Beauty Within

by Emily L Goodman

  “I don’t think they’ll be that easy to erase,” Callista admitted softly, looking up into his face. She’d give him permission to court her; he deserved that honesty even if he wasn’t in a place to appreciate it right now.

  “Perhaps not.” He sighed. “Friendship may be enough to keep it for a little while, at least. I—” He sighed. “I would that if you do remember me, it would be fondly. I’m afraid there are terribly few people in the world who have such thoughts of me anymore.”

  “It will be fondly,” Callista said softly. “Griffin…” She rested her hand on his arm. “I care for you,” she admitted. “You’ve become a friend, and more than a friend—I want you to know that. When I gave you permission to court me, it was because I really wanted to know what could happen between us, not just because—” She wasn’t even sure what reason one might give for agreeing to a courtship she didn’t believe in and wasn’t committed to. “I don’t plan to leave,” she admitted.

  “Thank you for that.” This smile came easier, seemed to be more genuine. “You have the trust heart of any woman I’ve ever known,” he admitted. “It has been a joy to have you here, and as sorry as I am that your father was tricked into gambling away a year, I’m glad that you’re here with me.”

  “It hasn’t been so bad so far,” Callista reminded him.

  That earned her another smile, though he didn’t speak again, simply staring out into the night with those too-human eyes set within the beastly face.

  “Griffin?” Callista asked quietly, falling back a bit to give him some privacy, her voice low enough that if he wanted, he could pretend that she hadn’t spoken.

  “Yes?”

  “How many other girls have been here, besides my sisters and me?”

  “You’re the dozenth,” he admitted without looking at her. “None have lasted even as long as Erin before now—most of them gave up within the first few weeks.”

  She nodded slowly, taking that in. There had been a lot of girls, then—a lot of chances for him to fall in love, for someone to see past the beastly form to recognize him for what he really was.

  And none of them had? She couldn’t imagine where he was finding quite that many girls who simply found it impossible to see anything more than the form the curse had taken. When she looked at him, she no longer saw anything to fear.

  It was, Callista feared, a sign that she might be in danger as being trapped every bit as much as he—because she had realized something while she sat there with her sister, listening to them go on about all the ways in which Griffin had fallen short and realizing that she didn’t agree with them even the slightest bit.

  She was falling in love with him.

  CHAPTER FOURTEEN

  Christmas

  “So, are your sisters coming back for the holidays?” Barrett’s hopeful question had Callista looking up abruptly, surprised.

  “You’re the one who’s been writing to Erin,” she teased him. “Are you telling me she hasn’t given you that answer already?”

  “Oh—well—” Barrett blushed. “She said she hadn’t been invited,” he mumbled in the general direction of his naval.

  Haven’t been invited, huh? Oh, that was true enough. She hadn’t exactly issued anyone an invitation to come to the castle for the holidays. Actually, she and Griffin were making plans to celebrate their own way—and they were quite looking forward to it.

  She was just in town today, as a matter of fact, to see if she could purchase a few more bright red ornaments. It seemed that a few of them had gotten smashed a couple of years ago.

  Griffin’s doing? She hadn’t asked, and he’d looked grateful that she hadn’t pressed the issue. As far as she was concerned, that was more than reason enough to continue to leave it alone. She’d seen a few more flashes of the beast as autumn had moved into winter, but they had always been short, quickly contained; and she had come to recognize the moment when the beast was pushing toward the surface and help him force it back again.

  Barrett was still giving her that blasted hopeful look, patiently waiting until her attention came back to him. Arabella had accused her, a few weeks ago, of mooning over her mystery guy far more of late—and Callista wasn’t altogether sure it wasn’t true.

  Callista sighed. “There’s no way all of my siblings could be here for the holidays,” she temporized carefully. “Someone would have to remain at home, and I don’t want them to feel as though they have to choose. Besides, Stasi has Peter that she’ll want to see over the holidays.” Her lips tipped downward for a moment. Sometimes, she did desperately miss her siblings; and it would be so strange not to spend Christmas with them! Always before, they had all made the effort to be together for at least Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, no matter how far they might have had to travel. Millicent and Erin had even turned down opportunities for house parties and chances to entertain just because they were dedicated to Christmas together.

  “It was my mother’s favorite time of year.” She hadn’t realized that she was going to speak at all, much less wistfully, until the words were already out of her mouth.

  “I’m sorry.” He ducked his head. “I didn’t mean to make you feel—well, I just—I thought that maybe you could invite them, and at least you could see what they’d say, you know?”

  “No. Sorry, Barrett.” She gave him a smile as compensation, but Callista was well aware that it didn’t even come close to meeting her eyes.

  He sighed, pouting a little, but gave in with good grace. “Well, it was a thought,” he declared.

  “You might be able to wrangle an invitation out of Erin, though,” she suggested teasingly. “She’s always saying we ought to entertain more around Christmas.” Though they never had in the past. Christmas was a family time—a time when they set aside all of their responsibilities and were just together, no matter what tried to get in the way.

