Remembering You

by Sandi Lynn

  “Joshua Radin is one of my favorites.”

  I gasped because, at that moment, that very moment, everything I believed about Sam became real. Ida got up from her seat and wiped her eyes.

  “You two made me cry,” she said as she placed bowls of soup in front of us.

  “Sorry, Ida. We didn’t mean to.” Sam smiled.

  We sat around the table and talked mostly about Ida and her family. She told us how she found and married her soul mate and had three children, twelve grandchildren, and five great-grandchildren. Before I knew it, three hours had passed.

  “Well, Ida, I think it’s time for us to leave. It’s getting pretty late,” Sam said as he got up.

  I hugged Ida goodbye and thanked her for the delicious soup. Sam did the same and put his hand on the small of my back as we walked out the door. We both walked up the stairs and, as we approached our apartments, Sam said good night and inserted his key. I needed to apologize for how I acted earlier and now was as good as time as any.

  “Sam.”

  He turned around and looked at me before opening his door. “Yeah, Claire.”

  I took in a sharp breath. “I want to apologize for earlier. I’m sorry for the things I said. You didn’t do anything to deserve that,” I said as I looked down.

  He walked toward me and lifted my chin with his hand. “It’s okay. I crossed the line, and for that, I’m sorry.”

  I shook my head because what he said wasn’t true. “No, Sam, you didn’t. You’re concerned like any friend would be, and I turned on you.”

  His beautiful eyes stared into mine as he leaned his face closer and softly brushed my lips with his. My heart started beating rapidly as I prayed to God my head wouldn’t start hurting. He looked at me to be sure it was okay, and I smiled, taking his lips to mine and parting them as I felt his tongue enter. My body started to get weak, and I wanted more of him, even though I knew it wasn’t a good idea. He pulled away from my lips and hugged me tight.

  “I’ve wanted to do that since the first day I saw you.”

  I became weak as he said that, and in that moment, I knew I was done for.

  “Could you do something for me?” he asked.

  “Anything. What is it?”

  “Stay at my place tonight, totally as friends, no sex, nothing. I just don’t like the thought of you sleeping there on the hard floor. You can have my bed and I’ll take the couch.”

  I smiled because the thought was so appealing, and I didn’t really want to be alone with nothing in the apartment. “I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

  His hands gripped my hips. “You’re right, Claire. It’s not a good idea; it’s a great idea, and it’s not up for discussion. I won’t let you sleep on the floor. Now, tell me that you like the idea.”

  I sighed as I stared into his pleading eyes. “I like that idea very much, Sam. Thank you for the offer.” He was grinning from ear to ear as he softly kissed me.

  “Okay, go get what you need and come over. You don’t have to knock; you can just walk in.”

  I gave him a hug before stepping into my apartment. “I’ll be there soon.”

  I ran to the bathroom and changed into a pair of black cotton pajama bottoms from Victoria’s Secret and a matching t-shirt. I put my hair up in a high ponytail, grabbed my phone charger, and walked over to Sam’s apartment. I walked in and saw him standing in the kitchen, washing some dishes.

  “Ah, trying to clean up before the girl comes over?” I laughed.

  “I guess you could say that.”

  Sam’s apartment was nice. His walls were the same color beige as mine. His living room was done in black leather furniture with glass tables and a plasma TV attached to the wall.

  “I like your place, Mr. Snow.”

  “Thank you, Miss Montgomery. I must say you are looking very cute in your pajamas.” He winked.

  I laughed and lightly tapped him on the arm.

  “Would you like to watch a movie?” he asked shyly.

  “Sure. What movie?”

  “We can rent whatever you want from the TV.”

  He walked over, grabbed the remote, and turned on the TV. He scrolled through the new movies and we agreed on a romantic comedy.

  “No movie is complete without popcorn,” he said.

  I followed him into the kitchen and he microwaved some popcorn. I noticed a picture of him and an older woman on the refrigerator.

  “Is that your mom?”

  “Yeah, that was taken right before I left.”

