Cracking the door open, Jessie allowed me a glimpse into the bathroom. She wasn’t even dressed! She was still wearing the jeans and t-shirt she’d had on when she arrived.
“What do you think I should wear?” she asked.
“Just wear that,” I waved my hand at what she was wearing right now. The look I got in response, though, very much told me that was not the right thing to say. She looked... fine. But okay, even I could see how that wouldn’t be something that encouraged Jessie to just go in her jeans and a t-shirt.
Giving a dramatic sigh, I pushed the door to the bathroom open. “Okay, okay, show me what your options are,” I told her.
She beamed, like she’d been just waiting for me to come and offer her my opinion. Jessie was perfectly capable of picking her own clothes. She knew way more about fashion than I did, so I really didn’t understand why my opinion even mattered.
And yet, I couldn’t help smiling back, knowing that it did.
“Okay, so there’s this one.” Jessie showed me a short-ish pale blue dress, holding it up against her body.
It was... nice. Honestly, I wasn’t sure I had too many opinions on dresses. “It’s cute,” I shrugged, but Jessie didn’t seem very impressed with that answer. Trying to think of the sort of things she’d told me to say, my tongue darted out to wet my lips. “Um. The color suits you?” I offered.
She still looked a little skeptical, so I shrugged. “I’m not very good at visualizing, am I? Have I ever seen you in this dress?” I kind of hoped the answer was no, because otherwise, I’d never hear the end of not paying enough attention. It was just hard to remember all the different dresses Jessie owned.
Sighing, Jessie shook her head. “No, Felix. It’s new!” After a moment’s hesitation, Jessie put the dress down and tugged her t-shirt off, half-turning so I was mostly treated to a flash of her bra and then her profile.
Jessie had explained to me that dancers had to get changed in front of each other all the time. And she had pointed out that her bra covered her just as much as a bikini did, and I wouldn’t think it was weird to see her in that.
Still, I glanced away, focusing my attention on the corner where the wall met the ceiling.
It was hardly as if I wasn’t used to nakedness, I changed around people all the time. But they weren’t women. Jessie’s ease with nakedness, even if it was only partial, was always a little startling.
My bathroom wall was suddenly very interesting, but from the angle I was at, I could still see Jessie’s reflection in the mirror. It was impossible not to admire her curves, the way her muscles flexed.
This is definitely not what you should be thinking about, a little voice whispered in my head and I considered just closing my eyes. Thankfully, Jessie didn’t exactly take long to pull the dress over her head.
When she told me that I could turn around, I did.
“It looks good,” I told her, ignoring the way my breath caught in my throat briefly. “Um, it makes your boobs look bigger.” Well, it did. “If that’s like, um, if that’s what you’re aiming for?” Oh, God, what was I even saying?
Jessie’s eyes widened. For a moment, I worried that I’d horribly offended her. Jessie was my friend. I shouldn’t be looking at her boobs. I shouldn’t even be thinking about looking at her boobs.
I was about to apologize when Jessie laughed. “Well, that wasn’t what I was aiming for,” she informed me. “But I guess I’ll take it.” She turned, holding the dress closed in the back while she examined her reflection.
“Do the zipper up for me?” she asked.
My body suddenly felt at least two degrees hotter as I took a step closer. I willed my mind to focus on anything other than how warm Jessie’s skin felt under my fingers when I reached to do the zipper up just as she’d asked me to. Thankfully, it wasn’t a job that took very long.
Taking a step back, I cleared my throat. “I mean, the color also looks nice?” I offered but even to me that sounded unsure. Finally, I sighed. “I just don’t have the skills to compliment dresses, Jessie.” The complaint came out a bit whinier than intended, but that was also probably accurate.
She squeezed my arm, giving me a smile that made me take an instinctive step backward. “I know,” she agreed, startling a snort from me. “But it’s okay. You make up for it by always being there for me. You’re a great best friend, Felix. Even if you don’t know how to say a dress looks nice.”
