“Didn’t say we need to go out and get it for them right this second, babe, just when both boys are old enough,” I say clearly. “Now tell me what you’ve been up to.” I decide a change in subject is in order because I know she’ll stress herself out about it.
“Nothing much, work and then spending time with a few of my friends. Charm, she just moved in with her grandma not too long ago, and I took the kids to the movies. She’s been a big help. I wanted to do something nice for her but I’m not sure what. I saw this necklace I thought about getting her but I thought the cost was too much. But it would have been perfect for her.” As is Amanda’s way she loves making others feel special and finding a way to show them she appreciates them.
“I’ll send you another three-grand, babe, you get it and yourself something special. I’m coming to town in a few months, and I look forward to seeing what you get,” I mutter with a promise in my voice to see her soon.
It sucks I didn’t get the chance because now she’s gone and the thought of her gone fuckin’ hurts. We might not have been together anymore in the sense of marriage and shit, but fuck, I still cared for her. Still loved her in some ways. Just not enough to give up my life as a Nomad.
The plane touching down draws me from my thoughts and I’m ready to go by the time the damn thing comes to a stop and the doors open. I thought I’d have to find a cab or some bullshit when I got here, but lucky for me, I don’t. Marker worked his magic one last time by calling the Prez of their Florida charter. They’d gotten a bike for me to use until mine gets here. Runes already ordered one of the prospects to go get a truck and trailer to haul theirs and mine.
No one had been around when I got to the bike. I just knew it was for me, considering Marker told me what it looked like before the plane took off. Grateful for this, I told him I’d owe him for his help.
Straddling the bike, I switch her on and head in the direction of the house. It’s the same house I grew up in with my pops. When he passed due to colon cancer, the house became mine and I gave it to Amanda so she didn’t have to pay for rent or have a mortgage since the place was paid off.
Speeding down the streets of Tallahassee I see new buildings up, some of the old buildings remodeled, and others all the same. It doesn’t take me long to pull into the driveway of the house.
No sooner I put the kickstand down, my daughter Astrid is barreling through the door, her brothers coming up behind her more cautiously, and a woman with vibrant colored red hair who’s looking at me wearily.
“Daddy. Daddy. Daddy, you’re home. Are you here to surprise Mommy? She’s not home yet.” My chest clenches as I lift my daughter into my arms.
“Hey, baby girl. What have I told you about running out of the house?” I mutter and place a kiss on her cheek and swing my leg over my bike to stand. Turning to my boys, I see the suspicion in their eyes and know I’m gonna have to break it down to them separately than I will with my little girl.
Greeting my boys, I put Astrid down but keep her close as I know my little girl can be clingy when she’s with me. Just means she’s missed me as much as I missed her. Her arms wrap around my leg and she puts her feet on the top of my boot. I pull my boys in for a hug even if they seem upset with me. Due to the situation we’d been helping the Inferno’s Clutch MC out with in Arizona, it’s been a week since I spent time with my boys. Normally we play one of their favorite video games together online. Most of my brothers get in on it too. Shit, Runes’s kid even gets in on the action sometimes. This is one of the things I’ll also have to explain in a sense to them, seeing as they somewhat understand club life.
“You must be Soren,” the woman who’s stepped out from behind the kids says in greeting.
“Fenrir,” I correct her. This woman doesn’t know me and she sure as hell isn’t gonna be allowed to use my real name.
“Come again?” she asks, furrowing her brows. She’s got a sass about her, and it isn’t one I’m appreciative of at the moment.
“You call me by my road name, not Soren,” I mutter in annoyance.
“Oh . . . okay, well, Fenrir, I’m Charmaine but everyone calls me Charm,” she says, and I don’t miss the sarcastic tone in her voice.
“Good to know. Now can I go into the house?” I don’t bother hiding my annoyance. For one, I just got here after a long trip from Arizona. Two, it’s been less than a day since finding out my ex was killed, and I’ve gotta tell my kids. And three, I haven’t eaten yet, and I’m starting to get a fuckin’ headache.
