ROCKSTAR

by Lauren Rowe

  She rubs her eyes and looks at the clock. When she sees it’s almost noon, she grimaces. “I didn’t mean to sleep so long.” She reaches for her phone. “I’m sure Miranda’s been texting me all morning.” She looks at her screen. “Oh boy. She’s using all caps.”

  Violet sits up to tap out a message, and the sheet covering her torso slides down to reveal her breasts. And just like that, my cock begins hardening.

  “Hey, Violet,” I say as she continues typing. “What’s your schedule like for the rest of the weekend?”

  She looks up. “Hmm?”

  “What are your plans before you head back to Rhode Island on Sunday?”

  She lowers her phone. “It’s Miranda’s birthday weekend. We’re going to the spa this afternoon. And then my brother is taking us out to dinner tonight.” Her face lights up. “Oh! You should come to dinner tonight!” She pulls back. “I mean, no pressure, of course. I just—”

  “I’d love to come,” I say. “But my family is flying in from Seattle today and I’m doing dinner with them tonight. How about we get together tomorrow night?”

  Violet looks disappointed. “Miranda and I will be in San Diego tomorrow night visiting our mothers. We’re driving there tomorrow afternoon and staying overnight. Miranda’s going to drive me to LAX on Sunday morning, straight from San Diego.”

  My shoulders droop.

  “How about brunch tomorrow before I leave for San Diego?” Violet says. “We’re not leaving L.A. until around one.”

  I exhale with resignation. “I’m going to Disneyland all day tomorrow with my family. We’re taking all my nieces and nephews. I can’t miss it.”

  Violet looks exactly the way I feel: deeply disappointed. But she manages to smile and say, “Disneyland will be a blast with little kids.”

  But I simply won’t accept defeat. “How about tonight, after our dinners? I’ll book this same room for another night. I don’t need to sleep to be able to walk around Disneyland with my family tomorrow. And you could sleep on the drive to San Diego, right?”

  Violet throws her arms around my neck and kisses me like she’s just won the lottery. My heart soaring, I wrap my arms around her and return her passionate kiss.

  “Where there’s a will, there’s a way,” I say, inhaling the scent of her hair.

  “I’m so excited.” She pulls back from my lips, smiling broadly. “I’ll pay for the room tonight, okay? You paid for last night.”

  “I’ve got it.”

  “But this hotel is expensive, Dax.”

  “I’ve got it.”

  “At least let me pay half.”

  “Violet, listen to me. I’d sell a kidney to get one more night with you. Fuck it, I’d pay you to get one more night with you.”

  She giggles again and kisses me. And, soon, fuck the maid, I’m covered and she’s fucking me and I’m kissing her and smelling her hair and thinking crazy thoughts like, “Maybe long- distance relationships can work with the right person.”

  I reach between us and massage her clit as she rides me and, quickly, she goes off like the Fourth of July—which, of course, makes me go off, too. As we come down, we kiss for a while, until, finally, Violet pulls away and kisses my cheek.

  “I gotta get showered, sexy boy,” she says. “Miranda is picking me up at the front of the hotel in thirty minutes. If I make her late for her birthday massage, she’ll never forgive me.”

  “Yeah, I’ve gotta get out of here, too. I’m meeting my family at their hotel. And right after that, we’re having our big going-away dinner, so I’ve got to squeeze in some errands real quick before they arrive.”

  “Ah, the outside world,” Violet says, rolling her eyes. “It’s such a bitch.” With that, she rolls out of bed, grabs her clothes and undies off the floor, and saunters naked into the bathroom, swaying her hips as she goes like she knows full well I’m watching her every mesmerizing move.

  Chapter 9

  Dax

  When the bathroom door clicks shut behind my beautiful muse, I pull on my T-shirt and jeans, grab my phone, and sit on the edge of the bed, furiously jotting down the latest torrent of lyrics throttling me:

  You caught me violet-handed, baby

  And now I’m drowning in blue

  Not seeing red flags anymore,

  Cuz all I see is you

  No green thumb on my hand,

  Or red tape to cut through

  Can’t eat no brown sugar or black-eyed peas

  Girl, all I want is you

  You caught me Violet-handed, baby

  And now I got them Violet blues

  Just as I’m tapping out my last line, Violet emerges from the bathroom, looking like my Hitwoman Elvis Disco Momma, yet again. She grabs her strappy heels off the floor and sits on the edge of the bed next to me. “So, who’s going away?” she asks, bending over to secure a buckle on her shoe.

