by Alyssa Day
This deployment has posed challenges of communication and Operational Security that many of us have never seen. You have handled these tests with patience, confidence and conviction. I am proud of all of you.
As we celebrate Military Spouse Day, I offer my personal thanks to every "Fighting Marlin" Military Spouse for a "Job Well Done."
Sincerely, D. T. McNamara
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Holidays: Second Deployment
December 25
To: Judd
From: Alesia
Subject: Merry Christmas!
We miss you so much! The unwrapping was a flurry and the kids are delighted with their presents. I'm a little worried about the Peter Pan Treasure Set bow and foam arrow thing, because Connor has already been eyeing the dog speculatively. Lauren has been walking her new baby around in her baby buggy and her shopping cart all day. We miss you so much, though. Our first Christmas without you, and I'm afraid it probably won't be our last. I taped everything, and everyone said Merry Christmas to Daddy on the tape, so you will eventually see it all and be part of our special day. (Santa went a little nuts here; more on Mommy guilt later!) Merry Christmas, darling. I hope you get a chance to call.
January 1
To: Judd
From: Alesia
Subject: Happy New Year's!
One month down, five to go. Or, 153 links in paper-chain time. Pretty quiet day here with everyone sick. I sure hope this isn't an omen of how the year's going to go. I miss you and hope you didn't kiss any camels on New Year's Eve!
January 24
To: Judd
From: Alesia
Subject: Almost princess birthday time
It is hailing here today. HAILING. It has been cold and rainy all day and now it is hailing! AARGHHHH!
I had a good day at work, and then took my Mom to the mall and we did some serious birthday shopping for Lauren. I can't believe she's going to be TWO! How did that happen? She was just born! She asked me if "Daddy come home my party?" I told her you had to work, but we would have another birthday party for her when you come home. We'll have one big party for her birthday, our anniversary, your birthday, Connor's birthday, and homecoming all wrapped up in one chocolate frosting covered bow!
I found a fairy princess costume for Lauren (what else?) with a feather boa, and Grandma discovered a princess plate, bowl, cup, and silverware set that we're giving her from Daddy. We bought Connor a Pooh bear sweatshirt, a Connect 4 game, and a jar of pickles (don't ask), so he won't feel left out.
January 25
To: Lauren
From: Daddy
Subject: Happy Birthday!
Happy birthday, my princess! Daddy misses you so much. Eat a cupcake for Daddy, and then give Mommy a big, yucky, chocolate kiss. Daddy sent Lauren another present. It will come in a box in the mail. I love you, sweetheart. I miss you So Much.
Love, Daddy
p.s. Pickles, Mommy?
February 14
To: Judd
From: Alesia
Subject: Happy Valentine's Day!
I am very lonely today. All the hearts and flowers are getting to me a little bit. I stayed here to work at home today, since the kids' Valentine's parties are at 3 o'clock. That was a big mistake. Being here alone on Valentine's Day-was a big mistake. I'm so sad. I know the whole thing is a big marketing conspiracy generated by Hallmark, but it doesn't seem to matter. It hurts so much. I miss you and don't know how I can stand three and a half more months of this. I'm going to stuff this stupid paper chain down the garbage disposal and turn it on high.
I have to sign off and go to the parties now. I'm taking lots of tissues.
March 23
To: Judd
From: Alesia
Subject: Happy Anniversary!
Can you believe it's been six years of marriage? Six years, two deployments, three states, two kids, and three bar exams. Same dog.
I love you more now than I did the day of our wedding. I wish you were here with me today. But it was wonderful to have our "pre-anniversary" week in Japan with you. The next six years have got to be easier, right?
March 31
To: Judd
From: Alesia
Subject: Happy Easter!
We colored eight dozen eggs. I'm not kidding. Chickens across the country worked overtime for this. Connor and Lauren loved their huge baskets; the Easter bunny brought them toys, videos, and little treats and some candy. We had a wonderful day watching our new videos and examining our baskets, but have unfortunately entered the let's-count-our-jelly-beans-to-make-sure-you-don't-have-more-than-I-do phase with Connor. Lauren kept eating hers and throwing his count off.
I told Connor that the Easter Bunny could find you in Japan, so please let him know that you have a basket, too. Would you like 7 5 hard-boiled eggs in your next box?
April 9
To: Judd
From: Alesia
Subject: Happy Birthday!
Hey, you're pretty old now!! I love your birthday, because for this half of the year, I'm only three years older than you! It makes me feel young and, of course, this is all about ME, right? Hee hee!
I hope you got your box of presents. The kids had so much fun making them for you. Be sure to rave about them when you call. I'd sing, but even at this distance, it might hurt your ears. Happy birthday, my love. Be safe.
May 9
To: Connor
From: Daddy
Subject: Happy Birthday!
