But she wasn’t finished. “I can imagine growing old with you and being at your side for whatever life brings. I don’t want a casual, long-distance...whatever with you, Gavin. I want it all.” She swiped at her cheeks when tears clouded her vision. “I deserve it all.”
“Yes,” he whispered then closed his eyes. When he opened them again, the emotion she’d seen there moments earlier had vanished, and she had to wonder if she’d imagined it in the first place. “But what if I’m not the man to give it to you?”
She drew in a breath and said the words that she’d never expected to utter. The words that broke her heart. “Then I’ll find it with someone else.”
Gavin stared at her as if he couldn’t believe she’d be able to dismiss him so easily. But it wasn’t easy. It felt as though she’d reached into her own chest to squeeze her heart until she could barely tolerate the pain. At the same time there was no doubt in her mind that she’d walk away if he couldn’t give her what she wanted.
As hard as she’d fallen for him over these past few weeks, she’d also learned to value herself. She wanted to be with a man who could do the same, and while it might destroy her to have to accept Gavin wasn’t that man, it was a chance she had to take.
“I don’t know what to say,” he admitted.
That simple statement made her shoulders sag. It seemed so obvious. She’d laid her heart out bare to him. He could cradle it in his arms or walk away and ignore her feelings or, worse, stomp all over her love for him. She hoped beyond hope that he’d choose her, that she hadn’t misread or created in her own mind the deep emotion she saw in his green eyes.
“I think,” she whispered, slipping the diamond ring from her finger and holding out to him, “that tells us both everything we need to know.”
He stared at her for several long moments and then took the ring from her, shoving it into his pocket. She hated to see the pain in his gaze. Even though her own heart was breaking, it didn’t give her any relief to know that Gavin was just as unhappy with this turn of events.
Still, she wouldn’t compromise on what she knew she deserved. Not for him or anyone.
“You should probably go,” she whispered, gesturing to her desk crowded with files. “I have a lot to get through this afternoon.”
He gave a jerky nod but didn’t leave. It was as if he was rooted in place, unable to move forward or back.
“Gavin, please. Don’t make this harder on either of us.”
“So it’s the end?” he asked as if he couldn’t quite believe it.
And she wasn’t willing to cut him off entirely. It would be like chopping off her own arm. “For now. We’ll still be friends...of a sort. Unless...”
He swayed toward her, pulled by an invisible thread. “Unless what?”
Her mouth felt like it was filled with sawdust. How was she supposed to answer? She’d told him she loved him, and he’d given her nothing in return. “I’m not sure,” she admitted. “Maybe one of us will figure it out.”
“Okay, then,” he said, his tone hollow. “Goodbye, Christine. For now.”
Then he turned and walked away.
Chapter Sixteen
Gavin drove around for hours after leaving Christine’s office and eventually ended up on the highway, heading east toward Houston. He’d turned off his phone after five calls in a row from Maddie, four from Schuyler and one last call from Valene.
Obviously, word had gotten out that he and Christine were over. He still couldn’t quite believe she’d...what? Broken up with him? Yes, they’d spent the past several weeks together but could it really be considered dating given how their relationship started?
His heart stuttered at the thought of losing her, offering a clear answer that his brain was trying to ignore.
She said she believed in him, told him she loved him, and somehow that honest admission had made every doubt and fear he’d ever had buzz through his veins like a swarm of angry bees.
It was one thing to be a part of her life within the confines of their arrangement. Quite another to truly open himself up to her. He might be a success at plenty in his life, but he’d never been able to handle personal relationships for more than a short time.
His belief that he wasn’t built for lasting love now felt like a cop-out. He could be fearless on the slopes or in his job but he was a coward when it counted.
The pain in her beautiful blue eyes had been like a knife to the chest. He wanted to be angry with her. They’d had a deal, and she’d gone and changed everything with her sweet honesty.
He turned up the radio, trying to drown out the voices in his head telling him he was an idiot. Two hours later he pulled into the long, winding driveway that led to his childhood home.
Once again he thought about the charred shell of the Robinson house. He couldn’t imagine that kind of tragedy befalling his parents’ home.
He parked and started up the walk to the front door, which opened before he’d made it to the top step.
“What a wonderful surprise,” his mother said, opening her arms.
He enfolded her in a tight hug, probably taking more comfort from his mom’s embrace than a grown man should. He was too emotionally spent to care.
“I wanted to see you before I head back to Denver.”
She pulled away, patting his arms. “I thought you were in Austin until the end of next week?”
“I... Yeah...looks like I’m going to be leaving earlier than planned.”
He followed her into the house as she glanced over her shoulder. “Any special reason?” she asked and something in her tone made him stop in his tracks.
“They got to you,” he muttered.
“Who?”
“The trifecta of terror.” When she didn’t stop walking toward the kitchen, he trailed after her. “Otherwise known as my three sisters.”
“Would you like a glass of tea?”
“Sure. Thanks.”