Right now, I need to get inside, spend time with my three kids, and then this evening, I’ll break it to them. I can’t bring myself to hurt my little Astrid’s feelings right when I get here. I need her to know that’s not the only reason I’m here. Same with Oskar and Emil.
Once inside the house, I sit on the couch with my little girl crawling into my lap. The boys are closing in when Emil finally speaks up.
“Have you talked to Mom? She didn’t come home last night,” he states quietly.
“Buddy, soon as we figure dinner out, I’ll take the time to tell you what’s going on,” I say.
“It’s still early in the day and almost Astrid’s nap time. Why don’t I get her down for a nap while you talk to the boys?” Charm suggests.
I give her a nod of gratitude. I might not know this woman, but I appreciate her help in this instance.
As Charm takes Astrid to her room, I move to sit on the coffee table in order to face my sons.
“Dad,” Oskar murmurs my name as he sees the hurt in my eyes.
“Alright, guys, there’s no easy way to say this but I didn’t want you to hear it from anyone else. I needed to be here for you three and I’m gonna be here for you all from now on,” I rasp.
“What is it, Dad?” Emil asks.
“Your mom . . . she . . . she was in an accident last night and didn’t make it.” The words feel as if I’m being torn to shreds as they spill from my lips.
Tears fill both my boys’ eyes and they jump off the couch to come at me, wrapping their arms around the one parent they still have left.
Fuck.
This isn’t gonna be easy. Closing my eyes, I hold them against me and give them the moment they need. Tonight I’ll give them what they need for now. Come tomorrow, I’ll deal with all the rest of the bullshit and set up the funeral plans for my ex. My kids will need the closure, but I don’t want them seeing her in a casket.
Inwardly shaking my head, I let the pain take hold and grieve right along with my boys. I’ll have to tell my daughter and that won’t be any easier to do.
Chapter Three
Charm
I don’t know what he’s doing downstairs, but Astrid is up here half falling asleep as we’re watching old episodes of the Winx Club. It was my favorite cartoon as a kid, and honestly, it’s not shocking considering how I turned out as an adult.
Astrid loves Bloom so much, but I don’t blame her. She’s confident and knows her powers. She’s what every little girl looks up to, I think. I run my hand against her light brunette hair that falls just below her shoulders and let her doze off peacefully. It’s around her nap time anyway, and she really needs the rest. Little does she know when she wakes up, she’s going to end up having her entire world shaken.
Fern’s sitting in the bean bag on the other side of Astrid’s bedroom. She fell asleep there about an hour ago after being up for most of the night telling me her problems. She had some drama with her ex and it’s really bothering her. I told her she just needs to block him and let shit die, but Fern’s always one to make the rough choices in life. It’s almost like she wants to struggle, or punish herself. I don’t quite get it, but I don’t think I will.
“Do you think Mommy will be home soon? I miss her and I’m so sleepy,” Astrid groggily says.
Brushing my hand along her hair, I soothe her. “Don’t worry about that right now. Just worry about getting some sleep.” The moment I came over with Fern and we discovered the kids didn’t have
any clue where their mom was, we both shared an awkward stare. How could they not know? It’s so odd to me. Why wouldn’t someone, anyone in their life, tell them what happened? Did they want to save us the pleasure of completely destroying them, or did they want to assign that task to their father?
Either way, it’s a horrible situation all around and I know things will only get worse. Things always get worse before they get better. The important thing here is open communication, and with any luck, the kids will mourn their mother’s loss and start healing. While I have a different view on death, I know the kids are so young they don’t understand it. I’ll be here for them with whatever they need, even if the first impression of their father makes me wonder how Amanda ever got with a man like that. Rude doesn’t even cut it, but I’m trying my best to put the needs of the children above his behavior.
Fenrir.
I roll my eyes at him telling me to call him that. Amanda only ever called him Soren, so quite frankly, he can go fuck himself with his bad boy biker vibe shit.
