Elvis The Sani Man

by Ian Todd

  “You jist mind and stay well away fae they Black Butchers up in Possil,” wan ae his captors hid growled at him, as the back door ae the van hid been slammed shut and he’d waited, the reverberation ringing in his ears, counting oot the allotted five minutes, before dashing hame tae find oot if his wife and wean wur still alive.

  It hid taken him two weeks ae sitting staring intae space, bit he knew whit needed tae be done. He’d inform Mrs Purple that he couldnae go back oot wae the polis oan any mair raids. He’d remind her that his job description said that him and his team wid help the polis wae investigations relating tae public health in food ootlets like shoaps and restaurants within communities and places ae work. His remit never mentioned anything aboot being involved in kicking doon the doors ae black butcher factories and abattoirs up in a place as wild as Possil. He didnae think Duggie Dougan wid lose sleep o’er that. In fact, him no being visible wid probably help reduce The Inspector’s cholesterol levels. He knew he hid a job tae dae. Mags knew where he wis, and so far, hidnae come looking fur him. Everything must be okay back at the fort. It wis time tae shake himsel doon and tae get that arse ae his back oot oan tae the street, tae whit he wis good at. He looked across towards the geezer. The queue hid died doon. Everywan wis either sitting, staring intae space or hivving a wee contemplative smoke as they searched fur the meaning ae life in the white ash hinging aff the ends ae their fags. He looked intae his mug and sighed. Despite everything, there wis always time fur a refill, he telt himsel, as he stood up, noticing aw the eyes in the room avoiding his. Good. He could get back tae working oot his next move in figuring oot how tae get that good Vauxhall 1957 Cresta PA ae his back oan the road. That wid show them.

  Chapter Sixty Two

  “So, whit’s new?” Wan-bob asked his right-haun man.

  “Did ye clock the wee sign oan the ootside ae the windae as ye came in?”

  “Ah never look at menus. Ah always know whit Ah want. It disnae take much tae satisfy ma culinary urges, so it disnae.”

  “Culinary?”

  “Grub.”

  “Oh, right.”

  “So, the sign? Whit aboot it?” Wan-bob asked, chomping intae his well-fired roll and square sausage.

  “It says this place will be shutting doon oan Friday the 24th ae this month due tae the imminent demolition ae the building and that they jist wanted tae thank aw their customers, auld and new, fur aw their support o’er the years,” Charlie replied, through a moothful ae grub.

  “Aye, it’s a shame. Ah’ve been coming in here fur years. Ah’ll miss it. Ah think they call it progress nooadays.”

  “They’ll live tae regret it, these toon planners sitting oan their arses doon in The Corporation, so they will. They’ll be hate figures fur decades tae come wance the multi-storey boxes they’re throwing up start tae fall apart at the seams in a few years’ time. We should maybe get intae the renovation business. That’s the future, so it is.”

  “Aye, somewan’s making a buck there, so they ur.”

  “Ah spotted a group ae wee manky toe rags playing doon in Anderston a few days ago. They still looked manky as fuck, bit it jist wisnae the same wae aw that new concrete as a backdrop rather than dirty auld tenements behind them. Shame really.”

  “Anyway, talking ae manky arses. Whit’s happening?”

  “Ah spoke tae The Atalian Stallion and he says that it’s business as usual. They’ve goat nothing oan Billy McCrae other than that he picked up Herbie Maxwell unlicensed and taxied him doon tae Betty’s Bar and back up the road again. McCrae is claiming that Herbie then goat him tae taxi him aboot. How wis he tae know that Herbie wis a coke dealer? He wisnae gonnae knock back a regular stream ae income, seeing as him and Terry Marshall hid jist started up their wee fledgling taxi company.”

  “And the charges?”

  “As Ah awready telt ye a few weeks ago, that brief ae theirs, Graham Portoy, hid him oot the same day. Mickey Sherlock, heid ae the flying squad doon in Serious Crime and Intelligence wis shitting nails, bit there wis nothing he could dae bit release him. Sherlock says that the investigation’s in its early stages and that charges ur pending.”

  “In other words, they’ve goat fuck aw oan him.”

  “Aye.”

  “And the coke?”

  “The Atalian said that the loss is oors as it wis wae oor man. He claimed that he wis jist daeing us a favour by lending us Billy McCrae, the tight fisted cunt,” Charlie cursed, as Wan-bob chuckled. “Whit?”