Happy birthday, my grown-up 5-year-old boy! Daddy misses you so much. Soon, you'll be in kindergarten! Please write an e-mail to Daddy and tell me what you got for your birthday. I bet you got a lot of cool presents! Daddy loves you, buddy. Only about 25 paper chain links to go!
Hugs, Daddy
May 10
To: Judd
From: Alesia
Subject: Happy Military Spouse Appreciation Day
Only a few short weeks, and I'll be able to appreciate you in person!
May 12
To: Alesia
From: Judd
Subject: Happy Mother's Day!
Happy Mother's Day to the best Mommy in the world! You sure deserve some kind of medal for this past year. Pneumonia, trips to the ER, being on your own, working, taking care of the kids—I know it's a lot. I hope you got my flowers. I'm proud of you, and our children are lucky to have such a wonderful Mommy.
52
Homecoming
June
To: Judd
From: Alesia
Subject: I never thought I'd appreciate the sound of your snoring
But I do!!!
Here you are, finally home (and exhausted), and asleep with both of the kids tucked up against you like puppies, all snoring in unison. They're so happy you're home. I'm so happy you're home.
I'm also way too wound up to nap in the middle of the day, so thought I'd send you an e-mail. (What else? E-mail kept me sane for the past six months!)
We stayed all night at Malia's, so we were already on Whidbey Island to come to the hangar this morning. Plus, she kept me from going nuts with the anticipation! I was so nervous. I feel like I've aged 100 years since you left; would you think I looked different? Older? Worse? I had butterflies in my stomach the size of pterodactyls.
As you could tell by the fact he wore the miniature flight suit you sent, Connor's head was about to explode with the excitement. Daddy was finally coming home!! I told Clyde and Robin Porter that Connor was probably the only one there with Scooby Doo underwear beneath his flight suit. Clyde said, "Don't be too sure about that!"
Lauren was feeling shy. After all, you were gone a fifth of her life (this time). Almost half of her life altogether. But, the minute she saw you step off the plane, she went crazy trying to get down so she could run to you! No worries that anybody forgot Daddy!
When we got home, and Connor showed you the very last link on the paper chain, I found it a little hard to swallow, suddenly. Each one of those links c
ould tell a story. The holidays and birthday parties, the loneliness and sadness, the pancake dinners and pizza/video nights. We counted them down one by one; each link a step toward the day you were home with your family again.
But, in many ways, you were always here with us, my love. Every day, through the hard days and the good ones, through the tears and the laughter. You were the sparkle in Lauren's eyes when she saw her Christmas presents. You were the hugs Connor gave me when we said our prayers, "... and God Bless Daddy." You were the strength I needed, when I found out P.J. had a serious heart condition. Your love was part of our lives every day, as though you'd never left. And it always will be, no matter where you have to go, or for how long.
I'm going to sign off now and go watch you sleep. Just because I can. And, tonight, I may even wake you up at 4 a.m. to talk to you.
I owe you one.
To: Judd
From: Alesia
Subject: I'm sorry you've been home two weeks and are still living out of your duffel bag.
I keep meaning to find time to clean out your dresser and your half of the closet. I know it's hard readjusting to being home, and having your clothes stuffed into your luggage isn't helping. I promise I will get to it tonight.
You need to realize that we all love you very much, and Lauren is not calling you "my friend Judd" instead of Daddy because she doesn't love you or remember you. She just likes the way your eyes roll back in your head when she does it.
Connor didn't mean to drive you insane by asking you 5,000 questions that began with the word "Why" during dinner last night. That's just his normal dinner conversation. We all thought you overreacted a little bit, but were glad we got the last of the peas scraped off the fireplace before bedtime.
The dog only growled at you twice and, to be fair, you did sit on his chew toy. I'm sure the smell of dog drool will come out of your flight suit after we wash it a couple of times.
Isn't it a good thing we have a protective preschool that doesn't let just any stranger off the street take our children? I admit, calling the police and demanding photo ID was a bit much, but you can never be too safe these days.
The dirty little secret behind reunion is that it's really tough. We build it up in our minds until the reality could never match the anticipation. Then we feel let down when it doesn't.
Not that total joy and happiness doesn't surround homecoming—it does. But sometimes reality intrudes and leaves the reuniting family a little disgruntled. First off, in both reunions we have had, my husband had been up for eighteen hours straight with the rest of his crew, flying their plane home. So his most urgent desire was to go to bed. Alone. And sleep. Not quite the romantic homecoming I had in mind.
Kids who have been counting down the days for 183 links in a paper chain are not inclined to appreciate Mommy or Daddy going off to sleep as soon as they get to the house. So the returning hero is usually tired and a little cranky, in addition to being jet-lagged out of his or her mind. But that's just the first day.
