Newness and Wonder

by Alexis Lynne

  “This is still too hot.” Marley sat across from him, blowing on her large mug of hot chocolate. “I’m going to look at their beans. Ann and Garret still grind their own, don’t they?”

  Justin looked at the long line at the counter. “We can come back when it’s not so crowded.”

  She looked at him as if he were the dumbest thing on the planet. “Whole beans are twenty percent off—today only.”

  Justin chuckled and reached in his pocket, pulling out his wallet. “Here, take my card. Get a few different bags since they’re on sale.”

  So this was yet another side to his sister—Bargain shopper. No wonder she looked a little too happy in the box store. Justin suddenly felt exhausted knowing he would end up taking her to every shop in town. Hopefully, that would include It’s by Nature, if only for a minute or two. He did not want to bother Tara while she was likely swamped with customers, but he did want to see her. The growing warmth in his chest wasn’t going to allow too much time to go by without seeing her, touching her, or just being in the room with her.

  Justin’s mind wandered to the evening before, when her soft body was pressed against his, and he smiled at the memory. It should have been a disastrous day, but being with Tara and her family had made it one of his better holidays. He could tell Marley felt the same way. His smile broadened as he thought about the ways both Tara and Marley had handled Fran Jackson.

  Tara was fierce as she stood between them and her mother. Whether it was an act of possession or protection, he wasn’t sure, but he’d be happy with either one. When he picked Marley up from helping Shelby, he asked her how she had sized Fran up so well. Marley said she hadn’t, she just knew that she had hurt Tara and so must not be a very nice person. Just when he thought neither of those women could knock him further off-balance, they both managed to completely level him.

  Stretching his long legs as far as they would go beneath the table, Justin placed his hands behind his head and listened to the soft music playing—someone singing about going home for Christmas. He had no desire to return to New York for the holiday, even if it meant not seeing Ann or Josh on Christmas Eve. It had only been a few months since the move, but Justin felt like he had always lived in Sylvan Hills.

  As if the thought of Josh had somehow found its way to his cousin, Justin’s phone rang with a familiar ringtone. He didn’t even have to look at the screen before answering.

  “Josh!”

  “Happy Thanksgiving, bro.”

  “You missed it by a day.”

  Josh laughed, and Justin could hear various voices in the background.

  “You’ll have to forgive my tardiness. I was in a country that doesn’t celebrate Thanksgiving, while giving a lovely local plenty to be thankful for.”

  Justin groaned. “How old are you? Didn’t we outgrow bragging about conquests about a decade ago?”

  “Someone would have to have a conquest before bragging about one, right? Ann tells me you’re pining over a woman who doesn’t want that heart you keep pinned on your sleeve.”

  “I live in a town where you get more news from the old men sitting in the barber shop than from the paper, yet you and Ann manage to out gossip them.”

  Josh laughed loud and long, and Justin smiled. They were as different as two men roughly the same age could be, but they had become good friends in their adulthood. Josh’s late mother was Justin’s aunt—his mother’s older sister. The two women were not close, and Justin and his cousin did not spend much time together until college, when they both worked summers for their grandfather. Eventually, after multiple tragedies hit both sides of his family, Justin, Josh, and Ann had become inseparable. At least until Justin had decided to move away.

  “Tell me about this girl and why you haven’t been able to seal the deal.”

  “That conversation with Ann was weeks ago.”

  “Oh-ho. So you have been tangled up in the tinsel.”

  “I’m not talking about this with you.”

  “Lighten up, will you. I’m not asking for details. I’m just concerned. You’re a decent guy with a few bucks in the bank. You could be an easy target for the wrong sort of girl.”

  “Sounds like you’ve been spending too much time with the ‘wrong sort of girl.’ Tara’s not like that.”

  “Tara, huh? What does she look like? Send me a picture.”

