Newness and Wonder

by Alexis Lynne

  “Probably not, but the experience was priceless.”

  Marley gave her a sly smile, displaying more of that wicked humor she was getting more comfortable showing. “I better go warm up. Justin is back there somewhere. He got stopped by a bunch of old men asking about trees.”

  “Okay, I’ll see you after the lighting for the judging.”

  Marley nodded and then shuffled away with the tree skirt she had fastened to her band uniform flowing around her calves. Tara was pleased to see the girl embracing the local traditions. The tree lighting always brought out the craziest outfits, with each citizen trying to out ugly the next. Her own sweater was a wonderful display of tackiness. She had sewn on mini dollar store flamingos, dressed as elves, kissing under the mistletoe. Thankfully, they had been blessed with higher than normal temperatures, so she could show off her creation without freezing from the lack of a coat.

  She had just decided to find Justin and free him from the senior crowd when she turned and saw him heading her way, wearing a smile and a poinsettia cardigan any old lady would be proud of. He leaned down and kissed her, careful to not crush her flamingos.

  “Hi.”

  “Hi.”

  He kissed her again. “Have you seen my sister?”

  She smiled. He was trying, but his protective nature was hard to repress. “She’s with the rest of the band, warming up.”

  He looked over to confirm and then smiled down at her. “Come on, let’s go get a good spot.”

  They walked hand in hand to the tree, moving to where they could clearly see Marley sitting in the front row. She gave a little wave when she saw them, and Justin pulled out his phone for pictures. Tara could see Marley roll her eyes, but Justin just laughed and kept clicking.

  “You’re becoming such a dad.”

  He honestly looked terrified for a moment, but it was soon gone, replaced by something soft and peaceful.

  “There are worse things to be.”

  Tara felt tears in her eyes. Not wanting him to see, she wrapped her arms around his waist and placed her cheek on his chest. He reciprocated the gesture, resting his chin on the top of her head. She wasn’t as good at hiding her reaction as she thought.

  “What’s wrong?” He pulled back and gazed into her watery eyes.

  “Nothing. I’m just proud of you.”

  “Me? An unemployed former attorney with daddy issues, a crumbling house, and a temperamental twelve-year-old girl?”

  “Yep, you. You are fighting against all that to build a good life.”

  “It’s worth fighting for, Tara.”

  She could see lights reflecting in his eyes and realized that while she had been lost in them, the trees had been lit. She continued to stare at the reflection, finding more wonder in it than anything else around them. She could hear the music playing and felt him shift her to one arm so he could record Marley’s solo, never taking his eyes off his sister or his arm off of Tara. They stayed connected that way until the next piece started and his other arm returned to her.

  “My father’s parents paid my mother to leave town. She dropped us with our grandmother, took the money, and didn’t look back until it ran out. My father just ran out.”

  “I know. Brandon told me.”

  “Why did I ever think he was a man of few words? His father is also a class-A jerk. There aren’t many stand-up men in my family. You might take some getting used to.”

  He smiled. “We have time. I’m not going anywhere.”

  The music shifted from festive to a slow and bluesy version of “Jingle Bells.” Justin’s hands moved to her waist as he pulled her closer, effectively crushing her flamingos against his poinsettias. Her hands found their way around his neck as they began to move in slow circles.

  “There’s usually not dancing at this event.”

  “No? Well, when it’s a mild night and lights are twinkling all around, soft music is playing, and a beautiful woman is in your arms, there should definitely be dancing.”

  Tara relaxed against him, enjoying the music, the motion, and the new sensation of falling in love with a good man. The music stopped and so did Justin, but he did not release her.

  “We are going to embarrass your sister.”

  “Good. She picked out this sweater for me to wear. She deserves a good embarrassment.”

  “But you fit in so well.”

  “You think? I still feel like a fish out of water some days.”

  He turned her around to face the tree and returned his arms to her waist. There would be no decorations, just the beautiful twinkling of strand after strand of clear lights. Tara loved this tradition and was grateful that even in tough economic times, the town still made it a priority.