  Last year was probably the last Christmas we’ll all spend together, with Stasi getting married this year. And that was sad, too—but she didn’t want to be sad. She loved Christmas! Every year, it got a little bit more beautiful; and she wanted the chance to enjoy it with Griffin, even if she couldn’t be with her siblings.

  She could have invited them, she knew. Some of them probably would even have come—definitely Theo, and maybe Anastasia.

  The problem was, she was well aware that Barrett and Erin had been writing to one another since August. Though she wasn’t sure what kind of relationship could have bloomed between them through letters, Erin had hinted more than once that she might be interested in coming back to the castle so that she could go down into the town and see him again.

  Callista didn’t want her to come. She didn’t want her around Griffin, who, if she hadn’t fallen in love with him completely yet, had at least become more dear to her with every passing day—and she wanted least of all for her sister to be there around Christmas.

  Griffin had been positively jolly as they’d begun the preparations for the holiday. He kept insisting that he wanted everything to be perfect.

  Throwing her sister back into the middle of that, completely ruining it for him? No, Callista refused to do it. She simply wouldn’t let it happen; and if that came at the cost of a Christmas without her family, well, then, so be it.

  It wouldn’t be the last time—not if she stayed here.

  “It wouldn’t be proper for me to try to get an invitation!” Barrett protested.

  Callista laughed. “Then I guess you’re just going to have to be content with letters for a little longer,” she informed him.

  He made a face at her, but she remained unmoved. “You could ask me to be your escort home,” he suggested; but it was obvious that his heart wasn’t in it, either.

  “I’m not going home for Christmas,” Callista reminded him.

  “So will you be coming down here for Christmas Eve?” Apparently, he was going to abandon the pretense altogether. Good. She didn’t really want to talk about it anymore right now—not when the Christm
as season was tugging at her heart and making her miss her family more than ever.

  “No.” She smiled—that smile that they always said was her being “mysterious.” She wasn’t being mysterious. She would have loved to describe the preparations for Christmas to her friends. She had described them to her family, in thick letters that she knew probably had Theo rolling his eyes and Stasi pouncing on them, desperate to hear all the news she was willing to share.

  It was going to be a lovely Christmas—and it was just for the two of them. That had its own special sort of beauty, one that rose up and surprised her when she least expected it.

  Griffin had promised her already that he wasn’t going to propose until after Christmas. It might not have been “the thing,” but both of them were very careful to be honest with one another. He’d been concerned that he would hurt her feelings when there wasn’t a little ring box beneath the tree on Christmas morning.

  She had been relieved. They’d known each other for—well, it had been nearly seven months now, more than half of the year that she was committed to spending with him. She couldn’t imagine her life without him in it; and in fact, if he had offered to let her go home for Christmas, she would have turned him down in a heartbeat. Leave him alone on one of the most beautiful days of the year? No, she couldn’t possibly! Just thinking of him alone with only Mrs. Picard, Mrs. Martel, and Hemsworth for company would have broken her heart beyond repair.

  So here she stayed—here she would stay, all through Christmas—but she wasn’t ready for a proposal yet, either.

  “Oh, come on, Callista!” Barrett protested. “You’ve clung to that mystery woman thing for months. Aren’t you ever going to tell us where you come from?”

  She giggled. “I live in a tree in the forest,” she proclaimed.

  He made a face at her. “You’re no pixie,” he shot back. “Pixies don’t eat sugar—it weighs them down so much that they can’t fly.”

  She stuck her tongue out at him, but couldn’t argue. Her sweet tooth was too well-known in town for that.

  “All right, pixie.” He shook his head affectionately at her. Barrett, Frederick, Arabella, Juliette—they had all become good friends. Callista could no longer even imagine leaving here, leaving all of them, once her year and a day was over.

  It was starting to scare her. What if Griffin was just a dear friend, not someone she could fall in love with? He was courting her in earnest—there was no doubt in either of their minds where they were trying to get this to go—but was this love, between them?

  She didn’t know. She’d prayed about it, and she was fairly sure that God was telling her that she was in the right place, that she was supposed to stay with him. She’d thought it through from every angle.

  In spite of all that, however, she just couldn’t be sure. How could she ever be?

  Would she really know what falling in love felt like, when the day came?

  “Callista?” Barrett asked curiously. He’d continued talking to her and Callista realized, she had absolutely no idea what he’d said.

  “Sorry.” She blushed. “I just—I don’t know.” If it had been one of the girls, she might have told him, or at least tried. If she phrased it very carefully, she could work her way around the curse so that they’d be able to remember the conversation later, couldn’t she?

  “Shake off the melancholy,” he advised her. “It’s Christmas time!”

  “It is, isn’t it?” She let a slow smile spread across her face. “I don’t suppose you know where I could find some red ornaments, do you?” She was trying to make a wreath out of some of them. It wouldn’t be much, not compared to the decorations already spread over every available inch of the castle, but it would be her contribution—and she thought Griffin might like it.