  Justin pulled the phone from his ear and scrolled through the photos. He had taken one the night before, after their kisses had left her hair messy and lips swollen. No way was Josh getting that one. He swiped a few more times before finding one of Tara and Marley that he had taken at lunch one day. They had both been surprised when he snapped the picture, but it didn’t show. Tara just looked beautiful. He tapped on the picture and sent it to Josh.

  “Damn. She got any sisters?”

  Justin laughed. “Two and you couldn’t handle either of them.” Or the giant mountain man who had obviously claimed one as his.

  “Such little faith. How serious are you with this girl?”

  Justin sighed. He was plenty serious and was just waiting for Tara to catch up. “We’re taking things slow.”

  “And your balls are bluer than the ocean, right?”

  “Pretty much.”

  Josh laughed softly. “Listen, man, I didn’t just call to chat. There’s been an offer on the company.”

  “What? I didn’t know you were thinking about selling.” Their grandfather had left his construction business to Josh and Justin, with Josh, who had always been far more hands on with the company, as the controlling partner.

  “I wasn’t. But we’ve never fully recovered since the downturn, and it’s just getting to be too much work to turn a profit. For years, I’ve thought about selling if the right offer came along.”

  “I had no idea.”

  “You’ve had enough on your plate without worrying about this, too. We’re not losing money, but it’s just too damn much work keeping it afloat. I’d like to start something smaller, something that’s my own. Maybe build outside of New York.”

  Justin was surprised. Josh spent so much time chasing and talking about women that it was sometimes easy to forget that he was actually a good businessman.

  “Justin, I know the company is the last remaining link to your mom and her family. Things weren’t always good there, but blood is blood.”

  He almost snorted. No, things were not always good. Most of the time his mother’s relationship with her family was strained at best, an absolute nightmare at worst. No one ever seemed to understand or have enough patience with his mother. Not even those who loved her.

  “Josh, it’s fine. If this is what you want, then I’m on board. I was always the silent partner, anyway.”

  “Okay. Good. I’ll email you the proposal, and we can go from there. So, uh, you coming home for Christmas? I think Garret could use some backup. Your aunt managed to slip her mattress into the guest room when they weren’t watching.”

  Justin laughed just as Marley sat back down, triumphantly carrying a large shopping bag filled with beans. For a moment, his eyes wandered over the faces in the café. Most had become familiar to him in the last months, and it seemed every one of them was smiling happily through the haze of bargain-hunting madness. Marley waved to someone coming trough the door, and Justin noticed the beaded bracelet Tara had made on her wrist. He smiled and allowed the peppermint-scented air to fill his chest. It was Christmastime, and the flavor was finally acceptable. Right on schedule. He rose to order a cup to go.

  “No, Josh. I already am home.”

  Chapter Sixteen

  “Ugh, what happened to these lights? They never get this tangled.”

  Charlotte gave the strand in her hand a good tug, but the knot wouldn’t budge. She threw them over the couch and grabbed another set from the box.

  “That’s because you put them away last year. I always wrap them around cardboard,” Shelby called from the kitchen, where she was busy attempting to bake the wal
ls of a gingerbread house that she would enter in the contest the town held every year at the downtown tree lighting. Like every other year she had entered, it wasn’t going well.

  The air in the Crowley-Jackson home was as thick as the eggnog they were drinking. Between the gingerbread, lights, and sugar, the sisters were all on edge.

  “Half the decorations are broken. Look.” Tara tipped over the box for Charlotte to see. Glass and plastic balls were crushed beneath heavier ceramic pieces. “Did you put these away, too?”

  “If we didn’t buy such cheap decorations, maybe they wouldn’t break so easily. We lose ornaments every year, why are your panties in a twist this time?”

  Tara turned away from Charlotte and dropped the box on the floor, likely breaking even more pieces. She didn’t care. Her panties were in a twist, and it was damned uncomfortable. The constant push and pull she felt over Justin grated on her equilibrium, and she felt as tipsy as if she had consumed the entire gallon of eggnog Shelby had set before them.