  “You get to see this from your windows every night. I could do that in the city, look out my window and see lights, but they were never this magical. Of course, that could have a lot to do with the company.” He kissed the top of her head. “What will I see at the farm?”

  “Nothing like this, I’m afraid. But you’ll have a beautiful, clear sky, the smell of firewood, wild turkeys, the occasional bear, and, of course, the elk. But he greatest beauty will be inside.”

  “Marley has certainly been working hard on that. There’s not a surface in the house that doesn’t have some sort of homemade decoration on it.”

  She turned in his arms and looked at him, enjoying the affectionate warmth in his eyes. “That’s not what I meant.”

  She grabbed his hand before he could question her. “Let’s get down the street. They’ll be judging the gingerbread soon.”

  “Poor Shelby.”

  Tara laughed. “Poor Shelby my foot. She tortured us!”

  “And for her to act like that, it must mean a lot to her.”

  “It does. Our grandmother entered every year, and Shelby likes keeping the tradition even if she’s terrible at it. It’s honestly the one thing she doesn’t do brilliantly.”

  Marley caught up with them then, out of breath and still carrying her clarinet. “Can I have the car keys? I want to put this away and take off my jacket.”

  “I’ll carry it for you. It’ll take an hour for you to get through the crowd and back.”

  Marley unbuttoned her band jacket, revealing a loose fitting turtleneck sweater covered in sequins. She draped it over Justin’s outstretched arm after handing him the clarinet case.

  “I swear I’ve become a pack mule since that girl came to live with me,” he grumbled as Marley adjusted her skirt.

  “Don’t act like you don’t love being useful, even as a coatrack. We can store that stuff at Lady’s. She has a huge table of food set up for us in the break room and wine and cider for the customers.”

  They made their way to the front of the coffee shop where the gingerbread creations were displayed. Charlotte and Brandon were already there, standing with Shelby who, in her form-fitting black dress draped in tinsel and bows, stood out as a classy alternative to the tackiness surrounding them. She smiled happily and confidently even though her castle was barely standing. Tara admired the hell out of her and would love her even more after the holidays.

  Brandon spotted them first and gave a brief nod. “Hey, runt. You sounded great up there. Too bad your brother didn’t notice.”

  “Yeah, I know. He was too busy making out with your cousin.”

  “You just can’t allow some people out in public.”

  Marley nodded. “Truth.”

  Tara couldn’t help but laugh, though she could tell Justin was embarrassed by the teasing. Marley had certainly found a kindred spirit in Brandon. God help them.

  Justin recovered enough to notice Brandon’s sweater. “Is that a reindeer butt?”

  “Yeah. It had silver bells hanging down, but Shelby said they were vulgar and clipped them.”

  Charlotte shook her head. “You should have known better. No way were you getting away with jingling testicles at Christmas.”

  Tara groaned and put her head on Justin’s should
er. “I’m sorry. Your sister is going to pick up so many bad habits from my family.”

  He wrapped his arm around her shoulders and kissed her soundly, bringing about disgusted moans from the trio in front of them.

  “Don’t worry about it, sweetheart. The trade off is worth it.”

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  The inside of Tara’s home was as classy and elegant as the outside was hideous. All remains of the gingerbread disaster had been cleared away, and the little cottage was decorated beautifully with clear lights and garland. The tree reached almost to the ceiling and was the perfect example of Shelby’s Christmas—magic. Justin was there for movie night, a tradition long held by the sisters and occasionally Brandon, when he could stomach it. Justin was the first outsider to have ever been included.

  Justin had reluctantly allowed Marley to spend the night with her friend Molly. After much pleading from his sister, speaking with the girl’s mother, and getting a more complete run down on the family history from Tara, he had let her go. The pride in Tara’s eyes when he told her about it settled him, even if he had texted Marley twice already to make sure she was okay.

