Are You There, Karma? It’s Me, Jane.: A laugh out loud romantic comedy

by Zolendz, Christine

  His head tilts down closer to mine and he bites the bottom of his lip.

  Dex Vanstone is giving me his bedroom face.

  It’s the same exact expression his devil mask made at the masquerade before we— I need air. I can’t breathe.

  I bolt up, dizzy.

  His face lifts up and his brows instantly pull together in concern. “Nash?” He’s giving me that look now, like I’m pissing him off. “Nash, what’s going on in that head of yours?”

  I giggle nervously. It comes out in some snorty-pig-like sound, and I hate my life a little bit more. “Bathroom.” That’s it. That’s a good ruse. I will pretend to use the bathroom and run out of here before I forget I’m supposed to be here to get Mr. Perfect to like me and instead fall for Mr. NoFutureAndNowhereNearPerfect.

  “Let me walk you,” Dex says, sliding his chair back.

  “No!” I yelp, pushing my hands down on his shoulders. My palms feel like they burst into flames.

  Oh, I really need to leave right now.

  “No, really Dex. I’ll be right back. Don’t be silly.”

  He stares up at me, confused.

  I stare back down at him, imagining how intense the orgasm would be if he walked me to the bathroom and I dragged him into one of the stalls.

  He looks from me to the hand I still have on his shoulder and back up to me. I unclench my fist as my chest sparks with embarrassment. “Sorry,” I say pulling my hand away. I pat down the scrunched material of his shirt and smile. “I’ll be right back.”

  No, I won’t.

  I drag myself away from the table and don’t look back as I head to the bathrooms. The farther I walk, the clearer my head gets, and by the time I reach the restrooms, I’m laughing at how absurd I just acted.

  I think I need to stay away from the male species for a while. I can’t seem to control my thoughts around some of them. And right now, the thoughts I’m having about Dex are some of the filthiest things I’ve ever thought. I’m grateful it’s so dark in here; it hides my blush.

  Slipping clumsily between people and chairs, I almost make it to the bathrooms unscathed until I get elbowed in the side and stumble right into the arms of someone.

  “Whoa, whoa.” A voice laughs. “You okay, Jane?”

  I straighten and look up right into Nate’s face. “Oh,” I laugh. “Yes, I’m fine. I just lost my footing.”

  “Good.” His voice is low and slurry.

  We both stand still in the middle of the hallway between the men’s room and the ladies’ room. He steps closer to me and huffs out a sigh. “Did you know she was cheating on me?”

  “What?” I blink up at him, shocked. “No, of course not. Why would I take you all the way to the hospital if I knew she was with someone else?”

  His gaze is locked on mine and my heart is thudding so hard and loud against my chest, it’s painful.

  “You and me kissed at the baseball game.”

  I don’t say anything. I’m too scared. I don’t know where he’s taking this conversation.

  “I’m your Mr. Perfect. Julia told me that.” He leans closer to me, laughing. “I should fuck you until I forget about her.”

  Something deep in my chest cracks.

  “You have a crush on me, don’t you? She said you were in love with me,” he chuckles like he’s said a joke.

  “Nate, I—” I want to tell him everything I feel but he cuts me right off.

  “You’ll get over it,” he smirks.

  I’ll get over it? He stumbles on his feet and lurches forward, grabbing me into a wet sloppy kiss on the corner of my mouth.

  I panic and try to step away and push him off. Then Dex is suddenly there between us, pulling him off of me growling, “Get off of her, Cross.”

  Nate laughs and leans back on his feet, trying to steady himself. “No, Dex, you get off. Get out of here.” He grabs for my hand but I pull it out of his reach. “You’ve already fucked this one, go find some other slut to take home.” He points to me and smiles. “I’m taking this one.”

  Dex stills, then lunges at him, pinning Nate to the wall with his forearm. “Apologize to her.”

  Nate struggles and vomits down the front of his shirt and pants, just missing Dex’s arm. Dex jumps back. “Ah shit, man, really? What are you fourteen?”

