The Library War

by Cecily Wolfe

  All that stood between her and that milestone was prom.

  And Jason, who was suddenly in front of her.

  “Hey, Maya,” his smile was untrampled by exam stress, and Maya wasn’t surprised. She offered him a smile of her own, one that was definitely wilted and uninspired. “We’re done, for good. And tomorrow night, we celebrate.”

  He leaned in closer to her, and she frowned, wondering what he was up to.

  “Conner didn’t tell you where we were going for dinner, did he?”

  They started to walk away, down the hall towards the front doors, and Maya felt the shiver that ran through her when Conner was nearby. She didn’t look for him, though, keeping her attention on Jason instead.

  With no more exams to stress about, she also didn’t have anything to focus on to keep her mind off Conner.

  Now she was going to have to go to the library and spend two hours much too close to him. They had only been there one other day that week, pressured by Lindsay to stay home and study, and, after Maya accused Conner of shifting a section of books just to confuse her when she was shelf reading, to cool off.

  Maya hoped that Lindsay understood that if she got this job, she wouldn’t have those sorts of problems. She would be working there, and Conner wouldn’t.

  Problem and distraction solved.

  The library without Conner. What was that going to be like? Like a paycheck, she reminded herself, smiling at Jason and shaking her head to answer his question. It made no difference to her where they had dinner, as long as she was able to sit with Jason and stay as far away from Conner as possible.

  Jason and Kaylie had acted like nothing was wrong, but the bad acting technique she and Conner shared had barely gotten them through lunch times, and both of their prom dates had watched them with what appeared to be amusement and most likely, pity. For terrible performances. For a failed friendship.

  She wasn’t about to let them down at prom, though. Best behavior, smiles to light up the night. Everything like a Hallmark Channel movie, except the kissing part. The only boy she wanted to kiss was Conner, and that was beyond unfortunate.

  Maya laid the palm of her hand on her forehead and looked at Jason, making eye contact and hoping that she didn’t sound obnoxious. Fortunately, her voice came out sounding as tired as she felt, with no trace of sarcasm.

  “I trust your judgement, and I’m sure Kaylie does to. She probably likes surprises, so anywhere we go should be fine.”

  Jason tilted his head questioningly, his smile unwavering.

  “Are you saying you don’t like surprises?”

  She had walked right into that one, Maya realized, but fought to keep her expression calm. She liked certain surprises, like Conner at her front door at midnight, just wanting to talk after a frustrating discussion with his parents. Or Conner suddenly lifting her up and throwing her into the city pool in the summer, when he had gone with her and the boys she babysat, making the boys laugh as she resurfaced, unable to hide her own smile.

  “Honestly, Maya, I hope we can all relax and have a good time. That’s what it’s all about right? I’m not talking about the hokey pokey here, I hope you know.”

  Jason was probably the only person their age who would make such a comment. The more she got to know him, the more she understood why Conner got along with him so well. Sometimes, though, she wished he would get a little mad, or show some emotion that wasn’t positive.

  No one could be this content with life all the time, it wasn’t natural.

  Conner’s plan to meet up with Jason and hang out long enough for Maya to gain a lead on him on the walk to the library after exams wasn’t working out. Jason was with Maya, and Maya was gazing at his friend, or he guessed he could call Jason their friend now, with definite interest, like she was trying to figure him out.

  Why would she make such an effort if she wasn’t interested in Jason? Not that it was any of his business, any more than what he did was any of hers. Their entire relationship was now based on avoiding each other, and seeing who could be more focused on shelving books correctly or shelf reading to perfection.

  It wasn’t like they both couldn’t do those tasks in the dark and unconscious already.

  Except when they were both distracted by each other.

  He couldn’t deny that he missed Maya’s habit of peeking around the shelves to wave a significant book at him, one that they joked about or loved, or one that she thought would interest him.

  Lindsay had added a new book on coaching to the display by the front doors, and he knew that under normal circumstances, Maya would have grabbed it and checked it out for him, knowing that he wanted to learn all he could about working with children. Teaching and coaching basketball had been his goal since the middle of their freshman year, when he confided that his own coach was one of the reasons why he could play so well.

  Maya was the other.

  If Maya wasn’t the primary reason behind much of the good in his life, she was a secondary one. He realized that he had been standing still and staring at Jason and Maya for a little too long for no one else to notice.

