whisper, truly wanting to know.
“Tessa, you can’t say that right now.” He gives me pleading eyes.
“Oh, sorry.” I try not to smile.
The Three Bs are now coming around again, and Blonde Two licks her lips and says, “Hey, Linksy, you hungry?” When she asks this, she lifts her skirt up to mid-thigh, and I can’t help but laugh.
Lucas looks at me like I’ve lost my mind. Then he looks at her and snaps, “Grow up, Lucy.”
“Two is Lucy. Hmm … and you like to—”
“No,” he said in a monotone voice.
“Hey, Lucas,” Blonde Three starts.
“Go fuck yourself, Carla,” he says through clenched teeth.
“Oh, I know how that turns you on. Same cell number? I’ll call you, and we can set up a time so you can watch me go … well, you know.”
“Number Three, the coward that hits from behind, is Carla?”
“I’m all set now. Let’s get you to the bus.”
Enjoying pissing off the Three Bs, a little too much, I do not object at all when Lucas suggests he give me a piggyback ride. As we pass by them, as they continue running laps, I kiss his neck.
“That’s for your fan club.”
He laughs, and so do I.
“Links, come say hi before you leave,” comes from a crowd of guys standing near our bus.
Looking over the crowd, I notice someone else watching Lucas and me, and this person is not a fan. It’s my mother.
“Lucas, she’ll be riding home with me.”
“Shit,” I grumble.
“Of course, Mrs. Ross,” he says then follows her to her car.
Angry, I am so angry that she is here.
I drop my face into the crook of Lucas’ neck and inhale before he sets me on my feet. One foot hurts too bad to even allow it to touch the ground.
“Sorry about this.”
Mom bends down and looks at my ankle. “We’re going to the ER.”
“Mom, it’s fine. Just take me home.”
Ignoring my request, Lucas asks nervously, “Do you think it’s bad?”
“I don’t know. I just want to be sure,” she replies in the form of a snap. Eyes narrowed, she then continues, “Lucas, why did they go after her like that?”
“Mom, could we leave, please?”
“I’m sorry, Mrs. Ross.”
He looks at me. “I am, Tessa, very sorry.”
“It was not your fault,” I assure him loud enough so Mom gets the clarification that she clearly needs.
Mom opens the passenger door, and I quickly get in, hoping to get Mom out of there before she can treat Lucas any worse than she just did.
Closing the door, I watch Lucas walk over to the boys standing by our bus.
Mom slides into the passenger seat and turns fully facing me, ready to lecture me, I’m sure, when I hear, “That your new piece of ass, Links?”
“Tessa is my girlfriend,” Lucas snarls at him.
“How long have you been tapping that ass?” another asks.
“She’s not like that, man,” Lucas snaps.
“You got a virgin?” The guy laughs. “What the hell are you waiting for? Want me to break her in for you? She looks like she could be a lot of fun, and she definitely has stamina.”
“Don’t fucking talk about her like that.” Lucas grabs him by the shirt and pushes him against the bus.
He put his hands up in the air. “Okay, man, okay …”
Tommy grabs Lucas’s shirt and drags him back. “Can’t pull that shit anymore. You have eyes watching you.”
As they walk away, Lucy smacks his butt then smirks at me. Lucas keeps walking.
“Call me, Linksy,” she says.
He doesn’t look back.
“Is that what you want, Tessa?” Mom asks, voice full of disgust.
“Did you hear a word he said Mom? He’s exactly what I want.”
Chapter Twelve
The twenty-minute ride from the field to Lake View Medical Center, neither Mom nor I say a word. I know she’s angry, and so am I.
Before she even turns off the car, I open the door and get out. My ankle is now throbbing, and the bruise has turned into a nice shade of purple.
She hurries in front of me to get to the door, which makes no sense since it opens automatically. We bypass the front desk and walk straight through to the triage area.
“Have a seat. I’ll be right back.”
I sit and watch Mom walk up to one of her work friends, who types something into the computer. I’m sure it’s my name, date of birth, reason for today’s visit—all things I could answer by myself. And, at eighteen, I’m no baby, but she certainly has a way of making me feel like one.
When Mom returns, she is carrying a yellow bracelet. I hold up my wrist, and she puts it on me. Then she takes my vitals and types in the results, adding it to my chart.
Several friendly faces walk by, waving and saying hello. This, of course, is expected since Mom has worked here for three years now. When I see a wheelchair coming down the hall and Mike, the radiologist, pushing it, I smile as he approaches.
“What happened to you?” he asks, looking down at my ankle.
I shrug. “Field hockey game.”
“And what position did you play? The ball?” he jokes.
I laugh. “No, forward, actually, and we won.”
“By the looks of your ankle, that’s a damn good thing.”
“I had some good shots, played the whole game, and walked off the field after the clock ran out.” I smile, pleased with myself.
“That’s impressive. Now let’s go see what we have going on.”
After the x-rays have been taken, Mike wheels me to a triage room, where a phlebotomist is waiting.
