Running From Forever

by K. Aten

  At one time in her life Sarah could have chalked it up to too many beers or maybe another kind of high but she hadn’t been that stupid in years. She shook her head in amazement rather than continue to dwell on something that should have been impossible. “Okay, I’m convinced, please continue.”

  Keller took care of the knife and bloody paper towel, and then returned to finish their conversation. The smaller woman cleared her throat nervously and began again. “After my husband’s death, I inherited his estate. Lady Montgomery explained everything she could to me about my affliction so I could take the necessary precautions to remain safe. But I’m ashamed to say that after ten years of abuse from my late husband, the power was too much to rationally deal with. I appointed an advisor to help run the day-to-day things and an overseer for the stables. I became the perfect widow during the day, staying indoors and grieving for my dead husband. But at night I became something else.” She picked up her coffee and took another sip then stared into her mug, searching for the courage to continue. “Sarah—I killed people. I went hunting nearly every night searching for abusers like him.” Keller stopped when she heard the other woman’s quickly indrawn breath and then went on again. Over the years, I became a bit of a vigilante. Of course I had to move every decade or so to avoid suspicion.”

  “So, you were playing a hero to prevent the horrible things that happened to you? How is that so bad?”

  Keller looked sad. “It was more than that. I’ve seen so much death. I’ve killed in fear, anger, and sympathy. Sarah, they were executions, murders of a noble kind but still murders. I did not bring anyone to justice, I served my own.” She looked up at Sarah, expecting horror and revulsion in her gaze.

  Sarah looked back, but instead of revulsion, her eyes only held understanding. “And how long ago was that, centuries? I’m no history buff, but even I know that the world was a very different place then.” Sudden clarity flitted across her face. “Noble killer—that’s how you got your name!”

  Clear blue eyes blinked in relief. “Yes.”

  Sarah took Keller’s hands into her own. “It’s okay, I think I understand. But the world is different now, and you’re not that person anymore. You should leave what you’ve done in the past where it belongs.”

  Keller shook her head sadly. If only it were that easy. “I’m not so sure you do understand because if you did you would be out the door.” She swallowed and bravely continued. “What ended my old life, the path I chose to take, and the places I have been are exactly what matters. They have shaped me and made me who I am today.”

  Sarah gently traced Keller’s bottom lip and gazed into her eyes. “It may have shaped you but it hasn’t made you who you are. Of course, everyone is the sum of his or her experiences but Keller, we are so much more. We love, we hate, and we live. But in the end we are exactly who we choose to be. And you are a good woman.”

  Keller was touched by the singer’s words. “Thank you.”

  Sarah thought for a second then asked, “What about now? Do you still avenge those in need?”

  Keller had a faraway look in her eyes when she answered. “I no longer kill anymore, if that’s what you’re asking.”

  “Why?”

  She returned her focus to the singer. “Because survival is about adaptation. Times have changed and so have I. Besides, killing is no longer honorable, and death has become a privilege.”

  Sarah moved closer. “Do you really believe that, are you ready to be done with all life has to offer?”

  Keller looked seriously at the singer. “No, not anymore.” Both women stared at each other in drawn-out silence. She turned Sarah’s hand over and softly traced the lifeline. It was straight, running close to the edge of Sarah’s palm. When she started on the wavy love line, she spoke again. “There’s something else you should know.”

  “What is it?”

  Hesitantly, Keller told her the rest. “I’m afraid that you’re not going to like this. You know this—thing we have between us?” When Sarah nodded, she went on. “I believe that we’ve bonded. I knew the first night I saw you at Club Diversity. Sarah, you are the one.”

  Sarah looked a little alarmed. “The one what?”

  “The other half of my soul.”

  Sarah pulled away from Keller and stood up from the couch. The night had suddenly gone well beyond casual. Dismay was the dominant emotion on her expressive face. “Why do you say that? There is no such thing as a soul mate, that’s nothing more than a story made up by the weak-minded when they want a happy ending!”