  As movement appeared in his peripheral vision, Conner stepped forward and away from whoever was approaching and willed his beating heart to calm down enough for him to speak clearly and like nothing was wrong before he opened his mouth.

  “I was wondering where you were,” Jason’s smile grew larger when he noticed Conner, but Maya looked away, as if there was something more interesting in the other direction. In a few days, there would be no school left to bring them together, and he had no idea what Maya planned to do with her time afterwards.

  Would she spend more or less time at the library, volunteering? Had she been looking for a job, or pinning all her hopes on the one at the library?

  Lindsay hadn’t said anything to either of them since last week, at least not about the job. All three of the librarians had been watching them both, more than they normally did, but maybe Conner was being paranoid. About exams, the job, about Maya.

  About the possibility of a future without her.

  “I’m waiting for the reality of the end of it all to hit me,” Conner offered with a small smile, forcing his eyes to stay on Jason instead of drifting, as they wanted, to Maya. Jason’s own gaze flickered over to her, and his eyebrows creased just enough for Conner to notice. Was the breakdown of his relationship with Maya that obvious?

  Maya finally turned to look at him, but instead of offering some relief for his anxiety, it worried him more. Her eyes flashed, unfocused, and she had pale blue shadows underneath them. She hadn’t been sleeping, he realized, probably because she was studying, but also, he knew in his heart, because she wasn’t happy without him any more than he was happy without her.

  “I’m off to shelve books, so I guess I’ll see you tomorrow night.”

  Her words were meant for Jason, as she spoke with her gaze turned back towards him rather than Conner. Prom was that close, Conner realized, and he had no clue how he was going to manage whatever feelings would come of watching her with Jason.

  As Maya walked off, her pace fast but slowing as she distanced herself from them, Conner couldn’t help but ask Jason one last question.

  “Do you even dance?”

  Jason laughed, tucking his right foot over his left and spinning around effortlessly in imitation of Michael Jackson.

  The smile that came to Conner’s lips was the first honest one he had worn all week.

  “I guess I have my answer.”

  Jason would probably encourage Maya to dance at the prom, which was, after all, a dance. Maya was the kind of person who jumped and screamed along with music, and any attempts either of them had made at dancing were pretty unimpressive.

  But fun, Conner recalled, his smile fading. They had always had fun together before.

  “You’re hopeless, Conner,” Jason brought him out of his thoughts, again, for around the twentieth time that week. That was a conservative estimate, Conner knew.
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  Wait, what was Jason talking about? Why did he think Conner was hopeless?

  Instead of asking, Conner followed alongside Jason as they trailed behind Maya, and Jason put his arm around Conner’s shoulders, as if he could sense that his friend needed reassurance.

  “You two are so much better together. Whatever is coming between you can’t be stronger than what you share.”

  Jason’s words were like an arrow to Conner’s heart. But wasn’t Jason interested in dating Maya? Conner frowned as he considered what Jason must have meant. As friends, of course. He couldn’t suspect that Conner was in love with Maya.

  People in love didn’t ignore each other, or give each other nasty looks in the school hallway, even if they were doing both as discreetly as possible.

  “Uh, okay. Well, I’m off to shelve books, but I’ll text you later about details for tomorrow.”

  With a halfhearted wave as they reached the sidewalk outside of the front doors, Conner began the walk to the library, knowing that he was following Maya and forcing himself not to break into a run.

  Chapter Twenty Nine

  Maya dropped her backpack in the break room and rubbed her eyes, pressing the palms of her hands into her face. Hopefully Conner was far behind, and she could get started on a cart before he even arrived, staying out of his way and proving to Lindsay that she was dedicated to her work.

  Of course, he was dedicated, too, but she was here first today, and she would stay longer than Conner if she had to in order to make her point. After all, there was nothing left to study, and all that was left of school was graduation practice. And graduation, of course.

  Prom. Tomorrow night. Nothing that she needed to think about right now, to distract her from the tasks in front of her. Nothing to worry about, either. She was going with Jason, and Conner with Kaylie, and Jason had been the one who was cheering her up all week, not Conner.

  She stopped by Lindsay’s office and said a quiet hello, ducking out before the manager could ask any questions. Andrea was helping a patron, a young mother with two toddlers, twins that were regulars at the librarian’s story times.

  Maya couldn’t help but smile at how different they were, one ornery, flirtatious with a quick grin as he waved a fat little hand her way, and the other wide-eyed and wary, hiding behind her mother’s leg.

