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The Nectar of Pain

Page 7

by Najwa Zebian

one day,

  some way,

  somehow.

  OceanofPDF.com

  If you don’t believe in

  yourself,

  don’t expect

  anyone to believe in

  you.

  OceanofPDF.com

  Your smile makes you

  beautiful.

  Keep smiling.

  You don’t know whose

  day your smile will make.

  I hope that your smile

  makes your day

  first.

  OceanofPDF.com

  Yesterday, you chose to

  leave.

  And today,

  I

  am choosing to let

  you

  go.

  Because

  I don’t want

  you

  in my

  tomorrow.

  What I choose

  today

  frees my soul from carrying the mountains

  from my yesterday to my

  tomorrow.

  OceanofPDF.com

  If you know the end,

  don’t start.

  Only when you know that

  going back to your

  source of pain

  is what you want to

  restart.

  OceanofPDF.com

  They shatter your

  pieces,

  and then they tell you

  that they cannot

  love someone who’s

  this broken.

  They forbid you to

  blame them so

  you start blaming

  yourself.

  OceanofPDF.com

  If they cut down the tree

  that you’re resting on,

  spread your wings and

  seek another tree.

  And on the way,

  explore the wonder

  around you.

  Learn when to face

  the wind

  and when to

  walk with it.

  Your strength comes from

  within you.

  Don’t ever allow anyone

  to bully you into feeling

  weak

  or into feeling like

  your strength

  depends on their approval.

  Be your own judge.

  You are your own judge.

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  I sincerely hope that

  your soul finds peace.

  You broke me, but it was only

  because you were broken.

  I will heal because I know that

  I need to,

  but I worry that you will never

  realize

  that you are in need of

  healing.

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  I repeat.

  I hope that

  your soul finds

  peace

  and that your heart

  reaches

  home.

  I hope that

  lights

  light up your way

  and that

  happiness

  takes over the

  pains of

  your yesterday.

  Set peace to the fire

  in your soul.

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  Today,

  I decided to forgive you.

  Not because you apologized

  or because you acknowledged

  the pain that you caused me,

  but because my soul

  deserves

  peace.

  I will not deny my soul

  its rights.

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  It took losing

  you

  to find

  myself.

  The day that

  you walked away from

  me,

  I started taking

  footsteps

  towards myself.

  Thank you

  for putting me at the crossroads

  between

  finding myself and

  making you want me.

  I chose me.

  OceanofPDF.com

  The places that do not

  want

  you

  are mirrors of the corners

  in your soul that are

  afraid

  to be alone.

  OceanofPDF.com

  Some kinds of sadness

  don’t leave us,

  not because we want

  to be sad,

  but because we want

  to keep reminding

  our souls

  of how brave they were

  to overcome such

  pain.

  I hope that

  you have the courage

  to allow peace

  into your soul,

  because you are peace

  and peace is you.

  You deserve peace, and

  peace deserves

  you.

  OceanofPDF.com

  Why do you want the

  love

  of those who do not

  love you

  and then complain that

  no one

  loves you?

  They are not

  everyone

  for you to say

  that no one

  loves you.

  I hope you find a love that

  builds you,

  empowers you,

  and strengthens you.

  I hope you find a love

  that makes you love

  to love.

  OceanofPDF.com

  You are unique, and

  that’s a fact.

  Your existence is in

  your hands.

  So let it shine.

  Let it inspire.

  Let it be free.

  Love,

  you are the sun.

  Don’t you let their

  silence

  tell you

  otherwise.

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  I know that it’s hard.

  I also know that it’s

  temporary.

  It is building

  you.

  Stay strong.

  The storm will be over

  soon.

  Tell these words to

  anyone struggling

  before you tell them how they

  should or

  should not

  feel.

  OceanofPDF.com

  Perhaps you loved the person

  that you wanted

  them to be.

  And perhaps,

  just perhaps,

  they loved you because

  you loved who

  they wanted to be.

  But people change.

  You don’t have to

  understand

  the reasons.

  Sometimes, our need for

  closure

  delays the

  closure.

  OceanofPDF.com

  May the pain of the hurt

  that they caused

  you

  stop you from hurting anyone else,

  because you know how

  the pain

  feels.

  OceanofPDF.com

  Let

  pearls

  drop from your words.

  You are an oyster of

  love,

  kindness,

  and truth.

  OceanofPDF.com

  Sometimes, you can’t

  just wait for the tables

  to turn.

  Sometimes, you have to

  change the table that you

  are sitting at.

  You are bigger than

  revenge.

  You are bigger than

  karma.

  Keep your soul

  pure.

  OceanofPDF.com

  Where you left me.

  -Part 1-

  One day, y
ou will look back

  to find me

  where you left me.

  You will find the chains

  that you left on my heart

  where you left me.

  You will find the shattered pieces

  of the broken promises that you made

  lying on the ground

  where you left me.

  You will find the suffocating aches

  that you caused my heart

  flying in the air

  where you left me.

  But, no, my love,

  you will not find me.

