Make or Break at the Lighthouse B & B

by Portia MacIntosh

  ‘Mum, don’t try and tell me that nothing is wrong, you’re acting like a malfunctioning Stepford wife.’

  ‘It’s tomorrow,’ she says calmly.

  ‘What’s tomorrow?’ I ask. ‘It’s the … oh.’

  It suddenly occurs to me exactly what tomorrow is – my mum and dad’s fortieth wedding anniversary.

  ‘I don’t know how I’m going to get through it, darling,’ my mum says weakly as the feather duster falls from her hand.

  Suddenly I feel terrible for being so hard on her. It might be frustrating for me to see what’s going on, but she’s living it. I pull myself up onto my crutches and hop over to give her a hug.

  ‘I’ll be here all day tomorrow. I’ll help you through it,’ I promise her.

  ‘Thank you. You are a good girl, Lola. I don’t always tell you, but I’m proud of you.’

  We continue to hug and cry together for a minute or two until my dad walks through the door. Those couple of hours have gone by really quickly – well they have for me, but I guess I took a long nap. I’ll bet my mum has felt every agonising second of it, wondering where he is, what he’s getting up to.

  ‘Hello, family,’ he says in an uncharacteristically happy manner. My dad has always been on the verge of grumpy old man territory so this chirpy version of him sticks out like a sore thumb. He spots that we are crying and wraps his arms around us both.

  ‘What’s wrong with my two favourite girls?’ he asks.

  ‘Oh, it’s just all this business with Lola’s leg,’ Mum lies. ‘She’s so worried she’s not going to be able to look after herself when she goes back to London.’

  ‘Lola,’ my dad starts as he slips off his jacket and sits down in front of the TV, ‘don’t upset your mum.’

  My mum shoots me a look, warning me not to say anything. For her sake I will bite my tongue but you’ve got to love the nerve of the man, telling me not to upset my mum and doing exactly that himself.

  I know a lot has been going on, but I can’t believe I forgot it was my parents’ wedding anniversary tomorrow. I can’t help but worry about how tomorrow will play out. Will Dad even remember? Will Mum be able to keep a lid on things or will she choose tomorrow to confront him? Will she ever confront him? There’s no way she could run the B & B without him, unless I moved back home …

  It’s certainly given me a lot to worry about and now I’m terrified.

  Chapter 35

  Another day, another awkward James family breakfast. Today is my mum and dad’s fortieth wedding anniversary, and as if it isn’t bad enough that my dad is probably cheating on my mum, he has also forgotten that it is their anniversary. I didn’t think things could get worse, or that my dad could look like any more of a dick than he does now, but he has proved me wrong. Good work, Dad.

  Dad breaks from his newspaper crossword puzzle only to sip his coffee. It isn’t unusual for my dad to sit at the breakfast table in silence (apart from those weird acid reflux sounds that come out of his mouth after he eats toast), but today all it’s doing is making my mum furious. I know that she was dreading having to pretend everything was fine today but she was prepared to try. Now it turns out my dad has forgotten, my poor mum looks like she’s about to lose it with him.

  My dad scratches his head in puzzlement. ‘Four-letter word, the clue is “a stupid person” ends in the letter L,’ my dad tells no one in particular.

  ‘Paul,’ my mum helpfully suggests.

  ‘Very funny,’ my dad replies without looking up. He clearly thinks she’s joking.

  ‘Fool,’ I tell him. How very, very apt.

  ‘Cheers, Lola,’ my dad replies, offering me a thumbs-up. ‘Right, just off to the loo.’

  Dad has no sooner left than Auntie Val walks in.

  ‘Look what the cat dragged in,’ I announce. ‘We haven’t seen you in a while.’

  ‘You’re lucky I can still walk,’ she announces. Far too much information.

  ‘Nice,’ I say sarcastically.

  She takes one look at my mum, who is sitting with her head in her hands, and her face falls.

  ‘What’s wrong with her?’ she asks. ‘Is it related to “The Change”?’

  My Auntie Val mouths the words ‘The Change’ rather than saying them out loud, like it’s some kind of curse.

  ‘Really?’ I ask in disbelief.

  ‘What?’ she asks. ‘The women in our family transition at a very late age – I could still have a baby.’