“I made banana muffins this morning.”
“Okay.” He took a seat at the island, drumming his fingers against the cool marble countertop. “Which one of them called?”
“I spoke with Maddie about an hour ago,” his mother admitted. “She was worried about you and wanted to know if you’d contacted your father or me.”
“Does she know I’m here?”
Barbara pulled a glass from the cabinet then took a pitcher of iced tea out of the refrigerator. “I texted her when I saw you coming up the drive. All three of them were worried.”
He snorted. “Doubtful. More likely they all wanted to lecture me on how badly I messed things up with Christine.”
She set the glass of tea in front of him then took a glass container of muffins from the pantry and opened the lid. “From the look on your face, I don’t think you need that lecture.”
“Which wouldn’t have stopped Maddie.”
His mother inclined her head as if considering that. “You’re right.”
He plucked a muffin from the container and popped the whole thing into his mouth.
“Those are made for biting,” his mother gently admonished.
He finished chewing and then swallowed. His mom was an excellent baker. “Gets to the same place either way.”
She smiled. “Just like there are many paths to love.”
“Wow,” he murmured.
“Not the smoothest transition, I’ll admit. But I assume you’ve driven all this way because you want to talk about your troubles.”
He shook his head. “I want to eat muffins, drink iced tea and find a stupid action movie to watch on TV. I don’t want to talk.”
When Barbara said nothing in response, Gavin sighed. “Can I have another muffin first?”
“Bring it into the family room. We’ll be more comfortable there.”
He grabbed a muffin and his tea and
then followed her into the wood-paneled family room. Dropping down on the overstuffed couch, he placed the glass on the coffee table and ate the muffin, again in one bite.
“It was all fake,” he blurted, rubbing a hand across his eyes.
His mother’s gentle gaze didn’t waver. “Your relationship with Christine?”
“The engagement, the ring...everything.” He nodded. “Schuyler was pushing me about my love life at Maddie’s wedding, trying to set me up with every single woman she knew. It’s been like that for a while. I’m not sure why everyone cares so much about me settling down, but I got sick of having people in my personal business. Who cares if I don’t date seriously or stay single forever?”
“Your sisters want you to be happy,” Barbara said.
Gavin leveled a look at her. “It’s not just them. You and Dad are the same way. No one believes I can manage my own happiness. I know you mean well, but it makes me crazy. Did you ever think that I’m just not cut out for a committed relationship?”
“Not once.”
His chest constricted at her quiet confidence.
“You’re wrong,” he whispered. “Clearly. Just ask Christine.”
“It doesn’t sound as if your feelings for her are fake.”
“Not now,” he admitted. “I guess not even at the beginning. I always liked her...” He closed his eyes for a moment. “I’m embarrassed to admit I never really noticed her before Maddie’s wedding. She was the nice girl who worked for Dad.”
“She was more than that.”
“Yes...well...” Condensation pooled around the lip of the iced tea glass, and he ran a finger across it before taking a long drink.
“Tell me how this fake yet not-so-fake relationship started.”
“I lied to Schuyler at Maddie’s reception. Told her I had a girlfriend so she’d stop with the matchmaking business.”
“Did she stop?”
“She didn’t believe me,” he said, shaking his head.
“Your sister knows you well.”
“Lucky me.”
“True.”
He felt the wisp of a smile curve his mouth. Neither his sisters nor his mother would let him get away with much, and he loved them for it. Mostly.
“She was pushing me on the identity of my mystery woman and why I hadn’t brought her as my plus one. I’d been dancing with Christine earlier in the night and told her how annoyed I was with the pressure to settle down. I’m not sure why, although I was grateful at the time, but she stepped in with Schuyler and claimed that she was my girlfriend.”
“Schuyler believed that?”
His smile grew as he thought about Christine coming to his rescue that night. It had been refreshing, spontaneous and sexy as hell. “Christine is a great office manager, but she might have missed her calling with acting. She convinced Schuyler. She convinced me.”
“Do you know she’s always had a bit of a crush on you?”
“Not at the time.” He frowned. “How did you?”
“Oh, sweetie. It’s a mother’s job to understand those kinds of things. That’s part of the reason it made me happy to hear you two were together. She’s got such a good heart, and you deserve someone like that.”
“I don’t,” he whispered. “I hurt her, Mom.”
“Because your feelings weren’t the same as hers? I saw the two of you together. It didn’t look fake.” She leaned forward on her elbows. “No offense, son, but you aren’t an actor.”
“I cared...” He paused then said, “I care about her. I didn’t expect it and things would have been so much easier if we’d stuck to the plan of having fun while I was in Austin. The engagement raised the stakes even more. Then it became more. I even suggested that we keep seeing each other after I go back to Denver.”
“Where’s the problem?”
“She told me she loved me.” His body went tight as he waited for his mom’s response.
“How dare she,” Barbara murmured.
“Exactly.”
His mother reached over and gave him a soft swat to the side of the head.
