by Alan Filewod
Colby: No.
Cord: Oh it’s great! There’s this Sir Lancelot-guy, see, and this note comes fluttering down from the tower saying ’Rescue Me!’ and – shunk – out comes the old sword-a-rooney and he charges up into the castle carvin’ his way up this winding staircase, blood and arms and heads flying all over the place! And he kicks down the tower door and inside is this real wimpy little fruit! (He loses himself in laughter for a moment, then is suddenly serious) See, that’s what worries me. I mean, how do you know for sure? How can you ever really know if someone loves you?
Colby: I don’t know.
Cord: I was working at this Chrysler dealership in Windsor, see, washing out the cars on the lot … and the guy who owned the place had a daughter. Seventeen. Hair down to here, (pause) From the first time I saw her I knew … but who was I to be messing with the boss’ daughter, right? I mean, this guy’s precious little idol and me – a car jockey with bad skin and a wop name. But none of that mattered ’cause Cathy and me, right from the word go, we connected. Bang. Electricity. First time her old man saw us talking he knew … fired me right off the lot. But that didn’t stop me. I followed her to school. Hung out at the variety store across the street. Called her on her private phone. I was in love, man, you know like nothing else mattered. I kept chipping away at her until that night. I stole the best car right off that sucker’s lot. A big black LeBaron with a four-eighty under the hood! And we took off… like something off a Springsteen album. Gino and Cathy peel off into the night.
Colby: She loved you?
Cord: It was heaven, man. We were gonna roar down that road till we hit the tip of South America. We’d build a shack on the beach, live off black marlin I speared from my boat. Make babies. It was going to be perfect.
Colby: Well … what … what happened?
Cord: I’m asleep in the back of the car. Wake up beside this fly-speckled garage on the side of the road in Nevada. She’s gone. I get out of the car and find her inside the diner. She’s on the phone to her Goddamn father! Goddamn women, man. I hit her. Just once. Open palm. Okay, more than once but open palm, see … oh God, I hit her too hard … I … blood, cops. (pause) They say I’m crazy but I’m not. I’m just like you. I did it all for love.
Colby: You … you hurt that girl … you can’t … you never, ever hurt someone you love, Gino. You …
Cord: Don’t you call me Gino, you son of a bitch! That’s our name! I ain’t no wop! I’m Cord, see? Cord!
The Cop: (enters) Hey, what in hell … (Cop sees Cord is getting violent; he drags him off.)
Cord: That bitch … she loves me. She loves me and she calls her old man, the rotten little …
Colby: For God’s sake, get this pathetic little animal out of here!
Cord: Pathetic? I’m just like you, Colby! And you know it! Just like you! Just like you!
(Cord disappears. His words hang in the air for a moment. Colby reels hack in shock. After a beat Downey enters.)
Downey: Mr Colby, I’m Kim Downey, the shrink the court wants you to talk to. (She holds out her hand.) Call me Kim, okay? (Colby doesn’t respond.) Look, I know you must be frightened but you’ve got to believe I’m on your side, (pause) All I want to do is help you. (pause) Jake, are you okay?
Colby: I don’t know.
Downey: What’s the matter? (pause) Look, Jake, I can’t help you if you won’t talk to me.
Colby: Jacob.
Downey: Pardon?
Colby: My name is Jacob.
Downey: Okay, Jacob. Listen, we don’t have a whole lot of time. If you want me to help you get out of this jam, then you’ve got to help me. (pause) I’ve … I’ve been looking through your file and I don’t think what they’ve done to you is fair … I mean … Dr Rand has certainly put together a neat little package here, (indicating one of her files) I’ve never seen such a pack of half-baked assumptions in my life.
Colby: You don’t think I’m … ?
Downey: Schizophrenic? I can’t see much evidence of it. Looks to me like the last time you were committed you behaved pretty sensibly. You sold the Review Board, that’s for sure, (pause) In fact, Jacob, I think you must be a pretty stable guy to keep your head together out in that zoo.
Colby: Iatrogenesis.
Downey: Iatrogenesis?