I hadn’t really considered that an ability to compliment dresses might be something Jessie looked for in a friend. It wasn’t a skill that any of my friends had. But maybe men and women just did friendship differently.
“Besides, I can always ask Dana or Hannah if I want actual fashion advice,” Jessie added.
“Well, I do think you look nice,” I defended. It wasn’t like I was blind or anything. The dress looked good on Jessie. Sure, it really did make her boobs look bigger, but that was a good thing? At least there was no reason that I knew of why someone might not want their curves to stand out more.
Glancing behind Jessie, I spotted the other dress. Presumably, this was what she couldn’t decide between. “Am I to fail to compliment that one, too, or can we go?” I asked, kind of hoping this would do. Not because I objected to commenting on the other dress, but because I knew it’d lead to Jessie pulling this one off over her head.
She rolled her eyes, but it was with affection. “You’ve done enough for one day,” she teased. “I just need to finish my make-up and then I’ll be ready. Sit.”
I did, perching on the edge of the bath and watching as Jessie did whatever it was that women did that made them take hours in the bathroom. She leaned forward, pursing her lips to apply a coat lipgloss.
“Are you excited for the party?” Jessie asked. “Even though you can’t take the dogs?”
“Well, it obviously won’t be as good without the dogs,” I semi-joked. The dogs would be fine on their own, that was one of the many great things about having four dogs - they could entertain each other when I wasn’t around. But of course, my preference was to bring the dogs everywhere.
Still, Jessie would be a fair replacement.
The look she gave me in the mirror when I said as much made me laugh. “I’m kidding!” I said raising my hands. “Thanks for coming. It will be fun! Celebrating the season starting is always a great time.” And by now, Jessie knew most of the guys pretty well, so it wasn’t like it’d be awkward for her.
She hummed, turning to face me. “It will be nice,” she agreed, “and I’m happy to come.” Even without saying anything more, I knew Jessie wasn’t finished. Her pauses were almost as familiar to me as my own. She was definitely still thinking something; something she wasn’t quite sure how to say.
“Do you think it feels different?” she asked. “Now that so many of the guys bring their girlfriends? It never used to be so… couple-y.”
I considered her question. Did it feel different? Luke had been the first one to get together with someone seriously and that almost didn’t count since El was the team’s nutritionist. We all knew her anyway! But then more of the guys had started dating, started getting super serious about their relationships.
Still, it wasn’t like everyone was off dating someone. Plenty of the guys were still single. Given, none of them brought their best friends with them to the social events but that was really their failing for not having anyone as awesome as Jessie in their lives.
“Nah,” I decided. “I mean, most of the girlfriends are pretty cool and the ones who aren’t don’t tend to last very long. It’s always fun to meet new people.”
Jessie smiled, her lip-gloss catching the light and drawing my attention back to her lips. With an effort, I focused my attention on my watch. We weren’t going to be late, despite the time Jessie was taking. It might take her longer to get ready than it took me, but at least she started earlier, too.
“Alright, then,” she said, making my glance back in her direction. “As long as you don’t feel lik
e you’re missing out, not having a girlfriend to take.”
“Missing out?” I frowned. “I guess if I had a girlfriend who had some dogs, that’d be cool,” I teased. It was kind of my go-to for dating. The guys chirped me plenty for it, but, really, dating was fine. It wasn’t more than fine, though. There just wasn’t anything I felt like I was missing by not having a girlfriend.
Giving a shrug, I stood up. “Besides, what do I need a dogless girlfriend for when I’ve got you?” I joked. “Though, if you did want to get a dog...”
Jessie laughed. “It wouldn’t be fair for me to make a dog live at my place,” she argued, “when it would be much happier living here with yours.” Dogs did love company, so Jessie definitely had a point there. If she had a dog waiting for her at home, she’d have to spend less time here. And neither of us wanted that.
“Are you ready?” Jessie asked, frowning at my hair, which was sticking up just like it always did. “You don’t need to… neaten up before we leave?”