  The wind will tell you that

  the poison you left me with

  poisoned the hatred inside of me

  that I had for myself.

  The poison that you left me with

  poisoned my inability to forgive my soul

  for suffocating my soul.

  The wind will tell you that

  I am free.

  You planted me like a tree

  where you left me.

  But did you know, my love,

  that I was a bird?

  And birds cannot be tamed.

  OceanofPDF.com

  -Part 2-

  I found my freedom

  where you left me.

  I spread my wings

  where you left me.

  So wait for me, my love.

  Perhaps I will show up

  in a dream,

  or a wish,

  or a soft breeze,

  where you left me.

  OceanofPDF.com

  Cry your heart

  back

  together.

  You are so afraid of

  allowing the ocean within you

  to rage through your

  eyes.

  Did you not know that

  your soul

  suffocates on the tears that you

  hold in

  out of the fear of

  them seeing that

  you are weak.

  Crying is not weakness.

  Crying is the resilience of your soul

  in the purest form.

  OceanofPDF.com

  You don’t have to wait for people

  to tell you that they’re walking away.

  People don’t always communicate through

  words.

  Actions speak louder than words,

  remember?

  If they’re gone through action,

  then let them go.

  What good do words do

  when the action

  has already been done.

  Your cowardice to say that you

  no longer wish to stay

  put my soul through

  confusion and guilt

  for uttering the words

  that you could not say:

  “I think this is the end.”

  OceanofPDF.com

  I will not wait for you

  to regret losing me.

  Does the sun wait for

  the earth to regret

  turning?

  Does the moon wait for

  the night to regret ending?

  The sun remains the sun,

  and the moon remains the moon.

  I will remain myself

  with or without

  your acknowledgment of

  my value.

  Back then,

  I used to say that

  I don’t want you to regret

  losing me.

  I wanted you to

  not lose me.

  I wanted you to

  stay.

  OceanofPDF.com

  You may charm them with

  your smile.

  You may catch their attention with

  your eyes.

  You may hypnotize them

  with your glow.

  A look from your eyes

  may be their goal.

  But if your heart is truly

  sincere,

  you will let go of all of this.

  You may ask why.

  Let me tell you.

  One day, your smile will look a lot less

  charming.

  One day, your eyes will be a lot less

  piercing.

  One day, your glow will be colonized by

  wrinkles.

  Who will look at your heart then?

  Definitely not those who did not see it when

  your youth was at its best.

  Please do not let superficial attention

  fool you.

  Let true love seep through

  your soul,

  into your heart,

  past your outer shell.

  I will tell this to my daughter

  one day.

  OceanofPDF.com

  Can a heart contain two

  beats at once?

  Can a sun rise upon you

  twice a day?

  Can you take two breaths

  at once?

  Can your face contain

  a genuine smile with a

  grieving tear?

  How many words can your lips

  pronounce

  at once?

  How many roads can your feet bear

  at once?

  And can you for a second be in two places

  at once?

  Can the sun rain?

  Can the clouds shine?

  Can you live two lives at once?

  Tell me now.

  Can a heart fit two loves

  at once?

  Do not

  ever

  accept being

  another love in a person’s

  heart.

  OceanofPDF.com

  After all of this,

  I realize that you never really

  knew me.

  I never really knew me

  either.

  Don’t base your self-worth

  on the words of those who

  don’t even know the real you,

  including you.

  OceanofPDF.com

  Before I fell in love,

  I always knew I wanted this:

  I want you to love my heart

  before you love my face,

  love my vision

  before you love my eyes,

  love my wisdom

  before you love the comfort that

  my thoughts give you,

  love my silence

  before you love my words,

  love my compassion

  before you love how helpful I can be,

  love the person that I am

  before you love the person that

  I want to be.

  Respect me

  before you love me.

  I promise you no less than that

  in return.

  Now I know that saying this

  is not enough.

  The love that you accept

  is the love that you will get.

  OceanofPDF.com

  It is not love if it

  does not

  make you feel

  loved.

  OceanofPDF.com

  I see sadness in your eyes,

  and I don’t understand it.

  I don’t understand why it’s there,

  and I don’t understand why I see it.

  Tell me, where did you get the strength

  to build a home for sadness in

  the sea of your eyes?

  Did you use bricks of tears to build its walls?

  Did you make a garden around it with every love

  that you loved

  that broke you?

  Tell me, did you protect it with every hollow hope

  you had?

  Open the door

  and let it leave.

  Allow happiness to colonize this home.

  I wish someone told me this

  when sadness drowned my heartbeats.

  So I say it to

  you.

  Oceanof
PDF.com

  You do not

  need

  what does not

  want

  you.

  You should not

  want

  what does not

  want

  you.

  I beg you to keep

  your soul

  healthy.

  OceanofPDF.com

  When I decided to walk away

  from this shadow of

  what I convinced myself was love:

  You don’t want me to

  leave,

  but you will not say or

  do anything

  that tells me that

  you want me to stay.

  Only after I leave,

 

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