  “She’s pretty.” I smiled.

  Sam took the popcorn out of the microwave and opened the bag.

  “Ouch,” he said as he dropped the bag on the counter.

  “Are you okay?”

  “Just a little steam burn,” he pouted.

  I grabbed his hand and held it under the cold water. He stared at me with a grin. I took his hand and wrapped it in a towel to dry it. I removed the towel, brought his hand to my lips, and gently kissed the spot where he burned himself.

  “There, all better.”

  “You’d make a great nurse, Claire.” He smiled as he brought his hand to my cheek.

  The touch of his bare skin set my body on fire. I desired this man in every way possible and it scared me. The feeling of being half a person was awful and Sam deserved so much more. I finished putting the popcorn in the bowl and we sat on the couch, watching the movie. He put his arm on the back of the couch and I nestled into him. I hated to admit that when I was with him, I felt whole and complete. I was headed for trouble and heartache, and I knew it. Nothing can last forever. Your life can change in an instant, and before you know it, everything you’ve known and loved is gone.

  Chapter 13

  The garden was beautiful, and I felt so much peace. “If your love was true, you will find each other again.” I kept hearing someone whisper those words over and over. I was pulled back into darkness until the bright lights started flashing in my head. Images of the beach kept playing over and over in my mind. I heard the same crash again and again. I started shaking and heard a voice whisper, “Claire, wake up; it’s only a dream. Wake up, baby. Please.”

  I awoke curled in a fetal position on the floor, with my hands covering my ears and tears streaming down my face. Sam was kneeling in front of me with his arms wrapped around me. I grabbed a hold of his arm and buried my head into his chest.

  “I can’t take this anymore,” I cried. “This has to stop. I’m going crazy, Sam.”

  “Ssh … it was a bad dream, Claire. I’m here, and I’m not going to let anything happen to you.”

  I pushed him away and he fell back. “It wasn’t a dream, Sam; it’s my reality, my living hell.” I stood up and turned my back so I wouldn’t have to look at him. I didn’t want to see the disappointment and the hurt on his face.

  “Let it be my hell too, Claire. Share your life with me. Tell me what happened to you. For fuck’s sake, Claire. Let me help you.”

  I froze and shook my head. “I can’t let you help me. I’m so fucked up and broken, there’s nothing anyone can do to save me, and I won’t drag you into my hell,” I cried and flew out of his apartment and into mine. I curled up on my blanket and cried the rest of the night. Sam didn’t come after me.

  The next morning, the delivery truck arrived and delivered my furniture. They were kind enough to set the furniture exactly where I told them to. My heart ached so badly and my eyes were red and swollen from crying all night. I felt like I’d been hit by a truck. Once again, I fucked things up with Sam. Could life be any worse by letting him in my life? I was already living in my own personal hell, but when I was with him, it felt like heaven. I wanted to feel like that every day. I’d longed for that feeling since the accident. Sam wanted to give me that and, each time, I pushed him away.

  I looked around my newly furnished apartment and tried to smile. Everything was in its place and this was now a home, my home. There was one more thing I needed to do. It didn’t matter anymor
e. I couldn’t feel any worse and I needed to try and feel better.

  I ran across the hall and pounded on Sam’s door. He answered wearing only a pair of navy blue pajama bottoms that hung slightly off his hips. I started to quiver when I saw him. His muscular chest was rock hard and his six-pack was beautifully defined. He looked at me differently than he ever had. His eyes looked cold and dark, not his usual warm and bright blue-gray. He didn’t say a word and he didn’t invite me in. I pushed through the door.

  “Claire, what are you doing?”

  I put my hand up and turned around. I noticed he had about a two-inch scar from his belly button, down around his right side. It looked like a surgical scar of some sort. I closed my eyes and took in a deep breath.

  “I was in a very bad car accident that pretty much left me dead. I actually died for three minutes and, when I was brought back, I had no memory of my life. The only people I barely remembered were my Mom, Dad, and Zoey. Seventeen years of living gone in a flash.” Tears started to fill my eyes.