“Wow, thanks, Jessie,” I snorted. “Not sounding at all like you think I should ‘neaten up’,” I waved my hands to do air quotes. “Go on then, you can sort my hair out,” I suggested. We used to do that a lot as teenagers, so I knew that Jessie was very good at making me look ‘neater’ or whatever it was she was aiming for.
Nodding my head towards one of the bathroom drawers, I added, “There’s gel in there.” I probably would’ve just gone out as I was, but if Jessie wanted to play hairdresser, I saw no reason not to let her.
She snorted. “At least I didn’t ask whether you wanted your boobs to look bigger,” she pointed out. Apparently, she wasn’t going to let me live that down. But she did reach for the gel and her hairbrush, pushing me to stand.
As one hand settled on my shoulder, I wondered whether this had been a good idea. The heat from Jessie’s fingers seeped through my t-shirt, making me feel warm from the inside out.
“Don’t let me drink too much,” she said. “I’ve got rehearsal early tomorrow and Edwina’s really pushing us hard.”
Trying to focus on her words instead of how the light scent of Jessie’s perfume seemed to surround me, I hummed in agreement. “No problem,” I promised easily enough. Knowing Jessie for as long as I had - and discovering drinking together - I knew exactly what was ‘too much’ and what was fine and would still get her up for rehearsals.
It was nice to know those sorts of things. And equally, I knew Jessie would look out for me, too. Not that I needed it. The team knew me well enough that I was unlikely to make a fool out of myself at a team party.
“Moderate drinking and maybe some snacking,” I confirmed. “In bed before 1a.m.,” I added teasingly, because we both knew that was actually true. That’s the sort of adults we were now.
Jessie’s smile looked even better so close. I let my eyes close, trying not to focus on anything in particular. And definitely not Jessie’s hands in my hair.
“Okay,” she said, startling me out of my own thoughts. “I think we’re ready to go!” Glancing at my reflection in the mirror, it looked like Jessie had done a pretty good job. Not that I’d thought my hair needed doing. “What do you think?” Jessie asked. “If we leave now, we shouldn’t be there too early, right?”
“Nah,” I shook my head. “I’ll call us a cab,” I added, pulling out my phone. “You can tell the dogs we’re going out.” They probably already knew, really, since Jessie and I didn’t usually get ready together for nothing. Pammy had already given me a look that informed me how unimpressed she was at being left in charge (but a lot less unimpressed than she would be if I left one of the other dogs in charge).
Jessie didn’t seem particularly pleased with her task, but I was already pulling up an app, so tough luck. When I heard her actually go off to talk to the dogs, it was hard not to smile. Especially at the loud ‘yes, I know you’d like to come’ she gave with a dramatic sigh.
This was why Jessie was my best friend. Who else would treat my dogs as well as I did?
She gave me a small ‘what’ at the grin I shot her just as we were leaving and my smile widened.
“Nothing,” I answered. “You’re just pretty great,” I informed her. The light blush I got in response made it totally worth it.
Chapter Four
Jessie
SEPTEMBER 18TH, 2004
“Are you sure we really get to feed the giraffe?” I asked, squeezing Felix’s hand in mine. He had promised that we could, and Felix had never broken a promise.
But I also hadn’t known him for very long. And Mitch had said at breakfast that I must have got it wrong. We must be going to see the giraffes, not to actually feed them. They wouldn’t let a stranger do the feeding, because I wouldn’t know how to do it right.
“It’s okay,” I added. “Even if I just get to watch someone feed a giraffe, that’s still cool!”
“No, no”, Felix shook his head. “We’re definitely feeding the giraffes. It’s on my chore list,” he informed me. The idea that ‘feed a giraffe’ might be on anyone’s chore list was so silly that I laughed. From the look Felix gave me, though, it seemed like he was being serious.
As we neared what looked like a big barn, Felix let go of my hand so he could unlock it. “Honestly, it’s not actually that interesting. Giraffes just eat acacia, which is like a tree? We get it delivered and then we give it to the giraffes. That’s what we’re doing today.”
