SHATTERED

by S. C. Deutsch

  Ana looked at her father in desperation, not sure she could make it through the story again.

  “It’s okay, my little hawk,” her father reassured her. “We’ve both been to the island and both underwent the alternate testing. We have a good idea of what you’ve been through.”

  Ana felt another jolt of surprise. She knew her father had been to the island but was surprised he had gone through the alternate test. Taking a deep breath, she began, only pausing when the food arrived.

  She told Rosita and her father almost everything, choosing her words carefully and stopping to gather herself during the difficult parts. Her father stayed silent, only showing sadness and anger during her speech. Rosita held her hand, squeezing gently whenever she hesitated.

  Ana bent the truth on her relationship with Jan. She didn’t disclose the meeting they had the morning of her last trip or his confession on the path. She never mentioned the bracelet or the real reason for her return. She admitted going back of her own free will, earning a low whistle from her father and a shocked look from Rosita. She also declined to tell them about the note she found in her pack. She wasn’t sure why, just that if felt like the right thing to do.

  Ana hung her head when she admitted killing Makil. And she sunk in her seat when she took responsibility for Caleb’s death. Her father reached over and tilted her head, offering reassurances, then scooted his chair over. Enveloping her in a huge hug, Ana began to cry, deep wracking sobs that shook her entire body. Her father soothed her and she cried until no more tears came.

  Eventually getting herself under control, Ana sat back and wiped her eyes, looking at her father and Rosita expectantly.

  “Ana, please take out the journal,” her father said, motioning to the bag.

  Ana pulled it out, placing it alongside her plate. Her father reached over and pulled the journal towards him.

  “Have you read it?” he asked her.

  “Yes, several times,” she replied softly.

  “Good. That will make some of what I say easier.

  “I’m going to tell you a story. Please do not interrupt and save your questions until I’m done.” Ana’s father looked at her seriously. Ana nodded, picking up a soft roll and smearing it with a little butter before tearing off small pieces to nibble on.

  “As you know from reading this, I made three trips to the island. The first, like yours, was due to something stupid. What it was doesn’t really matter, just that I thought I was being funny, and it cost me dearly. I served my seven days and came home, determined never to return. Only the Premier at that time, Premier Thrush, had other ideas.

  “I was only a little older than you are now, living a quiet life in Gasca. I kept my head down, made sure I always remembered the prohibitions, and excelled at whatever I tried. And that, I think, was the mistake I made. I left for school one morning, but don’t remember anything after until I woke to find myself in a narrow gorge surrounded by tall cliffs. My list of directives had been placed under one hand and my knife lay just in front of my face. Like you, I had twenty-eight days to get to the beach and like you, I was not allowed to speak with anyone from the camp.

  “It took me several days to find my way out. I had unlimited fresh water and plenty of fruit, so I was never in danger of starving. But I had no Ra-mur to keep me company, making it an incredibly lonely journey.

  “Once I finally left the gorges behind, I found myself in that same gloomy jungle, the dread so overwhelming I seriously considered ending it all. Only my anger kept me going. You see, I had also made a vow. A vow to get revenge on those who were punishing me even though I was a model citizen.

  “It was during those lonely days that I started to understand what the government was doing. My rage became all-encompassing, allowing me to persevere despite everything I was forced to face.

  “My ordeal came five days before my departure date. What happened during those two days almost broke me. But I managed to discover something while undergoing my trial that could help topple the government should word ever get out. At the time, I didn’t realize the significance of it, only that it was something I wasn’t supposed to know. It was only later I began to realize how important the find was. But I’ve kept it secret, knowing the time wasn’t right and that if I released it too soon or to the wrong people, it would mean the end of me, my family, and all I loved.

  “After my fear trial, I was so furious at what had been done to me, I broke several rules before I was picked up, not caring about the consequences. My only concern was revenge, and my plan was to hijack the yacht and kill as many government officials as I could. It was a stupid idea destined for failure, and I was punished severely for it.

  “After being restrained, I was given a choice. Premier Thrush said I could become a spy, returning to the island as camp leader and supplying them with everything I learned about anyone who spent time there. Or I could watch my family tortured and brutally murdered before being sent away myself.

  “Of course, I had no choice and went back to the island. And while I despised what I was forced to do, I also made it my business to learn everything I could about the government, often feeding them misinformation in exchange for intel I wanted. You see, I never stopped planning my revenge. I just decided to be much more circumspect about it. And I was learning patience.

  “But then something happened. A girl was bought into the camp, dying from a particularly nasty fight with one of the island’s creatures. It took all my skills to save her and a long time for her to recover. She was unable to walk for several weeks and had lost the use of one arm. I found out she was also on her third trip and the wounds had been sustained during the alternate test. I was at a loss as to what to do. She was not supposed to be in the camp, was not supposed to get help, and was not supposed to talk to anyone. But if I turned her out, she would die. She had no way to defend herself from any of the island’s creatures, even with the assistance of her Ra-mur.

  “So, I let her stay for the three months remaining of her sentence. And during that time, I fell in love with her. And she with me. When her departure date arrived, I sat with her on the beach until the raft left the yacht. We pledged to find each other after I arrived home, exchanging information to try and track each other down.