  Feeling the wave of negative emotion emanating from Sarah, Keller tried for levity to lighten the mood. “Um, just like there are no such thing as vampires? I’m not sure why this is the news that makes you upset, over say, my murdering past and the fangs.”

  “It’s one thing to tell me something about yourself, but it’s completely different to try to tell me that I am connected to you somehow. That’s just bullshit. Jesus, Keller, you don’t have to make up something to get me to keep your secret!” She stomped off to the bedroom to get dressed. Keller followed her and painfully watched from the doorway, realizing that she was treading serious waters. Sarah, for her part, was panicking. “Listen—this is a little bit too much and I don’t know what to think right now.” She looked at the woman in the doorway. “Think about what you’re saying, it’s crazy!” At Keller’s hurt look, she tried to reassure the woman, at least a little bit. “Insanely enough, I do believe you about the rest but I’m not anyone’s chosen one. I’m just me, Keller, and I’m not bonded to anyone.”

  Keller slowly shook her head back and forth. “Just look inside yourself and think about what you’ve been feeling. You know it’s true.”

  Sarah whirled on Keller. “Do you want to know what is true, Keller? I know I have my sister and she has me, and that’s all that really matters.” She slipped on her shoes and directly addressed the quiet woman in the doorway. “I won’t deny we have a connection, but it’s just sex. I am very attracted to you and I think you are the hottest fucking thing to ever touch my body but that is it! There are no such things as soul mates and there is no forever. That’s just a fairy tale.”

  Keller stepped toward the other woman. “It’s no fairy tale, and whether you like it or not we’ve bonded. That is forever, Sarah! You can’t deny it and you can’t change it, we need each other.”

  Sarah hated being told what to do and refused to be controlled by anyone. She stood absolutely still, rigid with her sudden anger. “I don’t need anything! You can believe what you want, Keller, but I’m not buying it.” She stalked past the stunned bar manager and into the kitchen. Then Sarah grabbed her coat from the closet and opened the front door. Standing in the entryway, she turned back for a few seconds longer. “You don’t have to worry, I’ll keep both my promises. But Keller, you are expecting more from me than I can give right now. I—I just need to think for a while.” She looked away from Keller’s emotion-filled gaze. “I’ll see you around.” Sarah walked out without a backward glance.

  The minute the door shut Keller sank to her knees. She held her head in both hands, rocking back and forth. “No, no, no…” In an instant, everything went wrong. She had her, and then she pushed too hard. As the tears began to fall, she stilled her movements and sat back onto the floor. “What am I going to do?”

  At the same time, Sarah was racing to her car. Desperate to escape, she furiously wiped stubborn tears away. It was too much, she didn’t have room in her life for a complication like Noble Keller. Unconvincingly, she thought “I don’t need her—I don’t!”

  Chapter Four

  IT WAS TUESDAY afternoon and Noble Keller was not a happy woman. She had tried two other security agencies and was told by both that they didn’t have anyone available for the times requested. She suspected it had more to do with the nature of the bar than the time. She finally got a positive result from the third agency. She blew out a breath in relief and answered the
voice on the phone. “Yes, I’d like two guards. One will focus on the two streets and the intersection. The second will concentrate on the parking lot and the back alley.” She listened for a minute and replied, “Yes of course, that would be great. And you’re right, week by week would be the best arrangement for now.” Keller nodded to the voice on the phone. “Yes, I hope they catch whoever it is too.” When she hung up, she crossed one item off the long list on her desk and dialed again. “May I speak with Joanne Markham, please?” After a slight pause, “Yes, I’ll hold.”