  “Huh?”

  She sits upright and smiles. “You said something about a going-away dinner with your family. Who’s going away?”

  Oh.

  I hadn’t realized I’d mentioned that.

  Last night, when there was no doubt Violet and I were having nothing but an amazing one-night stand, I didn’t feel the impulse to tell her about my record deal and imminent tour. In fact, I liked Violet not knowing about that stuff. But now that we’ve made plans to meet up again later tonight... and I know for sure Violet likes me for me... I see no reason not to tell her about the amazing stuff on the horizon.

  In fact, I’m excited to tell her—to share my good news, and my anxieties, too. I suddenly want to tell Violet everything there is to know about me, the same way she’s done with me. Because, just this fast, I feel like, if there’s one person in the world who could calm me down and pump me up about what’s to come, it’s my Hitwoman Elvis Disco Momma. Obviously, I’ll have to wait until tonight to tell Violet the details about the tour, just because we’re short on time, but there’s no reason I can’t tell her the gist now.

  “The going-away dinner is for me,” I say. “Although, to be fair, I’m not entirely convinced my family didn’t use me as an excuse to take my nieces and nephews to D-Land.”

  She looks at me quizzically.

  “I didn’t tell you before now because I didn’t want it to hijack all our conversations, but, actually, on Sunday, my band is headed out on our first tour.”

  “Shut the front door!” Violet shrieks. In one fell swoop, she pounces on me on the bed, straddles my lap, and hugs me enthusiastically. “Congratulations!”

  I laugh underneath her and grab her hips. “Why, thank you.”

  She bats my shoulder. “I can’t believe you didn’t tell me! I would have ordered champagne and toasted you all night long!”

  “That’s why I didn’t tell you. I didn’t want my band and the tour to consume our every conversation.”

  “But this is huge, Dax. A massive milestone. You must be ecstatic.”

  “I am. But as pumped as I am, I’m also a bit stressed, too. I’m the guy who stands front and center during every show. The one who writes our songs. If we crash and burn, that’s gonna be on me.”

  “Crash and burn?” She whacks my shoulder again. “Are you insane? You’re not gonna crash and burn. You’re gonna smash and slaaaay, baby!”

  I laugh. She’s giving me fireflies again. “You’ve never even heard my band play. For all you know, we suck.”

  “Do you?”

  “No. We’re awesome.”

  “See? I knew that. The minute I saw you at the party, I thought to myself, ‘Now, that’s a guy who’s either a big star or he’s gonna be a big star one day.’ A person simply can’t have the kind of charisma and confidence you do without having a whole lot to back it up.” Squealing, she peppers my entire face with kisses, making me laugh like a hyena, until, finally, she pulls back, smiling brightly. “How long is the tour? Is it just a West Coast thing, or will you be coming to any cities along the East Coast? Maybe even... Providence, by any
chance?”

  “Yeah, we’re gonna play a whole bunch of East Coast cities. I don’t think Providence, though. I’ll have to check the schedule.”

  Violet leans over me and nuzzles her nose into mine, purring with excitement. And, once again, I find myself inhaling her hair and feeling euphoric.

  “Wherever you’re playing on the East Coast, I’ll be there,” she says, skimming my lips with hers. “I’ll drive or hop a quick flight. No problem.” She pauses. Pulls back. “I mean, if that’s okay with you.”

  I put my palms on her cheeks. “Of course. Violet, baby, I’ll be counting the days until I see you again.”

  She squeals and kisses me and, suddenly, I feel a whole lot more than lit up. I feel in love. I mean, intellectually, I know I’m not. But it’s how I feel in this moment. Like she’s the great love of my life and I’m her man forever and we’re meant to be and that’s that. And it feels fucking amazing.

