More Than Words

by Daphne Abbott

I wasn’t sure I had much hope left inside me.

  What felt like hours later—but was actually only twenty minutes—I stumbled out of Natalie’s office and stopped short. Gray stood just outside the door, his face a mask of worry and concern. As soon as he saw me, he came forward to wrap me in a tight hug.

  “Hey, shortcake,” he murmured into my hair.

  “How did you get here?” I asked as I clung tightly to his muscular body.

  “Annika texted just after you left the house. She said you might have a tough meeting and to get my ass down here.” I made a sound somewhere between a laugh and a sob, and burrowed deeper into the hug. “Looks like she was right.”

  “They found the guy Mom was hanging out with. He lied about his identity and claims he knows nothing about her whereabouts.”

  Gray brushed my hair back from my temple and kissed me softly. “That sounds like good news and bad news.”

  “It is. Natalie and Annika think it means we’ll get more help from the cops. But I’m worried it means we won’t find her alive, Gray.”

  I felt more than heard the weary sigh Gray gave before he said, “Knew it had to be bad, didn’t think it’d be that bad.”

  “What are we going to do?” I wondered aloud.

  Gray tilted back my head and gave me a soft kiss that had me clinging tighter than before. It was nothing more than a touch of his mouth to show his care and concern, and it was over before it began. It was exactly what I needed to feel a little more centered.

  “First thing is, we’re gonna get in my truck and take that vacation we planned. The second is, we’re talking about these secret meetings you keep having.”

  I nodded my agreement because the lump in my throat wouldn’t allow words to form. Gray put his hand on my back as he escorted me out of the office and toward the small parking lot to the back of the building. My mind was swirling with worries, but for the first time since I stepped into the meeting, I didn’t feel like I lost all my hope.

  “I’ll call Hunt to pick up your car from the dentist’s office,” Gray said, and for the first time, I heard the hard edge that had creeped in.

  “Gray, honey, I didn’t mean—”

  “You did mean. But let’s not have that conversation in the middle of downtown.” His face looked hard, and I could tell his anger was not something that would go away easily. Gray was usually so easygoing with me and the girls that it was easy to forget he had almost as big of a temper and stubborn streak as me.

  I nodded and walked to the truck allowing him to open the door for me and assist me up into the cab. Silently, I watched him round the front of the vehicle, and his body language belied how upset he was. The guilt I’d felt earlier this morning only compounded as I realized I’d just done exactly what I’d promised I wouldn’t do.

  I had treated Gray like less than my equal after he expressly asked me not to. And I had no good reason why I’d done it, other than my own selfish reasons. As Gray pulled out of the parking lot and started driving out of town, I had to wonder if this would be our first and last weekend away.

  The drive to the resort was four hours long. When we planned for the trip, I’d been excited at all the uninterrupted time I’d have with Gray. So much of our relationship had been in fast forward, thanks to the situation with my mom, so the extended drive seemed like the perfect chance just to talk. Part of me had been toying with the idea that this weekend would be the perfect time to tell Gray I loved him, but now my stupidity had marred that chance.

  If I told him I loved him now, wouldn’t it seem like a cop-out to avoid his anger?

  After an hour, I couldn’t take the silence anymore, and I decided to test the waters. “I was thinking, instead of a puppy, we could get the girls a guinea pig.”

  Gray grunted and didn’t take his eyes off the road. “Don’t those things bite?”

  “I don’t know. The ones at the pet store in the mall seemed sweet enough,” I said and shrugged. “I wish I could give them their dream of a dog, but I’m just worried it will be too much for all of us.”

  “Yeah, and you don’t want any more responsibility, do you?”

  The barb hurt, as he intended, but I took it in stride. “I have been feeling overwhelmed, and I just don’t think I could give the puppy the attention it would need.”

  “And puppies need a lot of love and attention.”

