The Doctor Who Has No Closure (Soulless Book 10)

by Victoria Quinn

  She watched me with a look of concern, like she could somehow feel exactly what I felt, feel the burden, feel the stress. “We’ll figure it out, Dex. We’ll figure it out.”

  Andrea brought Mr. and Mrs. Tompkins in, along with Ginny, who was the cutest five-year-old ever.

  Well, except my nephews when they eventually turned five.

  She was shy, hiding behind her mom, eyes down.

  We made our introductions, and they sat on the couch across from me, Mom and Dad on either side, with Ginny in the middle. She had dirty-blond hair in a high ponytail, and she wore pink leggings with a pink sweater on top. She had blue eyes like my sister. Anxious, she kicked her feet as they dangled over the edge.

  Sicily was in the corner, ready to type notes.

  I hated kids. Not as people, but as patients because it was a million times more stressful. Not just the surgery itself, but my investment in their well-being. It was far more heartbreaking to lose a kid on the table than an old man who had lived life to the fullest. I’d never lost a kid before, and that was a record I refused to break.

  I stared at her for a while and waited for her to look at me. I didn’t get down to business with the parents because I knew she was scared, so scared she thought she was going to the dentist. “Hey, Ginny. I’m Dex.” I placed my hand over my chest, giving her a warm smile so she wouldn’t be so shy. “Is pink your favorite color?”

  She looked up at the mention of pink. Then she nodded.

  “My favorite color is blue. But pink is nice.”

  “Pink is also my favorite color,” Sicily said, giving the girl a smile.

  “Yeah?” Ginny whispered.

  Sicily nodded. “It looks good on everybody and everything.”

  Ginny turned back to me.

  “So, how old are you, Ginny?” I thought it was best to talk for a while, to get her to feel comfortable with me before I started to get into the reason why she was there. “Thirty…five?”

  She released a giggle. “No!”

  “Oh, I’m sorry,” I said. “Forty-five, then.”

  She laughed harder. “I’m five.”

  “Oh, my mistake,” I said. “I had no idea. So, you guys are from California, huh? You got a lot of friends?”

  We talked back and forth for a while, and it wasn’t until she changed her body position and talked to me like a friend that I finally inched toward the reason for the visit. I only had half an hour before I needed to move on to my next patient, and I’d already spent ten minutes talking to her, but it was necessary. “So, I know your parents told you that you’re here for a dentist appointment, but I’m actually a doctor. And I’m a really good doctor.”

  She stopped kicking her legs once she realized what was happening. “Because of my heart?”

  I nodded. “Yeah.”

  She dropped her gaze again, her fingers coming together to fidget in her lap. Her breathing was always quick and short because her lungs simply couldn’t expand enough for one single, full breath. But now it got worse.

  “Sweetheart, I know you’re scared. It’s okay to be scared. We all get scared.”

  “Even you?” she whispered.

  I nodded. “Even me.” I was so scared that I’d stopped living my life for an entire year. This little girl was far braver than I was. “But I want you to know that everything will be alright, that I’m going to take really good care of you.”

  “I…I don’t want you to touch my heart.”

  This was so hard, to watch this little person well up with tears because she was afraid. A grown person was scared to be put under and then carved into with a knife, let alone a child. It was impossible not to form an attachment to her, not to care about her like she was my own daughter. If things hadn’t changed, I might have a newborn right now, a little girl who got scared too. I’d always wanted to be a father, but I’d really begun to fantasize about it when Catherine and I started trying to conceive, and I hoped that I would be a father like my own, that I would raise a tough girl and a gentle boy. “Ginny, I’m going to fix your heart. I’m going to close it up, and once I do, you’re going to feel so much better. You know how it hurts to breathe?”

  She nodded.

  “That will go away. You’ll be able to breathe normally again.”

  “No…I don’t want to do it.” She crossed her arms over her chest, her parents rubbing her back and trying to support her.

  This surgery had to happen whether we had her consent or not, but the patient’s state of mind had a dramatic impact on their recovery. Being afraid and scared would halt her healing. It was important for me to get her to believe that everything would be alright. “Ginny, I’ve done this operation on hundreds of kids. I’ve gone to other countries and treated little boys and girls who can’t reach a doctor. I’m one of the top doctors in the world because I have the most experience, the most education, and I care about every single patient. I can be completely honest with you and say that I’ve helped every single kid I’ve treated, that they were able to run with the other kids on the playground, sleep well through the night, and take a deep breath because of me. Every. Single. Kid.”

  “Are you lying?”

  I shook my head. “Nope. I promise that you will be alright.” I never made promises like that, but I did to her, and I was going to keep it.

  “Ginny, I was born with a hole in my heart.” Sicily hadn’t taken any notes because it’d been nothing but conversation up until that point. “I wasn’t even a year old yet when I had the surgery, so I can’t really remember it. But that doctor saved my life, and look at me now, I’m a very happy grown-up.”

  Ginny seemed to take more comfort in what Sicily said than what I said, but she did eventually look at me again, this time a lot braver than before. “You promise?”

  I nodded. “I promise, sweetheart.”