  “Bree had bonded with her Ra-mur, just as you’ve bonded with Jax. She named it Kuri and loved it with all her heart. She spent her recovery teaching Kuri how to communicate, achieving some success with her efforts. She, too, attempted to smuggle the creature off the island and it wasn’t until my return that I discovered what her punishment was.

  “I remained on the island for three more weeks, continuing as camp leader and supplying the government with information. I only gave basic information on Bree, just noting I saved her life and nursed her back to health. I said nothing about Kuri. For the first week after Bree’s departure, I was a wreck whenever the raft arrived, afraid I was going to be killed. When nothing happened, I relaxed, thinking Bree’s injuries had been severe enough to allow the directives to be waived. I was wrong. Dead wrong.

  “When my debriefing was held, nothing unusual was said. I was told I had performed well and had been selected to attend one of the more prestigious universities when the next school year began. After finishing, I would be given a list of jobs from which I could choose.

  “But they lied to me. When I disembarked, I was not released from the detention center. Instead, I was taken to a very narrow room and forced to face a blank wall. Only it wasn’t a wall. It was a partition made of glass that allowed me to see into the room on the other side. The occupant of the room could not see me unless they chose to allow it.

  “Bree sat in a chair, arms and legs restrained. A huge man stood behind her. Bree was bruised, emaciated, and dressed in rags. It was obvious she had been assaulted or tortured, probably both. She looked terrible. Except for the eyes. Her eyes burned with a raging fire so strong I was sure she could set a person ablaze with just one look. Those eyes were presen
tly fastened on a man standing on the other side of the table that separated him from Bree. He held Kuri in his arms and spoke to Bree, apparently asking questions. Bree refused to answer, lips pressed in a tight line as she strained to escape. When the panel slid open, the man said something and Bree’s head turned, eyes widening when she saw me. I stood completely still, unsure what was going to happen next and terrified it wouldn’t be good. For either Bree or Kuri.

  “They took their time, making sure Bree watched the entire thing. Whenever she closed her eyes, the giant pulled her hair, forcing her head back and not letting go until she re-opened them. Bree started by screaming at them to stop, telling them she would do whatever they asked. They ignored her and her screams soon became a torrent of obscenities as she cursed everyone from the Premier on down. After the words dried up, Bree started howling, long, mournful sounds that tore at my soul. I had plastered my hands on the glass, screaming myself, but she couldn’t hear me. I never looked away, watching them destroy Bree with their actions. When they were done, Kuri’s body was tossed on the table like a discarded doll. Bree was finally released from her restraints and she gathered the dead Ra-mur in her arms, dropping to the floor and keening over the loss of her dearest friend.

  “The panel dropped, and I was led into another room. That was the last time I ever saw Bree. I assumed she would be put to death, but once again, I was wrong. What they did was worse. She was exiled to Centra, sent to try and survive the wastelands.

  “Premier Thrush soon joined me. I was told what I had been offered on the yacht had been rescinded. I was now going to be given another choice. I could attend the same Academy you will, joining the government after I finished. Or I could go back to the island and live out my days just as the boy you told me about did. However, the Premier knew I would have chosen the second option in a minute, knowing my broken heart would feel there was no reason to continue to work for a government that had abused and killed the girl I loved. So, in addition to spending my life on the island, I would be forced to watch my entire family endure what had happened to Kuri first.

  “I had no choice. I agreed to go to the Academy. And then I went to work for the government.

  “It was while I was at the Academy that I met Rosita. She, too, had been forced to attend and we shared several classes together. I found my heart healing and despite the discouragement of students forming romantic relationships, Rosita and I spent every free moment together. It wasn’t until our studies concluded that we were punished for it.

  “The government no longer wanted to kill me. I had done exceptionally well, finishing at the top of my class and exceeding the final scores of most of the students that had come before me. And I had done it in half the time, finishing in less than a year instead of the standard two. Premier Thrush didn’t want to lose such a valuable asset, especially when they had the means to control it. I was assigned to work for one of the highest government officials, clerking as I gained experience.

  “Rosita had also done well. But again, she was the one punished, not I. Because her grades weren’t as high as mine and her skills had gone in a different direction, Rosita was sent to the military. I won’t go into what her career ended up being, letting her tell you if she wishes.

  “The government had one more punishment for me. I was no longer allowed to choose my romantic partners. The marriage between your mother and I was arranged. I’m not sure how your mother was chosen, nor does it really matter. I no longer cared what happened and only continued to do what I was told to make sure Rosita stayed safe.

  “Then you were born. You changed my outlook, allowed me to feel and care again. I loved you so deeply and so fiercely, your mother became jealous. When she insisted on a second child, I agreed, hoping it would make her happy. I went along with her every wish even as it drove us further apart.

  “I was thrilled when Niall was born, hoping it would change your mother. Make her more caring, more loving. But she became worse, and I left her to Niall, unable to deal with the recriminations she heaped on me.

