The Doctor Who Has No Closure (Soulless Book 10)

by Victoria Quinn

  After Sicily said goodnight to everyone, we walked out the front door and headed to the Range Rover.

  “Jesus Fucking Christ, it’s cold.” She tightened her jacket around herself and practically ran to the car.

  I hit the button on the clicker so the engine would start and warm up the interior.

  “Oh, you’re my hero.”

  I chuckled, and we both got inside, working the defroster so the windows would lose their fog and improve visibility. I hit the seat warmer for her then entered her address into the GPS.

  “Damn, I didn’t realize the time.” It was almost two in the morning according to the display.

  She relaxed into the leather seat, her head turned my way with a sleepy look in her eyes. “Time flies when you’re having fun…” All the lights from the dashboard brought a brightness to her face, a beautiful glow that somehow made her eyes stand out more.

  “I’m glad you had a good time.” I waited for the windows to thaw so I could get on the road and take her home, but it was taking a while, especially since it’d been snowing all night, the white powder on top of the hood.

  “Your dad and sister are so cute.”

  “Yeah, they are.” I didn’t make any jokes this time because their relationship was honestly one of the most beautiful things I’d ever seen. Dad had his own relationship with each one of us, but there was something uniquely soft about her.

  “She’s the favorite, isn’t she?”

  I grinned as I stared forward out the window. “He sucks at hiding it.”

  “I don’t think it’s possible to hide love like that.”

  “Yeah, you’re right.” I turned back to her, getting comfortable in the seat too, not in a rush to shift the gear out of park. “My dad is not sexist or misogynistic in the slightest, but I know he feels differently toward her because she’s his little girl. She’s so insanely smart and successful, and the fact that she can compete with the guys in poker, graduated at the top of her class at Harvard, showed up all the boys and graduated top of her class while they worked their asses off, just gives him a kind of pride that he’ll never feel toward Derek and me.”

  “Does that bother you?”

  I shook my head. “No, not at all.”

  “That’s sweet.”

  “And if you think I’m bad when it comes to Mason and stuff, he’s worse.”

  “Really?” she asked. “He doesn’t seem like he would be. Has he hated her other boyfriends?”

  I turned my head to her, the windows totally cleared up but forgotten. “No. He doesn’t ask about her personal life at all.”

  Her eyebrows furrowed in confusion. “How is that worse?”

  “Because he can’t handle it. He sticks his nose in my personal life all the time, same with Derek. Even when Derek got his heart broken and so did I, he never took a step back. But with Daisy, it’s like a don’t-ask-don’t-tell kind of situation. He just…can’t handle it. Daisy is aware of this, which is why she never introduces any of the guys she’s seeing to him. It’s kind of just implied that when she does do that, it’ll be the guy she’s gonna marry, so she doesn’t have to put Dad through that.”

  Her eyes softened. “Because no one will ever be good enough for her.”

  I shook my head. “Nope. Never.”

  “I guess I understand a little more why you have such a problem with Mason.”

  “Honestly, I don’t have a problem with him as a person. I just know he’s not good enough for her and I don’t want her to waste her time, but she wants to waste her time. So, what am I going to do?”

  “If that’s how she feels about it, then there’s nothing to worry about.”

  “Yeah, but I know she’s really into him.”

  “How?” she asked.

  “Because she never would have introduced me to him unless she wanted it to go somewhere. She acts like it’s casual and everything, but I know her better than that. I wonder if she’s pretending it’s casual to him too, but in reality, trying to integrate him so he’ll commit.”

  “I mean…you’re making a lot of assumptions here.”

  “I know. But I know her. And I can tell that guy is not the happily-ever-after, meet-your-parents, let’s-get-married-and-have-a-bunch-of-babies kind of guy. If they’re monogamous, it’s because he wants to keep her around because she’s one in a million, but he’ll eventually move on…and she’ll be devastated.”

  She stared at me for a while, her eyes taking me in with a new look.