  Ginny stayed in the lobby with her mother while I talked to the father about the specifics and the intensity of the surgery. Absolutely no reason to put Ginny through that, to discuss the extent of potential damage there could be. I didn’t want her to know that I would stop her heart and put her on bypass.

  She wouldn’t understand, and if she did understand, she would have a meltdown.

  When the appointment was over, we shook hands and he left.

  Sicily finished typing her notes before she set the computer down and walked over to me on the couch. She stood with her arms crossed over her chest, looking down at me. “You did great, Dex.”

  I stared at the paperwork on the coffee table, all Ginny’s lab work and imaging. She was the first patient of the day, and it felt like five o’clock already.

  Sicily’s hand moved to my shoulder, and she gave me a squeeze.

  Without thinking twice about it, I placed my hand on hers and squeezed it back, my eyes still down, taking comfort in the only person who truly understood what my life was like, what my work was like, the kind of stress I had every single day.

  The touch lingered, and I didn’t let go.

  Neither did she.

  A knock sounded on the door, and then Andrea poked her head inside. “Ginny wanted to say goodbye.” She opened the door wider, and Ginny walked in with her mom.

  My hand left Sicily’s, and I watched Ginny move around the other couch and walk toward me, still shorter than me even when I was sitting. She was a petite little girl, like a Barbie doll. “Thank you for putting your trust in me, sweetheart.”

  Unexpectedly, she moved into my chest and hugged me.

  I stilled at the affection, feeling this little person hold on to me, the way I used to hold on to my dad when I was little.

  Sicily watched us together, her eyes packed with emotion, a gentle whisper coming from her lips. “Aww…”

  My arms encircled Ginny, and I held her against me, rubbing her back with my large palm which took up her entire frame. I could feel her relax against me, like she’d put her complete faith in me, like she literally trusted me with her life.

 
The moment was almost too much for me.

  Thankfully, she pulled away. “Bye, Dex.”

  “Bye, sweetheart.” I gave her a smile but could barely contain the emotion that formed in my eyes, the pain of her predicament, that she wasn’t born with a healthy heart and she’d had to endure this discomfort her entire life. But I also felt honored that I could heal her, that I could give her the life she deserved. I hated how attached I became to people, how easily I loved strangers, because it made me vulnerable to heartbreak. But I couldn’t stop myself. It was who I was. I was just born this way.

  When she walked away, her mother came up to me, her hands pressed tightly together in a symbol of gratitude. “Thank you for saving my daughter’s life.”

  I rose to my feet and gave her a nod. “It’s my pleasure. Truly.”

  She pulled out a necklace for her purse. It was green with a cross on the chain. She blessed me then placed the necklace in my hand. “Thank you for everything you do. We lost hope…that anyone would ever help her, and then we found you…the best doctor in the world…who has a heart.”

  My eyes watered, and this was becoming way too fucking much for me. I appreciated the praise, but I felt like I didn’t deserve it. But I also knew that I deserved it more than anyone else because I put the patients first…not my paycheck.

  She closed my hand around the necklace then bowed to place her forehead against my knuckles. Silently, they walked away and left my office, leaving me to digest the intensity of the emotions they evoked in me.

  I opened my fingers and looked at the necklace she’d placed there, black and green. I stared for a while before I unclasped the hook and put it around my neck, adding it to the other cross that I hadn’t removed. Now I wore two.

  Sicily returned to me, her eyes wet like her emotions were haywire. “Thank you so much for allowing me to be a part of this…”

  I wouldn’t know what to do without her, someone who put in the effort and the time to keep up with me, who didn’t just clock out at five o’clock to head home. I didn’t only value her commitment, but her heart. Because she cared about my patients as much as I did, was just as personally and emotionally invested.

  That was the most important characteristic of all.

  My arm moved around her waist, and I pulled her into me, my body moving on instinct, bringing her close into my chest, my arm circling around the small of her back, feeling her petite frame in an intimate way. My chin rested on the top of her head, and I held her that way in my office, smelling her hair, feeling her heart pound against my stomach.

  Her arms circled my waist, and she came even closer, leaning on me, using me as a crutch of support. She inhaled a deep breath, and then her heart rate started to slow, started to turn to a rate of peace. It was like she slipped between the sheets and was ready to drift off.

  I had patients waiting for me in the lobby, I was behind schedule, but I ignored all of that because I needed this right now.

  And she did too.

  11

  Sicily

  Since Ginny’s appointment took much longer than we anticipated, it bled into the other time slots, making the entire day chaotic. But we didn’t rush through our other patients to make up for the time because that wouldn’t be right. They deserved their full thirty-minute window.

  By the time the last patient left, it was after six in the evening.

  I got Dex his dinner, and he barely looked at me as he leaned over his desk and did all the paperwork that was required of him. I worked in the lobby and finished up the billing. I also sent an automated text message to everyone who had an appointment later in the week to make sure they were coming.

  Not that we ever got cancelations.

  Andrea went home, and then I let the cleaners come inside and vacuum the carpets and clean the patient rooms. Dex stayed in his office, the door shut, having no regard for the time because his brain was focused so intensely.