  “I can’t wait to see you perform,” she says.

  My smile is hurting my face. I sit up, taking her with me, and she wraps her legs around my waist on the bed.

  “I’ll get you backstage passes for any shows you want,” I say excitedly, my heart pounding in my ears. “For you and however many of your friends. And then we’ll spend the night together in my hotel room, every time.”

  “You mean we’re gonna flooooow again?” she says flirtatiously.

  “Hell yeah,” I say. “You and me, baby. We’re all about the flooooow.”

  Laughing, she slides her arms around my neck and kisses me enthusiastically again... and I feel pure, uncomplicated happiness. Even when I found out my band got signed by River Records, my happiness didn’t feel like this. Because, as happy as I was in that moment, I also sensed the enormity of the situation. The pressure. The chance to fail. But this moment? This is nothing but pure euphoria. Unadulterated glee. Joy.

  “I’ve got some big projects for school coming up this month,” she says. “And my classes have a strict attendance policy. We should probably look at the East Coast dates together so I can get them down on my calendar and figure out which ones are going to work for me.”

  My stomach sinks into my toes. She’s assuming I’ll be on the East Coast within the next month? Obviously, she’s thinking I’m going on a normal kind of first tour—the kind where a nobody band like mine drives themselves from city to city in a beat-up van. Oh, man. She’s gonna keel over when she finds out the truth.

  “Is your schedule online?” Violet says, sliding off my lap and reaching for her phone.

  I put my hand on her arm, stopping her from grabbing her phone. I don’t want her to search “tour” and “22 Goats” and unwittingly stumble across those three little words—Red Card Riot—that are going to shock the hell out of her. I want Violet to find out the jaw-dropping truth about my band’s first tour from me.

  “Violet, hang on,” I say, my heart thumping. “The tour is eight months long.”

  Her jaw drops.

  “On Sunday, we’re heading to London for two weeks of promo and rehearsals before kicking off the international leg with two shows in London. After four months overseas, the domestic leg will start on the East Coast and wind up in L.A. in July.”

  Violet looks utterly flabbergasted. Like she’s about to tip over. “You said... you’re not a rock star. You said nobody at the party had any idea who you are.”

  “That was true. We’re a nobody band at the moment.”

  “Nobody bands don’t get booked for eight-month world tours.”

  “22 Goats is the opening band. Our debut single and music video are dropping on Sunday. But even then, I’ve been warned it’ll take a while for the world to care, if they ever do. Trust me, nobody on this tour is coming to see 22 Goats.”

  She looks like she’s holding her breath. “Who are they coming to see?”

  I pause.

  “Who’s the headliner, Dax?”

  I know the minute I say a certain three little words, Violet’s going to freak out. Maybe even feel like I’ve been less than forthcoming with her while she’s poured her heart out to me. But it can’t be avoided. “Red Card Riot.”

  Predictably, Violet’s jaw clanks to the ground.

  I can’t help chuckling at her adorable expression. It’s almost cartoonish. “It’s crazy, right? We’re signed to the same label as RCR, and, for some reason, the guy who owns the label decided to give my band—a nobody band from Seattle—the shot of a lifetime. But none of this is why we were at the party last night. I told you the truth about that. My friends and I were at Aloha’s party because of Zander. The guy who owns the label didn’t even know we were coming to the party. He was surprised to see us there.”

  She’s frozen. Speechless. Looking like her brain is melting.

  “Surprise,” I say with weak jazz hands.

  I know Violet’s got to be stunned. But what she does next surprises me. Unsettles me. Worries me. She bows her head for a long beat and exhales like my news has taken the wind out of her sails.

  But then, thank God, she takes a deep breath, lifts her head, and hugs me fervently. “I’m so happy for you,” she chokes out, her voice awash in emotion. “Congratulations.”

  There’s no doubt in my mind she’s sincerely happy for me. But I also know she’s processing the fact that we won’t have a chance to see each other again for a full four months. And that, when we do, I’ll most likely be in a very different place in my life than I am now, having toured the world for months with the hottest band in the universe. What will my life look like by then? Who will I be?

