“He’s taking his anger out on me, it’s obvious, but I’ll give him a pass for now. Their family has been through a lot of loss and the wound is still fresh.” When it comes to the two of us, I’m the compassionate one, while Fern is the woman who doesn’t give a damn if she’s a bit stern or gets in someone’s face. I try my best to be compassionate and patient with people. I guess we’re both extremes and while sometimes it’s hard to have a best friend who’s the total opposite of you, most of the time we mellow each other out.
“I totally get what you’re saying, but Charm, he reeled into you for giving Astrid the answer she was begging you for. Who the hell is he to say she didn’t deserve to know? Speaking from a woman whose mom died young, too, I wish someone was honest with me and didn’t try to sugarcoat it. Hell, you’ve been here for the last year and you’ve never even seen him once, right?”
I nod as we make our way through the path, both taking our leave after Fenrir essentially kicked us out to deal with the problem I caused, as he called it.
In all honesty, I didn’t realize it was going to be such a problem. I only thought I was helping by taking the burden off him, and giving her some peace of mind at knowing the answer. If I’d known he would’ve gone off on me in the way he did, I wouldn’t have said a damn word. At least, I don’t think I would’ve.
I never want to hurt anyone, even if he happens to be an angry biker. “I’m just so pissed for you, I mean, those kids are your damn life besides your grandma and you know it,” Fern speaks up out of nowhere, and I end up nodding again. She’s right more than she knows. I devoted so much of my life to my grandmother and making sure she made her transition in the most painless way possible, but every moment I wasn’t with her I was with Amanda and the kids. After my grandmother died, we all became much closer. Besides Fern, they’re the only people I’m close to in town.
“I know I don’t have many people in my life, but I am very grateful to you all and I love you dearly.”
“Fuck, I didn’t mean anything bad by it, girl. Shit, I’m sorry. I only meant that . . . dammit, I dug myself in the gutter. Want a glass of wine?”
Laughing at Fern getting flustered, I graciously accept. “You were reading my mind. I believe I have a dry chardonnay or a super dry red.”
“Chardonnay it is.” Fern scrunches up her nose as she speaks. She prefers wine coolers or the sweet stuff, but beggars can’t be choosers.
Fern and I get up on the porch and I put my key in the door, unlock it, and we make our way forward. She’s already on her way into the kitchen when I spot the light from the fridge at the end of the hallway. “I’m putting in some pizza rolls because I need some of them, alright? So don’t judge me with how they’re bad for me or whatever.”
“You do realize the only reason I have them is because you show up and you’re the most predictable woman I’ve ever met, right?”
Fern comes to the entrance into the hallway and stares at me with her mouth agape. “Take that insult back this instant.”
“It wasn’t an insult, Fern, just a statement.”
“I’m not predictable,” Fern comments.
Oh boy, here we go. “No, not in most people’s understanding of what’s predictable, but Fern, you’re a people pleaser. You’ll do whatever you can for those closest to you to make them happy, even if they happen to be toxic people. You’re a good soul, an old soul, one that wants to help heal and repair others . . . but not everyone is meant to be healed, and not every person is receptive to such a bright light in their life.”
Fern blinks at me as her bottom lip quivers. She’s reading between the lines and she’s seeing exactly what I’m saying to her. “He needs me to help him. Even you know it.”
“Yeah, and I agree with you, but he doesn’t want your help and you need to accept it. Brandon’s life is taking him down a different path and I’m afraid if you don’t . . . if—”
“If I don’t what, Charm!?” Fern hollers at me. She turns on her heel and rushes back into the kitchen, most likely pouring herself a glass of chardonnay and I see her with the bottle pressed against her lips, guzzling as much down as possible. She puts the bottle down and coughs over and over again, then looks at me. “I don’t know how you can stand this shit. It’s disgusting.” She continues coughing, and I give her a moment to calm down and catch her breath.