“For an ankle injury?” I laugh.
The phlebotomist smiles as she takes five tubes out of her portable tray.
At least Mom isn’t in the room, I think.
Once Vampira has drained me, she exits the room.
It doesn’t take long for the door to open and the doctor to walk in, nose in my chart.
“You have a tiny fracture, a hairline fracture. It’s so small, in fact, that most people would not have even caught it. The bruising on your ankle is pretty severe, but should heal quickly as long as you take it easy. I’m going to apply some salve to it and wrap it up tight.”
He washes his hands then turns around. “It also says here that you would like to start birth control pills. We’re going to need to do a vaginal exam and make sure everything is all right before I give you the prescription. The pill needs to be taken at the same time each day.”
Maybe I’m a bit shocked, or maybe I misheard him, so I ask, “You’re doing a vaginal exam?”
“No, Tessa, I wouldn’t feel comfortable with that. A nurse practitioner will come in when we’re finished up with your ankle. I’ll come back after your exam and answer any questions you may have.”
He looks extremely familiar, and even in the white coat, with a stethoscope draped around his neck, hair covered by a surgical cap, glasses covering his eyes, it takes but a second to realize who this man was.
“Is my mom on the pill?”
“You wanna discuss it with my father, her husband?”
“Tessa Anne Ross.” Mom burst through the door. “That’s enough!”
“What the hell is this? Just because I have a boyfriend, you’re putting me on the pill? What if it’s too late? What if he and I have been screwing for weeks now? Shit, you may be a grandma soon. Hey, Doc, what’s it going to be like banging a grandma?” I slide off the table, pissed as tears fill my eyes.
“Maggie, things will be better if you stay outside. I can handle this.” Doctor Feel Good opens the door, and Mom walks out, not giving a fuck how I feel … how she’s made me feel. “She’s trying to help you, Tessa. Most moms wouldn’t think to do this, and many times it’s too late.”
“Well, I’m sure I’m not pregnant, because I swallow.”
Holy shit, Tessa, what are you saying? What are you doing?
But rage overtakes rational thought, and I cannot stop, no matter how much I wish I could. God, how I wish I could.
“No need for condoms. He won’t wear one, and he has been around.”
He leans against the now closed door. “Your lab results show that there is no pregnancy.” Of course not, idiot! I haven’t had sex yet. “And you’re STD free. The nurse practitioner will be in momentarily.”
“Get. Out. Now.”
“I need to tend to your ankle.”
“You can fuck off!” I yell, and the first tear falls.
When the nurse practitioner comes in, she cleans up my ankle, applies salve, and wraps it.
“I need you to change into this robe, removing everything from the waist down. You can leave it open in the back. I’ll give you a few minutes, okay?”
I need a few minutes—hell, I need an escape route—but I do as asked, while wiping angry tears from my face. “Yeah, sure.”
When she returns, she tells me exactly what she’s going to do. “Have a seat at the end of the table, lay back, and try to relax. I know it’s not easy, but we’ll do this quickly, get your prescriptions ready, and have you on your way.”
Lying back on the table, I watch as she pulls out what looks like legs from the end of the examination table. I have no idea how I’ve never seen anything like this in the dozens of times I’ve been in an emergency room before. It looks like a robot, the Vagatron 5000.
“Go ahead and put your feet in the stirrups and try to relax your knees.” I watch as she pulls on rubber gloves then takes some sort of headband off of the tray, puts it on, and flicks on a light.
Suddenly, I feel like my vagina is being haunted by a depraved hunter using a spotlight.
I also feel like I’m going to be sick.
Typical me, I try to make a joke to make a horrible situation less so. “I can assure you there are no deer in any place that you may need that spotlight to find and finish this exam.”
She gives me a sad smile. “My husband is the hunter in the family. I’ve never even picked up a gun.”
She holds up her hand and tells me, “I’m going to do an exam now.”
Her fingers enter my vagina, my knees snap shut, and the tears build again.
“I know it’s hard, but please relax your knees.”
Relax? I think. Relax!
She pokes around inside of me, and I have never felt so disgusted in my life.
“Now a slight pressure on your bottom.”
When her finger pushes in my ass, I jolt up.
“Tessa, sweetheart, we’re almost finished. Please lie back.”
I watch as she grabs something that resembles a claw. “You’re going to feel a little bit of pressure.”
Voice quivering, I tell her point blank, “That thing is not going in my ass.”
“No, of course not. That part of the exam is over. I apologize if you didn’t know—”
“Topics of premarital sex were strictly prohibited in the Ross household,” I say, digging my nails into and ripping the paper covering the table.
“I’m sorry to hear that. When you leave here, I’ll give you my card. I’ll write my home phone number on it. You can call me anytime.”
Then I watch as she squirts some sort of lubricant on her fingers and rubs it against my opening.
“I’m going to take a sample, so again, slight pressure.” She pushes the instrument inside of me.
I feel pressure, a pinch, and tears begin to fall down my cheeks.
