The Library War

by Cecily Wolfe

  Even better, she would have a good time and make the sort of memories of that night that her mother had convinced her would be important to her in the future.

  The summer job was based entirely on Lindsay’s opinion of her, and Lindsay liked Conner just as much as she liked Maya. Maybe more.

  She would have to come up with a way to keep Lindsay impressed with her work, without making Conner look bad. The job was important to her, but not enough to really come between her and Conner, even if Conner didn’t quite understand that she needed this job more than he wanted it.

  Usually they helped each other with this kind of thing, supported each other’s efforts and goals. Fighting for the same prize wasn’t something she had ever expected.

  Maya scooped the layers of rice that hadn’t fused themselves to the bottom of the pan into a large mixing bowl and filled the pan with water, hoping that would help her scrape the remnants from it later when she washed the dishes. She turned off the burner with the skillet of meat and was about to drain the grease into a jar when the doorbell rang.

  If it was someone selling something, she just wasn’t going to open the door. She and her mother had played that game before, looking out the kitchen window and assessing the attire and accessories of an unknown visitor before deciding if it was best to act like no one was home.

  When she glanced out of the window, however, the person who rang the doorbell was staring right back at her, so there was no way she could pretend not to be there, even if she wanted to.

  And she did want to.

  Conner stood staring at the front door of Maya’s house, where he had stood hundreds, no, thousands of times before, never once hesitating. This is silly, he thought, shaking his head. He looked up at the kitchen window and saw Maya’s face as she moved around at the sink.

  How many times had he washed dishes or cut vegetables at that sink with her, either with her mother overseeing their efforts or making their own creations, sometimes with her mother in mind so she would have something ready to eat when she came home from work.

  They had always laughed and talked while they worked, but Maya’s expression was almost blank, tired or worried, somehow unreadable, even to him.

  He wanted to step up and wrap his arms around her, pull her close against him and just be together without speaking. Somehow whatever was wrong between them had to be made right.

  The doorbell sounded loud in his ears as it echoed throughout the house, and he saw the moment Maya realized he was on her front step.

  She did not look happy to see him, but she nodded and turned away. A few moments later, the door opened in front of him, and Maya stood there, one hand on the doorknob and the other holding a kitchen towel.

  They watched each other without a word until she backed up, pulling the door open wider so he could come in.

  “Did you get all the shopping done?”

  Clearly, Maya had most likely never been dress shopping with another girl her age before, Conner surmised. After two dress changes in a third store with Kaylie, he pleaded a headache that was completely real and left, Jason’s revelation about his feelings for Maya like a weight on his chest.

  “Nah. Those two are still at it, though. I think Jason has a higher threshold for fashion discussion than I do.”

  He smiled, relieved when she smiled back, hers a small but genuine expression.

  “Come on in. I shouldn’t have to say that.” Maya turned away and headed back into the kitchen. He followed, taking a look at the skillet on the stove and the pan in the sink. There were green peppers on the counter on a cutting board, and cans of tomato sauce lined up neatly under the window.

  “Can I help?”

  Maya nodded in response, picking up the skillet and standing at the counter, where a jar with a white layer of solid grease stood. Conner didn’t want to disturb her as she drained the fat from the ground beef, remembering a time when they had made tacos and spilled the grease all over the floor.

  They had taken turns scrubbing the floor until the slimy film was gone, but her mom hadn’t yelled at them at all. She was usually too tired to yell at them, although it was rare they did anything that he thought would upset her.

  Now that he was close to Maya, he saw that her face was red, and the whites of her eyes were pink, like she had been crying. Maya wasn’t usually a crier, not unless something was really wrong.

  “I don’t like whatever this is.”

  As soon as he said the words, he realized that they didn’t make any sense, at least outside of his head.

  Maya didn’t take her eyes off the skillet, which she set down on the counter by the sink before sliding the glass jar back into a corner and out of the way, most likely to avoid any accidental spills.

  “Green peppers. Since when do you not like green peppers? Besides, I didn’t invite you to dinner, you know.” Maya spoke matter-of-factly, without a trace of emotion or annoyance in her voice or expression. She didn’t even look at him as she answered, but kept her eyes on her own hands as she continued to move bowls and utensils around in front of her.