  “Yes.” I swallowed past the lump in my throat. This conversation had taken a turn, and I needed to get it back on track. “Maybe instead of a pet, Santa could bring them new bikes. They’re both riding hand-me-downs, and I think I’ve got enough in the budget for inexpensive bikes.”

  “So, you’re going to distract them from the thing they want, with something else?” He looked at me finally, and the look on Gray’s face was like nothing I’d ever seen before from him. He looked genuinely disappointed in me. “I don’t know how I feel about that, Ruby.”

  “We can’t always get what we want, Gray.”

  “Yeah, I’m just not sure I want to teach those two girls that lesson so soon in life.”

  Chapter 28

  Gray

  Ruby fell asleep after her brief attempt to engage in conversation. My anger and frustration with her were still so high that I was glad for the reprieve. I wasn’t the type of person to get mad or hold a grudge, but my frustration when Annika’s text had come in had not abated.

  We’d discussed this, hadn’t we?

  As I drove on the snowy highway with only the radio for company, I struggled to cope with my anger. I’d been so sure over the last few weeks that Ruby and I were on the same page. She’d been the one to initiate moving in together. I’d have been fine living out of the duffel for months longer. She also asked me to take on more, helping with the tips and website for her mother, when the task had been too much for her to bear.

  At the time, I’d seen these things as progress in the slow burn that was our love story. In my mind, I knew we were building toward something lasting and permanent, and I didn’t mind that Ruby wasn’t overly demonstrative. She showed her love in the food she made, the way she took care of small household details, and the way she trusted me to share her life.

  When Ruby wasn’t affectionate in public, I shrugged it off as her fear of the spotlight. If she was slow to say, “I love you,” I reasoned she hadn’t had many serious relationships. When she balked at the idea of meeting my family, I told myself we’d only been together two months, and anyone would be intimidated. But now, I worried that all of my excuses could not erase the fact that Ruby didn’t care for me as much as I did for her.

  Once we reached the resort, I woke Ruby and went with her to the front desk to check-in. I’d reserved a suite that came complete with a full kitchen, two bedrooms, two enormous bathrooms, and a gas fireplace. A young kid, in a bellman’s uniform, helped us load our bags and led us to our suite. The room looked like we were in some expensive English manor. I didn’t want to touch half of the surfaces since I worried I’d somehow stain or break them.

  “I’m gonna take a walk,” Ruby announced once we’d gotten everything into the room.

  My gut clenched, and even though I was mad at her, I worried about her walking around a strange town alone. “I can come with you.”

  “No. I’ll be back in a bit. Feel free to order dinner without me.”

  I contemplated following her despite what she said, but ignoring each other’s wishes is what had gotten us into this fight in the first place. To keep my mind busy, I brought the luggage into the bedroom and put our clothes away, then unloaded the groceries in the kitchen.

  I sat at the kitchen counter for a few minutes, waiting to see if Ruby would return. But when she was still gone after a half-hour, I put together some cold-cut sandwiches and chips for dinner. I wasn’t sure she’d even want to be in the same room as me after the way she was acting. But I was a car
etaker at heart, and making dinner felt right.

  Several minutes later, I heard the electronic key in the lock, and Ruby’s soft footsteps entered the suite. I was still in the kitchen, so I turned to look over my shoulder to let her know her dinner was in the fridge. But the sight of her stopped the words in my mouth.

  Ruby’s hair was down around her shoulders, looking wind-tossed and wild. She’d ditched her jacket and her shoes in the entryway, and now stood inside the kitchen in just her leggings and sweater. It was the tears on her wind-chapped cheeks that had me dropping everything in a heap on the counter and bounding toward her.

  “Ruby, what’s wrong?” Ruby held up a hand, stopping me in my tracks. She was shaking, probably from the cold, and I called myself a barrage of swear words for leaving her unchecked for so long. “Sweetheart—”

  “I told you, I’d fuck this up again.”

  “What?”

  She waved her hands between us. “This. Us. I fucked up again,” she growled and shoved her fingers through her tangled hair. “I don’t know how I keep doing it. It just happens.”