Inside the barn, there were tree branches, hay, all sorts of different plants. Felix showed me which ones were acacias, pointing at the leaves. “I tried one once, it’s not that tasty.” He shrugged.
I giggled. I might not have known Felix for very long, but I could imagine him trying to eat giraffe food very easily! “I’ll take your word for it.” I had a bad enough time eating the vegetables mom made me eat. I wasn’t about to start eating weird leaves, especially if Felix said they didn’t taste good.
Felix showed me how to grab a big armload of the acacia branches, hugging them against my chest to be sure I didn’t drop any.
“What’s your favorite animal to feed?” I asked, following Felix back out of the barn.
It didn’t take Felix any sort of time to answer that. “Penguins,” he informed me. “You can throw them fish and they run after it, it’s cute. And they love ice, so they’re clearly great animals.” The seriousness of his tone made me grin. In the short while I’d known Felix, I had learned to tell when his seriousness was serious and when it was just teasing. This was more the latter.
“Giraffes are fun, too, though! I wouldn’t take you to feed a boring animal. Like a...” He struggled, trying to figure out a boring animal, before finally shrugging. “Bugs. Paisley loves feeding bugs but I just find it a bit creepy.”
Wrinkling my nose, I nodded. “Yeah,” I agreed. “Besides, I can see bugs at home!” Not the same bugs, Paisley would have pointed that out if she’d been with us, but I didn’t care as much about different types of bugs as I did about different types of dogs.
As we walked toward the giraffe enclosure, I tilted my head up, laughing at the way I could see their heads and necks but not any of the rest of them. They weren’t the most graceful animals, but I was still excited to see them up close!
“This is great,” I told Felix, feeling a thousand excited butterflies flutter inside me. “Is this how you feel when you know you get to watch hockey?”
Felix seemed to think about my question, like he had to weigh up all the feelings to answer correctly. I didn’t know anyone else who did that, who actually thought about what I asked so they would give me the correct answer.
“Probably not really,” he decided. “I mean, I love the animals. It’s exciting to see them and to learn what they’re like. That one,” he pointed at one of the giraffes as we got closer, “is Rosie and that one is Jethro. You can tell by the spots, they’re different. And Rosie’s a little smaller, but Jethro’s still a young giraffe,” Felix explained. “It’s a very different sort of excitement fro
m hockey. Less... fast.”
Less fast suited me. I liked hockey, but the speed of it was something I could only enjoy for about an evening at a time. I couldn’t have played it every day, the way Mitch and Felix did.
Dropping most of my bundle of leaves on the floor, I held up one branch over my head, hoping to get Jethro or Rosie’s attention.
When they barely seemed to notice us, I giggled again. “We must be like insects to them, don’t you think?”
“Maybe just a little bigger,” Felix joked. “But also, they like their food high up. So we need to lower the feeder, fill it up and then have it go all the way back up,” he explained. “Mom wants to build a platform so we could go up to their level and maybe even have visitors go up, so they can pet the giraffes,” he explained.
I followed Felix around, watching as he moved a lever that then slowly drove down the feeder. We filled it up with the branches and then Felix let me be the one to push it back up. This time, when they spotted it, both Rosie and Jethro moved over. It wasn’t the sort of excitement I had expected.
When I said as much, Felix laughed. “Yeah sorry, giraffes aren’t super exciting, just cool,” he grinned.
I grinned right back. It was pretty cool! I’d get to tell Mitch and the rest of my friends that I’d helped Felix really feed the giraffes. Maybe this wasn’t my thing, the way hockey was Felix’s, but it was still a fun thing to have done, and a good memory to have.
“Can we take photos of them eating?” I asked. Mom had made sure my camera was all ready, and I wanted to have something I could remember this by.
I’d even put it in my scrapbook, alongside the pictures of the horses I’d ridden at camp.
I still didn’t want to run a zoo when I grew up, or anything, but I did want to keep these memories of Felix helping me find what my thing might be.
Friend Locked (Salt Lake Pumas) Page 3