  He shook his head as she spoke, but he had a feeling she knew exactly what he was talking about, and was the only person in the world who could. Before he could stop himself, he reached out and took her arm, sliding his hand around the inside of her elbow. He relaxed a little when she didn’t pull away.

  “I know we both want the job at the library. I know the prom stuff is stressful, for some ridiculous reason. But we’re best friends. We can’t let anything come between us.”

  Before he finished speaking, her eyes shifted up towards him, her lashes fluttering just a little as if she had been taken off guard. She opened her lips but didn’t say anything as their gazes locked. He wasn’t sure if she meant to lean closer to him or if she just mis-stepped, but he let his hand slide up her arm and rest on her shoulder as they stood in silence.

  “Maya,” he started, but as soon as her name came out of his mouth she moved away, and without a second thought, he closed the distance between them and pressed his lips to hers. When she kissed him back, he couldn’t help smiling as he relaxed against her, relieved that even without speaking, something had just been resolved between them.

  Chapter Sixteen

  Maya was so stunned she couldn’t move. She was kissing her best friend, who just happened to be the boy she was certain she was in love with. There was something comforting, something so right, about his arms around her, holding her as if he never wanted to let go, and the softness of his lips on hers. She had never kissed anyone before, so there was nothing to compare it to, but she was sure it was absolutely incomparable.

  Wait. What had he said, before she backed away? Was he trying to manipulate her into agreeing with him?

  She didn’t want to stop kissing him, but as soon as doubt crept into her thoughts about his motives for doing so, she had to. He wouldn’t use a kiss as a way to get her to back off from the job, would he? The prom stuff was only annoying because he and Kaylie seemed to have something going on between them, but if that was true, what was he doing kissing her now?

  Her hands moved to defend her thoughts, coming between the two of them to push Conner away, just as she stepped back. His frown seemed genuine, and the confusion in his eyes made her ache to pull him back to her and kiss him again.

  Before he could speak, she held up a hand to stop him. He blinked slowly, as if he needed to clear his vision.

  “You can’t convince me to stop working towards getting this job. I want it, and I need it. Kissing me isn’t going to get me to drop it so you can have it.”

  She crossed her arms as she spoke, and Conner’s lashes fluttered as his blinking sped up. When he leaned towards her she leaned back, although there were several feet between them already.

  “What are you talking about?” His voice was low and quiet with a hint of anger in it.

  Had she made a mistake? Was she reading too much into this?

  “Why kiss me now? Af
ter going shopping with Kaylie, who is obviously crazy about you. Like every other girl at school.”

  “Where is this coming from? I kissed you because I wanted to kiss you.”

  That didn’t explain anything. How many reasons could someone have for kissing another person? What reason did Conner have?

  One that he wasn’t being upfront about with her.

  “And, might I remind you, I was only shopping with Kaylie and Jason without you because you didn’t want to come. I was worried about you, so I left them, and came here to see if you were okay.”

  He covered his face with his hands and shook his head. Maya wanted to reach out and take his hands away, hold them in her own, but she was unsure. This was Conner, after all, Conner who had walked with her every day to school, to the library, and had his mother maintain a steady supply of ice cream sandwiches in their freezer for whenever she stopped over.

  Which was nearly every single day since they had become friends six years ago.

  This was too confusing, and Conner was too close for her to think straight. She walked away and sat down at the kitchen table, leaning onto her elbows and resting her face in her hands.

  Conner’s footsteps came towards her, and she heard them stop for a moment beside her before he went around the table to sit across from her.

  “I don’t want to just ask what’s wrong, because I don’t think it’s that easy. Is it?”

  When he spoke, she dropped her hands and let her arms fall onto the table. Conner reached out and took them in his own, and she didn’t move, allowing him to curl his fingers around hers as she tried to sort out her thoughts.

  He was right. There was more than one problem at work here. At least he was acknowledging that, and not trying to make it seem like that kiss had fixed everything.

  “No, but the big issue is the job. We both know it.”

  The words came out louder than she expected them to, harsher and more accusing than she felt. She wasn’t about to let him off the hook when it came to the library, but she was hoping that he’d realize that she was the one who should get it. It still didn’t make sense that he didn’t understand, and wasn’t supportive of this.

  He nodded and looked at their entwined hands.