Fern stirs in the bean bag across from me and looks, motioning with her hands in a way that makes me think she’s asking if Astrid is asleep. I nod, and lift Astrid further up into my arms, move her Barbie blanket and tuck her in. I still let the cartoon play in the background as Fern and I make our way into the hallway.
“Everything okay? Sorry, didn’t mean to fall asleep on you like that.”
“It’s okay. You had a rough night. Their dad came, his name’s Fenrir by the way.”
“Ooo, sounds sexy.”
I give her a callous stare.
“Or not, dang, what’d he do to you?”
“Acted like a jerk, but I’ll give him a pass this time. The mother of his kids just died.”
Fern nods in agreement. “Yeah. I can’t imagine how hard this is going to be on all of them.”
“I know. I think Astrid won’t really understand it, but Emil and Oskar will. They’re going to be the ones hurting the most. I’m trying to think about something we can do to at least keep Astrid busy so he can tend to the boys. I know they love me too, but I’m not their dad. They’d much rather be with him doing boy stuff and processing things the way boys do.”
“Yes, and you’re the one who makes sugar cookies and lets people decorate, or lets little girls put makeup on their face, not giving a damn about how it looks.” Fern cackles, like she wouldn’t do it for a kid, but I know she would. She tries to act like a tough lady, but deep down, she’s a softie.
“That’s a great idea. Let’s go in the kitchen and bake some sugar cookies. By the time Astrid’s up, we can have her decorate them with us. Plus, I know her and there’s nothing she likes more than crunchy sweet things.”
Fern laughs and shakes her head. “I can’t believe you’re willingly giving a child a sugar rush.”
“To keep a smile on her face, I’ll do just about anything.”
Chapter Four
Fenrir
Hours pass and Astrid wakes up from her nap full of energy. She’s yet to be told, and I’ve gotta feeling telling her ain’t gonna be easy. She’s my little fairy princess and I’ve always wanted to protect her from anything that would cause her to feel any sort of pain. She’s different from her brothers and I know Emil and Oskar see it as well, even with her being so young.
I’d spoken with the boys about what happened earlier and though they didn’t take it all too well, they’re tough and will get through this with me guiding them.
I wish the woman named Charm and her fuckin’ friend would leave already, but at the same time I’m grateful for the fact she’s here. Emil and Oskar seem comfortable with her and it makes me wonder how well she knows them, or knew Amanda.
Shit. My chest tightens at the thought of Amanda. Being in this house without her is surreal. The last time I’d seen her in person had been far too long ago, and guilt seeps in for not being here for her.
Amanda had been one of those women who could go with the flow and keep her head on her shoulders. Unlike this woman who seems to be eccentric as all get out. She has crystals hanging around her neck and the brightest red hair. It makes me think she’s a damn tomato.
My phone pings in my pocket, pulling me from my thoughts before I could go down that path. I don’t have anything against the woman’s beauty. Something about her speaks to me which causes me to want to push her the fuck away. She’s Amanda’s neighbor and therefore is now mine since I’ll be living here with my kids.
Astrid hops into my lap as I unlock my phone and she giggles when she notices my background on my phone. It’s a picture of Emil, Oskar, and her sitting on my bike. Amanda thought it was adorable the three of them wanted to take that picture. She’d even taken one with me in it with them.
Opening the message, I notice it’s from my Prez, Runes. On the road. Be there for the funeral for you to ride with us for the service.
Thank fuck. I’ll need my bike. As cool as this one is that the Inferno’s Clutch MC let me use, it’s not my bike and I wanna have mine. I’m sure if I ask her to, Charm will let the kids ride with her to the cemetery while I’m on my bike. That is, if she’s going to the service.
Shit.