  She was thinking about putting it in the entryway to the dining room, where they would see it every night: a reminder of what they were building together.

  “Red ornaments, huh?” He studied her. “I’ll tell you what: I’ll take you to find all the red ornaments you want, if you’ll help me to find a gift to send to your sister.”

  “A gift, huh?” Callista teased.

  “Nothing big.” Barrett blushed. “Just—I don’t know. Something to let her know I was thinking about her over the holidays.”

  “I think I can help you find something.” There was a music store a few blocks down—or maybe a book of poetry? Callista could think of plenty of things that Erin might like. She did, however, file it away in her mind that she needed to write to her sister and let her know that Barrett was sending something. Erin wouldn’t be pleased if she found out that she’d known and hadn’t warned her.

  As it turned out, there were a few too many things that Erin might like. Callista ended up buying more than just the ornaments that she’d come down after. She’d found gifts for her siblings as she shopped—all of them. A book she knew Theo would love, a necklace that she was sure would be just Stasi’s style…she’d ended up laden down with bags, her arms full, by the time she and Barrett were done.

  “I really don’t like you walking home alone,” he told her worriedly. “You always head off into that forest, and you’re carrying so much—”

  “I’ll be fine.” Callista waved an airy hand at him. She was sure that she could manage her packages long enough to get them home. They weren’t that heavy, after all—mostly just bulky.

  Home. She imagined Griffin’s face when she came in—later than intended, since she had helped Barrett shop as well as doing her own Christmas shopping. He’d be intrigued, but he wouldn’t press. He’d already told her that he liked the surprise that came along with Christmas gifts best of all, so he wouldn’t even try to sneak a peek.

  Which was good, because tucked into her bags were several things she was sure that he would like for Christmas, too. Had she gone overboard, buying him that recording device that would play back his favorite music? Maybe—but it had been a long time since he’d been able to have real music, since there was no one else at the castle who could really play. The music room had been restored—apparently, the curse held the castle in stasis, so nothing about it could really be changed so long as he was in the beastly form—but having only his own music just wasn’t the same as having someone else to play for him.

  She was hoping he would make a recording of his playing, then dance with her. It was such a little, innocent thing; but being in his arms as the music swept around them…well, it had become something of an obsession for her.

  Lost in thought, she waved her goodbyes to Barrett and practically skipped through the forest. It was darker than she’d thought it would be—well, they were getting all too close to the darkest night of the year, and she really had lost track of time. Garrett was probably going to be worried.

  She’d have to hurry. Picking up her pace, Callista made her way down the familiar path faster than was really safe in the dark.

  She didn’t hear the muffled thump behind her, and if she heard a soft sound of pain, she wrote it off to more revelry coming from the town.

  Callista was late. Griffin stood on the balcony, staring up at the moon as though he had never seen it before. She was almost never late. If she told him she was going to be back in just a couple of hours, she was usually back in a couple of hours, and never mind how many times her friends in town tried to convince her stay.

  It’s Christmas time. She’s probably gotten lost in some store or another and lost all track of the time. He tried to convince himself that there was no need for the worry growing in his gut—and if she turned up in another hour with some sparkling gift for him already wrapped gaily in brilliantly colored paper, he was going to feel quite guilty indeed for being so out of sorts about her absence.

  And yet…something didn’t feel right.

  “Griffin?” Hemsworth had obviously been trying for several minutes to get his attention.

  “Yes?” He blinked, dragged a hand over his face. “Sorry,” he muttered. “It’s just�
�”

  “Mrs. Martel wants to know if she should hold dinner, since Callista is later than normal,” Hemsworth said cautiously. “She said that if she stops it now, she can put it off another hour.”

  “It’s still an hour until dinner, isn’t it?” he asked cautiously.

  “Yes—but you know she starts early, and she’s concerned about it getting cold if Callista is running behind.”

  “She won’t be late.” Of course she wouldn’t. She would probably come home ravenous. If he held dinner, she was just going to be frustrated—and knowing Callista, she would probably take it as a sign that he didn’t believe in her.

  She hadn’t forgotten him. Hadn’t drifted away from love into disgust in the weeks that she had spent with him since she’d agreed to let him court her. He was feeling God’s answer quite clearly: they needed time to let love grow, but he was doing the right thing, keeping her here. She was the right one.

  So why did he feel so uncomfortable tonight? He trusted her. He believed in her. She’d been going down to the town for months, spending more than enough time there for the curse to have kicked in if it was going to cause her to forget him completely.

  Unless he was wrong about it being love that was the trigger. What if it was something else? Or what if her friendship for him wasn’t enough to count as love, and he’d just—

  “I—” Hemsworth bowed at his furious look. “Of course, Your Majesty,” he said quickly.

  Griffin growled at him under his breath. He was being silly to be so worried. Of course he was.

  A scream split the night.

  He froze in place, staring at Hemsworth. “That—did that—”

  “Sound like Callista?” Hemsworth’s face was white.

  A second scream sent him spinning into action. Without even realizing that he was going to move, Griffin jumped the balcony and ran.