  “Dex, stop,” I say, touching my hand to his arm. This is all too much. Nate is drunk and doesn’t even know what he’s saying. And I don’t want either of them arrested for having some stupid bar fight over a misunderstanding.

  Dex whirls on me. “You want to be disrespected like that? That’s okay with you?”

  “That’s not what I meant. He’s just really drunk.”

  Nate tries to wipe off the vomit with his hand, mumbling to himself. I don’t think his head is clear enough to even know what just happened.

  Dex stares at me hard then steps closer to me, looming over me angrily. “You’re going to make excuses for him?”

  “I’m…I’m not.” I glance at Nate who is now leaning against the wall and slowly sliding down to the floor.

  Dex throws up his hands. “Whatever. Go, chase after him. Pick him up off the floor and take care of him like he’s a child.” He goes to step away then stops to face me again. “If a man makes you more upset than happy, if he makes you question your worth or doubt yourself in any way, Jane, then he isn’t worth your time.”

  But Nate was supposed to be my Mr. Perfect—I can still feel that kiss in my heart. I wish I could explain it to Dex, if I could only get the words out, I know he’d understand.

  “Nash,” he curls his index finger under my chin and lifts my head. “That epic love you’re looking for doesn’t come with fireworks and explosions. It comes quiet and easy. It isn’t found in a packed stadium the instant two strangers kiss. It’s built between two people who nurture and support each other.” He backs away, shoulders slumped and sad. “I hope you realize that before it’s too late.”

  Dex storms out of the bar and I’m left in the back hall standing in puke with a drunken Nate smiling stupidly at me.

  Chapter 25

  I remember when I was younger, I had this enormous trampoline in my backyard. I’d invite all the neighborhood kids over and we’d bounce on that thing for hours and hours, every single day. And on every one of those days, I would fall on that stupid trampoline and everyone would just keep jumping around me so I would never be able to get myself back up.

  That’s totally what adult life feels like.

  I’m leaning against the kitchen counter in the office, trying not to think about anything more than finishing my coffee so I can fully function for the rest of the day, when Nate walks in. His clothes are a bit wrinkled and his skin looks ashen, but he gives me a small smile. “Morning. Is there any more of that? I need caffeine.”

  “Yeah, there’s a whole pot.”

  I’m nowhere near the coffee machine but he holds out his mug and winces. “Jane, would you mind?”

  I’m taken aback but I slide my mug on the counter and pour him a cup of coffee. “Thanks,” he whispers when I hand it to him. “Hey, Jane. If I said anything stupid last night, I’m sorry.”

  I nod numbly. He said everything stupid last night. After Dex left, it took me an hour to get Nate to leave the bar, and when we finally got to his apartment, he tried kissing me again and asked me in for a blowjob. He wanted to compare my style to Julia’s. Needless to say, I left in tears. “You were pretty messed up last night.”

  He lowers his gaze and blushes. “I don’t remember anything after we all started doing shots and chasers.” He sips his coffee and grimaces. “I don’t even remember how I got home.”

  My heart stutters. “I took you home,” I whisper.

  His eyes dart up to meet mine. “Really? I don’t remember seeing you there at all.”

  I have the sudden urge to cry. I just don’t know if from sadness or happiness. If he doesn’t recall me being there, he couldn’t have meant all the outlandish hurtful thin
gs he said. But then again, he kept repeating how he should have just stayed at the baseball game with me, how everything would have been so different, so much better.

  “I, um, I called a car for you.”

  He sets his mug down and shifts closer to me. “Did you come home with me?”

  His question makes my insides flip. “Yes, but I just got you in your apartment and I left right after.”

  “All those things Julia said about how you felt for your Kiss Cam guy; they weren’t lies, were they?” His hand lifts and touches the cuff of my sleeve. “You fell in love with me, didn’t you?”

  “Well, that’s not exactly—”

  He steps closer and my mouth stops working. Why should I deny anything? I want to tell him everything that happened, everything I felt and all the crazy things that happened all along the way, but there’s also this tiny nagging feeling that I shouldn’t.

  “She said you looked for me everywhere. You both did.”