After swabbing my vagina with a long Q-tip-looking object, she sets it into a petri dish.
“Tessa, we are almost done.” Her voice is soft, and I can tell she feels horrible. I know she’s strictly doing her job, but this is awful.
Next, I hear a click and the pressure is gone as the clamp is removed.
“You can sit up now, Tessa.”
She hands me a tissue, pushes her stool back, and I sit up. She then folds the Vagatron’s cold metal legs.
“Everything looks good, Tessa. The only issue is your uterus is slightly tipped, but that isn’t a big deal, okay? Do you have any questions?”
“One.” I sniff as I use the tissue to wipe away my tears.
“Ask me whenever you’re ready,” she says as she begins putting notes in my chart.
The lump I was hoping would go away grows bigger as I ask the burning question, “Am I still a virgin?”
She quickly stands up, walks beside me, grabs another tissue, and begins wiping my tears. Then she wraps an arm around my shoulders and says, “Of course you are. There is a thin layer of skin farther up in the vagina, still intact, and will be until you have sex or there is heavy manual stimulation.”
I nod as I blow my nose.
“Tessa, I can sense that you and your mother are having issues. I am serious about you using my number. It’s hard to get information that you need without open communication with your mom. Maggie is a good woman. I have known her for years. She’s a good friend of mine, and she loves you. But if you can’t talk to her, use my number. And whatever you ask, no matter the issue, it stays between you and me.”
“If she loved me, she wouldn’t have done this to me.” My body shakes in a silent sob. “I don’t want him back in here. Can’t you just finish this up? I want to go home. I don’t want her back in here, either. She can go get the car … Can you tell her that, please?”
“Sure, Tessa. I’m going to leave so you can clean up.” She sets the box of tissues next to me. “Inside.”
I nod my understanding.
“I will be back with paperwork for you; your mom will have her own, okay? You may have some bleeding, so there’s a pad if you want to use one.”
After cleaning off the goop, I get dressed quickly then wait for her return.
She hands me information on STDs—lots of information—three packs of birth control pills, and a bunch of condoms. And she explains how to use them.
As promised, she hands me her card with her office information on the front and her personal number on the back. She gives me crutches to use for two weeks, which she explains will help me heal better—the less I put weight on it, the faster I’ll heal. Then she tells me that Mom will be setting up my follow-up in two weeks.
Once I step down, tears fill my eyes.
“You’re going to want to take those pain pills for the next couple days and use those crutches at all times.”
Looking around the car, I realize that I left my bookbag on the bus.
“Dammit.”
“Tessa, your mouth,” Mom snaps.
With that, the three-minute freeze out, ignoring my mother’s existence, thaws.
“My mouth, Mom? What about my vagina? How does it feel to sit outside a room, knowing someone is in there, raping me on a hospital bed?”
“It was time for you to have an exam, Tessa. It’s routine that all women have once a year, once they’re sexually active. And you better not speak l
ike that again.” Mom’s voice is trembling, but I don’t know nor care if it’s out of anger or sorrow.
“Your boyfriend, Dr. Feel Good, and you make that decision together, Mom? Did you two have a lengthy conversation about my vagina?” I ask in the rudest manner possible.
“Tessa, that’s enough.” Her words and lip tremble.
“No, it’s not! What the hell makes you think that any part of that was okay?” I scream.
“Your actions, Tessa. You’re kissing that boy at the end of every game, and the way you sat on his lap, and he was holding you today, Tessa—that’s what made it necessary!” she yells back.
“So, you get to decide who penetrates me first?” The tears pour out of me, now flooding down my face. “I hate you, Mom, and want you to know that you literally opened that box, so now it’s game on!”
She says nothing, and neither do I … until she starts toward her apartment.
“Not a chance. I want to go home. And remember, I am eighteen years old. Oh yeah, and freshly penetrated!”
The first thing I see is Jade standing at the window in the farmhouse, and I thank God for that.
I crutch my ass in so fast that I’m surprised I don’t fall flat on my face, not that it would matter. It’s basically the only part of my body uninjured at this point.
She meets me at the back door, and the first thing she says is, “Oh no, Tessa, are you okay?”
“I’m fine, but I want to tell the story only once, so can we go inside, please?” I ask, wiping my face with my sleeve to get rid of the tears.
I know Mom’s following me into the house, and there’s no way I’m going to stand for her staying here.
She opens a cupboard and grabs a glass of water. Then she opens the bottle of pills and dumps one in her hand. She walks over and hands them both to me. “Take this. It’ll help with the pain.”
I swallow back the pill, looking at Dad’s back as he stands in front of the stove.
“Warming up your supper, kiddo.”
“I’m not really hungry.”
Mom then says, “Tessa has a small hairline fracture on her ankle bone. She will have to be seen in two weeks to see if she can be released for PE and field hockey. Her bruises are pretty severe, and she’s going to hurt a lot more in the morning. She can have a pain pill every four to six hours, but it will make her drowsy. She should stay home from school tomorrow.”