Tomorrow I need to remember to call the funeral director and get this shit started. Amanda and I talked about this type of stuff when my pops passed. We spoke of it one time and never brought it up again. Amanda didn’t want to have a whole big shindig. Neither of us did. I’d told her to burn me and let it be what it was gonna be. Vikings had a tradition of funeral pyres where they cremated the body of the dead. She’d decided to agree with me, saying that’s what she’d wanted; however, she’d wanted somewhere for the kids to visit as some people like to do. Over my entire life, I never understood this concept, but I get it.
So I’ve gotta make sure the funeral director knows she’s to be cremated and her ashes will be buried in the plots meant for my family.
I quickly shoot him another message letting him know I’d see them when they got in.
“Daddy,” Astrid says, gaining my attention as I put my phone back in my pocket.
“Yeah, princess,” I murmured, lifting my gaze to look at her.
“Where’s Mommy?” she asks, which only causes my heart to hurt for her.
Clearing my throat, I look from her to my boys then to where Charm and her friend stand in silence. “Why don’t we get through the rest of the day, get you ready for bed, and then I’ll tell you,” I suggest, still unsure of what to say about it all.
“But I wanna know where Mommy is.” Astrid pouts.
Charm steps forward to offer her assistance. I don’t know why but I appreciate it all the same.
I step outside and pull out one of the joints I keep in a case ready to go. Lighting it up, I sit on the back porch steps and lower my head while I smoke the weed to calm my nerves.
After giving myself a bit of time outside and finishing the joint, I head back inside. I check on the boys as they’ve gone to their room for the night, then head to tuck my little girl in. I’m right outside her door when I have to hold back my anger at what I’m hearing. Astrid’s in tears while Charm tells her about her mom.
Fuck. Fuck. Motherfuckin’ fuck.
She had no right to fuckin’ tell my daughter what the hell happened. Not when I’d been coming up here to do just that myself.
I open the door and look at my daughter, then Charm. “Can I speak to you for a moment?” I snap.
Nodding, Charm kisses Astrid on the side of her head and gets up.
I look from her to Astrid. “Princess, I’ll be right back to finish tucking you in. Okay?”
“Okay, Daddy,” she sniffles.
Leaving Astrid’s door open, I snag Charm by her arm and all but drag her down the stairs and through the back door onto the porch.
“Who the fuck do you think you are? You had no right to tell Astrid about her mother. That was for me to do. My burden to fuckin’ bear. You’re not their family. I am and you shouldn’t have
told my daughter what happened,” I snarl, completely ignoring the fact Charm’s friend is standing there witnessing what I say.
“And what, you are?” Charm huffs snidely. “Let me tell you something, asshole. I’ve been in their lives every day for a while now and not once have I seen you around. I’m here for them while you’re what, off galivanting around on your Harley? Amanda was my friend, but she was family to me, more family than the blood I have. She trusted me with her kids, and I love them. So, excuse me for being there for Astrid when she’s only a little girl who wants her mommy. She’s inquisitive and she would’ve kept asking. You weren’t giving her the answer, so I did. You haven’t been here, you don’t know her nighttime routine. I bet you don’t even know her favorite color.”
“Get the hell away from me,” I growl, clenching my fists at my sides. I’d never hurt a woman. It’s not in me, but fuck if she’s not pissing me the hell off with her words right now. Acting like I don’t know my kids. This woman doesn’t understand the way Amanda and I were or how we decided to raise them.
She doesn’t know a damn fuckin’ thing.
Turning my back to her, I storm back into the house, go upstairs and soothe my daughter’s tears. I lie with her until she falls asleep, and head back downstairs, grab the bottle of whiskey Amanda always kept for me in the cabinets, and sit down at the table to drink the night away.
There’s no way I’ll be able to sleep now. Not when Charm’s words circle around and around in my head.
Chapter Five
Charm
“What the fuck is that dude’s problem? Did he really just get all shitty with you like that?” Even with Fern’s questions, I try my best not to let her get a reaction out of me. The guy did just lose the mother of his kids, and I’m trying my best to give him a break because of it.
Malicious: A Nomad Biker Novel (Raiders of Valhalla MC Book 1) Page 2