  Her nose in my hair, Violet whispers, “I know all your dreams are going to come true. The whole world is going to fall desperately in love with you, Dax. There’s not a doubt in my mind.”

  My heart pangs. I clutch her to me. Why did that sound like goodbye? “Violet, I can tell this is freaking you out. And I don’t blame you. It’s freaking me out, too. But this doesn’t change anything between us. You already thought we’d be living three thousand miles away from each other. So, no matter what, we weren’t going to be able to commit to anything, right here and now. We were always going to have to keep in touch and see what happens.” My heart is racing. If I were being completely honest, I’d admit I’ve been thinking crazy thoughts all morning long—thoughts about us calling this thing between us “exclusive.” Thoughts of us carrying on a committed relationship over FaceTime for the next however long. But I’m not too far gone to know the very idea is insane—the ramblings of a madman. Not to mention, a tall order for me to deliver on, considering the great unknown that lies ahead of me.

  My heart aching, I kiss her cheek, her hair, her ear. “Violet, I know four months feels like a long time to wait to see each other again, but time will fly. If we can maybe just keep in touch until we see each other again...” I trail off, suddenly realizing my words are having the exact opposite effect I’m hoping. They’re obviously not reassuring Violet. They’re making her stiffen and pull away. I can see it. I touch her cheek, my breathing shallow. “Sweetheart, I know you got your heart broken when you tried a long-distance relationship in the past. I know your first love really hurt you. But it won’t be like that with us. We’ll both be free and single, so there won’t be any expectations. I wish I could make promises to you, right here and now. It’s what my heart wants to do. But my brain knows I can’t. I have no idea what my life will be like on tour. And I don’t want to make any kind of promises to you I can’t...” I trail off again. I’m most definitely not helping my cause here. Something’s changed for Violet in the blink of an eye. She’s closed up shop. She’s done.

  Violet smiles thinly. She releases her grip on me and lets her arms fall to her sides. “I think we got ahead of ourselves for a minute there. Or, at least, I did. Your whole life is about to change in ways you can’t fathom. The last thing you need is for some girl in Rhode Island to be sitting around waiting for your next text. And the last thing I need is to be that girl. I’ve be
en the girl who sits by the phone in the past. And I swore to myself I’d never be her again.”

  I feel like I’ve been punched in the stomach. Fuck.

  “You like complete honesty, right?” she says.

  I nod, even though I’m not sure I’m going to like whatever completely honest thing Violet is about to say to me.

  “I’m already starting to have intense feelings for you. And I don’t think keeping things ‘casual’ with you for months and months—while you travel the world, living the rock ‘n’ roll lifestyle—will be easy for me. Actually, no. If I’m being honest, it’s going to be impossible for me. Confession? Last night was my first one-night stand. I saw you and instantly decided I wanted you, no matter what. But it was a first for me. I know your perception of me is I’m some kind of femme fatale, but I’m not. I’m not a huge partier. I don’t have casual sex. My idea of a fun night is getting in my jammies, eating popcorn, and playing board games. And, most of all, I don’t willingly put myself in situations where it’s crystal clear I’m going to wind up getting my heart broken.”

  My heart is beating like a steel drum. I know this is the moment where I should tell her I won’t break her heart. That I’d be a fantastic long-distance boyfriend. Faithful and true. But the words won’t form. How can I reassure her of anything when I’ve got no idea what’s in store for me on the other side of that plane ride to London?

  Violet sighs. “I think, for my own sake—and, frankly, yours—we should quit while we’re ahead. Say our goodbyes now and leave this amazing night, burned into our memories, untouched and perfect.”

  My heart feels like it’s physically cracking. “So, tonight is off?”

  Violet nods. “Believe me, I’m doing you a favor. Helping you dodge a bullet. Who the hell feels the way I’m feeling about you this fast? It’s ludicrous.” She sighs. “Dax, I’m worried if I spend tonight with you, knowing what lies ahead, my feelings are only going to grow and become... unmanageable for me. And then this amazing thing we’ve got is only going to become a source of pain. And neither of us wants that, especially me. You might crave getting your heart broken, just to see what awesome songs come out of it, but I sure as hell don’t.”