  “The basturt’s only daeing whit we wid’ve done. Whoever taught him, his a lot tae answer fur,” Wan-bob replied, as the baith ae them chuckled, taking bites oot ae their rolls and sausage.

  “See that pair across there?” Barbara Allen asked, nodding.

  “Whit pair?”

  “That pair, two-in, facing the door, wae their backs tae the wall?”

  “Whit aboot them?” Geraldine asked, peering across at the smartly-dressed customers.

  “The wan wae the striped club tie is Wan-bob Broon.”

  “Whit? The gangster?” Geraldine exclaimed, looking closer this time.

  “Shush! Ye don’t want them tae think we’re talking aboot them,” Mrs Purple whispered. “The other wan is Charlie Hastie, his right-haun man.”

  “Christ, Ah thought they wur staff…consultants or something fae across the road. Jeez, Ah wonder whit they’re daeing sitting in here?”

  “Eating rolls and square sausage, the same as us,” The Cooncillor replied, smiling, taking a bite.

  “Dae ye know them like?”

  “Naw. They’re the buggers that control the black butchers’ market in the north ae the city. They’ve goat a bloody cheek eating the sausages in here insteid ae the stinking horsemeat that they expect everywan else tae eat up in Possil and Springburn. Ah’ve been approached a few times by their lackeys, asking if Ah’d be interested in making a few bob. Of course, Ah sent them packing. They’re worse than testicular cancer that pair.”

  “Ouch,” Geraldine winced, smiling.

  “Anyway, ye said there’s a problem?”

  “Lesley Bare seemingly agreed tae get us the file oan Rose Bain.”

  “Really?” The Purple Dove purred, leaning forward, sounding surprised.

  “Aye, bit it comes at a price.”

  “Whit?”

  “That rapist man ae hers gets tae walk.”

  “Aye, Ah kin see why that wid be a problem,” she murmured, draining the tea fae her cup. “Whit’s the wife ae Elvis The Sani Man saying aboot that then?”

  “Well, obviously she isnae happy, bit believes her situation shouldnae haud back justice fur the rest ae the wummin.”

  “That’s the kind ae sister we need in the movement. Wummin that ur prepared tae sacrifice themsels fur the needs ae the majority. That’s real heroism, so it is,” The Purple Dove sighed, topping up the cups wae tea.

  “The problem is getting the file oot ae the building. They’ve tightened up the security since The Provisionals and The Loyalists hiv stepped up their recruitment and fundraising across here. She kin get access, bit the problem is getting it oot past the security desks.”

  “Whit else is happening?” Wan-bob asked, burping, wiping his fingers oan the paper napkin.

  “Wan ae The Gruesome Twosome hid a go at John The Haun and Mockit Michael ootside wan ae the boozers up oan Saracen Street a couple ae nights ago.”

  “Which wan?”

  “That big thick prick, Priestly. It started tae get oot ae haun, so it did. Priestly withdrew his baton. He wanted tae know whit the fuck Mockit Michael wis daeing across in Possil fae Partick.”

  “Did anywan get hurt?”

  “Naw. There wis a stand-aff in front ae a crowd ae punters, bit The Sarge withdrew.”

  “Whit hiv Ah telt they fucking eejits? Did Ah no say that Ah wanted them tae lie low and stay aff the streets? Wis that Black Pat involved?” Wan-bob growled, gieing they lips ae his a good wipe, scowling.

  “Well, if he wis, he certain
ly wisnae visible, that’s fur sure. Ah picked up that he’d been back in the toon recently though.”

  “A meeting?”

  “Ah think so.”

  “Who else wis there?”

  “Other than Black Pat and John The Haun, Ah hear Willie Commotion and Streaky John put in an appearance. Four Fingers Ralston wis oan security.”

  “Where wis the meeting held?”

  “Ah’m no sure. Ah’m trying tae find oot, bit it wis definitely up in Possil, so it wis.”

  “Did ye actually see the letters that the poliswummin wrote, Geraldine?”

  “She lifted them oot ae her bag that wis sitting oan the chair next tae her and plapped them oan the table. Ah nearly gied birth, so Ah did.”

  “So, whit dae ye think?”

  “Whit dae Ah think? It’s hard tae say. They looked like a bunch ae envelopes that hid been opened that wur held thegither by a wee faded pink bow.”

  “Ye mentioned a bow. Dae ye think that’s significant?”

  “Ah doubt it. That’s whit they wur held thegither wae. She wis terribly upset when Ah refused tae touch them, let alane accept them aff ae her.”