  “Don’t get me wrong. I love Niall, too. But it’s not the same. My love for Niall is gentler and warmer. My love for you is different, although I can’t explain why.

  “And this is where I failed. Because I loved you so much, I worried constantly about you repeating my mistakes. I let you do whatever you wished, believing that spoiling you would keep you safe. But it did just the opposite and I’m terrified of what may happen because of my failure.”

  Ana had not moved during the entire story, heartbroken over what she was hearing. The journal made no mention of Bree, only hinting at a great tragedy. She was afraid anything she might say would sound insincere and kept her mouth closed. Placing her hands in her lap, she sat quietly, not exactly sure what to do next.

  “Do you have any questions, my little hawk?” her father finally asked, having taken time to recollect himself.

  “A lot,” Ana answered promptly.

  “Then go ahead and ask whatever you want. I’ll do my best to answer. But if I decline, please don’t push it. I have my reasons.”

  “I understand, Daddy,” Ana said. Taking a few moments to get her thoughts in order, she straightened up and placed her arms on the table.

  “Why didn’t you go after Bree?” she asked, thinking she would have if Jan had been sent away.

  “Two reasons. First, I was very, very worried about what would happen to my family. I could never forgive myself if they suffered the same fate as Kuri. And second, I wasn’t sure what would happen if I followed her. If I went after her, she might be taken in and tortured again. I wasn’t sure she would survive the wastelands, but if anyone could, it was Bree. Before you came along, I believed she was the smartest, most talented, and strongest person I had ever met. The trial that almost killed her was something I could not believe had been inflicted on a living person and the fact she survived was incredible. I’m sure the Premier had marked her as our present Vice Premier has marked you. But when forced to choose between Bree and I, they chose me, believing I would be much more cooperative. Had the situation been reversed, Bree would have come after me. But she would have killed a great many people first. They chose the option that would give them the greatest return for the least cost.”

  Ana realized her father had been trapped, just as she was. Forced to choose between two awful options, he chose the one that would have the best chance of allowing everyone to live. She realized as bad as her choices were, her father’s had been infinitely worse.

  “Why did you leave the journal for me to read? And why did you make one, knowing it was so dangerous?”

  “For several reasons. First, I wanted to make sure I never forgot anything I learned. When I started to believe I needed to record everything, I decided the journal would be perfect.

  “Second, I thought I should have something to hold over the government’s head in case they came after me. If I told them I had a book that would be released if I or anyone in my family disappeared, it would make them think twice about following through on any threats they might make.

  “Third, I felt it important that something be left behind in case I was wrong. When you didn’t come home that day and we got unsatisfactory answers from the school, I knew what had happened. Your mother did not, or at least I don’t think she did. I decided that if you were the same fierce little hawk you had been when you were a child, you would return brimming with rage. My intention was to make you see what would happen if you didn’t follow the prohibitions. And if you still chose to disobey, you knew what might happen and would be forewarned about what you were dealing with.”

  Ana had assumed her father had left her to her fate, never considering he was helpless to act, and berated herself for being so selfish.

  While Ana was wallowing in self-recrimination, the dessert Rosita had ordered arrived. The pastries and whatever was in the cups smelled wonderful but when it was passed to her, she looked up, a bewildered expression on her face. It was n
othing but foam.

  “Honey, that is a cappuccino,” Rosita said, laughing. “And you will find none better anywhere in Atlantica.”

  “But what is it?” Ana asked, wondering why Rosita was making a big deal over a cup of foam.

  “Two shots of espresso, steamed milk, and milk foam.”

  “What’s espresso? And why would you steam milk?” Ana was thoroughly confused. It smelled wonderful, like coffee, but looked strange.

  “Oh, Piero,” Rosita cried, laughing merrily. “Why have you not taught your daughter about cappuccino? What other things has she been missing?”

  Ana’s father smiled, not at all offended by Rosita’s remarks. Picking up his cup, he looked at Ana over the rim, eyes dancing as he took a sip. Ana tentatively followed suit and was pleasantly surprised by the taste.

  “How did you become a historian?” she continued, taking another sip before placing the cup down.

  “When I finished my studies, I was presented with a list of jobs. None appealed to me, but I had to choose one whether I liked it or not. I asked if I could take a few days to consider it and they agreed. I spent two days walking around town, poking in and out of stores, while I wrestled with which option would be the least tedious to do for the rest of my life. It was while in one of the stores that I ran into this little old man. He took me into the back of the shop, sat me down and handed me a beer. By the way, that’s another thing banned in Atlantica. It’s an alcoholic drink made from a grain called hops.

  “Anyway, I had no idea what it was and took a long swallow, which made me belch. The old man laughed, patted me on the back, and asked why I seemed so sad. When I told him, he asked a bunch of questions, left, and returned with a book. I was shocked. First the beer, then the book. I couldn’t decide if the old man was crazy, had a death wish, or was testing me. He sat down, placed the book in front of me, and told me what I should do.

  “The book was called Fahrenheit 451. The man told me to read it before handing it over. Then he told me where I could find more books, letting me know I should tell the government about their location, but only in exchange for becoming a historian. And then he told me more.