  Sam stood there for a moment with a look of shock on his face. He started to walk over to me and I stopped him. “Don’t; please let me finish. Since the accident, I get these flashes of bright lights in my head and blurred images. I think they might be memories, but I’m not sure. That’s when the headaches start.” Sam came over to me, wrapped his arms around me, and kissed my head.

  “My God, Claire. I’m so sorry.”

  I started to cry into his shoulder. “Don’t you see? I only have three years of my life I can share with you. I can’t share my childhood with you because I can’t remember it. I’m a stranger in my own body.”

  He picked me up and carried me to his bedroom, where he laid me down on his bed and continued to hold me. As I faced him, I ran my finger up and down his scar.

  “What happened to you?” I sniffled.

  Sam kissed my cheek. “I’ll tell you another time,” he said as he stroked my hair.

  I looked up at his face that showed great concern for me. “I moved here because I couldn’t live in that house anymore. For the past three years, I’ve felt like a stranger in the house I grew up in. I needed to start my own life. I needed to try and find me, if that makes sense.”

  Sam pushed the stray hairs away from my face. “It makes perfect sense, and I’m glad you chose Seattle.”

  I had just bared my soul to him and now we were bonded in the way I swore I never would be with anyone. I desired him and longed to feel him inside me. The attraction was there the minute I saw him. I lifted my head and traced his lips with my finger. As he smiled, my heart started to race. I sat up and lifted my shirt over my head, tossing it on the floor. Sam took in a sharp breath.

  “You’re so beautiful, Claire.”

  I leaned over and kissed his lips. I didn’t have to ask him to make love to me. He already knew that I wanted him to. He took his hands and slowly undid my bra, throwing it over the side of the bed. His hands moved freely over my breasts, cupping each one, giving special attention to my nipples. Sam broke our kiss and looked at me.

  “Are you sure?” he asked.

  “It’s the first thing I’ve ever been so sure of in my life,” I whispered.

  He gently pushed me back to a lying position and he hovered over me. My hands moved up and down his back as he softly kissed my neck and his tongue made its way to my throat. I tilted my head back so he could have better access. I could feel his erection against me as he gently tugged at each nipple, then softly licked them to soothe the sting. His hand moved down my torso and took down my pants. As I lifted myself to help him, he gently pushed his fingers through the sides of my panties. A soft moan came from the back of his throat as he felt the wetness that was caused by him. His lips found mine as he gently inserted his finger inside me and slowly rubbed my clit in circles with his thumb. I moaned and pushed my hips up as he gently pushed another finger inside. He was gentle and made me feel safe. His strokes were undeniably arousing me as my body started to tighten and my breathing became rapid. It felt like an earthquake was going to erupt inside me as my moans became louder.

  My hands reached the waistband of his pajama bottoms and took them down while grabbing his perfectly shaped ass. His lips left mine and moved over to each breast, down my stomach to my navel, and then to my aching spot that wanted him so badly. As his tongue made its way to my clit, both he and I could feel me swell as I couldn’t hold back anymore.

  “Come for me, Claire. Come for me,” he whispered.

  Just the words were enough to send me into oblivion. I screamed as the orgasm rippled through my body and I began shaking. He made his way back up to me.

  “I have condoms.” He smiled.

  “I’m on the pill, Sam, but I think we should still use a condom anyway.”

  He smiled at me and reached for his wallet. He tore open the condom and sat up, pulling it over his hard cock. He looked at me before he took my mouth to his, kissing me hard and passionately. I wrapped my legs around him as he grabbed his cock and gently pushed it inside me. We both moaned at the same time. I grabbed his hair and moved my hands through it as he thrust in and out of me, slowly. I dug my nails into his back, which made him thrust harder and faster and I screamed his name as I could feel myself building up for another orgasm.

  “Come with me, baby. I want to hear you,” he panted.

