The Circus in Me

by S.M. Bjarnson

  Hawaii glowed blissful. For the next seven days I’m going to do nothing except breathe it in and devour the scenery. Inhale every good thing about the beautiful Maui Island.

  Circus artists engulfed me as I walked off the jet craft. All clamoring onto me, flies to food. I smiled at their embraces, connecting informal hellos from my triplet friends not far.

  Our hotel stood right alongside of the ocean, welcoming the sea breeze into our lungs. I loved the idea of attaching myself to the shore waiting as the waves washed over my struggling body. Heal the ins and outs I put myself through to prove pointless notions to those who couldn’t add up.

  Midnight glowed outside my window, the sharks in predator mode. I’ll dip my toes in and that’s as far as I’ll go.

  The pull of the water made my heart feel with glee. I wanted to bask my entire life under water baptizing it and bringing it out new. Oh, how my toes curled under and I wished to be on that salty edge of the tide.

  My lips tingling with the sensation to be alive. No way to hold off the tempting waters any longer I made my way to the balcony and shimmied my way to the sandy floor. My footprints planted in history. A noise startled me, looking beyond where the noise came from. I told myself to be scared, although Tagert’s appearance seemed to calm me and excite secret parts of me.

  “Can’t go down there Amish flower. Sharks will sniff you out and take you. Like myself, they like the taste of virgin flowers in the moonlight.” His personality on cue changed to a killer of romanticism.

  “Amish flower, what is that a new nickname you’re trying out? Nobody tells me what to do anymore, Tagert. Or maybe that’s what you like, when girls tell you no?” The ploy inside began to scream utterly confused. I haven’t even thought twice about Tagert since I left the traveling circus months ago.

  “Tamer has an Amish flower so I want one too! She looks like you, in ways of being odd.” Tamer had a girlfriend and I heard it from friendly Tagert of all people?

  “How about you come tag along and play my protector? Call me anything you want.” Making actions to flirt into his trap.

  “You’d like it if I saved you from your misery; a damsel untangled from distress.”

  “It is not like it hasn’t crossed your mind, Tag.” Digging myself further into the background of the hotel property.

  “What will be my reward if I do decide to come to your rescue, Trae Lae? A kiss, a riddle, or something more pluck worthy?” His comment on petals was what conjured vile in my throat.

  “Whatever you consider proper…” My words cursing themselves on their way out. Why in the deception of the evening did I ache for his attention; why? I will explain to you why, I will spell out every single syllable.

  Firstly, I am a girl. Though my feeble minded mother taught me otherwise, women are in practice of being con artists.

  Secondly, I may or may not be upset with a certain boy who found my virgin spirit opposite of virtuoso. So here goes nothing. I hear myself whisper, I am in for a lot of adverse trouble.

  ◊

  Were you wondering if I went all the way with a guy like Tagert, who probably acquires multiple STDs on a daily basis? He probably doesn’t even know what the letters in STD stand for. What kind of girl do you think I am?

  Innocent nibbling is as far as it went thank goodness, you dirty minded book-lovers. He did something quite heroic, making great attempts to cop afield. Turned to the lawn chair next to me, threw up and passed up. Hours of being with him to find out his mind drowned in a drunken stupor.

  Poor me, I took 3 showers just in case any of his cooties tried attaching themselves permanently to my ligaments. I coxed clear from his arrogant manhood easily.

  Daybreak came with fresh starts and bananas foster. Included in this land of enchantment they always offered surfing lessons. Heaven opened up its pearly gates welcoming the Amish girl with a hearty Aloha!

  ◊

  The crew performed at their highest level of ability. Their act receiving rave reviews from all the locals and even tourists. My memory of the joy of acting came back, and I ached for resolution to be a part of the show. With them on a stage lite by flames and torches. Excitement stinging the very seat you placed underneath your behind. I was aching for a life worth living and somehow the thrill of my high rope walks made it clear to me how to dive back into my comfort zone.

  Ask permission, okay, there may have been a moment or two of groveling, the ringmaster accepted my volunteered ask to stride the high wire.

  Giddy with a fresh aspect on my escape here in Hawaii, I rustled through the old suitcases to find my old costume in perfectly pressed appearance. I looked longing into the full length mirror realizing the mystery of a beauty I’d become. I hardly recognized my image as I pressed my fingertips to the reflection.

  Alone on the edges of courage and danger, my sparkling appearance running coarsely through the components of my hair. The crowd below me gleaming with eager wishes of misstep or tumble. Faces familiar, all prompting me of loved ones. Their awful stares wanting me to fail, their welcoming attitude a fake attempt to be close to one another.

  My father’s chin up in aversion. The eyes of my mother in a worried flutter. Making me hold my position. Malachi sat next to her, comforting her cries. His attention turned elsewhere, who I thought did I come to impress tonight? The other younger siblings high-spirited in their audience clothing.

  Down below seated next to them was Arunia, a light at the end of the tunnel. Claps of wild excitement as I continued to tiptoe across the rope.

  To her left waved Tamer, a gentle kindhearted soul. Tagert sat next to him his eyes hungry for flesh, ivory skin. Leonard quietly sat and stared at the shadow of my spotlight below.

  It was at that moment I saw him standing in the middle of the ring, awaiting the victory spin. Briggs held out his open arms in an attempt to catch me. My eyelids grew thin looking ahead to the furthest end of the line. Only having inches to go, but where would that lead? I glanced back down at the boy who confessed adoration for me. Would he be able to catch the fallen ballerina? His grip strong enough to carry me home?

  The sparkle in his eyes, I knew his safety would captivate my soul. I leaped into the open atmosphere spread eagle into my diver’s position. Descending fluidly to the person I had many doubts about, an impulsive shocking my brain awake, letting judgments of him die in the dirt.

  Gracefully catching me whole, his aroma a sweet scent of honey.

  М