Taking a few steps toward her, I speak up, “I know you love him, but personal feelings aside, the man is struggling with things you can’t help him with, Fern. He doesn’t want your help and he’s determined to keep going down this road, and as your friend, I’m terrified he’s going to drag you down with him because you’re such a good person that you’d walk down to just keep him company, but in doing so it’ll destroy you too.” As much as she doesn’t want to hear it, she knows it’s true.
Fern puts her hands on the counter and grabs the gray and white granite until her knuckles turn white. She’s struggling so bad right now and it’s obvious. “I know he’ll take me down with him, but there’s so much history there. How am I supposed to let this happen?”
I’ve never been the type who loves breaking the ugly truths to people, but here I am. “Because it’s Brandon’s life and you deserve much better.”
As Fern sucks in her bottom lip and tears start to stream down her cheek, I know what she’s feeling. Like her, I’ve had relationships like this in my past. Ones that almost ruined me too. “I just wish it didn’t have to be this way.”
I break the distance between Fern and myself and wrap my arms around my friend, focusing on her problems and not the man next door. I’m trying so hard to keep myself distracted because my heart’s breaking along with the kids’.
Things just aren’t going to be the same anymore, not for anyone.
Chapter Six
Fenrir
In the past week things have been more than chaotic as I dealt with shit in regard to the funeral and helping my kids grieve. The police held off on releasing her body for us to cremate until they finished their investigation.
The results from the report didn’t make me happy, and though I want to gut the fucker who’d been intoxicated behind the wheel of a vehicle, I’ve put the kids first. They need me more right now. Soon enough I’ll release my anger about the whole situation.
Astrid hasn’t taken the news of losing her mom all that well. After the first night when Charm told her about her mom’s death and I had to soothe her, she’s started to sleep with me. Which is kinda uncomfortable considering I’m sleeping on the couch. I refuse to sleep in the bed I once shared with Amanda. I might not have slept in it much with her, but it was hers and it still smells like her. Shit, the only time I’ve been in that room is to shower and change. I know soon enough I’ll need to go through her stuff and get rid of what isn’t important. I’ll save the family heirlooms and whatnot for the kids, maybe even some of Amanda’s clothes for when Astrid gets bigger.
Before I do anything else, I need to talk to Runes. He knows I need to be here for my kids and he gets it. We’ve lived the Nomad lifestyle for years, maybe I can convince him to start a satellite charter for us all to come to when we’re not on the road. I don’t know how this is even going to work. I just don’t want to have to lose my brothers on top of losing Amanda.
I’m in the process of getting the kids ready to go to the cemetery when several bikes can be heard coming down the street. Emil and Oskar run over to the door to look outside.
“Dad,” Emil calls out from the door. “Uncle Runes and everyone are here.” His voice is filled with excitement when he opens the door and rushes out calling Rati’s name. Rati’s my cousin by blood.
“Hey, Emil, Oskar,” Rati says in greeting while I make my way to the door holding Astrid in my arms.
She wraps an arm around my neck while sticking her thumb in her mouth. I’d let her pick her own clothes out for the day as I did for the boys. Where Emil and Oskar decided to go with nice jeans and a button-down black shirt, Astrid wen
t with a purple dress that even I had to admit makes my little girl look damn cute. I didn’t know what the fuck to do with her hair, so it’s just combed straight right now.
“Hey, VP,” Logi says in greeting, followed by several others as they make their way up to the house.
Runes is the last to get to me and he places his hand on Astrid’s back while giving her a smile. “Hey there, Princess Astrid, does Uncle Runes get a hug?”
Smiling around her thumb she lets me go and launches herself at Runes muttering around her thumb still.
“Prez,” I mutter, jerking my chin for him to come in the house.
“How are you doing, VP?” he asks when he puts Astrid down for her to go see the rest of the guys. They all take their turns hugging her. She squeals when Rati lifts her up into his arms.
“As good as I can, I suppose.” I shrug, shoving my hands in my front pockets.