  Finally, I reached my peak as he pushed himself deep inside me, saying my name while staring into my eyes. I held his face as I whispered his name and my orgasm exploded. He fell on top of me and we lay there, feeling each other’s hearts pounding against our bare skin. That was the most beautiful experience I had ever felt. Instantly, nothing else mattered in my life except Sam.

  After he got up, removed the condom, and discreetly disposed of it in the bathroom, he smiled at me as he walked towards the bed, holding out his hand and signaling for me to join him in the shower, where we made love again.

  I had to go back to my apartment to get dressed and I told him to come over as soon as he was ready. I stood in the bathroom, looking in the mirror, wondering if I had ever made love to anyone before. I heard the door open and, suddenly, there were two arms wrapped around me.

  “Hi, baby.” He smiled.

  I looked at him through the mirror. “Can I ask you something?”

  “Sure. Shoot!”

  I didn’t know how to ask, so I was just going to say it. “Do you think I was a virgin?”

  Sam looked at me in the mirror and then turned me around so I was facing him. “Why do you ask?”

  “Because I want to know. You don’t know how frustrating it is to have these experiences and not know or remember if you’ve ever felt it before.”

  He looked down. “No, I don’t think you were, and I do know, well, sort of know what you’re going through.”

  I cocked my head to the side. “What do you mean?”

  He took my hand and led me to my bedroom. “Sit down,” he said.

  I sat on the bed, my heart racing and stomach tied in knots, not knowing what he was going to say.

  “This scar you saw,” he said as he lifted his shirt. “It’s from a car accident I was in about three years ago.” I gasped and put my hand over my mouth.

  “I had to have a kidney transplant, and when I woke up after I was in a coma for a few days, I had no memory of the year prior to the accident.”

  Tears swelled in my eyes. Sam kneeled down in front of me and grabbed my hands. “Don’t cry, babe. Please. That was the past, and both of us are moving forward together; that’s if you want to do this together. Please, no more tears.”

  I brought my hand to his cheek and stared into his beautiful eyes. “This is so strange, Sam. I feel like fate brought me here to you. Two people with the same problems. I’m sort of freaked out right now.” I laughed.

  He chuckled and he pulled me into an embrace. “Yeah, it’s strange, but let’s take advantage of it. You’re here, I’m here, and we’re definitely attracted to each oth
er. Fate works in mysterious ways, Claire.”

  My phone started to ring and, when I looked at it, I saw it was Corinne.

  “Hi, Mom.” I answered.

  “Hi, Claire. I was just making sure you’ll be here on time for your sister’s baby shower.”

  “Yeah, I’ll be there, no worries.”

  “Claire, you sound different.”

  “I am, Mom. This move was good for me. I finally feel like I’m where I’m supposed to be.”

  “A man wouldn’t have anything to do with that, would he?” I wasn’t ready to divulge any information about Sam.

  “Let’s just say I’ve met someone, and I think he’s really special.” I winked as I looked at Sam.

  “That’s great, Claire. We would like to meet him sometime. Maybe Daddy and I could come visit you.”

  That was the last thing I wanted right now. “We can talk about it when I come home for the shower. Tell Dad I love him, and I love you, Mom.”

  “We love you too, sweetheart. See you soon.”

  I hung up with her and looked at Sam. He took my hand and led me to the living room.

  “Let’s go out to eat. I’m starving,” he said.

  “Sounds like a plan. I’m hungry too.” I smiled as I grabbed my purse, looped my arm in his, and walked out the door.

  While we were in the restaurant, Sam smiled at me from across the table. “I have an idea. Let’s go back to California together. You can attend your sister’s baby shower, and I can visit my mom.”

  My eyes started dancing with delight. “That’s a great idea. I can book our flights.”

  He smirked in a sexy way that sent chills throughout my body. “No planes; we’re going to drive. Consider it a little road trip.”

  “You do realize it’s a seventeen-hour drive, right?”

  “Yep, and I want to spend all seventeen hours of it sitting next to you.”

  I leaned over and kissed him. “I love that idea.”

  Chapter 14