Colby: An illness arising during the treatment of another malady. Being in the Willows can drive you crazy.
Downey: Right. That’s pretty high-flown talk for a farmer from Alberta.
Colby: The hayseed gets in your boots, not your brain. Why are you so gung ho to help me, Dr Downey?
Downey: Kim. The Crown has Dr Rand. I’m the psychiatrist for the defence. (pause) Look Jacob, I don’t like the idea of somebody like you going to the Willows on a Lieutenant-Governor’s warrant, okay?
Colby: I can’t take another stretch out there. Your every waking moment is spent in the company of sick, dangerous men.
Downey: Yeah, and then there are the patients. (They laugh together.) We’ve only got one real problem in this case, Jacob.
Colby: What’s that?
Downey: You think that you and Linda Barrie are in love. It’s pretty hard to argue a guy’s total sanity when he’s making a claim like that.
Colby: I just don’t understand what’s so darn hard to believe.
Downey: (checking her files) Well, according to Rand you believe she sends you messages over the radio.
Colby: Look at it this way, Doctor, I become an admirer of Linda Barrie’s and join her fan club. Then about a month later a radio ratings company starts sending me surveys. They want to know my listening habits. Why me? How did they get my address? Maybe Linda gave it to them. Maybe she had access to the forms I filled out.
Downey: Go on.
Colby: If Linda phoned Peter Gzowski and asked him to play one of her songs on … say … a Tuesday morning, do you think he’d do it?
Downey: Sure. Why not?
Colby: And on my rating card I said I always listen to Morningside on Tuesdays.
Downey: How about this one? “Mr. Colby claims I had his teeth removed because he refused medication.”
Colby: A simple statement of fact. I refused to take drugs so Rand took my false teeth away and locked me in solitary.
Downey: Okay, I’ve got one more for you. According to your files you think Linda Barrie has little birds whispering messages in your ear.
Colby: The Snowbirds.
Downey: Right, snowbirds.
Colby: Not snowbirds. The Snowbirds. The Canadian Forces aerobatic team. They’re stationed about a hundred miles from my place in Red Deer. Suggesting somebody might get a pilot to fly over my house isn’t exactly behaving like I think I’m Saint Francis Assisi.
Downey: Are you telling me you think that Linda Barrie can affect the flight plans of Canadian Forces jet fighters?
Colby: They named the squadron in her honour, why wouldn’t they do her a little favour?
Downey: Oh, come on, Jacob!
Colby: Okay, I know how it sounds, but God, you hear stranger things on the news every night!
Downey: Yeah, but the newscaster doesn’t face a fitness hearing that could put him in the Willows.
Colby: Look Kim, do you believe in love?
Downey: Sometimes.
Colby: Do you remember what it was like the first time. Thinking about the other person all day long. And maybe there’s a song … your song, and every time you turn on the radio they seem to be playing it … and you know how sometimes you just pick up the phone on a whim and call and that other person says: “I was just thinking about you.”
(Downey smiles.)
Colby: You know what I’m talking about.
Downey: Yeah. I’ve been in love.
Colby: When those little magic moments come along you don’t say: “My, what a bizarre coincidence.” You sit back and you think: “That’s beautiful.”
Downey: Damn, Jacob, people just won’t buy it.
Colby: And that’s the p
roblem with the world today.
Downey: Jacob, a nice little metaphor about the synchronicity of love isn’t going to carry your case in court. You’d make my job a hell of a lot easier if you’d just go in there and admit the error of your ways.
Colby: I will never deny my love for Linda.
Downey: Why can’t you just give it up? You’re an attractive man. Why can’t you just forget her, go home, and find somebody else?
Colby: There’s no one like Linda back home, Kim.
Downey: Well … I guess I’ll have to concentrate on convincing them you just aren’t “mean” enough to be locked up.
Colby: If I was a schizophrenic what would be the best indicator that I would become dangerous?
Downey: A past history of violence.
Colby: My past history of violence amounts to a schoolyard fistfight when I was 12. I lost.