  I nod, too afraid my words would betray my confusion, my doubt.

  He reaches up and swipes a loose strand of hair off my forehead. “Let’s keep whatever is going on between us on the down low,” he says, quietly. “I don’t want everyone knowing my business, but I really think we should see what’s happening here.”

  “What’s happening here?” I whisper back, stunned.

  “I don’t know, Kiss Cam girl,” he says walking backward to the door, “but I can’t wait to find out.” He grabs his mug off the counter and raises it up to me. “I’ll see you later.”

  What the hell just happened? What the hell did all of that mean? I rush out of the kitchen and back to my workstation. I need to focus on work and not spend my day picking apart each word and syllable the man spoke to me. I can’t translate any of it alone. Julia isn’t back yet, she’s supposed to come home tonight, but it’s not like I could talk to her about her ex-boyfriend, and there’s no one else I can go to without sounding desperate or pathetic.

  I sit down at my desk and wheel my chair out into the pathway so Dex’s workstation is in my sight. His fingers are tapping away at his keyboard and his profile looks stiff and focused.

  Something in my chest aches as I watch him.

  From inside her office, Gail yells something and laughs, making him look up from his screen. When he sees me, he freezes.

  The ache in my chest spreads out and tightens my skin.

  We stare at each other awkwardly, until his expression melts and he’s on his feet striding toward me. “Hey, Nash.”

  “Dex,” I say, looking up at him.

  “Look, I need to get something off my chest and—”

  “Don’t. Please.” I roll Julia’s chair over for him to sit in. “I know what you were saying last night. I’m not angry and I really don’t want to fight with you about any of this.” I smile as he sits down. “I kind of like our weird friendship.”

  An amused smile cracks over his face as I talk, but he shakes his head as if he’s frustrated with me. “So, you and Nate? You’re going to pursue your friend’s ex-boyfriend?”

  God, when someone says it out like that it sounds awful. “I’m not pursuing anything, Dex.”

  “You could have fooled me last night.”

  “I couldn’t just leave him that drunk to get home on his own, Dex.”

  He stands up and leans his hands on the armrests of my chair. “You’re still holding onto the belief that he might be the love of your life, aren’t you? All because of that kiss cam? If that goddamn camera moved another foot over to the left, it would have me.”

  Tears prick at the corners of my eyes. “You don’t understand, Dex.”

  “I don’t?” he asks, darting his eyes back and forth between mine.

  “No, you don’t,” I say, standing up. “I have to see if there’s something more there. It was real, Dex. For my sanity, I need to see if this is the guy I was meant to be with. I don’t want to wonder about him for the rest of my life.”

  He steps back, shoving his hands in his pockets and shrugs.

  I don’t want to even begin thinking about why his stepping away hurts me the way it does. He takes another step and I have to look away. I don’t want to watch him walk away from me.

  What the hell is wrong with me?

  When Dex gets back to his cubicle, he leans back in his chair and throws his notebook at his wall divider angrily.

  I bolt up, just as angry, and storm over to Gail’s office and pound on her door.

  Dex watches me. I pretend not to notice.

  Gail swings the door open and sticks her head out. “What?”

  I jam my hands on my hips and talk through clenched teeth. “I’m leaving early to—”

  She interrupts me with a fluttery wave of her hands. “Go forth and write wherever your quick little fingers desire, my little money maker.”

  I sigh and walk away. The last three articles I wrote had the most views of any of our articles read online. My career is going well, now why can’t I just straighten out my love life?

  I march past Dex’s area and he’s laughing on his cellphone with someone. Hot sparks flash out across my collarbone, and I want to scream at him and I don’t even know why. I can hear on the other end of the phone the loud voice of a woman and I walk faster, trying to run from the crack that seems to be splitting through my chest.

  Grabbing my stuff off my desk, I rush for the elevator only to stand there and wait for the slowest elevator in the world. Someone should rename it the snailevator.

  After five minutes of me pacing back and forth in front of it, one of the other writers comes to stand next to me, presses the down button and the door immediately slides open.