  When I had nothing else to do, I continued to sit in my chair, looking at the clock, knowing I should go home and have some dinner myself, but I didn’t like to leave the office before Dex unless it was work-related.

  But I had no idea how long he would be there.

  I shut down my computer and grabbed my purse before I stepped into his office.

  He looked up from the document he was working on, his dinner gone because he’d scarfed it down the second I placed it in front of him. He was like a dog that couldn’t help himself, but a really cute dog. I loved that he loved the food I brought for him, that he was so enamored of my mother’s pie. “Good, you’re going home. Don’t want you to stay on my account.” His hair was a little messy because he sometimes fingered it when he stared at scans on his computer, his gaze hardening with concentration, his brilliant mind working furiously to see things that no one else had the brilliance to see.

  I could see the two chains around his neck, visible through the gap between the collar of his hoodie and his veined skin. As far as I could tell, he’d never removed the necklace Angelica gave him, and I wondered if he ever would. He was the champion of the people, a superhero without a cape, and a badass without an ego.

  When I watched him with Ginny, it was almost too much.

  My ovaries actually ached a bit.

  He continued to watch me, his expression changing to one of concern. “Sic? Everything alright?”

  I didn’t realize I’d been standing there for so long, saying nothing, the silence lingering between us.

  His eyes were a little less bright when he was worried, and a tightness entered his jaw that was irresistible, like one of those old-fashioned cowboys in western films. Everything about him was rock hard except those eyes…those eyes that were brighter than Christmas lights.

  I cleared my throat. “No…everything is not alright.” It was one of those out-of-body experiences, when I saw the room from the corner rather than through my own eyes. The scene just played out, a different part of my brain activating and making all the decisions on an unconscious level.

  Dex dropped his pen then rose from his seat, his eyebrows furrowing further. He stepped around the desk and came toward me, towering over me, with jeans low on his narrow hips, his sweater flat against his toned stomach. He stopped in front of me, his eyes shifting back and forth quickly between mine, like he would find his answer there. “Talk to me, Sic. What is it?”

  “Look, I just…” I dug both of my hands into my hair on the sides of my head before I dragged them down my neck to my shoulders, feeling like a caged animal that needed to break free, to speak my truth, for better or worse. “We’re friends, we’re coworkers, and that will always be true. But I want more.” Oh my fucking god, did I just say that?

  He couldn’t hide his reaction, his eyes widening noticeably.

  There was no going back now, so I just pushed on. “I’m sorry to come at you like this because it’s inappropriate, but I just can’t help it. I really, really like you, Dex.” Honestly, he probably already knew I had a thing for him because it was so goddamn obvious. “I see you every single day, and I see your heart, and that’s the sexiest thing in the world. I’ve never been more attracted to a man in all my life because I’ve never met someone like you.”

  He was still as a mountain, just listening to me. His eyes had changed, dropping their surprise, and now he stared at me with the same intense expression he wore when he was concentrating on something.

  “It’s not because you’re a doctor. It’s not because you’re brilliant. I felt this way when you were just the IT guy at the Trinity Building because I saw your heart then, too. You’re the most special and unique person I’ve ever met. I can’t just go out on a date with some guy when you’re the one I really want.” I’d just buried myself so deep, so deep I would never get out of this hole. I could have just asked him out and been done with it, but no, I decided to speak an entire monologue. “Maybe I’m crazy, but I think you like me too.” I hadn’t thought I was on his radar at all until he got me that s
carf, went out of his way to get me something just days before Christmas when he had no obligation at all. Then we stood outside in the snow, staring at each other, the silence so quiet it was actually loud.

  Dex was good with words, but he didn’t seem to have anything to say now. He crossed his arms over his chest first. Then one palm moved to the back of his neck where he rubbed it, like he had a kink there.

  That told me everything I needed to know.

  I put my heart out there—and he stomped on it.

  Fuck, why did I say anything?

  Why didn’t I just keep my fucking mouth shut?

  Oh…the humiliation.

  He turned his gaze away, taking a moment to gather his response.

  I didn’t want to hear it. It would just cut me even deeper. “Can we just…forget I told you this?”

  His eyes flicked back to mine.

  “I really enjoy our friendship and our professional relationship, and I don’t want to lose that. So…I’ll go.” I turned around, keeping all my emotions locked up tight until I made it into the elevators and the doors closed.

  “Sicily.” Finally, he said something, and his deep voice was filled with dread, like he wished I hadn’t said anything as much as I did.

  I stilled for a moment before I had the courage to turn around and look him in the eye, to finish what I started.

  His arms were by his sides now, and there was an apology in his gaze. “You aren’t wrong, okay? I do like you…and I’m very attracted to you.”

  I couldn’t stop my chest from rising with the deep breath I sucked in. It was involuntary because it was a total shock to hear him say that.

  “But…” He shook his head slightly.

  The disappointment hit me like a freight train. It hit because I’d been standing on the rails, watching it come closer, but I didn’t step out of the way in time because I continued to hope that the conductor would pull the brakes.