Downey: Okay, I’ll do my best. See ya in court.
(Downey shakes Colby’s hand and exits. Colby picks up his notebook. Lights fade to a spot on Colby. He writes.)
Colby: Love is a revolution in the mind … (Suddenly the band and Linda pop onto the stage, dressed in court robes and wigs.)
All: Hi Jake!
(Linda and the band sing “Daydream,” a song in praise of daydreams about love. Colby finds it very funny, especially when they change the lyric to sing: “Colby you are not insane, maybe just a bit deranged.” The song ends with a whistled verse. Linda and the band back out, and The Judge enters. Lights shift. We are back in court.)
The Clerk: All rise.
(Dr Rand takes the stand.)
The Crown: Dr Rand, would it be fair to say Mr Colby may be suffering from schizophrenia?
Rand: The existence of paranoia without the presence of schizophrenia is quite rare. In the case of an encapsulated delusional system like Mr Colby’s the patient may at first only suffer from the delusion itself, but usually a schizophrenic element develops. Given similar cases, one would expect Mr Colby’s condition to deteriorate. He is involved in very stressful situations – prison, a failing ability to run his farm due to court appearances … and of course, his frustration over the unresponsiveness of Linda Barrie.
The Crown: And what would be the result of this deterioration?
Rand: Well, almost anything could happen. He could become unpredictable, perhaps violent.
The Crown: Your experience with Mr Colby does lead you to believe he is deteriorating?
Rand: Yes. The delusion seems to have expanded to include the court and during the course of his last stay in Willowood his illness had clearly come to encompass our attempts at treatment.
The Crown: Dr Rand, do you feel that Mr Colby is fit to stand trial?
Rand: No sir, I do not.
The Crown: Thank you.
The Judge: Mr Colby?
Colby: Thank you, Your Honour. Dr Downey is going to be called in this matter?
The Judge: Yes, she is.
Colby: In that case I have no further questions for Dr Rand. I would prefer to have my mental state assessed by a more impartial authority.
The Judge: You may step down, Dr Rand.
The Crown: Dr Downey, please.
The Clerk: Dr Kimberly Downey.
(Downey enters and is sworn in. She takes the stand.)
The Crown: Dr Downey, have you had a chance to speak with the accused?
Downey: Yes, I have.
The Crown: Would you concur with Dr Rand’s opinion that Mr Colby is unfit to stand trial?
Downey: No sir, I would not. His capacity to function in areas not related to his delusional system is not impaired at this point.
The Crown: But, Dr Rand is adamant in his opinion that Mr Colby is slipping into a schizophrenic state.
Downey: I saw no evidence of that.
The Crown: You don’t think Mr Colby’s condition will worsen?
Downey: I don’t think he could go against court orders more than he has. In fact, for the record, the frequency of his violations has decreased. If anything this may indicate an improvement in his condition.
The Crown: Are you saying there is no chance he is a danger to himself or other persons in the community?
Downey: That is a very complex issue. The best predicator of future dangerousness is past dangerousness. Mr Colby appears to be a very gentle man and there is no evidence of violent behaviour in the past.
The Crown: But, Dr Rand had indicated that if… if delusions expand beyond their encapsulated form, schizophrenic behaviour will begin to occur. I take it we agree that Mr Colby’s delusional system is expanding?
Downey: I’m not sure. I don’t think so.
The Crown: But his delusion now encompasses the actions of the police and the proceedings of this court.
Downey: At first glance, yes, but from my discussions with him … when you talk to him about his feelings of harassment he makes sense.
The Crown: What do you mean by that?
Downey: To put it bluntly, I don’t think it’s particularly insane for Mr Colby to feel he has been victimized.
The Crown: Victimized?
Downey: Mr Colby’s case is more interesting than most but it’s not uncommon. Yes, he is deluded, but there is no evidence that he is dangerous. This is obviously why the courts have had trouble dealing with him.
The Crown: Your Honour, while I admire Dr Downey’s very sympathetic position vis-à-vis the plight of the mentally ill in this province I don’t think this is the time or the place for a sociology lesson.