  The kiss on Thanksgiving had given Justin permission to treat her as something—special. His something special. Friday morning, when the store was bursting with customers and Tara thought she would keel over any moment, he arrived with coffee and a sweet, tender kiss that had her spinning as much as the more passionate one the day before.

  Saturday, he and Marley convinced her to take a breather long enough to eat soup and bread with them in the breakroom. Convinced the new stove would solve all their culinary woes, Marley showed Tara a recipe she had found for cookie ornaments similar to the clay ones they had made in class. Marley planned to cover their entire tree in homemade decorations. She had looked at Tara with a question in her eyes. Tara braced herself for the invitation to help, but when it didn’t come, Tara felt like a troll, knowing that Marely knew it would be futile.

  Tara looked at the bare tree in front of her. That’s what she wanted. Not the cheap ornaments they bought from the dollar store, but the homemade ones she and Shelby had created every year. She wanted her Gram’s nativity and the first clay ornament she had created—a wobbly replica of the farmhouse covered in snow, much like the one Marley had made.

  She turned back to Charlotte, who had abandoned the lights effort and was now grimacing at her phone.

  “You’re right. We shouldn’t have these ornaments. The ones we should have were carelessly tossed away without thought or feeling, as if they meant nothing to anybody!”

  Charlotte didn’t answer, just looked at her with no expression, as she always did when she was lost in thought.

  “What’s wrong with you?” Tara’s tone reflected her irritation. Since Charlotte was now reflecting the same expression, Tara chose not to feel guilty.

  “I’m giving all my clients notice. I can’t do this anymore. Even working for the few that actually care about words and the power of good literature isn’t worth being connected with the mediocrity that is pouring from the rest. I’d rather have a desk job where at least no one is pretending to be more than what they are.”

  The sound of a sheet pan crashing to the floor sent both their gazes toward the kitchen. Shelby stood there with her hands on her hips, her red apron covered in flour, looking very much like Mrs. Claus about to take a group of naughty elves to task.

  “The two of you are annoying as hell. Charlotte, you’re tired of associating with mediocrity, then stop. Finish your own flipping book, and stop criticizing everyone else who has managed to do so. Until you have the guts to put yourself out there to be judged, you just need to shut up.”

  She turned her angry eyes to Tara.

  “And you, dear sister, are just as much of a wimp. There’s this wonderful man who gave up his whole life to raise his sister—a little girl who is probably as lost as we were when we started living on that farm. Only a good man would do something like that. How many of them have we known? And he wants you, but you can’t get your head out of the past long enough to take a chance with him. Stop dwelling on our childhood! Are you going to give up what could be a good future because you can’t deal with the past in an open, honest way? You are just using your hopes for the farm as an excuse, and you know it. And back to you.”

  Charlotte moved back a step.

  “Don’t even get me started about Brandon. You both have the chance to be happy, but you’re too chicken shit to take it.”

  Charlotte found her courage and followed Shelby, who had turned back into the kitchen. “Yeah, well, your walls are crooked.”

  Shelby whipped back around. “Yep, they sure are. And the windows are foggy, and half the tiles are upside down, but at least it is all real. I’ll be putting that hot mess on display with all its imperfections and my insecurities along with it while the two of you hide behind your abstract bullshit. Start collecting cats, ladies. They can keep you company when the bitterness and regret catch up to you.”

  Shelby turned on her heels and went back to her baking. Neither sister left behind was brave enough to follow.

  “She always gets crazy at Christmas,” Charlotte muttered as she left for her room. Tara nodded but stood there and absorbed Shelby’s words. Eventually, she picked up the lights Charlotte had left behind, slowly picking at the knots until they gave way, wishing the knot in her chest would dissolve as easily.

  * * *

  “Justin, can I talk to you?”

  “Of course, kiddo. What’s up?”