  Keller studied her planner while she waited, pencil tapping on the desk impatiently. Without warning, the music cut off and her boss came on the line. “Joanne, it’s me Keller. I took care of that little matter we discussed yesterday.” She cocked her head, listening, and replied. “Yes, anyway I just wanted to thank you for approving the request and the last-minute budget allocation. I wasn’t looking forward to staking out the parking lot myself so it was appreciated.” Keller’s eye landed on a flier Annie had placed on her desk earlier. “By the way, my new assistant manager made some fliers to place around the club and the community. She downloaded a page from the hotline website and printed it off.” Keller listened some more while she scratched another item off her list. “You know just the usual, safety precautions for patrons and employees as well as the tip line phone number. As a matter of fact, I think I’m going to fax copies to the other club owners so they can hang them as well.”

  Keller wrapped up the call and leaned back in her chair. It had been a little over a week since she had last spoken to Sarah. Annie’s college graduation was rapidly approaching and so was the end of Sarah’s contract with the club. Keller was at her wit’s end waiting for the singer to come around. At the knock at the door, she opened her eyes and looked up. “Come in!” The very woman at the forefront of her thoughts opened the door and Keller sat up abruptly. “Sarah!”

  The singer walked in and pushed the door nearly shut behind her. “Am I interrupting?”

  Keller had a fleeting bitter thought that by not completely shutting the door, Sarah could run away that much faster. She shrugged it off then stood and walked toward her. Right away, she noticed Sarah had gotten her hair cut. It was shoulder length and the ends were flipped up slightly. The singer had never looked better and Keller could barely keep her hands to herself. She wanted to touch her, to hold her, but after their last confrontation she was unsure. “No, not at all.”

  Sarah began hesitantly. “First I wanted to apologize for the way I ran out last time.”

  “That’s okay, I understand. I threw a lot at you all at once.”

  Sarah walked forward until she stood in front of the shorter woman. “Keller, I—” She ran a hand through her newly cut hair. “—I can’t stay away from you.” She reached out to trace Keller’s cheekbone then leaned in and kissed her slowly. When they broke apart, Sarah clung to the smaller woman. “What do you want from me, Keller? Ask for something I can give.”

  Keller was quiet for a moment, soaking up Sarah’s touch and smell. She thought about what she wanted and what she was likely to get. “I only want what you’re willing to give, Sarah, nothing more.” It would have to do until Sarah understood more.

  Sarah breathed into Keller’s ear. “No strings, that’s what I want.” Keller pulled away, looking sad but resigned. Sarah added, “I’m sorry, I haven’t been back in town very long and I just don’t want any complications in my life right now.”

  The bar manager nodded. “Okay.” Making a quick decision she asked, “Will you do one thing for me though?”

  “Um—that depends on what it is.”

  Keller walked to her desk and removed a business card and house key from the top drawer. She handed both to Sarah. “The key is for my condo. My cell phone number and security code are on the back of the card.” She paused. “Anytime, Sarah, day or night.”

  Sarah tucked both into her pocket. She laughed softly. “I don’t think I have much of a choice anymore. You are a very addicting woman, Noble Keller.” She started to lean in for another kiss when they were abruptly interrupted.

  Annie walked through the partially open door, knocking as she entered. “Keller, what do you think about—”

  Sarah quickly stepped away from Keller, feeling guilty but unsure why. “Uh, hey, sis.”

  There was a moment of awkward silence while Annie stared at the other two women in surprise. Taking pity on the uncomfortable looking women in front of her, she asked as nonchalantly as she could, “So, Keller, what do you think of her hair, it looks great doesn’t it?”

  Keller mumbled, “Oh yeah, definitely.”

  Sarah needed to leave. She could feel Keller’s hot stare and her sister’s questioning one. She didn’t really want to deal with either. “Well, I’m going to take off. I’ll see you both later.” She hugged her sister and lightly caressed Keller’s arm. She didn’t trust herself with more than that.

  Annie stood quietly, watching Keller watch her sister leave. There was a lost look on her boss’s face that she had never seen before. Curious.

  Keller slowly turned her attention back to Annie. “You had something to go over with me?”