  “Okay, okay,” I said, trying to keep my voice as soothing as possible. “I’m not mad anymore, so don’t worry about it.”

  “Don’t use that calm and reasonable tone with me, Gray. I’m not a child you’re trying to talk down from a tantrum.”

  I wasn’t about to tell her that her current mood was just as volatile as Ray’s was when she didn’t get a nap. Ruby paced in the space between the kitchen island and the living room sofa, and I stayed in my spot at the kitchen island. Staying put seemed like the safest option.

  “I’m a good person. I live a quiet life. I don’t bug anyone, and I keep to myself. I take care of people in my community, I’m possibly adopting my sisters, I even recycle for fuck’s sake.”

  I bit my lip to stop from laughing. She really said the oddest things when she got going.

  “Then you come along, and this nice and quiet life I’ve built up goes all wonky! You took over my life and told me how things should go. You’re bossy and demanding, but you’re also sweet and charming. So, of course, I go along with a lot of what you want because you ask me so sweetly. And the times you’re a stubborn ass, I just wanna strangle you.”

  Here, she stopped and pointed an accusatory finger in my direction. “It’s all down to you, Grayson. All of this mess, it’s your fault.”

  I felt my cheeks burn. “I didn’t mean—”

  “You keep filling my head with pretty words, and I get all turned around thinking I’m something special.”

  I felt something clench tight in my chest. This argument felt different to me than others we’d had before. It felt like I was walking a tightrope, and one wrong move could mean it would end in a breakup.

  “Ruby, you are something special. Till my dying day, I will never understand why you ever thought differently.”

  “Because every day of my life someone’s told me or shown me I wasn’t worth shit. Every damned day, Gray. Until you came ...”

  Ruby stopped talking, planted her hands on her hips, and hung her head. Everything in her posture screamed to me she was teetering on the brink of something. For the life of me, I couldn’t think of a way to push her to my way of thinking.

  There was only so much teasing, and cajoling I felt was acceptable before it would feel like I was forcing her into the relationship. I was irrevocably in love with her, but I would not force the issue. At some point, Ruby had to decide to accept my love and reach for it herself.

  Long moments ticked by. The rush of blood in my ears and the fear in my gut were the only things I concentrated on. I didn’t dare move as I watched her stand with her head hung so low her hair obscured her face. It was like coming upon a deer in the woods. It worried me that any sudden movement would startle her into an action I didn’t want.

  Just when I thought I couldn’t take it anymore, I watched as her shoulders shook. Dread unfurled in my body like nasty tentacles reaching to squash out hope. Ruby was taking big, quaking breaths.

  I took a tentative step forward. “Ruby, love, I’m sorry.”

  A laugh escaped her, and the noise rang through the room, sharp and pure, like the tinkling of a bell.

  I stared in wonder to see why she was laughing with great big tears running down her face. It felt like my brain shorted out. What was I supposed to do with a laughing and crying woman?

  “Sorry for what, Grayson?”

  I blinked and shut my mouth. I was at a loss.

  Her smile was soft as she took a step forward. “If you’re sorry for being there for me, for caring for me, for helping me find me. I don’t wanna hear it.”

  She took another step forward. Ruby was close enough now that I could smell the fresh December air on her skin.

  “Are you sorry for loving me, Grayson? ’Cus, I’m sure not sorry for loving you.”

  Her smile. Those words. They beat back the tentacles of dread until nothing but hope and love and joy remained in my body.

  I reached out and pulled her tight to my body in a fierce hug. “Say it. Say it all, so I can say it back.”

  “I love you, Grayson.”

  “About fucking time, Ruby. Because I’ve loved you since you chased a god damned bunny into the woods.”

  Chapter 29

  Ruby

  The sunshine streaming through the French doors of the balcony woke me well before I was ready. It felt decadent to be laying in bed with Gray behind me, naked, save for the comforter I’d burrowed under some time in the night. Even as I delighted in the feel of the sheets and the soft bed, I couldn’t stop myself cycling back to the conversation I’d had with Annika and Natalie.