Downey: Your Honour, I think it is reprehensible that someone like Mr Colby who suffers from an essentially harmless delusion can end up in an institution for the criminally insane. We’re not talking about a sociology lesson here, we’re talking about a human being.
The Crown: A human being indeed. Dr Downey. I wonder how you would feel if you were being bothered by Mr Colby. Would it not be fair to say that you would feel personally violated by his “harmless delusion"?
Downey: As a woman I understand the kind of fears Miss Barrie has. We all have fears and we have to learn to live with them. I think a man should be punished for what he does, not what he thinks.
The Crown: Your Honour, the question at hand is whether Mr Colby is dangerous.
Downey: The question is how long will we continue to allow our system to feed victims into institutions just because we have no place else to put them.
The Judge: The question before this court is neither of the above. I want to know if this man is able to defend himself.
Downey: Your Honour, sending this man to Willowood on a Lieutenant-Governor’s warrant is, in my opinion, the worst thing that could happen to him.
The Judge: Dr Downey, this courtroom is not a forum for your social views. You will confine yourself to answering the Crown’s questions.
Downey: But, Your Honour …
The Judge: Do you have any more questions for the witness, Mr Broilman?
The Crown: Thank you, Your Honour. Dr Downey, in your opinion is Mr Colby capable of defending himself?
Downey: He is a highly intelligent and articulate man. It’s obvious that he understands court procedure.
The Crown: Dr Downey, if His Honour were to rule that Mr Colby’s defence bears no relationship to the case, how would that affect your opinion of his fitness to defend himself?
Downey: It wouldn’t lead me to say categorically that he was unfit.
The Crown: Well, I say his defence is poppycock in so far as the issue before this court is quite simply whether or not he broke probation by taking a letter to Ms Barrie’s office. (pause) Dr Downey, do you have any doubts about Mr Colby’s ability to stand trial?
Downey: Psychiatry is not a precise science. There are always doubts … but …
The Crown: You do have doubts then.
Downey: Yes, but …
The Crown: And do you also have doubts about whether or not Mr Colby will become a dangerous schizophrenic?
Downey: You can’
t commit a man for what he may or may not become.
The Crown: Dr Downey, can you categorically deny the possibility that Mr Colby may in the future deteriorate into a violent schizophrenic state?
Downey: No, but …
The Crown: And what, clinically speaking, might push him over the edge?
Downey: As Dr Rand suggests, stress but …
The Crown: The stress of repeated court appearances?
Downey: Perhaps.
The Crown: The stress of losing a whole wheat crop?
Downey: Well, maybe … but …
The Crown: And above all, the stress of his continued rejection by Linda Barrie?
Downey: No, above all the stress of being locked up in a hospital for the criminally insane.
The Crown: Where he would receive treatment. No further questions, Your Honour.
The Judge: Do you have any questions for Dr Downey?
Colby: No, Your Honour … if I might … if I might just make a statement.
The Judge: Certainly. You may step down, Dr Downey. Mr Colby?
Colby: Your Honour, there seems to be some indication that you are about to find my arguments before this Court irrelevant to my case. Before you take that position, I would just like to point out one more time that there has been no real attempt to discover the true facts behind my case. Linda Barrie has never been questioned.
The Judge: Mr Colby, if you’ll recall there was an attempt to look into your allegations. Mr Edwards is willing to testify to your behaviour. Upon this suggestion you became irrational in your objections.
Colby: Linda is the only one who can explain what’s going on.
The Judge: The Crown claims Mr Edwards can be of assistance.
Colby: Look, Your Honour, if it will prevent you from ruling against me I’ll talk to the man, but it won’t solve anything.
Voice: Call Charles Edwards!
(Music underscore: “Farewell to Nova Scotia” hummed by cast in a bagpipe drone. Lights shift; we leave the courtroom and go again to the fantasy sequence funeral. The Priest, Linda, Edwards and Sandy enter. Colby walks upstage and observes the action. Sandy stands near Colby, sneaks a drink; Colby notices. Sandy notices him.)