  “Here, you’re going to need this.” Brandon handed him a lowball glass half-filled with bourbon.

  “To watch Christmas movies?”

  “Yes. We’re not talking Rudolph here, man. We’ll be watching made for TV chick flicks, sappy, sugar coated, and thoroughly unrealistic. Getting hammered is the only way to survive it.”

  “If you hate it, why do you come?”

  Justin watched the path that Brandon’s eyes made toward Charlotte. He looked away and shrugged. “The food’s always good.”

  That might not have been the whole truth, but Brandon certainly wasn’t lying. The food was excellent. Justin finished his drink in one gulp, earning an appreciative look from Brandon, and walked toward the food table. The girls had knocked themselves out for what Tara had described as a casual movie night. There were two kinds of soups, a plethora of dainty sandwiches, bacon-wrapped sausages, a cheese tray, and a Christmas tree made from sugar cookies. He would definitely be in a food coma when the night was over.

  “If you are trying to decide what to choose, I recommend the sausage and tortellini soup. It was slaved over by loving hands for hours just for your enjoyment.”

  He turned around and pulled Tara close, enjoying the feel of her delicious figure pressed against him. He figured he must have looked like some sort of bug-eyed cartoon character when he saw her as he entered the house earlier that evening. Tara was the most edible thing there. Her skirt was short, her sweater tight, and the lighted reindeer antler headband nearly sent him over the edge. She was the perfect combination of class, sex appeal, and irreverence wrapped in one tight little package, and if he didn’t unwrap it soon, he might start hemorrhaging.

  “One of these days, we’re going to have a date that doesn’t involve any of our sisters.”

  “What a good idea.”

  He kissed her then, deeply, and the warmth that rose inside him had nothing to do with the bourbon. If not for the voices in the other room, he would have had her pressed against the wall.

  “You taste like red wine.”

  “I’ve had a glass or two.”

  “Getting wasted, sweetheart?”

  Tara shrugged. “It’s tradition. Let’s get our food. I saved us the best seats in the house.”

  They filled their bowls and plates, and Justin followed her back into the living room, where he saw that an oversized chair by the windows had been turned toward the TV with a tray table sitting beside it, wine bottle and glasses perched on top.

  Tara set down her food and then, instead of settling on the chair, sat on the floor in front of it and pulled a blanket into her lap. Justin settled in beside her.

  “Comfy?”

  He pulled her legs across his and threw the blanket over them. “I am now.”

  She leaned in close enough for him to feel her breath on his neck. “This might make eating difficult.”

  His voice dropped low, mimicking hers as he ran a hand under the blanket from the top of her ankle boot, to the bottom of her skirt, and back again. “But it makes touching so much easier.”

  Shelby entered the living room then, looking at her watch. It was a much-needed reminder for Justin that they were not alone.

  “Okay, everybody, we’re going to start in five minutes. I recorded the movies, so we can skip the commercials. Everybody remember the rules?”

  “There are rules to movie watching?”

  Shelby placed her hands on her hips, and Justin began to fear the return of the Christmas witch. “Tara, you didn’t explain everything to him?”

  Tara leaned over and grabbed a glass from the table. “Sorry, sister dear. I was too busy kissing him in the kitchen to go over the schedule.”

  Shelby rolled her eyes and sat down on the sofa. “We’ll go ahead and start. Justin, I’m sure you’ll get the hang of things.”

  “The hang of things,” as it turned out, involved Brandon making fun of the movie the whole way through, Charlotte and Shelby yelling at him for it, and a game that required taking a drink every time there was a meet cute, someone said Santa, or there was a plot point that was too ridiculous to believe. By the time the second movie started, Justin had abandoned any hope of Tara going home with him. He wanted her, but he wanted her sober.

  He supposed it was for the best. If she was ready to take that step, she likely would not have drunk so much. He swallowed his disappointment and enjoyed having her relaxed form lying comfortably in his lap, though he did have to adjust her every now and then for the sake of his own sanity.