  ‘You couldn’t if you transitioned,’ I point out. ‘That’s definitely not what you mean.’

  ‘So, what’s up?’

  ‘Dad has forgotten their wedding anniversary. Their fortieth wedding anniversary,’ I remind her quietly.

  ‘Oh!’ she whispers. ‘Why didn’t you remind me?’

  ‘I didn’t remember either, I’ve had a lot on.’

  ‘I feel like I’ve been in bed for days.’ She laughs. ‘Come here, sis. No need to be upset. You know what men are like, they forget everything.’

  ‘Thanks,’ my mum sobs. ‘I’ll be fine, just being silly.’

  ‘How about we teach him a lesson,’ Val suggests. ‘Let’s go out tonight, somewhere he’ll never expect. Let’s go the pub or the club or something.’

  ‘I really don’t think that’s a good idea,’ I insist, knowing full well that my mum isn’t one for hanging out in places like that.

  ‘No, it’s a great idea,’ my mum says excitedly.

  ‘What?’ I can’t help but say.

  ‘Your dad can go on a night out, why can’t I?’

  I shoot her a look that says, “We both know the only reason Dad goes out at night,” but she’s not interested. Her mind is made up.

  ‘Brilliant,’ Val says with a clap of her hands. ‘I’ll pick you up after work; make sure you’re ready. You can come too, Lola, if you can get dressed up with that thing.’

  ‘Oh, bring Dean,’ my mum says. ‘Val, you will love Dean. He’s a policeman.’

  ‘Oh, well, he can definitely come but he doesn’t need to dress up – he can dress down, dress in uniform, undress …’

  ‘Cheers, Val, I’ll pass that along,’ I say sarcastically.

  ‘I’m actually looking forward to it,’ my mum says, but she’s still got that crazy look in her eye.

  The last thing I need is a night on the town with my heartbroken mum and my cougar auntie. I think I will ask Dean along because, if the shit hits the fan, he might have a Taser or something.

  Chapter 36

  ‘Do you think I’m still young enough to pull?’ my mum asks as Val drives us into town.

  I can’t help but squeak in horror.

  ‘I know he forgot your anniversary, but copping off with a man in a bar is a bit extreme, sis,’ she insists.

  ‘I didn’t say I was going to,’ my mum insists. ‘I just wondered.’

  Tonight my mum looks absolutely beautiful. She’s really made the effort. Her beautiful dark hair is as perfect as ever and she’s wearing a lovely black dress with her black pearl necklace and earrings. My mum looks great for her age, so no doubt I’ll be taking after my dad – yet another reason for me to be mad at him.

  ‘Here we are,’ Val says as we park up in town.

  My mum hops out of the car with a real spring in her step, clearly excited about her night on the town with her sister and her daughter.

  It is only as I get out of the car that I notice where we are. ‘Val, is there a reason you’ve parked outside Bounty?’

  ‘I thought Linda might like to get straight to the nightlife.’

  ‘I’m all for it,’ my mum says, rushing inside before I have chance to stop her. It is only as I glance over at Auntie Val to ask her if this is a good idea that I spot my dad’s car parked not too far from where we are standing. It was Bounty where we followed him to with Karla – if they’re in here together and my mum catches them, I can’t even imagine what will happen. I have to do something to stop it.

  ‘Auntie Val, you have to sto
p her going in there. My dad is here,’ I say as I struggle on my crutches to chase after my mum.

  ‘I know, come on – let’s go inside.’

  ‘Wait, you knew that my dad was going to be here?’ I ask.

  ‘Of course, I just didn’t know that you did. Hurry up, we’re going to miss it,’ she insists as we walk through the door to the club.

  ‘Miss it? Val, did you not think there might be a better way to confront my dad about cheating on Mum? A way that might not upset her so much?’

  Val stops dead. ‘Lola, what on earth are you talking about?’

  ‘Wait, so you don’t know? Mum told me a while ago that she suspected Dad was cheating on her. I noticed he was being sneaky too so we followed him one night and he came here with a girl from work. He’s in here now, probably with her.’

  Val laughs as she manoeuvres me into the main room at Bounty, a matter of seconds behind my mum.

  I watch as my mother’s jaw drops.