  “What?”

  “You’re really intuitive. Men aren’t like that.”

  I shrugged. “I get it from my mom. I mean, I’m nowhere near her caliber, but I inherited a small percentage of her abilities.”

  She was quiet for a while, her arms loosening around her waist now that the Range Rover was completely warm, the windows defrosted. “Do you read between the lines with all things?”

  Mason’s words came back to me, what he whispered in my ear before he left. I wasn’t sure what to make of it at the time, but now I noticed her beauty more than ever before, noticed every single quality she possessed. If it was true, it was hard to believe a woman like that would want a guy like me, a workaholic, damaged goods, someone who fell so far from grace and needed so much help finding myself once again. I was weak for allowing Catherine to ruin me like that, and I was ashamed of it. Even if Sicily felt that way, I had nothing to offer her, no heart left to give, and I’d rather die than ever cause her pain. So, I lied. “No.”

  We opened presents on Christmas Day, having a big breakfast together. The kids got presents from everyone, so that took a very long time for them to go through. Lizzie was moving out next year, but she was still a kid in our eyes, so she was spoiled too. She loved the sweater Sicily picked out.

  I felt a little bad for taking credit for it.

  There was one present left underneath the tree, so I grabbed it and realized I’d forgotten to give it to Sicily yesterday. There was so much going on last night that it totally slipped my mind. When everyone took their midday nap, I’d run over there and drop it off.

  I sat on the couch and drank my coffee, unable to really wake up because I’d only slept for a couple hours before the kids woke up, eager to see what Santa brought them. Lizzie was obviously too old to believe any of that crap, but she still wanted to tear into all of her gifts.

  Uncle Tucker sat beside me, and we talked for a while. He looked a lot like my father, but he inherited some lighter features from my grandmother, who was now parked in her favorite armchair by the tree. “It makes me happy to see you doing well again.”

  I held the hot cup of coffee with both hands, watching the steam rise in front of my face. “Thanks, Uncle Tucker. I’m happy I’m doing well again too.”

  “Your dad and I don’t see each other as much as I would like. He’s busy with work, and he’s got three super-brains for kids, but whenever we do get together, you’re all he talks about.”

  “Just me?” I asked. “Not the other two.”

  He shook his head. “You’re the one he’s been most concerned about this year.”

  I tried to act like I was perfectly fine, and my parents pretended to buy into it for my sake, but it was all for nothing. Everyone knew I was a goddamn train wreck. “Yeah, makes sense.”

  “And seeing you better is the best Christmas gift you could have given him.” He placed his hand on my shoulder, gave me a squeeze, and then went into the kitchen, probably to get some morning coffee and pie. In our family, pie was an acceptable breakfast item on Christmas Day, even according to my dad.

  Dad moved to the vacated seat beside me, holding a saucer that contained a piece of blueberry pie. “Got the last piece.”

  “I’m surprised you got a piece at all…because I ate so much of it yesterday.”

  He cut his fork into it, making the fruit spill out farther onto the plate, releasing more steam. He took a few bites, wearing black sweatpants and a t-shirt, like he only got out of bed and
brushed his teeth and combed his hair before he came down here. “It’s Christmas. Do whatever you want.”

  “I love you at Christmas, Dad. You’re chill.”

  He smiled with his eyes and continued to eat. “Sicily’s parents were nice people.”

  “Yeah, they seem cool.” I only talked to them for a couple minutes, but they seemed like laid-back, go-with-the-flow kind of people. “And they made that pie, so I’m basically loyal to them for all time.”

  Dad continued to eat, watching the boys play on the floor in their Christmas pajamas. “Going to see Sicily today?”

  “Wasn’t planning on it, but I forgot her present last night, so I’m going to drive over there and drop it off.”

  “What did you get her?”

  “A scarf.”

  “That’s thoughtful.” He finished the pie then left the plate on the coffee table. “Your mother and I really like her, by the way.”