  Annie began the little persuasive speech she had been rehearsing the entire afternoon. “I’ve been researching the other clubs to see what types of entertainment they have to offer. Based on what I found, I’ve come up with—”

  Keller held up a hand, forestalling any further explanation. “You know me, I need numbers before anything else. Could you put everything in writing like a proposal or—”

  Annie interrupted her boss by placing the folder she was carrying into her hands. “Already done.”

  Keller smiled. “Uh, okay, thanks. Let me read this over and I’ll get back to you tomorrow.”

  “All right.” Annie started to walk out then stopped and turned around. “By the way, the sign-up sheets are full for this Saturday’s auditions. I’m going to get Alice and Bruce to sit in with me again unless you want to do it.”

  “Have you thought about asking Sarah? She may have some good input. She always seems to be in tune with the crowds. And from what I’ve seen, her knowledge and experience would be a valuable asset when it comes to choosing potential bands.”

  Annie slowly nodded. “I think you’re right, she would be a good judge to bring in. I’ll see if she wants to do it the next time I talk to her.”

  After Annie walked out, closing the door behind her, Keller went back to her desk and sat down. She leaned her head back and shut her eyes. The events of the past week were catching up with her and she felt drained both physically and emotionally. On one hand, she was thrilled by Sarah’s visit. On the other, she wasn’t sure how long she could live with just a superficial relationship, subject to Sarah’s whims. Time would tell.

  KELLER WAS HOPEFUL but Sarah never showed up that night or the ones after. She waited over a week after she had given Sarah her condo key but had not seen or heard from the other woman. She was so hung up on the singer that she couldn’t even look at other women now, let along take care of the need coursing through her veins. The drained feeling was only getting worse. Keller helped close the bar on a Thursday night but there was still no sign of Sarah. When she nonchalantly questioned Annie about Sarah’s whereabouts, the younger woman looked uncomfortable.

  “She’s been staying with a—uh— friend, the last two nights. I haven’t seen her since Tuesday, in your office.”

  Keller felt sick. She wasn’t sure if it was because of what the singer was doing or if it was because she didn’t know when Sarah was coming back. “Wh—what about Duke? Did she take him with her?”

  “No, I’ve got Duke at the house. She said she wouldn’t have time to take care of him.” Annie’s suspicions were confirmed by the look on her Keller’s face. Her thoughts raced as she realized that Keller was hung up on Sarah. Trying to reassure her friend, she added, “Hey, her last gig is tomorrow night so I know
we’ll see her by then.” It didn’t seem to help. Annie looked at her in concern. “You look tired, Keller, you should go home and get some sleep.”

  Distractedly, Keller walked away. “Yeah, I think I will.”

  After closing the bar, Keller drove home in a daze. When she entered her condo, she was surprised to see the light on above the piano. She followed the quiet music only to find the one person she had been looking for. Keller waited quietly, soaking up the beauty of the moment.

  When the song ended, Sarah looked up into Keller’s impossibly blue eyes. “Hi.”

  Keller smiled. “You came.”

  Something undefinable flashed across Sarah’s face. “You knew I would.”

  “No, I hoped. There is a big difference.”

  It didn’t take long for them to end up in the bedroom. Sarah dominated nearly every move. The two women were so insatiable for each other’s touch that it was hours before they wore themselves out. Keller never asked where she’d been and Sarah didn’t mention her absence. Long after the passion had cooled, Keller watched her sleep. She caressed the dark hair lying across her pillow. Half prayer, half plea to the sleeping woman beside her, she whispered, “Love…” When Keller woke early the next afternoon from an exhausted sleep, Sarah was gone. No note, no strings.

  WHEN SARAH GOT home, her dog and her sister greeted her at the door. Duke was happy to see her but Annie seemed upset. “Where have you been?” Sarah, not really up for explaining herself, grabbed Duke’s leash. Annie pointed at it. “Don’t bother, I just finished walking him.” Then she looked into Sarah’s intense green eyes. “What’s going on with you and Keller, Sarah? Talk to me.”

  Sarah walked into the living room and sat down. Annie sat next to her, waiting for an answer. “It’s just a fling. There’s nothing going on.”