  Well, this is a surprise …

  Chapter 37

  ‘Surprise,’ everyone in the club calls out at my mum.

  My dad immediately rushes over to her with a glass of champagne and plants a big kiss on her lips. My mum is definitely surprised, that’s for sure.

  ‘Auntie Val,’ I say slowly. ‘Explain.’

  My auntie laughs at me. ‘You thought your dad was having an affair? That’s hilarious. Why would you think that?’

  ‘Because my mum told me that he was. He was being suspicious and sneaking around, going to clubs with young women.’

  ‘Oh Lola,’ she chuckles. ‘He’s been planning a surprise party. That girl you saw him with, her dad owns the club and she’s been doing party planning for him. Your dad has no idea about throwing parties – that’s why she’s been helping him.’

  ‘I could have helped him. Why didn’t he tell me about this?’

  ‘Because you can’t keep a secret,’ Val insists. ‘There’s no way you wouldn’t have let slip to your mum. Did you see my incredible acting skills this morning? This was always going to be a role for me.’

  I’m sure one day I will find this absolutely hilarious, but right now all I feel is incredibly guilty. I can’t believe I thought my dad was having an affair. I should have known he would never do that to my mum, but the signs just seemed so obvious. I feel bad because the reason he was sneaking around was so he could throw my mum this incredible anniversary party. As I glance around the beautifully decorated room I can see our entire family and all of my mum and dad’s friends – even the ones who don’t live locally. I notice their friends Judy and Peter are here and they live in Australia. My dad has clearly put a lot of thought into this.

  ‘Is your policeman here?’ Val asks.

  ‘No,’ I reply simply. I did invite him on the weird night out though. He said he’d meet up with us when he finished work if I let him know where we were and it wasn’t too late.

  ‘C’est la vie,’ she says with a big sigh.

  ‘La vie,’ I reply.

  ‘The good news is that there’s someone here I’d like you to meet,’ she says. ‘My roofer’s younger brother. He’s only twenty-six, but what he lacks in age he makes up for in … I don’t know, other things. I told him you were single. He said he’d love to meet you. So, here you go, a blind date.’

  She points to a man standing at the bar who is blatantly chatting up one of the waitresses, not that it looks like he’s having much luck.

  ‘Blind as in that’s what you were when you picked him out for me? Look at him, he’s a player.’

  ‘Be grateful, Lola,’ my auntie snaps. ‘I’m just trying to return the favour. He’s sound as a pound, is Gary.’

  Oh God, Gary! I don’t know about sound as a pound, but he’s as cheesy as a bag of Wotsits.

  Gary is wearing red trainers, purple chinos and a T-shirt that is about two sizes too small. If it isn’t bad enough that looks like a member of One Direction’s reflection in a fun house mirror (he’s quite short and rounded) his bright orange hair is looking pretty greasy.

  ‘Beauty is in the eye of the beholder,’ Val reminds me. ‘Come on, let’s go say hello.’

  ‘Gary, hello,’ she says, just as he strikes out with the waitress. ‘This is Lola.’

  ‘I’ll get your coat,’ he says loudly the second he claps eyes on me. ‘You’ve pulled a gentleman.’

  Val laughs wildly, completely charmed by this. It just makes me cringe.

  ‘Well, I’ll leave you two alone,’ Val says with a wink.

  ‘So this is your parents’ party?’ Gary asks.

  ‘Yep,’ I reply, not keen to make conversation but too polite to walk off. ‘They’ve been married for forty years.’

  ‘Amazing,’ he replies.

  ‘I know, it’s an achievement if couples last forty months these days.’

  ‘Not that,’ he replies, ‘the fact they even bothered. Marriage is a pointless institution. We weren’t made for monogamy; we were made to shag as many people as possible.’

  ‘You realise you’re at an anniversary party, right?’ I check. ‘The whole point is to celebrate marriage.’

  ‘Well I’m here because Val told me you were looking for action,’ he informs me. ‘Did you know ginger men are the best in bed?’

  ‘Are they really?’ I say, clearly uninterested. A couple more seconds of this and I can hop away without feeling too rude.

  ‘I don’t know,’ he tells me with a laugh. ‘I haven’t shagged any.’

  ‘Right. Well, I’m going to go,’ I tell him, making a move to hop away.