  “Yeah, she really knows how to keep me on track. If she weren’t doing everything for me behind the scenes, I would have a hard time—”

  “I mean, as a person.” He rested his forearms on his thighs and turned slightly to look at me.

  “Yeah. Me too.”

  Now he stared at me, like he’d just asked a question and I failed to answer.

  “What?”

  He gave a slight shrug. “I want you to know that.”

  “That you like her? Dad, you guys like everybody—”

  “We approve of her, I guess is what I mean.”

  “Approve of her as my assistant—”

  “Son.” He pivoted farther toward me. “She’s a smart, beautiful, capable young woman who seems to genuinely care for you. What else are you looking for?”

  My eyes narrowed on his face. “Are you seriously trying to set me up, Dad?”

  “No. I’m just trying to pull your head out of your ass.” He gave a slight smile, like he wanted me to understand this wasn’t a confrontation, just two guys talking. “Sometimes we don’t know what’s good for us until someone informs us.”

  “She’s my assistant. That’s so unprofessional—”

  “I know you like her.” He gave me that knowing look. “I see the way you look at her—it’s the way she looks at you.”

  I turned away, annoyed that my dad was analyzing me. “Even if you’re right, and I’m not saying that you are, I don’t want to go there.”

  “Because?”

  “I have nothing to offer her.”

  Dad stared at me for a while, wearing a slightly quizzical expression, like he had no idea what that meant. “You’re a caring, compassionate, and selfless man who saves lives for a living. You have everything to offer her—”

  “I mean romantically. I’m not looking for a commitment, now or ever, so I would never get involved with someone like her—a really good person who deserves the best—if I knowingly can’t give it to her. That’s not the kind of guy I am.” Vince totally betrayed her recently, and after going through something so delicate, I knew she was fragile right now.

  Dad turned away and looked ahead, quiet.

  We’d had deep talks about women before I got married, but he’d never encouraged me to have a relationship before. He just asked how I was doing, if I was seeing anyone, stuff like that. But now, he had a very specific agenda, which was odd for him.

  “Hmm.” He rubbed his hands together, deep in thought.

  I’d never heard him say anything like that before, so I turned to look at him. “Hmm, what?”

  “Just ironic, is all.”

  “What’s ironic?” I asked.

  He took his sweet-ass time answering. “When I moved to New York, I’d just gotten divorced. I was eager to move on from the past, to start over. And getting married again? Forget it. I just wanted to fuck around.”

  I’d never heard Dad talk about his past like that. The only woman he ever talked about was my mom. It was like there had never been anyone before. That was technically true, because no woman had ever infiltrated his heart until her.

  “I was a handsome and rich bachelor, and I did exactly what handsome and rich bachelors did. But then I met your mom, and…I felt it.”

  “Felt what?”

  “You know what I’m talking about. The kind of peace that happens when you find someone completely compatible with you, someone you care so much about that there’s not really a way to describe it. But I ignored it and ignored it…because I refused to even entertain the idea of stepping outside my comfort zone. Then she dated Tucker—”

  “Whoa, what? Mom and Uncle Tucker?”

  “Yes, but it was short-lived, and I didn’t like it. That’s not the point of the story. Uncle Tucker told me she dumped him because she was in love with me, and I was in love with her, and he basically told me just to go for it. You know what I said?”

  I shrugged. “You asked her to marry you? I don’t know.”

  “I said that I just got divorced and I wasn’t interested in anything serious ever again. I got burned bad. Just like you, I had someone take half of everything I worked for, and it left such a bad taste in my mouth. I chose to pretend there was nothing between us, even though there clearly was. And I let that go on for a long time.”

  “Then what happened?”

  “She left me.” He turned to me, slightly somber. “She couldn’t work for me anymore, so she assigned someone else to take over. When I stopped seeing her, I realized I didn’t miss her because of all the stuff she did for me, but I missed her for her. I realized if I didn’t get my shit together, I would lose her altogether.”