  “I want you to know that I’m not interested in Kaylie, and I thought we were pretty clear with both Kaylie and Jason that this prom date was as friends.”

  He paused, sighing a little before he took an audible breath and continued. Maya frowned, more than a little concerned about what would make him stop before going on.

  “Jason asked me if we were together. You and me. He thinks you’re great, and he’s hoping that you will give him a chance.”

  Maya pulled her hands away and tucked them into her lap, clasping them together tightly. Was he trying to fix her up with Jason now? Was that kiss nothing more than an impulse?

  “So, you’re saying I should date Jason?”

  It was the only thing she could think of to say. She had put her cards on the table, the library job front and center of her thoughts. All he could respond with was that Jason thought she was great?

  When he shook his head, she sighed. She didn’t care how loud it was.

  “I have no idea what’s going on here, but seriously, my big concern is this job. At this point, I don’t care who you date, or who you think I should date, and I’m sorry I dragged you into this prom thing. You have no idea how sorry I am.”

  Maya’s words struck him hard, like a slap across his face.

  She didn’t care who he dated? Wasn’t she just kissing him? Did that mean nothing to her?

  “Wait. I know how much you want the job. I think you know how much I want it, too. But everything else . . . seriously, I have no idea what’s going on in your head.”

  As he spoke, he tried to catch her eye, but she was looking down at the table, hunched over like she was trying to curl into herself and hide. He was fairly certain she had bailed on the shopping expedition because she just didn’t like shopping, excusing herself because she said she didn’t feel well, but now he wondered if she didn’t have a headache.

  It wasn’t like her to back off like this, physically, even if she was verbally assertive.

  “The job is all that matters right now. It has to be. School is almost over, and I have nothing else lined up to make the money I need for the fall and spring.”

  Her voice was quiet but had a clear edge, as if she was daring him to contradict her. He had no reason to; he knew what she was saying was true, hadn’t he just validated that a moment ago?

  “I get it. You know that I want it, too, for different reasons. But we can work around this, can’t we? I’m doing all this prom stuff for you. Not just because you asked, but because I think we can all have a good time.”

  When she lifted her head, finally looking at him as he admitted that his agreement to go to the prom was a favor to her, which she already knew, her eyes flashed darkly. He thought she was shaking, but the room wasn’t cold in the least bit.

  “I know you’re going because I asked you to. I know you asked Kaylie because I pressured you into it. Now I think you’re using it to distract me from the job.”

  She held up a hand to stop him as he tried to speak, and he bit his lower lip. His head felt like a basketball had slammed into it, as if his thoughts were scrambled, and he wished they could go back to the kiss they had only just been sharing, before she had pushed him away and words came between them.

  “I don’t want to ruin the event for Jason and Kaylie. They’re both good people, and I think we can agree on that, if nothing else.”

  What did she mean, nothing else? Conner frowned, hoping Maya could see how confused he was. If she could just stop, and let him explain his own feelings . . .

  “But I will not back down from this job. I think if you don’t support me in this, you aren’t the friend I thought you were.”

  If she stopped talking now, Conner thought, stunned, there was no way he would be able to speak. Never once in all these years had either one of them doubted their friendship. Never. He knew his mouth was hanging open, but he didn’t make any effort to close it. She had to know how much her words shocked him.

  Did she really mean what she was saying, or was she just angry? They had spent time venting their anger over other people together, but those few times when they had merely been annoyed with each other only took a few hours apart before resolving themselves. Not being together was always much worse than anything else.

  “Why are you surprised? Did you think that kissing me would get me to give up?”

  Conner started to laugh. He couldn’t help himself, even when Maya scowled as he shook his head.

  “You have got to be kidding.”

  His words came out one at a time in the midst of his laughter. The very idea that he, or anyone, could distract Maya when she was determined to do something was absolutely ridiculous. He stood up, not sure what he planned to do, but he had to make her see that she was way off the mark.

  Of course he hadn’t kissed her for any other reason than he wanted to, had been wanting to for months now, and had never found the courage or the right time to do it. He hadn’t even been thinking about kissing her when it happened.

  Maya stood up as soon as he reached her side of the table, one of her hands fisted beside her, as the other gripped the back of her chair. Her face was flushed, and he worried for a moment that she might really be sick.