  I huff out a loud dramatic sigh. I’ve had enough adulting for the day, I just want to go home and crawl back into bed.

  Instead, I hit the bookstore, grocery store, and of course the liquor store, where I once again throw down way too much money to get out of hearing what Mina’s husband won’t let her do any longer with anal beads.

  By the time I get back to my apartment, it’s after five and I’m exhausted. I unpack all my bags and hear Julia pounding on the living room wall. “Hey, bitch. I’m home!”

  I guess she’s back to talking with me again and not blaming me for Nate finding out about her and Pierre Auden Luc. “Hey, how are you?” I ask, unbuttoning my jeans and slipping them down my legs. I kick them in the corner, pull my shirt off my head, and flop onto my couch.

  Julia doesn’t answer me back, so I throw on a pair of sweats and grab a bottle of wine and head over. I knock on her door, and when she opens it, I wave the bottle of wine up to her face.

  Except it’s not her face that answers the door—it’s Nate’s.

  My heart sinks, and I feel sick and dizzy. I almost drop the wine, but he grabs it out of my hands with a smile. “Look, Jules. Jane brought you wine.” He shifts me through the door with a hand at the small of my back and what feels like another choking me.

  Julia is standing in the doorway of her bathroom with a crutch under each arm. “I’m just running to the bathroom and then we’ll have a glass. Nate? Could you open the wine?”

  “Sure,” he says, walking into the kitchen for three glasses and the wine opener. I stare at him, in utter disbelief.

  I’m even more shocked when he slides up to me, cups his hands around my face and kisses me. His lips are drying and cool, softer than I remember. My pulse races in my veins and his hands are grasping at my breasts, squeezing way too tightly. The pipes in the wall creak with the flush of the toilet, and the bathroom door squeaks open. Nate shoves me away and I stumble back, and almost fall into the coffee table.

  Rage boils my blood. “What the fuck?” I growl at him.

  He shakes his head and narrows his eyes. “What? Do you think I’m going to be faithful to her now? Come on, Jane.”

  “You think this has to do with her still? This has to do with me, you stupid asshole,” I whisper, as Julia comes hobbling out of the hallway
and into the living room.

  “Thank you for the wine, Janie. Come sit down and have a glass with us.”

  “No,” I say, backing away to the door. “I have a ton of stuff to do. I just thought I’d drop this off for you guys.”

  Nate helps her sit down and hands her a glass of wine. I hate that I just gave them my wine. I want my wine back. I paid extra for that wine and neither of them deserve to have it.

  “Hey, hold up. Can I talk to you outside?” Nate asks.

  “No, you don’t have to—”

  He ushers me out anyway, and I round on him once the door to Julia’s apartment is closed. “Dex was right about you.”

  “Dex is an asshole. You know he wouldn’t even let me go with you to the sex club, I wanted to watch you—I wanted you.”

  “You want me to be a secret. What did you say to me before?” I fold my arms over my chest and bark out a hurt laugh. “You wanted to keep us on the down low. Dex was right, you don’t respect me at all.”

  “Look, you can’t believe Dex, he might act like your friend but look what he did after he banged you at the party…”

  He emailed me over and over again. He called a truce and watched Netflix with me and cooked me breakfast and became my friend and…

  Nate grabs me by the shoulders and levels his eyes with mine. “Babe, look. Forget about him, he’s just crushing on you. Me and you? We had that incredible connection at the baseball game. You fell in love with me. Remember? Julia doesn’t have to know anything about us.”

  I push his hands off me and storm back inside Julia’s apartment. “Julia?” I say.

  She looks up over the rim of her wine glass at me.

  “Are you back with Nate?”

  She holds up her hand and twinkles a bright shiny diamond ring at me. “He gave me an offer I couldn’t refuse.”

  I wait for the sick feeling to rip through my stomach, but it doesn’t come. I look down wondering when my chest will explode into thousands of pieces, but it stays whole and beating steadily. When will my knees drop and I sob out his name? When will the dam of my rage burst open and I flood her with the knowledge Nate was my Mr. Perfect first, my Kiss Cam guy?