  “So, she wis desperate then?”

  “Ah’m no sure desperate is the right word. She wis mair upset than anything else.”

  “So, is she undercover?”

  Silence.

  “Tae be honest wae ye, Ah’m no sure,” Geraldine replied eventually, shrugging they shoulders ae hers.

  “Whit time dae ye hiv tae get back?” The Purple Dove asked, looking up, as a couple ae nurses came in and sat at a table by the windae. “Ah thought youse wurnae allowed tae wear yer uniforms oot oan the street?”

  “We’re no, unless we’re at the training block roond the corner. And Ah’m okay fur a wee while yet,” she replied, hivving a quick glance at the watch hinging fae her chest.

  “So, whit’s that prick Dougan and that pair ae apes ae his up tae then?”

  “They’re wrecking everything they come across and flogging anything worth mair than a few bob. Ah think somewan’s tipping them aff. There’s absolutely nothing happening across there noo. There’s nae money coming in fae the meat.”

  “This meeting. Ye don’t think they daft basturts ur gonnae try anything stupid, dae ye?”

  “Like whit?”

  “Ah don’t know.”

  “Well, Ah kin always find oot, bit it’ll let them know we’re oan tae them.”

  “That fucking Dougan. Who wid’ve thought he wid’ve hid the baws tae try and take us oan, eh? The greedy basturt. We might hiv tae up the ante and intervene if this get’s oot ae haun. We cannae expect Black Pat and they boys ae his tae lie low furever. They’ll end up gaun oot and daeing something stupid that we urnae in control ae and who knows whit the fuck will hit us then.”

  “Nah. They’re thick as mince that lot. They won’t cross us. We jist need tae keep the squeeze oan them and let them know we’re watching whit’s gaun oan fae oor side ae the fence. They don’t hiv the baws tae cross us.”

  “Whit’s happening wae Blind Bill and they forty thousand thieves ae his?”

  “Moaning like fuck, bit he’s still paying Dougan and it’s business as usual in the toon centre. Ah clocked wan ae his wee wans lifting a purse oot ae some poor wummin’s haunbag at the bus stoap ootside The Glesga Echo oan Hope Street a few days ago as we wur crawling past in the traffic. It wis The Goat that clocked him first.”

  “Charlie, you and the boys keep tabs oan Black Pat. Anything, and Ah mean anything, that looks like they’re ready tae strike back at Dougan or The Gruesomes, you let me know, day or night. They’re too undisciplined, they basturts, and Ah don’t trust them, so Ah don’t.”

  “Don’t you worry, Wan-bob. Ah’m oan tae them, so Ah mur.”

  “So, who’s goat the demolition contract fur this place then?” Wan-bob asked, looking aboot the interior as if noticing it fur the first time.

  “Us. Dae ye want another pot ae tea?”

  “Sounds fine and dandy tae me, Charlie boy.”

  “While Ah kin see the need tae be cautious, that’s no the problem here. The real problem in the city is that there ur so many sisters getting involved in other worthwhile crusades that ur taking away fae the main issues that need tae be addressed first,” The Purple Dove moaned. “We need tae prioritise. Ah mean, gluing up butcher shoap locks? How is that gonnae progress the revolution? We aw need tae be working thegither. That’s where the authorities hiv us o’er a barrel, so it is. While we’re aff daeing oor ain thing, they’re sitting there using aw their plentiful resources against us. Take young Senga fur example. Aw that energy fur somewan, a man at that, who’s clearly a wee thug. Did he no cheat oan her before he goat jailed? Ah mean, honest tae God, Geraldine?”

  “She’s in love.”