For the next few weeks, we get to play an exciting game called "Let's Push Daddy as Far as Possible Until His Eyes Start Twitching." If Daddy has been gone for several weeks or months, there is no way that children are going to look at him walking back into the house and think "OK, authority figure." It's going to be more like, "OK, who the heck does he think he is? He left us for a long, long, long time, and we don't have to listen to a word he says."
This game is fun for all concerned. Playing instructions are something like this:
Daddy selects any issue and utters a directive to child. Example: "Connor, brush your teeth."
Child has three options, each worth ten points plus possible bonus points:
Refuse bluntly: "No."
Proceed immediately to other parent for counter order. Gain an extra ten points if request is presented in a whining tone that would peel paint off a wall: "Mommmmeeeeeeeee, Daddy said I have to brush my teeeeeeeth. Do I really have tooooooooo?"
Ignore directive entirely and stare through offending parent with blank gaze. Gain an extra fifty points if steam actually issues from any parental ear.
To win: Repeat above steps until one or both parents are reduced to whimpering in a corner.
Trying to reincorporate someone into the household routine after half a year takes patience and a sense of humor. It doesn't hurt to lower your standards, either. I have friends who complain that their spouses load the dishwasher the wrong way or buy the wrong brand of toothpaste at the store. Personally, I am so thankful to have somebody else do the grocery shopping, I would cheerfully eat Spam and peanut butter sandwiches for a week.
Finally, keep in mind that the service man or woman who has been gone for weeks or months is used to an entirely different existence, too. For example:
Out there, they made decisions that may have affected lives. Back home, it's grape jelly or strawberry?
They lived in a structured environment where everyone responded to instructions with a crisp "Yes, Sir," instead of "You can't make me."
They survived for several months without seeing a single singing dinosaur or dancing farm animal on television.
Note: Reintroduction to such hyperactive stimulus has been known to cause brain melting.
They ate in a mess hall, where nobody expected them to wash dishes afterward. Or they worked in a mess hall, so now there's no way they're going to wash another dish for the rest of their lives. Either way, kitchen duty at home will be particularly distasteful.
So it's important to realize that the returning spouse is dealing with his or her own frustrations.
The best advice on how to handle the challenges of reunion and become a family again: Be thankful.
Thankful that they're home to give the kids a bath and read them a story.
Thankful that you can hug or kiss them any time you want.
Thankful that you can talk about your day without paying $5 a minute for a phone call.
Thankful that they came home alive, when so many did not.
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Epilogue, 2002
It has been five months since our second homecoming. We had the fierce joy of reunion, tempered somewhat in the following weeks by the grief of losing our dog, PJ., to heart disease. It seemed unfair that he'd survived cross-country road trips and cannibalistic coyotes, only to succumb to illness. But, apparently even PJ. counted down the links in the paper chain, because he held on until the week after Judd came home from deployment. Somehow he knew, and he wanted to say good-bye.
These months have brought other joys and sadness, as most months do. Connor started kindergarten, which he loves, and was the narrator in his class play. Judd, Lauren, and I were all there to cheer for him. One of the best days of my entire life, the day I accepted my editor's offer for this book and finally realized my lifelong dream of being a published author, was followed the very next day by one of the worst days in my life: the diagnosis of my mother's cancer.
The weeks between then and now have passed in a blur of preoperative tests, writing frenzy, surgery, complications, and Mom's recovery. All of it with the support and love of family and friends. And, thankfully, with my husband home with me.
And all of it under the cloud of a possible new war on the horizon. If we go to war, life may change again. Judd's upcoming "shore tour" may become another deployment to support our war efforts. So many military families will experience again, or for the very first time, the pain, worry, and aching loneliness of separation.
But this is what our armed forces do. They stand the line. And we—all of the military families everywhere—support them, love them, and wait for them.
Thank you for caring about us.
Alesia Holliday, Seattle, Washington, Autumn, 2002
54
Dear Reader
Dear Reader,
I can hardly believe it has been fifteen years since I first wrote eMail to the Front. So much has happened since then--too many military families have had to endure de
ployments--and those deployments have been much, much harder and much longer than what we went through.
Even fifteen years later, though, I still believe the best way to deal with the tough times is with a little bit of humor and a lot of heart. I hope reading my book helps.
All of you are in our thoughts and prayers. Always. Thank you for what you do.
Alesia Holliday, Jacksonville, Florida, October, 2018
A NOTE FROM ALYSSA DAY, Alesia’s alter-ego:
Thank you for reading my book. I also write paranormal romance, mystery, and young adult novels. If you're interested in hearing about those, text ALYSSADAY to 66866 (or check my website) to sign up for my newsletter. I promise never to sell, fold, spindle, or mutilate your information so you will get no spam—ever—from me.
You can also follow me on BookBub if you only want new release news.
Thanks again for reading—you rock!
Hugs,
Alyssa
55
Thank you!
Thank you!
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