  Tara looked up at him, her eyes shiny with the reflection of the lights through the window, and his chest filled with so much tenderness there was no room left for disappointment. He kissed her head and settled her back against him as her family’s cajoling laughter surrounded them. He was a patient man, and everything would come in its own time.

  * * *

  Tara walked into Shelby’s room just as she was coming out of the bathroom. Since the house was technically Shelby’s and Tara and Charlotte rented from her, she got the private bathroom while the other two shared. Shelby spotted her and gasped in surprise.

  “Tara, you scared me to death. What are you doing here? The way you two were carrying on, I expected you to go home with Justin tonight.”

  Tara flopped onto the bed, and Shelby sat beside her. “He’s too much of a gentleman to take advantage of a drunk girl.”

  “Why would you dress like that, flirt like crazy, and then drink too much to do anything about it?”

  Tara shrugged, feeling tears come to her eyes. “I thought I was ready.”

  “Oh, sweetie. What’s wrong?”

  “I think I finally understand why Charlotte gets so freaked out when she has spent too much time with Brandon. When you see forever in a man’s eyes, it can be a scary thing if you don’t have your shit together.”

  “Oh, Tara.” She stroked her hair tenderly. “Really? Sounds like you need to figure out how to do that, honey. Forever is a pretty precious thing.”

  Tara shook her head and sat up, crossing her legs underneath her. “You know, I never thought of myself as a hot mess. But some random guy comes to town and reflects everything that’s wrong with me.”

  “How does he reflect you?”

  “He has his own issues with his parents. Even he, wonderful as he is, has baggage.”

  Shelby laughed softly. “You show me someone who says they don’t have baggage and I’ll tell you they are as real as my gingerbread men.”

  “He’s dealing with his. And lately, I’ve been dealing with mine. It’s still scary, though. What if it goes away or he changes his mind?”

  “Stop projecting Michael onto Justin. They are obviously two different men. All you have to do is look at him with Marley to see that. His commitment to that girl is pretty swoon worthy.”

  Tara nodded and wiped h
er cheeks with her sleeve. “So, where’s your baggage?”

  Shelby snorted. “Oh, it’s there. I just don’t let it control me. I try not to, anyway. Sometimes when I see Fran, I have to fight the urge to shove her in front of a moving car, and I burn every check or gift card Michael sends. I know I should donate his gifts the way you do, but destroying them makes me feel better.”

  “And Justin thinks you were pretty much carved out of sugar, even after he’s seen you at your worst.”

  “He’ll learn soon enough. Are you in love with him?”

  Tara quickly nodded, seeing no point in denying it. “He’s the best man I’ve ever known. His capacity for love is massive, and he acts on it. He doesn’t just spout pretty words. He has such a strong sense of justice and of doing what’s right. And doing the right thing doesn’t scare him. It’s just part of who he is.” She sighed and attempted to stem the flood of tears. “I want what he’s offering so bad I can barely breathe.”

  “Then take it! Fran and Michael have our past, don’t give them your future as well.”

  Tara looked at her sister for a long time. “Did they ever love us, Shelby?”

  “I think so. I mean, they must have, at least some. They just loved themselves more. This might be hard to hear, but you are doing the same thing. You are letting your own BS get in the way of what’s important.”

  Tara breathed in a slow, shaky breath then released it. “Justin and Marley are important. His plans for the farm are far more important than mine ever were. I’m glad they are there.”

  “Love is important, Tara.” Shelby brought her close for a hug. “And so are you.”

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  Justin reached for his phone as he sat up and rubbed a hand over his sleepy eyes. 8:00 a.m. Too early for someone to be knocking on the door. He blinked hard and shook his head, attempting to focus. He’d had a couple of drinks the night before, but that wasn’t causing the fog in his brain. He was still drugged out on Tara, the taste of her mouth and the feel of her soft skin beneath his fingers. He’d had trouble sleeping, and when he finally did, it was interrupted with a restless mix of heated desire and worry that she would never be ready to take that step.