“Look, Fenrir, I know you’ve got a lot of shit going on but I want you to know we’re not gonna abandon you. Not when you need us the most. You’re not just our VP, you’re our brother, and we don’t turn our backs on those who are family. Now we’ll talk about it more later, but I’m thinking we need to find a place to call our own,” Runes says, shocking the shit out of me.
“You saying you want to give up the road?” I ask, furrowing my brows before going on. “I was gonna talk to you about something similar ‘cause, Prez, you may have said it, but I’ve felt the fear of losing my brothers because there’s no way I can ride out with you all, not after what’s happened.”
Runes is the only person I’d speak to about fear or anything else feeling related. I’m not a pussy by any means, but it doesn’t mean some won’t take it for weakness.
“I don’t think we’d ever give up the road, but we need a place where we can all go to call home when we want it,” he mutters. “Besides, I need to be close to my kid myself for a while. Last time I spoke to him, he sounded off and I need to find out what’s going on.”
I nod in understanding, my mind blown by my Prez’s words. What he’s talking about doing we’ll need a club vote on, but knowing my brothers the vote will be unanimous in the decision.
Glancing at the time on the wall, I sigh looking at Emil, Oskar, and Astrid. “Time to go,” I mutter.
The service was short and meaningful and we stand by the stone already put in place. A lot of times a headstone takes time to be made, but my pops made sure to have one made for all the people he considered family.
The funeral home put Amanda’s ashes in a cremation box and they’d had a hole two feet deep dug for us to put the box in. I find it strange how when you dig a hole for a body you go six feet deep but the ashes of that person are only two feet.
Inwardly shaking my head, I hold Astrid’s hand in mine while wrapping an arm around Emil’s shoulders. Oskar stood next to Emil with Rati’s arm around him.
Feeling eyes on mine, I lift my head to find Charm watching us. I knew she’d be here and though I hadn’t seen her since the night I came here, I couldn’t stop myself from thinking about her. It didn’t help the kids were asking where she was, and every time they did the image of her soft alabaster skin and bright ocean blue eyes pops into my mind. It only makes me feel sick to my stomach. Amanda might not have been my ol’ lady anymore, but that doesn’t mean she didn’t mean something to me still. The fact I’d find her friend attractive is something I shouldn’t be doing.
I remember one of Amanda’s and my conversations not too long ago about how Charm helped her out so much. I’d forgotten until just now.
Astrid notices Charm and releases my arm to go to the woman. This past week while going through albums with my kids, I’d seen several pictures of Charm with the kids. Her laughing while rolling around in the grass with the boys as well as her holding Astrid when she’d been three or four. She must’ve been around for quite a while, longer than I thought.
A pang of guilt fills me as Amanda’s voice pops into my head about how much of a good woman Charm is and how she thought she and I would hit it off. That’s something she would try to do too. Set me up with a woman even if it was her I’d sleep with when I came home to visit.
“I want you happy, Soren. I know you say I’m all you need and that you love me still but that’s not completely true. You need someone who can see deep into that heart of yours and bring out the man I know you to be. Happiness can be seen in different forms of life.”
Lifting my gaze to the sky, I notice a rainbow in the distance and know Amanda’s with us. She loved rainbows and to have one on this day makes it feel like she’s with us.
I lower my gaze back from the sky to watch Charm with my daughter. Emil and Oskar join her and they give her hugs. Right then, I make the decision to make things right with her. The way my kids’ faces have lit up upon seeing her is all I need to see to know she’s important to them. Plus, we’re neighbors and don’t need any rifts between us. Not when my kids are involved.
For them I’ll make it right.
At least that’s what I’m telling myself.
Chapter Seven
Charm
Imagine my surprise when my mother called early this morning and said she’d be swinging by around four this evening. She’s never just swung by, even when my grandmother was sick. Her swinging by only means she wants something, and as horrible as this sounds, I have a bone to pick with her. She’s called me so many times over the last week it’s not even funny, even yesterday at Amanda’s funeral. She was blowing up my damn phone, demanding I give her some sort of update on the estate and what was being divided.