  “Love? Oh, fur Christ sake, Geraldine,” The Purple Dove scoffed. “We’re aw in love, bit tae waste they talents oan somewan like him? The revolution should supersede everything. We kin aw go back tae oor wee pet projects wance the big day comes. Ah went tae a union meeting efter staunin freezing ma arse aff up at Stobhill. Oh, youse aw done a good job there, so youse did, Geraldine, hen, bit honestly? Ye should’ve heard that Mary Pollock wan shouting that we need tae keep the pressure oan the government aboot equality fur aw. She wisnae happy when Ah telt her tae furget everything else and concentrate and focus oan the management in oor ain organisations first before tackling everywan else. She kept gaun oan aboot wummin’s issues in the workplace, bit clearly missing the point. Aye, Ah telt her that we should demand tae know whit the unions ur prepared tae dae aboot the plight ae wummin, bit there’s an alternative approach other than printing leaflets and writing tae male union bosses and auld-school MPs. If looks could kill, Ah wid’ve been deid long before the end ae the meeting efter Ah stood up and telt everywan that being sexually assaulted and harassed at work wisnae a wummin’s issue…it wis everywan’s issue. Of course, she came up tae me at the end ae the meeting and said that although she agreed wae ma sentiments, people hid other things in their lives tae contend wae as well. Anyway, that’s ma rant o’er wae fur the time being. Leave the wee nurse’s file problem wae me the noo and Ah’ll get back tae ye. Ah know somewan who might be able tae help us oot there. She kin be a pain in the arse wae that cutting cynicism ae hers, bit she usually delivers at the end ae the day. It’ll cost me plenty, nae doubt, and Ah’m no talking aboot money either…brrr,” The Purple Dove shivered, shaking they shoulders ae hers tae emphasise her point, as Geraldine sat and wondered whit sacrifices The Purple Dove wid be prepared tae make oan behauf ae the movement.

  “Oh, Ah meant tae ask ye, is there any truth in the rumours that The Silver Arrow is a wummin?”

  “Ah wish,” The Purple Dove laughed. “That’s a rumour we’ve been peddling fur a wee while noo. It looks like The Glesga Echo is starting tae pick up oan it seeing as he’s done a disappearing act. Mind you, why no? It could be a sister fur aw we know. That famous photo ae the driver wae the clenched fist held up, appearing oot ae the burning brake smoke in Anniesland looks feminine, so it dis. Jean Kilpatrick, Professor ae History at Glesga University his studied the photo and she’s convinced that it’s a wummin. She said that the forensic lab at the university his been comparing the clenched fist wae world champion drivers like Jim Clark and Jackie Stewart when they held up their hauns efter they won their races and that it definitely belongs tae wan ae us. Wouldn’t that be fantastic?”

  “Okay, great. Look, Ah’m gonnae hiv tae nip back across the road. Let me know if anything comes up,” Geraldine announced suddenly, staunin up, leaving The Cooncillor tae pay the bill.

  Chapter Sixty Three

  “Right, is that everywan?” Daddy Jackson asked, looking at the braids roond the table, doon in Central.

  “That’s us aw present and correct, Daddy,” Billy Liar confirmed, shutting o’er the boardroom door as the big ticking clock at the far end ae the room struck wan.

  “Right then, Ah
hope youse ur aw sitting comfortably,” Daddy said, as the lighters roond the table scraped intae life and ashtrays started sliding towards the smokers.

  “O’er tae yersel, Mickey.”

  “Has anywan heard ae a call sign, Fox Skulk wan?” The Chief Inspector fae Serious Crime and Intelligence asked them.

  Silence.

  “Okay, how aboot Fox Skulk Three then?”

  Silence.

  “Ah’ll take that as a naw then,” he acknowledged, lighting up a fag, before continuing. “Ah wis talking tae a pal ae mine in Special Branch a few days ago and he asked me if we’d changed oor call signs. Seemingly, some ae his boys picked up some traffic in the centre and north ae the city.”

  “The north?” Duggie Dougan interrupted, sounding surprised. “Whit? Possil?”

  “There wur two wee interferences. The first mentioned The City Café three Saturdays ago oan the 13th September. We assume he wis referring tae The City Cafe up oan Castle Street. The caller, this Fox Skulk Wan, wis talking tae a Fox Skulk Three, reporting back and asking whit he should dae next.”

  “Next?” Billy asked.

  “He said the subject hid left the café. This Fox Skulk Three then asked where ‘their’ friend wis. Fox Skulk Wan replied that she wis still sitting in the café, bubbling.”

  “As in greeting?” Bobby asked oan behauf ae them aw.

  “Sitting greeting tae hersel,” Mickey confirmed. “And that this Fox Skulk Wan should return tae base.”

  “If they’re gieing themsels numbers, then there must be mair ae the basturts.”

  “So, whit aboot Possil, Mickey?”

  “The other wan wis three nights ago up oan Saracen Street, ootside The Tavern. A polis sergeant wis in an altercation wae two guys. Wan wis Mockit Michael and the other wis John The Haun. Seemingly, the sergeant whipped oot his baton, so he did.”

  “Aye, that wid’ve been Shane Priestly,” Duggie acknowledged.