  ‘Wait,’ Gary says, grabbing me by the arm. ‘I don’t know how that leg is treating you, but you don’t want to have sex in the disabled toilets do you?’

  ‘No, no thank you,’ I reply.

  ‘It doesn’t hurt to ask, does it?’ Gary says, his grip on my arm still quite tight.

  ‘It might if you don’t get your hands off my daughter,’ my dad interrupts.

  Gary looks absolutely terrified by my intimidatingly large dad and releases my arm, tenderly pats me on the shoulder and then dashes off at the speed of light.

  ‘Who was that?’ my dad asks me.

  ‘Someone Val was trying to set me up with,’ I say.

  ‘She really did set you up – he’s a pillock.’

  My dad looks so sweet in this blue suit, which he must have taken to the dry cleaners himself – probably a first for him.

  ‘It was very sweet of you to do all this for Mum,’ I tell him, still feeling guilty about the whole affair thing.

  ‘What’s sweet was the way you stood by your mum recently. She told me what’s been going on.’

  ‘Dad, I’m … I’m so sorry—’

  ‘Don’t apologise,’ he says, before I have chance to explain myself. A tear manages to escape from my cheek. I quickly wipe it away.

  ‘You did the right thing. As crazy as she drives me sometimes, I love your mum to pieces. I’d never do anything to hurt her. I’ve been doing all sorts to try and throw her off the party scent. I didn’t realise it would backfire. And party planning aside, if I’ve been acting weird it’s because I’m getting old and it scares me. I can’t eat toast without taking medication, for crying out loud.’

  I laugh and give my dad a hug.

  ‘You’re not getting old, Daddy. But even when you do get old, I’ll still love you.’

  ‘I love you too,’ he says. ‘Right, time for me to go and give a speech. Then I can cut all this soppy rubbish out.’

  There’s my dad.

  ‘Your friends are all here somewhere,’ he says. ‘Oh, and Robbie.’

  ‘My friends?’

  ‘Yeah, four of them – I spotted them leaving the B & B a little while back. An older lady, one about your age and a couple of kids.’

  I laugh. I suppose they are my friends now.

  I glance around the room for them and spot Doris sitting at a table with Sylvester, Kim is chatting with a woman I don’t recognise, a
nd Channy has Toby pinned against the wall. They are so intense. It’s nice to see everyone so happy. Everyone but Kim … I feel awful for not asking Dean out for her.

  ‘If that guy comes back, what will you do?’ he asks.

  ‘Not have sex in the disabled toilets,’ I reply with a cheeky grin.

  ‘That’s my girl,’ he says proudly.

  Chapter 38

  Sitting alone in the corner of Bounty, I watch my mum and dad as they slow dance to ‘Careless Whisper’ by George Michael which, given the circumstances, is that not an awful choice of song?

  It’s nice to see them happy. It might have only been for a few days, but I honestly thought they were going to break up and that would have been awful. Not because they’re my parents and it would have sucked for me, but they have been married for forty years. Imagine if those forty years had been for nothing; if they weren’t meant to be, or if one of them gave it up because they thought they could find something better elsewhere.

  I was so stressed out, thinking about them having a messy divorce, the lighthouse being sold, trying to visit them both separately at Christmas, and all with a backdrop of both Patrick and Will’s betrayals (of varying severity).

  At first I was like, do you know what, I don’t ever want to put myself out there, I don’t want to give anyone the chance to hurt me. But here, tonight, seeing my mum and dad dance together, so madly in love after all this time … That’s what I want, and not every man I meet is going to lie to me or cheat on me.

  There are a few couples on the dance floor with them. No sign of Gary sadly, so no one for me to dance with (in the disabled toilets or otherwise).

  I’m sitting in a dark corner on my own, sipping on my virgin cocktail. I’ve had to swear off the alcohol again because since I got my crutches, the pressure I’m feeling in my leg is horrible.

  ‘Hey,’ Dean says.

  ‘Oh, gosh, you snuck up on me,’ I say. ‘Sorry, I was miles away. Hello.’

  ‘One thousand pennies for your thoughts,’ he jokes.

  ‘So, I know I was kind of vague in my message but this is the surprise anniversary party my dad has been planning for my mum – this is what he’s been up to all this time. I feel awful.’