So, her brownies just finished baking and knowing her she’ll take them anyway. Only, they’re not just regular brownies, and no they’re not the super moist ones. They happen to be dirty brownies, and I’m calling them that because her bathroom is going to be covered in shit after she’s eaten a few of them, if she can even make it to the bathroom.
Luckily for my mom, I was able to convince the estate lawyer to come here to the house and have a meeting with the two of us, to answer any sort of questions she might have. Walter’s in my living room sipping on a glass of raspberry sweet tea while I bring in some fresh baked shortbread cookies. I set them down on the table and he takes it upon himself to grab one. “I must admit, you’re as lovely as your grandmother. She always made it a point to feed me whenever I stopped by as well.”
“She was a good lady.”
He nods affirmingly. “That she was, and one who will be dearly missed.”
Footsteps coming into my house can be heard heading in my direction, and my mother immediately comes into view. “Charmaine, we need to talk. I’m—” At the sight of Walter my mother halts speaking. “I didn’t know Walter was going to be here.”
“Yeah, he called and said he could stop by today, which was perfect since you were coming,” I tell her, faking my smile. I might be all about alignment and doing the better things in life, but I can be a very petty bitch, and today is one of those days.
“Yes, Charmaine expressed you had some questions for me,” Walter speaks up, looking directly at her.
“Yes, I’d love to know whenever we’re meeting to go over the estate.”
Walter clears his throat and digs into his briefcase, pulls out a folder, and grabs his reading glasses. Before I know it, he’s diving straight into it, telling me that I’ve inherited the property and everything on it, including my grandmother’s classic car. Now, I knew I had the house but I didn’t have a clue I’d inherit the car . . . god. That was her prized possession.
My mother received my grandmother’s jewelry, minus my grandmother’s pearls. Those were left to me, and my grandmother did leave some small things to my sister, but given the fact we don’t know where she is at the moment, getting her here was going to be a problem. She’ll be sent a letter to her last known address and hope she comes to claim it at some point. My mom also got everything in my grandmother’s storage units, and the money left over was split bet
ween my mother, sister, and myself. However, most of it was left to charity. I figured it would be, though. My grandmother was always so generous. She never wanted to live outside of her means and she invested her money well at the right times, which left her very well off.
“I don’t understand why she did this. I’m her daughter, everything was supposed to be left to me besides the house. That’s what she said before she died!” my mother growls as she rises from her seat, cursing under her breath. I know she’s said my grandmother told her one thing, but I know my grandmother and she wouldn’t have ever made her feel as though she was getting everything. My mom’s super selfish, and even my grandmother knew it.
“I’m terribly sorry, ma’am, but you’ve heard everything I’ve said. This is the will she had me create for her, and these are the terms which will be honored,” Walter says.
My mother goes up and slaps Walter straight across the face. “I will fight this! Do you hear me? I will fight this! This is nothing more than robbery, do you hear me?!” I jump up and grab the back of my mother’s shirt, tugging her away from Walter.
“What is wrong with you!?” I practically scream at her, trying to catch my breath as my heart pounds heavily in my chest.
“What’s wrong with me? Nothing! I tried to do everything I could for her and this is how she repays me? No, this was all supposed to be mine and you came into the picture and screwed it all up. If it weren’t for you, nothing would’ve been taken from me.” My mother shakes her head like I’m her biggest enemy and rushes out of my house, still shaking her head.
I’m at a complete loss with what just happened and turn to look at Walter. His face is red where my mother struck him and I rush over to see him. “God, are you alright? I’m so sorry. I never thought she’d do something like that. God, I am so terribly sorry.”
“It’s alright, Charmaine. Believe it or not, this isn’t the first time something like that has happened. It’s to be expected, I suppose.” Walter rises and clears his throat. “I’m going to head out now, given the events. I hope you have a lovely evening, Charmaine.”
Malicious: A Nomad Biker Novel (Raiders of Valhalla MC Book 1) Page 3