  “It’s good to see you smiling, Maya,” Steve’s voice surprised her before she saw him, straightening out the shelf of books that were behind the desk, held for patrons who had put them on reserve to pick up later.

  Maya held her smile, although it was entirely false now, and nodded before continuing to walk towards the book carts, taking the children’s one in hand and leaving the adult cart for Conner.

  She had been doing that since last week, taking the more difficult books to shelve, the ones that took the most time and attention, hoping it wasn’t lost on Lindsay. Steve and Andrea, she was sure, told Lindsay what went on when the manager wasn’t around, so Lindsay most likely knew exactly what work Maya was doing, and how much of it.

  Conner could fend for himself, and if he couldn’t get to the library before she did to take the children’s book cart, it was too bad for him. It only went to show that she placed a higher priority on the job than she did.

  No more thoughts about Conner, she told herself firmly, noting that there were more Nancy Drew titles that had been returned that day, which made her smile. She began to slide them in their proper places on the shelf, remembering the stories of each one as she did.

  Maybe I’ll reread them all this summer, she considered, staring down at the cover of The Clue of the Leaning Chimney. The library copy was a later edition of the original story, but Maya remembered the first cover as one that always made her nervous. Nancy, leaning out of a tree, looked as if she would fall at any moment.

  “You don’t always have to take the children’s cart, you know.”

  Conner’s voice was like a jolt, yanking her from an amusing memory, and Maya was less than pleased.

  “Don’t tell me what to do. I was here before you were, so I chose what I wanted to shelve. That’s all there is to it.”

  Her voice sounded harsh and obnoxious to her own ears, and a part of her wanted to take it back and apologize for being rude. Conner didn’t seem offended; in fact, he stood as tall and straight as ever, immovable.

  How many times had she tried to push him over, just to see if she could? The two of them shoving at each other until he finally let her try it, both of them dissolving into laughter and ultimately, a hug that she wished for now so desperately.

  “Fine. Do what you want. You’ve proven that you will anyway.”

  Conner turned and was gone in a flash, as if he couldn’t wait to get away from her.

  Oh, no, she fumed, dropping Nancy Drew back onto the cart and following him as he moved towards the adult fiction shelves. He must have taken the adult book cart out before confronting her, so he didn’t plan on doing the more difficult work anyway, did he?

  She didn’t notice anyone or anything as she walked quietly but quickly behind him, surprising him as he turned back to face her with his hand on the cart handle. His eyes were wide and questioning, hopeful.

  “I can’t believe I ever thought I could be friends with you!”

  Maya regretted the words as soon as they came out of her mouth, and her breath hitched when she saw Connor’s expression shift, momentarily, from fury to hurt. He lifted his chin, narrowing his eyes as he whispered loudly in response.

  “Could be? Are you saying we never were? Have you been pretending to be my friend, since we were kids?”

  It wasn’t true, and they both knew it. Their friendship was one of the most enduring things in Maya’s life, and her anger was rooted in her fear of losing him, even if he was standing in her way. She didn’t like how his eyes, usually a comforting shade of brown, had darkened as their conversation plummeted in tone.

  “You’re impossible!”

  Of all the stupid things to say, she chided herself, shaking her head as she stomped away.

  “Maya? Can you please answer the phone while I help someone with the copy machine?”

  Andrea was waving her over to the front desk, and Maya was both relieved and annoyed by the interruption of her thoughts.

  “Sure, Andrea.”

  The librarian nodded and smiled, and Maya forced herself to return the gesture as she sat in the chair behind the desk. She touched the phone receiver absently, looking up and around in case any patrons looked like they needed assistance.

  The metal cart Connor had taken into the adult fiction shelves hadn’t moved since she had walked away.

  The phone rang and the elderly patron on the other end of the line became annoyed when Maya’s online search for the books he wanted was not what he was expecting.

  “Don’t you have any of them there right now? I don’t have anything to read!”

  Maya held back a sigh and looked at her fingernails. Bitten as far as she could gnaw them down, and she had been so excited last year when she finally stopped biting them as a habit.

  “Miss? Are you listening?”

  Nodding, if only to keep herself on task, Maya attempted to mollify him, but he hung up on her in spite of her efforts.

  Conner’s cart hadn’t moved yet, but Andrea was still with the woman at the copier, and the little boy with her had started to wail. Maya fought the urge to cry along with him.

  “Is everything okay, Maya?”