  Justin smiled at his sister as she sat in the chair opposite him. They’d had a great weekend in spite of the mishaps of Thanksgiving. They were becoming more comfortable with each other, and Justin felt they had finally made a turn in the right direction. Maybe it was the spirit of the season, but Marley was smiling more and brooding less. He still thought she spent too much time on her phone, but he would save that battle for another time. Right now, things were good, and he felt they deserved for them to stay that way for a while.

  Marley pulled her long sweater over her knees and toyed with the hem. He expected her to ask for something outrageous for Christmas, which he would happily grant if he could. What she requested instead sent his stomach straight through the floor.

  “I want to stop going to counseling.”

  Justin blinked, attempting to calm the panic rising in him, or least not let it show. He’d heard similar words before.

  “Why do you want to stop going? Do you not like Maggie?”

  Marley shrugged. “She’s okay. I just don’t think I need to go anymore.”

  Justin’s blood chilled. “I disagree.”

  She shot him a look so defiant he thought he felt his head snap back.

  “This is my life. Shouldn’t my opinion matter?”

  “You’re twelve, Marley. Right now, it’s my job to decide what matters. You are staying in counseling.”

  “Why? I don’t need it!”

  “Yes, you do, and you might benefit even more if you actually spoke to Maggie.”

  Her eyes went wide. “You discuss my sessions with her?”

  “Very little. Of course, if you’d talk more, she might have more to share with me.”

  “Shouldn’t that tell you I don’t need to be there? I have nothing to talk about!”

  “It tells me that you do still need to be there. You’ve sorted out nothing.”

  “How do you know? Can you see into my mind?”

  “I wish! Then maybe I could understand why you are self-sabotaging.”

  “Ah! I am not self-sabotaging, only trying to eliminate something that is a waste of time.”

  “It’s not a waste, and you are not quitting. End of discussion.”

  Marley balled her hands at her side and made a low grunting sound before screaming, “I hate you!” She turned and stomped from the room as loudly as she could in bare feet.

  Justin sat heavily on the couch and ran his hands through his hair. So much for the goodwill between them. He ignored the guilt that attempted to rise for being so harsh with her and concentrated instead on the question of
why she would no longer want to go to counseling. He had been too relaxed these last weeks and must have missed signs of her waning interest. He would call Maggie in the morning and talk about increasing Marley’s sessions from once a week to twice. She obviously needed more time, and Justin would not let her give up. Perhaps the family counselor was the wrong choice. A psychiatrist might be more effective.

  His thoughts were interrupted by a chirp on his phone. He picked it up from the coffee table to see that it was an email from Marley’s teacher. Assuming it was an announcement about something happening at school, he opened it up.

  Justin, I’m sorry to bother you on a Sunday night, but I didn’t get a chance to sit down in front of the computer during Thanksgiving. I don’t know if Marley has told you, but we had an issue last week with her phone. She was caught twice last week looking at it during class. We have a no tolerance policy when it comes to these things, and I have to ask that she not bring her phone back to school for the rest of the semester. I have spoken to her before about using it at recess. It is allowed, but I fear it is impeding her social progress. I worry about her continuing to use it so much even now that she’s made friends. Perhaps you could talk to her. I hope the two of you had a good holiday. Thank you for attending to this.

  He threw his phone on the table and rose from the couch. That damn phone. He had no idea she had been using it at school. Justin had thought she was using it to shut him out, but apparently, she was effectively shutting out the rest of the world, too. It had to stop. She could not continue to hide behind a screen. If she didn’t deal with reality now, then when it finally came crashing in on her, she wouldn’t be able to handle it.

  Moving to the stairs with a steely determination, Justin called to her. She didn’t answer. He bypassed the second story, feeling sure he would find her in the attic. He walked through the still doorless entry and immediately saw Marley at the window, looking out with the phone clutched in her hand. She looked small and fragile, miles away from the city-toughened girl who had stopped Fran Jackson in her tracks. The constantly changing personality scared him, and he wished he knew who the real Marely was.