  How could I be enjoying a romantic trip with Gray while the fate of my mother was unknown? At the same time, how could I deny myself the simple luxury of sharing our first I love you’s?

  I’d escaped last night for a walk through town because of these same questions. In the light of morning, I had no more answers about my mother. What I did have was a man that had gone out of his way to give me the alone time I hadn’t had in months.

  And last night, we’d been gloriously alone.

  I sighed dreamily at the memory of Gray worshiping my naked body. With the lights on and the covers off. Nothing was used to hide or conceal what we were doing. I wasn’t sure what had turned me on more, the way he used his mouth on my body or the ability to see him do it without layers of clothes and blankets in the way. Gray’s body was curled around my back, as was normal when we slept. The delicious sensation of his naked skin against mine was doing things to me.

  Like the pop of a cork, a realization hit me.

  Gray was in bed, asleep with me.

  We shared a bed, yes. But he always got up before I cracked an eyelid. Never, in the weeks that we’d been together, had he ever remained sleeping longer than I had.

  Gray’s insomnia was a constant worry for me, and something I’d been trying to resolve since we got together. But none of my herbal teas or relaxing massages had got him to sleep more than two to three hours at a stretch. Yet, something had happened last night that allowed him to sleep for at least six hours straight. Was it the bed and luxurious sheets? Was it the absence of the girls?

  “Go back to sleep, Ruby.”

  I shivered at the sleep-roughened sound of Gray’s voice. “You know me. Once I’m up, I’m up. Stay here and sleep. I’ll go get something to eat.”

  As I made a move to get out of the bed, his arm tightened around my middle and pulled me closer into his body. I shivered again when I felt the hard heat of his erection against the small of my back.

  “We have nothing to do and nowhere to be for once. Sleep.”

  “I’m—”

  “Fuck it,” he said and shifted our positions with the speed and grace that always left me breathless. “If you’re
not gonna sleep, we may as well enjoy the bed.”

  I grinned up at Gray, feeling no shame that I was such a sucker for the way he loomed over me with that dark look. Never had he given me that look without fulfilling every promise it made. After our declarations and subsequent lovemaking last night, I felt ten times lighter in the heart.

  I skimmed a hand down his side, luxuriating in the different textures of his body as he leaned down to suck one of my nipples into his mouth. I once had wondered how couples kept sex lively after they’d gotten over the honeymoon phase. But with the new sense of love between us and that intimate knowledge of each other’s bodies, the sex this morning felt just as good as the first time. If not better.

  When Gray would have shifted lower to use his mouth on my pussy, I wrapped a firm hand around his cock and squeezed. I couldn’t voice that I didn’t want his mouth on my pussy before a shower.

  We weren’t THAT comfortable.

  Thankfully, he let me have my way. Gray moved us once again, so I ended up in his lap. I twined my arms around Gray’s neck while I shifted in his lap and slowly sank down on his throbbing cock. We both sighed at the first glide. It was always my favorite part of coming together with Gray.

  He must have been impatient because he didn’t let me keep my achingly slow pace for long. Instead, he gripped my hips in his big hands and used his strength to set a more steady and insistent rhythm. I couldn’t complain, especially because this new pace had him hitting the perfect spot with a precision of a metronome.

  “Ruby,” he whispered, his voice only a breath on my neck, “Love you so much.”

  The words sent ripples of pleasure through my body, sensitizing me in a way that had me teetering on the edge of an orgasm quicker than I liked. But Gray, the devil, knew what his words did to me. The last wall we’d torn down the night before had created a whole new dynamic to our lovemaking. And the usually quiet Gray had become something of a talker.

  He flipped me to my back in some sort of quick move that had to come from army training and had my head spinning. Then he set a steady, forceful rhythm that had my body quivering within moments. But what finally sent me over the edge was his beautiful, gravelly voice telling me over and over, “Love you.”