“What was that for?”
“Maybe I’m hoping to knock some sense into you. An amazing woman said she loves you and that’s bad?”
“It means she has expectations,” he said, then cringed.
“And?”
“I’ve never been great with that. I don’t date seriously. I’m not built for it. Why can’t anyone understand that?”
She held up her hand and ticked off responses on her fingers. “One, because it’s not true. Two, because it’s a weak excuse. Three, because you love her, too.”
He automatically shook his head. “I don’t. I can’t.”
“Gavin.”
“Mom, every woman I’ve ever dated has told me I’m not husband material. I’m perfect for a good time, a few laughs and fun weekends away. I don’t stick.”
“They were wrong.”
“I’ve dated a lot of women,” he said quietly, embarrassed at having this conversation with the woman who raised him but needing someone to understand just the same.
“I’m aware,” she answered.
“I’ve messed up with plenty of them. Not on purpose but in the same way I ruined things with Christine.”
“You only have to get it right once.”
He shook his head. “I don’t...” He closed his eyes and let the truth wash over him. “I love her,” he whispered.
“Yes,” his mother answered simply.
“But what if I hurt her and—” His lungs burned as he drew air in. “What if I’m not enough? What if I can’t be the man she deserves? What if I end up with my heart broken?”
“My sweet boy,” his mother whispered as if she was comforting a toddler with a skinned knee. “You are so brave and adventurous.”
“No. I’m a spineless coward. When things got serious, I turned tail. She has no reason to give me another chance.”
“She loves you.”
As if that was reason enough.
“But—”
“Are you going to try to make it work? No one can force you. Not your sisters or me. The choice is yours, Gavin. How much do you love her?”
“With more of my heart than I even realized existed.”
“What’s the worst thing that could happen?”
He blinked as understanding dawned. “Giving up on this chance at happiness. I have to fight for her to take me back. If she doesn’t, I’ll respect her decision. But if I don’t try, then I’m going to live the rest of my life regretting it.”
“Can I give you a piece of advice?”
He laughed softly. “Isn’t that what you’ve been doing this whole time in your subtle way?”
Barbara patted his hand. “Make it count. You’re all about taking risks, and the stakes don’t get any higher than when you’re putting your heart on the line. Go big or go home.”
“Really?”
“Would you ski down a bunny hill when the double black is there for the taking?”
He laughed. “You’re comparing Christine to a ski slope?”
“I’m telling you not to hold back.”
Okay. He could do that. His mother was right. He’d hurt Christine and now he had to convince her to try again. She deserved to have him risk everything.
He stood abruptly. “I’ve got to go.”
“Back to Austin?”
“To Denver,” he clarified, then held up a hand when his mother frowned. “Trust me. I’m going to make this count.”
“I do trust you.”
“Thanks, Mom. For everything.” He gave her a quick hug, then headed for his car. His dad walked into the house just as Gavin was exiting.
“Gavin.” His father’s expression was stony. “We need to talk about—”
&
nbsp; “I’m fixing it,” he answered without breaking stride.
“Good luck, then,” his dad called.
Gavin would definitely need it.
* * *
Christine checked her makeup in the compact mirror she kept in her desk drawer Thursday morning. Not bad, she thought, given that she’d spent most of the previous night in tears.
She hadn’t heard from Gavin after he’d left her office on Monday, not that she’d expected to. Hoped, but not expected. The news of their breakup—if she could call it that—had spread like wildfire through the office. If she had to guess, she would have said that several curious ears had been pressed to the door of Christine’s office to overhear the heartbreaking conversation.
She’d tried to play it off and had managed to hold herself together when Maddie came in and threatened revenge on her brother for being an idiot.
Christine had claimed ending the engagement was a mutual decision, and in a way it had been. She simply hadn’t been willing to take the scraps of affection Gavin offered. Not when she loved him so deeply. It was his own fault. He’d been the one to help her see that she deserved more than she normally expected. Unfortunately, that newfound understanding made it impossible for her to accept anything less from him.
It was only when she’d gotten home and curled up on her couch in private that the heartbreak had truly washed over her. Princess Di had joined her on the sofa, shoving her snout into Christine and then climbing onto her lap. She’d wrapped her arms around the sweet dog and cried for far too long.
So for the past two days, her routine had been the same. Game face at the office then allowing her mask to crumble once she returned home.
Today she’d woken up with the equivalent of a broken heart hangover. It would have been nice to call in sick and curl in a ball on the couch with a carton of Häagen-Dazs and the TV tuned to some reality-television marathon. But she had to pull herself together. So she’d applied makeup, slipped into her favorite dress and then headed for the office. She’d stopped to buy a dozen donuts on the way in, hoping the offering of dough and sugar would somehow prove to her coworkers that she was moving on.
As if.
She shoved the mirror into a desk drawer and headed for the conference room. Maddie had called an all-staff meeting in order to go over the latest sales figures and strategies for salvaging their declining business.
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