  I’d never heard this story, so I was totally entranced. “Then what happened?”

  “I went to her apartment and told her I wanted to be with her.”

  “And then bow chicka bow wow…”

  Dad smiled at my crude assumption. “Yeah, pretty much.”

  I nudged him in the side. “That’s a pretty romantic story, Dad.”

  “And it reminds me of yours.”

  My smile faded away. “Just because that happened with you and Mom doesn’t mean that’s my story with Sicily. I don’t think she’s the one—”

  “I didn’t say the stories were identical. I just mean, you’re unwilling to try because of the past. Don’t be unwilling to try. Don’t be committed to bachelorhood because your marriage didn’t work out. If you like her, ask her out. Go for it. See where it goes.”

  I stared at the Christmas tree for a while, listening to family members talk excitedly like we hadn’t been together for several days now. Somehow, we were never sick of each other. “I’m just not ready, Dad. The last thing I ever want to do is hurt her, and I’m not going to turn her into a guinea pig. You have to remember you were in a loveless marriage, trapped because Derek’s mom was—”

  “Derek’s mom is your mom, son.”

  “You know what I mean. You weren’t in a happy marriage. But I was…”

  He watched me, his eyes softening.

  “I really loved Catherine, with everything I had. It wasn’t like a relationship that slowly deteriorated and we grew apart, so the end wasn’t a surprise. It was really abrupt, unexpected, and then it happened…and it was over. I’ve spent so many nights wondering if one thing had been different…would everything be different. If Allen didn’t have a heart problem, would I be sitting here with her, our kids playing under the tree, thinking about how lucky I am?” I took a deep breath as the pain hit my chest, grabbed my heart, and made me lose control of my faculties for just a moment.

  Dad watched me, a deep look of pain coming over his features, his hand moving to my back to comfort me.

  “It didn’t feel like a divorce…it felt like she died.”

  He rubbed my back slowly, letting me have a moment to breathe. “I didn’t know you still felt that way, son.”

  “It’s not that I’m still in love with her or anything. It’s just…I can’t really say she wasn’t the right person for me. I can’t say she was a mistake. Beca
use the thing that broke us apart…was trauma. We didn’t talk once after she left me and we barely looked at each other in court, and a part of me expected her to come back and at least apologize…but that’s never happened. I guess I’ve just never really had closure. I’ve never really had an explanation. Has she ever had any regrets? Has she ever looked back and considered how she hurt me? I still don’t really understand what happened, and it bothers me. I was so damn good to her… How could she just leave me?”

  He scooted closer to me and squeezed me against him. “I know this is hard to hear, but if she was able to leave you so easily, when all you tried to do was save her father, then your relationship was never really what you thought it was. You vowed to love each other, no matter what—and she broke that vow. It’s easy to be happy and in love when things are good, but what really defines your relationship is how you love each other when things are bad. That’s all you need to know—and that’s all the closure you need.”

  It was dark before five in the midst of winter, so when I pulled up to the house, I saw the Christmas lights wrapped around the roof, twinkling on and off, an inflatable snowman in the yard. Snow had been falling consistently since yesterday, so when I stepped out of the Range Rover with the gift, I watched it stick to my coat.

  Whenever it rained, it was accompanied by a distinct sound that was peaceful, but snowfall was silent. And that was somehow more peaceful. The air was so frigid that it burned every time I took a breath, but it cleansed me too.

  I walked up the sidewalk between the two sides of the yard and set the box on the mat outside the front door. It wasn’t wrapped as nicely as her gifts, and honestly, it looked like a shitshow, but at least it was wrapped. I didn’t knock or ring the doorbell, and I turned to walk back to the Range Rover, my breath heating my face every time I exhaled.

  The door opened behind me, the sound of a movie on in the background. “Dex?”

  At the sound of her voice, I turned around, seeing her standing on the front porch in sweatpants and a baggy coat. “I just wanted to drop that off. I didn’t mean to interrupt anything.”